tv>* 


1 


w^ 

L 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


//  S 


MODERN  CHIVALRY} 

CONTAINING    THK 

ADVENTURES  OF  A  CAPTAIN, 

AND 

TEAGUE  O'REGAN, 

HIS    SERVANT. 

BY  H.  H.  BRACKENRIDGEt 


OVID  VETAT  RIDENTEM   DICKRE   VERCM ....HOT. 


PART  II. 

VOLUME     . 


PUBLISHED  BY 
JACOB  JOHNSON^  AND  ron  SALE  AT  HIS 

IN  PHILADELPHIA  AND  IN  RICHMOND,  VIRGINIA/ 
PHILLIPS,  PRINTERS,  CARLISLE 

1807. 


V    <  ^    - 

*    '     v>  ** 

Jfc  ^    i  i 


COPY  UIC.IIT  SECDKEO 


StaCK 
Annex 


MODERN  CHIVALRY, 


CHAPTER  I, 


hiatus  -valde  deflendus,  multa  desiderantiir, 

HERE  is  a  great  gapJ$  Not  a  word  said  of 
the  Captain,  from  the  packing  up  of  Teague,  and 
fending  him  off  to  France,  until  after  the  termination 
of  the  French  revolution,  and  the  armistice  or  con 
vention  of  Amiens.  Though  the  fact  is,  that  he  had 
been,  all  this  time,  travelling,  and  Teague  had  rejoin 
ed  him,  in  the  capacity  of  a  pediseqne,  or  foot-boy, 
as  before.  As  to  Duncan,  the  Scotch  waiter,  he  had, 
long  since,  left  the  service,  and  taken  a  job  of  weav 
ing  in  the  neighbourhood,  and  was  doing  well  The 
Captain  had  endeavoured  to  persuade  him  to  take  to 
preaching,  as  many  do  in  this  country  who  are  less 
qualified,  but  he  refused,  alleging,  that  though  it 
was  good  work  that  pleased  the  customer,  5  el  J  e  had 
some  scruples  of  conscience  in'  undertaking  the 
charge,  not  having  been  regularly  called  by  ordina 
tion  to  the  office. 

Teague  had  been  landed  at  Nant2,  and  beirtg  a  real 
sans  culotte,  was  liberated,  and  caressed  by  the  mul 
titude.  With  considerable  eclat,  he  made  his  way  to 
Paris.  We  hear  of  him  at  a  very  early  period  as 
made  use  of,  by  Anacharsis  Gloots,  the  orator  of  the 
A  2 


1.703386 


«  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

human  race  ;  this  was  in  a  procession,  in  which  re 
presentatives  ot  all  nations,  were  introduced  in  their 
respective  garbs,  addressing  the  convention.  Teague 
was  in  the  character  of  an  Esquimaux  Indian,  and 
passed  his  aboriginal  Irish,  lor  the  native  dialect  of 
that  people.  An  Irish  officer  that  was  present  dis 
covered  the  imposition,  but  the  guillotine  forbad  'iim 
to  speak,  and  he  was  silent. 

This  ultramarine  person,  (Teague)  was  a  good  deal 
distinguished  during  the-reiy;n  of  Robespierre,  and 
was  employed  on  many  occasions,  and  discharged  a 
variety  of  functions,  so  that  though  his  morals  were 
not  much  amended,  nor  his  address  much  improved, 
yet  he  had  contracted  French  phrases,  and  could  in- 
terhml  lib  dialect  wkh  a  que  voulez  vous  ;  and  je  de 
mand  pardon.  At  pngth  he  found  himself  in  the 
conciergerie,  a  destination  from  which  no  talents', 
virtues,  or  even  vicesjcould  exempt.  And  it  was  only 
on  the  fall  of  that  njionster  of  whom  we  have  just 
made  mention,  that  lie  was  vomited  with  others  from 
the  caverns,  in  which  he  had  been- secluded.  How  he 
ever  got  to  America  againr  K  is  difficult  to  sajr.  We 
shall  leave  that  to  those  who  may  take  from  his  own 
mouth  the  memoirs  of  his  travels.  It  is  sufficient  for 
our  purpose,  that  he  did  get  back,  and  that  he  is  once 
more  in  the  train  of  the  Captain.  The  fast  is,  that 
he  had  joined  him  in  a  most  unexpected  manner,  in 
a  short  time  after  Duncan  the  Scotch  servant  had 
begged,  to  be  dismissed,  to  apply  himself  to  a  profes 
sion  more  congenial  with  his  education. 

Wu  shall  go  no  farther  back  upon  the  steps  of  the 
Captain,  with  the  bog-trotter  at  his  heels,  than  where 
•we  find  them  within  a  mile,  or  less  of  the  village,  where. 
his  home  was,  and  where  he  had  rcskted  some  years, 
before  he  had  set  out  on  his  peregrinations.  Passing 
through  a  wood  just  as  he  approached  the  town,  he 
ttw  at  some  distance  before  him.  the  semblance  of 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  7 

men  suspended  on  the  limbs  of  trees,  or  at  least  the 
exmix  of  men,  coats,  waist-coats,  brterhes,  and  hats. 
What  can  this  be,  said  the  Ci>pt;.in  ?  Is  it  probable, 
that  hearing  of  your  return,  Teague.  the  wags  of  the 
village  have  been  making  what  are  called  paddies,  and 
have  set  them  up  on  these  trees,  knowing  that  this 
way  we  should  come. 

By  St.  Patrick,  said  Teague,  I  will  poddy  dem  wid 
dis  shalelah.  1  will  tache  dem  to  make  paddies,  and 
hang  dem  up  for  sign  posts  in  tie  wood  here.  Dis  is 
not  St.  Patrick's  clay  in  de  morning  nt-ider  :  bad  luck 
to  clem,  it  may  be  some  poor  fellow  dat  dey  have 
hang'd  up  in  reality,  for  shape  staling  as  dey  do  in 
Ireland. 

I  see  nothing,  said  the  Captaii,  but  the  emptyings 
of  ward-robes,  jibbeted  througl^fhe  grove  :  stretched 
on  trees,  or  suspended  from  them,  a  phenomenon, 
which  I  am  unable  to  comprehend,  or  explain  ;  for  I 
see  no  corn  growing  underneath,  from  which,  a  pria- 
pus,  or  scare-crow  might  affright  the  birds  ;  nor  can 
they  be  the  vestments  of  people  at  work,  near  hand, 
or  stripped  to  bathe,  as  I  see  no  water  pond,  or  river, 
but  a  dry  grove. 

The  fact  is,  these  habiliments  were  of  the  people 
of  the  town,  who  had  hung  them  up  to  the  dew,  in 
order  to  take  off  the  musk  of  a  pole-cat  which  had 
affected  them  from  the  perfusions  of  one  of  these  ani 
mals.  For,  not  long  before  this,  a  typographist,  had 
set  up  a  paper  in  the  village,  and  in  the  capacity  of 
editor  had  chosen  to  assume  the  symbol,  or  hiero 
glyphic  of  the  Porcupine.  A  happy  nature  had  fitted 
him  for  a  satyrist,  and  felicity  of  education  was  not 
wanting  to  qualify  him  for  the  office.  He  had  not 
the  pleasantry  of  Horace,  nor  the  pungency  of  Juve 
nal,  but  an  original  stricture  of  his  own  that  supplied 
the  place  of  them.  The  truth  is,  he  had  been  bred 
in  the  barracks,  and  had  at  his  finger  ends,  thejamj- 


8       .  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

liar  phrases  of  rhe  common  soldiery,  with  that  pecu 
liar  species  of  wit,  winch  is  common  with  that  occu 
pation  of  mci>,  and  in-  tha-t  grade  Doubtless  we  see 
something  like  it  among  the  plebeians  of  all  classes 
and  denominations  ;  The  wonun  that  sell  fish  at  a 
certain  stand  in  London,  have  a  species  of  it,  known 
by  the  name  of  Billingsgate,  either  because  there  is  a 
gate  of  that  name  near  the  pLce,  ot4  formerly  was 
one.  The  miners  and  coal  heavers  have  a  good  deal 
of  it.  The  scavengers  and  chimney  sweepers  are 
adepts,  though  without  the  least  scholastic  education, 
or  knowledge  of  letters.  I  have  known  even  in  our 
own  coimtry,  where  we  are  remote  from  the  seats  of 
the  muses,  a  good  deal  of  it  possessed,  by  way  travel 
lers,  or  boat  men  oi>  our  rivers  ;  a  kind  of  unshack 
led  dialect ;  fettered  TSy  no  rule  of  delicacy,  or  feeling 
of  humanity  I  have  been  turning  in  my  mind  what 
word  in  our  English  language,  best  expresses  it, 
and  1  have  found  it  to  be  that  which  has  bten  given  it 
by  Thomas  Paine,  blackguardism.  The  editor  of 
the  Porcupine  had  scored  ti.e  village  not  a  little.  I 
do  not  suy  rubbed.  For  that  is  a  translation  of  the 
phrase  of  Horace  :  urbem  defricuit  ;  and  conveys  the 
idea  of  tickling,  or  causing  a  sensation  pleasant,  yet 
hurting  a  little.  That  was  not  the  case  here.  Fo^ 
what  man  without  indignation  can  bear  the  touch 
of  the  slanderer,  more  especially  if  that  slander  is  of  a 
private,  and  domestic  nature  and  alludes  to  what  can 
not  be  exfi taint- d  or  defended.  Not  that  it  is  true,  but 
a  man  in  thr  just  pride  of  standing  in  society,  would 
tcorn  to  appeal  to  the  public  or  bring  it  before  a.  court  ! 
There  was  in  the  village  a  man  of  understanding, 
and  sensibility  who  had  been  the  subject  of  caricature 
and  n- 1  chusing  for  reasons  that  weighed  with  him» 
self,  xo  take  it  in  good  part,  thought  of  retaliation. 
But  what  could  he  do? 'The  same  language  was  un 
becoming  a  gentleman.  The  like  strictures 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  S 

bles  or  ol  faults  on  the  part  of  an  adversary,  could 
only  become  the  character  of  a  subordinate.  Nor 
•was  it  so  much  his  object  to  repress  the  licentious 
ness  of  this  buffoon,  as  to  correct  the  taste  and  judg 
ment  of  'he  public  who  did  not  all  at  once  distinguish 
the  impicpiiety  of  countenancing  such  ribaldry. 
This  they  continued  to  do  by  receiving  his  papers. 

With  a  view  to  this  having  taken  a  pole-cat  on  the 
mountains,  he  had  put  it  in  a  cage  and  hiring  an  office 
contiguous  to  that  of  the  Porcupine,  he  kept  it  there, 
suffering  the  boys  of  the  village  to  provoke  it,  and 
the  dogs  to  bark  at  it  through  the  bars.  It  was  in 
vain  to  complain  ;  the  owner  called  himself  Paul  Pole- 
eat,  and  when  Porcupine  expostulated  and  justified  his 
gall  on  the  freedom  oft/iefnesa,  Paul  fortified  himself 
on  the  liberty  of  the  Exjiress. 

But  it  was  not  Porcupine  alone,  nor  his  unoffend 
ing  wife  and  family  that  had  reason  to  complain  of 
this  nuisance.  The  children  running  home  to  their 
parents,  and  the  dogs  with  them  brought  the  per 
fume  to  the  houses  of  the  village.  The  wearing  ap 
parel  of  almost  every  one  was  affected  with  the  musk  ; 
the  women  buried  their  dresses  ;  the  men  in  some 
instances  did  the  likeandin  others  hung  them  up  tothe 
action  of  the  air,  and  the  dews  of  the  adjoining  wood-. 

The  vestiges  of  these  wtre  the  phenomena,  which 
the  Captain  saw,  in  his  approach  to  the  town. 

He  had  now  got  vithin  sigh  I  of  the  main  square, 
when  a  tumultuous  assembly  struck  his  eye  ;  some 
with  fi:;ts  raised  ;  others  wirh  sticks,  and  all  in  a 
menacing  attitude.  He  cc*:id  also  heut  tongues  of 
people  al»et  eating  with  on-:  another  ami  using  oppro 
brious  epithets. 

-The  fact  was,  that  the  village  had  become  divided. 
Those  who  had  been  the  subjects  of  the  obloquy  ofc 
Porcupine,  justified  the  emission  of  the  cats,  Vnd 
were  of  opinion  that  the  one  had  as  good  a  right  to  be 


10  MODERN  CHIVALRY, 

borne  as  the  other.  Council  had  been  taken  arwl 
learned  opinions  given.  But  this  making  the  matter 
no  better,  the  dissention  had  increased,  and  the  peo 
ple  had  come  together  in  a  rage. 

Teague  at  a  distance  seeing  this,  stopp'd  short:  -said 
he.  what  means  all  this  p.  pie  in  de  street  ?  It  is  as 
bad  as  dat  of  St.  Anthony  in  Paris,  or  de  place  de 
greve  where  dey  have  de  gillotine.  The  devil  burn 
me  if  I  go  farther,  'till  your  honour  goes  on  and  sees 
what  is  de  matter. 

The  Captain  advancing  to  the  populace  was  recog 
nized  by  them,  and  his  appearance  contributed  not  a 
little  to  a  longer  suspension  of  hostilities. 

Countrymen  and  fellow-citizens,  saiti  he,  is  this 
the  satisfaction  that  I  have,  in  returning  amongst  you 
after  an  absence  of  several  years,  to  see  man  armed 
aguinst  man,  and  war  waged  not  only  in  the  very 
bosom  of  the  republic,  but  in  the  village  which  I 
have  instructed  by  many  precepts  ?  What  can  be  the 
madness  that  possesses  you  ?  are  not  the  evils  of  life 
sufficient  ?  but  you  must  increase  them  by  the  posi 
tive  acts  of  your  own  violence.  You  cannot  wholly 
preserve  yourselves  at  all  times  free  from  the  mala 
dies  of  the  body,  or  the  distresses  of  the  mind.  But 
it  is  in  your  power  greatly  to  assuage  these,  by  the 
virtues  of  temperance  and  moderation.  What  fury 
can  prompt  you,  to  this  degree  of  apparent  resent 
ment,  and  approaching  tumult.  Is  it  local  or  gene 
ral  politics  ?  Is  it  any  disagreement  with  regard  to 
your  corporate  interests,  or  is  religion  the  cause  ?  Has 
any  flagrant  instance  of  moral  turpitude,  or  exceed 
ing  knavery  in  an  individual,  roused  you  :o  this  ex 
cess  of  violence,  and  exclamation  ? 

Captain,  said  a  iniddle  aged  man  stepping  forward, 
companion  of  his  years,  and  who  had  long:  lived  with 
him  in  the  village  ;  it  is  not  only  pleasing  to  see  you 
return  in  apparent  good  health,  but  more  especially, 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  11 

av  this  particular  moment  when  your  interference  can- 
hot  but  be  of  the  greatest  use,  to  the  citizens  ;  not 
only  on  account  of  that  confidence  which  they  have 
in  your  judgment  and  discretion,  of  which  they  have 
a  lively  recollection  ;  but  as  they  must  naturally 
think  that  your  travelling  must  have  given  you  know 
ledge,  and  brought  you  home  full  fraught  with  learn 
ing  and  information.  Your  humanity  is  also,  well 
remembered  by  them,  that  man,  woman  or  child  was 
never  injured  by  you,  in  life,  estate,  or  reputation  j 
that  on  the  contrary,  it  was  always  your  study  to  do 
good,  and  compose  differences.  Now  a  misfortune 
has  happened  to  the  village  ;  It  I  can  call  it  a  misfor 
tune,  which  was  at  first  thought  a  good  ;  a  printer 
came  to  this  place  and  setup  a  paper,  or  gazette,  by 
taking  subscriptions  from  those  that  were  willing  to 
give  them.  His  device  was  the  Porcupine  ;  scarcely 
a  month  had  gone  over  his  head  before  he  began  to 
lampoon  ;  searching  into  the  secrets  of  families,  and 
publishing  matters  of  individuals,  with  which,  whe 
ther  true  or  false,  the  public  had  nothing  to  do  ;  and 
this  in  so  low  and  disorderly  a  manner,  that  the  more 
intelligent  have  disapproved  of  it ;  but  the  bulk  read, 
and  it  seems  to  increase  rather  than  curtail  his  sub 
scribers.  A  young  man  on  the  other  hand  that  has 
had  an  academic  education,  meaning  to  burlesque 
Itis  manner  of  writing,  having  gone  to  the  mountain 
V'ith  a  dog,  or  a  trap,  and  having  taken  a  pole-cat, 
he  puts  the  beast  in  a  cage  ;  hires  that  frame  build- 
in-  thut  you  see.  one  story  high,  and  but  a  room  on 
a  floor,  and  calls  it  hib  office.  Here  he  places  the 
pole-cat  with  a  man  to  attend  it  What  a  running  of 
boys  ;  what  a  barking  of  dogs  we  have  had  !  and 
When  the  children  run  horiie,  and  tine  dogs  after  them; 
\viiat  a  putting  of  the  hand  upon  the  nose,  by  the  ser- 
Vant  girls  and  < he  mistresses,  at  the  smell  that  ac 
companies.  The  young  man  justifieb  himself  under 


12  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

the  pretence  that  it  is  but  retaliation  of  the  odour  that 
proceeds  from  the  press  of  Porcupine  ;  for,  as  this 
affects  the  organ  of  smelling,  that  disgusts  the  judg 
ment  of  the  mind.  The  people  are  divided,  as  will 
always  be  the  case,  if  for  no  other  cause,  yet  for  the 
sake  of  division ;  because  the  pride  of  one  man  forbids 
him  to  think  just  as  another  does.  The  adversaries 
of  the  oppossum,  or  what  else  it  is,  insist  that  it  shall 
be  put  down  as  a  nuisance,  and  have  met  with  clubs, 
staves  and  knives,  to  carry  the  threat  into  execution. 
The  advocates  of  the  animal  on  the  other  hand  have 
convened  to  oppose  them. 

But  said  the  Captain,  did  I  not  leave  you  a  regular 
corporation  ?  H-ive  you  not  power  to  make  bye  laws? 
and  is  not  this  done  upon  notice  given  by  the  chief  or 
assistant  burgesses  ?  why  such  hurry  scurry  as  this  ? 
moreover  it  is  a  weighty  question  that  agitates  the 
public  mind  ;  a  question  of  right :  and  where  the 
rights  of  the  citizen  come  in  question,  I  hold  it  a  m^st 
delicate  thing  to  decide  ;  in  a  free  government,  more 
.especially,  where  the  essence  of  liberty  is  the  preser 
vation  of  right  ;  and  there  is  the  right  of  conscience, 
the  right  of  property,  and  the  right  of  reputation. 
This  is  a  right  of  property;  for  if  this  animal  which 
is  ferx  naturae,  has  been  reclaimed  by  the  o\vner,  he 
has  a  right  to  put  it  to  such  use  as  suits  his  trade,  or 
accords  with  his  whim,  provided  that  it  does  not  af 
fect  the  rights  of  others.  The  limit,  boundary,  or 
demarcation  of  this  use,  is  a  question  of  wise  discus 
sion  and  examination  ;  and  not  in  a  tumultuous  as 
sembly,  heated  with  wine,  but  with  the  ardency 
of  their  own  spirits.  I  advise  therefore,  and  so  far 
as  my  weak  judgment  deserves  to  be  regarded  would 
recommend,  that  each  man  lay  down  his  shalelah, 
baton,  or  walking-stick,  and  retire  for  the  evening  ; 
and  convene  to-morrow  in  a  regular  town  meeting, 
where  the  adversaries  and  advocates  on  both  side* 


MODERN  CHIVALRY,  1£ 

iteay  have  an  opportunity  of  being  heard.  To-mor 
row  when  you  meet  with  the  chief  burgess  in  the 
chair,-  to  keep  order,  and  preserve  decorum,  assign 
the  proper  timcjs  of  speaking,  and  call  to  order  on  a 
deviation  from  the  subject,  as  is  usual  in  deliberative 
assemblies,  the  budaess  can  be  taken  up,  and  conduct 
ed  as  is  proper  in  town  meetings.  I  am  now  just 
from  my  journey  ;  somewhat  fatigued  ;  but  more 
moved  by  tiie  consideration  that  I  am  on  hcrse-back, 
and  it  is  not  becoming  that  I  take  a  part  in  your  de 
butes  as  if  my  horse  were  to  speak  also  ;  fur  though 
it  is  true  that  some  of  you  may  speak  with  perhaps  as 
little  sense  as  he  could,  were  he  to  open  his  mouth  and 
attempt  utterance  ;  yet  the  decency  of  the  thing  for 
bids,  arid  even  the  exercise  of  the  right  might  be  ques 
tioned  ;  for  the  faculty  might  exist,  yet  he  could  not 
be  considered  as  legitimately  franc hised  to  this  privi 
lege,  at  least  not  having  a  right  to  vote  in  town  meet 
ings.  For  though  in  the  congress  of  the  United  States, 
the  representatives  ot'  the  territories,  i.ot  yet  organi 
zed  hv.o  independent  states,  und  made  regular  mem 
bers  of  the  Union,  have  :i  right  to  speak,  but  no1,  to 
vote,  this  is  not  to  b.-  drawn  into  precedent  in  subor 
dinate  corporations  ;  for  tiiat  is  a  speci.J  provision 
of  the  constitution  And  it  is  even  indecorous  for 
myself  to  sit  here  and  speak,  mounted,  as  occupying 
a  more  elevated  station  ;  and  should  1  des>  end  from 
my  cavalry,  my  servant  whom  you  see  yonder,  is 
kept  at  bay,  by  an  apprehension  of  your  swords,  an'd 
refuses  to  come  up,  so  that  I  am  without  an  attendant 
to  hold  the  beast  ;  all  things  considered  therefore,  I 
move,  a  cUairman  not  yet  bung  appointed,  who  might 
put  the  question,  that  you  adjourn,  or  dissolve  until 
to-morrow  about  this  time,  when  the  matter  may  be 
taken  up  as  we  now  have  it,  and  the  affair  canvassed 
as  becomes  members  of  the  same  community,  and  in 
habitants  of  the  same  village. 

PART  II.  VOL.  I.  B 


14  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

It  cannot  be  difficult  to  conceive  that  these  words  had 
a  Favourable  effect  upon  the  audience  ;  as  oils  com 
pose  a  storm.  For  as  the  waves  of  the  ocean  rise  and 
fall  suddenly,  so  the  passions  of  men  ;  and  in  no  in 
stance  more  than  wherethey  are  just  coming  to  blows; 
lor,  approaching  onger  disposes  to  peace,  every  one 
having  fell  half  a  blow  already  on  his  head;  and  the 
tliftiruHy  only  is  to  get  an  excuse,  for  returning,  or 
sheathing  the  weapon.  They  arc  much  obliged  to  the 
?i:an  that  councils  concord  ,•  and  advises  the  fulling 
iL  \rnihe  brickbat,  or  putting  on  t lit- coat.  Eviniji 
duelling  it  hold*  the  ,amc,  and  the  principal  in  a  friend 
to  the  hrcond  ever  after,  that  managse  the  matter  so 
ivi . •./;/  that  no  blood  is  shed. 

It  was  moved  and  seconded  that  in  the  mean  time 
the  keeper,  or  as  he  called  himself  the  editor  of  the 
pole-cat,  should  kiep  his  charge  within  the  claustium, 
or  bars  of  his  cage,  and  covered  with  a  matting,  so 
that  access  might  not  be  had  to  him,  by  man  or  beast, 
or  egress  on  his  part,  of  that  offensive  odour,  which 
had  been  the  ciuise  of  the  disturbance.  This,  the  par- 
tizans  of  the  skunk,  were  willing  to  admit  and  sanction 
Vv'ith  their  acquiescence,  on  condition,  nevertheless, 
that  the  Porcupine  in  the  mean  time,  should  also  re 
strain  his  quills  ;  in  other  words,  suspend  the  effu 
sions  of  !:is  press,  and  cease  to  distribute  papers  for  a 
day  or  two  dining  the  pendency  of  the  debate.  This 
was  thought  reasonable,  and  curried  by  the  multitude 
holding  up  their  hands. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.       15 


CHAPTER  II. 


CONTAINING  rROCEr.DIXGS  OF  THE  TOWN  MEETING. 

THE  day  following,  a  mee'jng  being  held,  and 
the  chief  burgess  hi  the  chair,  an  advocate  of  Porcu 
pine  took  the  ground  and  spoke. 

Gentlemen,  said  he,  the  press  is  the  palladium  of 
liberty.  "  The  image  that  fell  clown  from  Jupiter." 
The  freedom  of  the  press  is  essential  to  liberty.  Shac 
kle  the  press,  and  you  restrain  freedom.  The  con 
stitutions  of  the  states  have  provided  that  the  press 
shall  be  free.  If  you  muzzle  this,  you  muzzle  the 
mouth  of  man. 

It  is  not  the  freedom  of  the  pi-ess,  said  one  interrupt 
ing  him,  it  is  the  abuse  of  it  thj.t  is  in  question. 

The  chief  burgess  called  to  order,  and  the  speaker 
went  on. 

That  is  the  point  said  he,  to  which  I  meant  to  come. 
What  shall  be  said  to  be  tl.e  abuse  of  the  press  ? 
In  order  to  determine  this,  we  must  consider  its  use. 
This  is, 

1.  The  amusement  of  the  editor.  For  as  some  men 
amuse  themselves,  shooting,  listing,  or  chasing  wild 
beasts,  so  men  of  literary  taste,  find  their  recreation 
in  penning  paragraphs  for  a  paper,  sometimes  con 
taining  information,  or  observations  on  the  state  of 


ie  MODERN  CHIVALRV. 

empires  and  the  characters  of  men  ;  at  oilier  time's 
by  descending,  or  not  vising  at  all,  but  confining 
themselves  to  the  subordinate  affairs  ci'inciicluals,  and 
private  persons. 

2.  The  profit  of  the  editor  :  and  this  depends  on 
the  number  of  subscribers  It  is  not  every  «.i;e  that 
has  a  taste  for  refined  -writing.  Guts  and  garbage  de 
light  bears  ;  and  swine  swill  the  trough  in  preference 
to  the  running  stream.  Scurrility  is  the  gout  of 
many.  Nay,  it  is  the  more  prevailing  taste  ; 

"  The  world  is  naturally  averse 
To  all  the  truth  it  sees  or  r  tars ; 
But  swallows  nonsense  and  a  lie, 
AYith  greediness  and  gluttony." 

In  Britain,  or  some  other  countries,  <lelicacy  majr 
succeed.  But  the  coarse  stomachs  of  the  Ameiicans 
crave  indecency,  at  least  a  portion  of  it.  Rough  like 
their  own  woods,  and  \\  ild  beasts,  they  t'igtst  scurrility. 

Well  said,  Porcupine!  said  a  pole-cat  man,  taking- 
the  ground  in  his  turn  :  But  this  furnishes  a  ground 
to  justify  the  introduction  of  the  pole-cat.  You  talk 
of  the  freedom  of  the  press.  Here  is  the  freedom  of 
the  express.  Nay  the  word  egression  which  is  com 
mon  to  both  institution*,  the  artificial  one  of  the  types, 
and  the  natural  one  of  the  cat,  shews  the  original  to 
be  similar,  i  ml  the  comparison  to  run  on  all-fours.  If 
the  i.'  k  cast  into  black  letter,  and  carrying  with  it 
pain  r-r.d  pungency  frcui  the  ideas  communicated,  is 
tolerated  ;  much  more  the  volatile  alkali  of  the  ani 
mal  that  is  now  set  up,  is  to  be  borne,  as  not  more  of- 
iV'ndve  to  body  or  mihd.  Shall  the  bark  of  trees  made 
into  powder,  and  this  powder  into  a  liquid,  impregna 
ted  with  thought,  ar^  put  upon  paper,  and  carried  to 
the  press,  be  accounted  harmless,  notwithstanding 
the  violence  of  th-j  decoction,  yet  the  wild  cats  thai 


CtfltALRY.  iV 

inhabit  these  trees,  and  are  denizens  cfthe  forest,  be 
prohibited  because  of  a  bag  under  thtir  tails  which 
contains  an  unsavoury  distillation,  and  may  be  occa 
sionally  spurted  upon  men  ? 

A  lawyer  spoke  on  the  side  of  Porcupine.  The 
principles  of  the  common  law  embrace  this  case.  It 
i&  unlawful  to  exercise  trades  in  towns  that  occasion 
noisome  smells  ;  they  are  abateable  as  nuisances. 

Grant  it,  said  a  juris-con  ailt,  on  the  pole-cat 
side  ;  but  when  it  is  in  retaliation,  or  in  self-de 
fence  against  an  editor  whose  defamation  is  more 
offensive  to  the  feelings  of  the  rnind,  than  the  hosj;o 
of  a  civet  to  the  sense  of  smelling  ;  or  when  it 
is  used  in  brtriesque,  and  by  way  of  analogy  and 
symbol  to  explain  the  impropriety  of  encouraging- 
personal  abuse,  by  taking  papers,  it  may  correct  by- 
leading  to  reflection  The  mind  may  be  insensible 
to  abstract  lessons,  but  a  pxiradigm,  or  object  set  be 
fore  it  may  affect.  As  to  this  man  exercising  his 
trade  by  the  smell  of  a  cat,  it  is  an  occupation  which 
can  be  carried  on  to  advantage  only  in  a  town  ;  for  it 
is  in  tovns  chiefly  that  editors,  assemble  ;  and  it  is 
by  setting  up  under  our  noses,  and  affecting  the  rea* 
tiers,  that  the  impression  is  made.  For  it  the  public 
will  receive  libels  into  their  houses  for  the  use  of 
themselves  and  families,  let  them  take  a  little  of  this 
hartshorn  with  it  and  if  they  will  have  the  one,  bear 
the  other.  A  ground  of  the  common  law  is  general 
reason  adapted  to  particular  cases.  I  grant  that  it 
even  goes  so  far  as  to  make  the  keeping  hogs  in  a  pen 
near  my  window,  in  to-.vns,  a  nuisance  ;  but  this  is  a* 
town  incorporated  and  can  by  a  bye  law  regulate  a 
new  trade  I  hold  it  to  be  a  matter  of  vote  whether 
this  quadruped  shall  be  tolerated  or  excluded. 

The  advocate  for  the  press  rejoined.     The  com 
mon  law,  said  he,  protects  the  press.     It  is  t'ie  right 
of  the  tongue  transferred  to  the  hand  :  it  ought  to  be 
as  free  as  the  air  thai  we  breathe  :  The  ppivi.f^e3  a* 
B  2  " 


18  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

unfettered  as  the  organs  of  articulation.  But  what  is 
there  in  the  com  .ion  law  to  protect  from  the  asper 
sion  of  this  animal  I 

The  pole-cat  man  replied.  It  is  on  principle  and 
by  analogy?  saiel  he,  that  it  is  protected.  Does  not 
the  law  of  water  courses  apply  to  this  If  a  man  di 
vert  a  stream  from  my  meadow,  or  obstruct  one  run- 
i.iag  through  it,  so  as  to  dam  it  up,  and  diown  the 
grass,  have  not  I  a  remedy  ?  shall  this  man  at  much 
expence  and  charge  bring  a  beast  from  the  mountains, 
tame  it,  or  reduce  it  under  his  dominion,  and  apply 
it  to  a  purpose  in  civilized  and  domestic  life,  and  shall 
we  say  that  the  common  law  does  not  protect  him  in 
the  enjoyment  of  its  m«sk  ? 

The  advocate  on  the  side  of  Porcupine  rejoined* 
So  use  your  own  said  he,  that  you  trespass  not  upon 
another  man's.  If  you  keep  your  smell,  and  hogs  at 
.home  to  your  own  nose,  there  is  no  objection.  But 
in  the  natui'e  of  the  thing  it  cannot  be  ;  for  the  air  is 
the  natural  conductor ;  and  therefore  it  cannot  but 
exist  a  nuisance. 

Surrejoinder  ;  but  after  all,  is  it  more  a  nuisance 
thai:  the  press,  which  it  has  in  view  to  correct  ? 

At  this  instant  a  commotion  was  perceivable 
amongst  the  multitude  :  not  on  account  of  what  was 
said,  or  meaning  any  disturbance  like  debate  ;  but 
the  rumour  was  that  a  fresh  cat  had  been  brought 
from  the  hills  above  the  town,  and  was  on  its  way  to 
the  college-man  who  had  oH creel  a  reward  for  an  addi 
tional  puss  to  increase  his  stock  ;  and  as  it  was  con 
jectured,  meant  to  play  it  oft' under  the  pretext  that 
the  prohibition  contained  in  the  armistice  extended 
only  to  the  individual  beast  that  he  had  before  in  his 
possession . 

The  Captain,  at  this,  rising,  said  ;  this  is  not  fair. 
It  is  within  the  reason,  if  not  the  express  words  of  the 
;  t-::;t  ail  annoyances  by  steam,  vapour  or 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  1* 

effluvia  proceeding  from  a  pole-rat  shall  be  suspend 
ed  during  the  pendency  of  this  question  ;  and  it  is  an 
evasion  to  substitute  another  badger,  ami  by  that 
means  attempt  to  elude  the  stipulation. 

The  Pole-cat  man  got  up  to  explain.  It  is  fctr  from 
me,  said  he,  to  elude  or  evade  the  performance  of  the 
stipulation.  The  fact,  is,  that  healing,  a  cby  or  two 
atro,  that  Porcupine,  was  about  to  enlarge  hi-,  sheet, 
and  for  that  purpose  had  employed  a  jou  neyman, 
more,  I  thought  it  not  amiss  to  extend  the  scale  of  my 
vapour  and  employ  two  conduits  instead  of  one.  For 
that  purpose  had  sent  to  the  woods,  for  another  cat, 
which  is  now  on  the  way,  but  in  a  leathern  bag  by 
my  directions,  and  not  to  have  regress,  or  egress, 
until  this  assembly  shall  dissolve,  nor  for  a  reasona 
ble  time  after,  that  eundo,  and  redeundo,  or  going  as 
well  as  coming,  you  may  be  safe,  let  what  will  be  the 
issue  of  the  controversy  ;  whether  1  am  to  break  up 
stock,  or  be  suffered  to  go  on. 

This  explanation  gave  satisfaction,  and  composed 
the  assembly. 

Another  speaker  had  now  occupied  the  ground.  I 
cannot  say  the  floor,  for  there  was  no  floor.  I  am, 
said  he,  for  supporting  the  press.  The  objection  is, 
that  it  is  a  blackguard  press.  But  while  there  are  black 
guards  to  writer  must  they  not  have  a  press  ?  Is  it 
only  men  of  polished  education  that  have  a  right  to  ex 
press  their  sentiments  i  Let  them  write  in  magazines, 
or  have  gazettes  of  their  own?  but  not  restrict  the 
right  that  people  of  a  more  uncultivated  undei  stand 
ing  have  10  amuse  themselves  and  others  with  their 
lucubrations.  You  call  us  the  Swinish  Multitude, 
and  yet  refuse  us  the  food  that  is  natural  to  us  Are 
there  not  amongst  us  those  that  have  no  relish  for  dis 
quisitions  on  the  balance  of  power  or  form  of  govern 
ments,  agricultural  essays,  or  questions  of  finance  j 
but  can  relish  a  laug>  raised  at  the  expense  of  the 


20  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

master  of  a  family  ;  or  a  public  character  in  high  sta* 
tion;  if  for  no  other  reason,  but  because  it  gratifies 
the  self-love  of  those  who  cannot  attain  the  same  emi 
nence  ?  fake  away  from  us  thisi  and  what  have  we 
more  ?  What  is  the  press  to  us.  but  as  it  amuses  ? 

I  think,said  another  rising,  t'lat  the  erentleman  means 
to  be  ironical.  But  let  us  fake  the  matter  seriously.  I 
am  on  the  same  side  with  him,  but  not  for  the  same 
reasons.  I  take  it,  that  scurrility  may  be  useful  to 
those  that  hear  it,  and  are  the  subjects  of  it.  It  may 
brin^  to  a  man's  knowledge  and  serve  to  correct  foi 
bles  that  he  would  not  otherwise  have  been  Conscious 
of,  or  amended.  Men  will  bear  from  the  buffoon  or 
the  jester,  things  they  would  not  take  from  a  friend, 
and  scarcely  from  a  confessor.  It  was  on  this  princi 
ple  that  in  the  middle  ages  of  Europe,  a  profession  of 
men  was  indulged,  in  the  houses  of  the  great,  called 
the  Jocul  itors.  So  late  as  the  time  of  James  I.  we 
had  one  of  these  of  the  name  of  Archy.  The  Duke 
of  Buckingham  having  taken  offence  at  something 
that  he  said,  had  him  whipped.  It  was  thought  be 
neath  a  m:tn  of  honour  to  have  taken  notice  of  it  ; 
and  inflicted  punishment.  I  consider  the  bulk  of  our 
editors  as  succeeding  to  the  jocujators  of  the  early  pe- 
li  >ds  ;  and  as  the  knights  of  character  and  dignity  of 
those  times  were  not  bound  to  notice  the  follies,  how 
ever  gross  of  jesters;  so  now  a  gentleman  is  not  bound 
to  notice  the  defama'ion  of  gazettes  ;  nay,  as  in  the 
for  ;ier  instance,  it  was  deemed  uncouneous,  and  un 
becoming  to  resent  what  the  fool  said,  so  now  what  a 
printer  cluises  to  publish.  Selden  in  his  table  talk  re- 
mnrks,  "  That  a  gallant  man,  is  above  ill  words. 
We  have  an  example  of  this  in  the  old  Lord  of  Sals- 
b'iry.  who  w  is  a  great  vise  man.  Stone  had  called 
some  Lord  about  the  Court  fool.  The  Lord  com- 
phdns,  and  has  Stone  whipped.  Stone  cries,  I  might 
ftcvvc  called  my  Lord  of  SaUburj  often  enough,  fool 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  *t. 

before  he  would  have  had  me  whipped."  As  in  the 
case  of  the  Merry  Andrew,  even  when  there  was  no 
wit.  it  was  taken  for  wit ;  so  now,  when  an  editor 
means  to  divert,  however  dull  his  abuse,  it  ought  to 
be  the  mode  to  laugh,  to  keep  those  who  know  no  bet 
ter  in  countenance. 

The  captain  rising  and  putting  himself  in  the  atti 
tude  of  speaking,  seemed  to  claim  the  attention  of  the 
audience.  I  would  wish  to  know,  said  he,  how  the  an 
cients  managed  these  matters  :  in  the  republics  of 
Greece  and  Rome  especially.  For  since  1  have  been 
abroad,  and  heard  public  speeches,  I  find  that  it  is  no 
unusual  thing  to  draw  illustrations  from  the  sayings 
and  doings  of  antiquity.  In  deliberate  assemblies  talk 
ing  of  governments,  they  tell  you  of  the  Amphyli  io 
nic  Council ;  the  Achean  league,  the  Ionian  confede 
racy.  What  was  the  freedom  of  the  press  at  Athens, 
or  at  Rome  ? 

The  fact  is,  said  an  academician,  there  was  no  press 
at  these  places,  or  in  these  timts.  The  invention  of 
printing  is  of  later  date.  But  they  had  what  they  call 
ed  the  style,  and  they  impressed  their  thoughts  upon 
wax.  They  made  use  of  ink  in  copying  upon  vellum 
and  parchment.  But  notwithstanding  the  want  of  a 
press,  they  were  not  without  satyric  salt  in  their  wri-. 
tings.  Nor  are  we  to  suppose  that  they  were  alto 
gether  free  from  what  we  denominate  scurrility. 
They  coold  call  a  spade  a  spade.  Aristophanes  was 
a  blackguard.  His  Comt-dy  of  the  Clouds  is  u  suffici 
ent  specimen.  Lucilius,  amongst  the  Romans  was  a 
rough  man.  Cum  lutulentus  flueret,  See.  Do  we  sup 
pose  that  nature  was  not  then  the  same  as  it  is  now  ? 
On  board  the  Roman  gallies  was  there  no  low  hu 
mour  ?  In  the  Roman  camps  none  ?  In  the  Forum 
no  occasional  ribaldry  ?  Would  not  this  naturally  get 
up  into  higher  walks  ?  Would  it  not  creep  into  cor 
porations?  sometimes  in  verse  ;  sometimes  in  prose. 


*2  MODERN  CHIVALRY, 

The  poet  speaks  of  the  fesscenine  verses  Amongst 
the  Romans  the  Saturnalia,  or  days  of  Saturn  became 
a  festival,  in  winch  it  was  allowable  to  exercise  their 
faculties  in  all  intemperance  of  language. 

This  is  all  wide  of  the  question,  said  an  unlearned 
rn.tn,  holding  his  hand  upon  his  nose  ;  it  is  shall  we 
tolerate  the  pole-cat  in  this  village  ? — For,  maugre 
all  the  pains  that  may  have  been  taken  to  restrain  the 
pett,  and  confine  it  by  a  matting,  I  feel  a  portion  of  the 
fetor  this  very  moment,  come  across  my  nose,  by  a 
puff  ot"  wind  from  that  quarter,  where  it  is.  I  move 
that  the  question  be  taken,  whether,  whatever  becomes 
of  the  press,  the  nuisance  of  this  beast,  be  suffered  in 
the  vicinity.  For  what  can  a  newspaper  do,  compar 
ed  with  this  ?  It  is  sent  us  and  we  read  the  publica 
tion.  But  tin's  is  involuntary,  on  our  part,  and  there 
is  no  saving  ourselves  from  the  exhalation. 

I  move  the  previous  question  said  a  friend  to  the 
baboon  ;  I  move  that  the  press  be  put  down. 

There  is  hardship  both  ways,  said  an  elderly  inha 
bitant.  In  a  community  different  interests  will  exist, 
Family  interests  ;  family  attachments  ;  party  concep 
tions  ;  and  party  interests.  To  have  a  printer  all  on 
one  side,  is  an  inequality.  What  if  we  prevail  upon 
the  owner,  or  as  he  would  call  himself  the  publisher 
of  the  pole-cat,  to  give  up  or  sell  out  his  establish 
ment,  dismiss  the  wild  beast,  or  return  it  to  the  moun 
tains,  and  institute  in  its  place,  a  counter  press  of  types 
and  black-bull  that  may  be  a  match  for  Porcupine. 

The  Captain,  rising  hastily  ;  a  thing  unusual  with 
him  ,  for  Ue  was  naturally  grave  and  sedate  ;  but  sud 
denly  feeling  the  impulse  of  the  congruity,  he  started 
from  his  scat',  and  ?econded  the  proposition  of  another 
press  ;  for  s-.sid  he,  the  very  kind  of  editor  qualified 
for  such  a  press,  is  at  hand  ;  a  waiter  of  mine.  A 
bog-trotter,  taken,  not  on  the  Balagate.  but,  on  the 
Irish  mountains:  an  aboriginal  of  the  island;  not  youu 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  £3 

Scotch-Irish,  so  called,  a  colony  planted  in  Ulster,  by 
king  James  the  first  of  England,  when  he  subdued 
the  natives  ;  but  a  real  Paddy,  with  the  brogue  on  his 
tongue,  and  none  on  his  feet ;  brought  up  to  sheep- 
su  aling  from  his  youth  ;  for  his  ancestors  inhabiting 
the  hills,  were  a  kind  of  free-booters,  time  immemo 
rial,  coming  down  to  the  low  grounds,  and  plundering 
the  more  industrious  inhabitants.  Captured  by  traps 
set  upon  the  hills,  or  surrounded  in  the  bogs,  attempt 
ing  his  escape,  he  had  been  tamed  and  employed, 
many  years,  digging  turf,  before  he  came  to  my 
hands.  I  bought  him  from  an  Irish  vessel,  just  as  a 
curiosity,  not  that  I  expected  much  service  from  him  ; 
but  to  see  what  could  be  made  of  a  rude  man  by  care 
and  patience.  The  rogue  has  a  low  humour,-  and  a 
sharp  tongue  ;  unbounded  impudence.  And  what 
may  be  a  restraint  upon  the  licentiousness  of  his  press, 
should  he  set  up  one,  he  isa  most  abominable  coward; 
the  idea  of  cudgeling  will  keep  him  in  bounds ; 
should  he  over-match  Porcupine,  and  turn  upon  his 
employers.  He  has  all  the  low  phrases,  cant  expres 
sions,  illiberal  reflections,  that  could  be  collected  fi  om 
the  company  he  has  kept  since  he  has  had  the  care  of 
my  horse,  and  run  after  my  heels  in  town  and  country 
for  several  years  past.  What  is  more,  he  has  been  in 
France,  and  has  a  spice  of  the  language,  and  a  tang  of 
Jacobinism  in  his  principles,  and  conversation,  that 
will  match  the  contrary  learning  carried  to  an  exor 
bitant  excess  in  Porcupine.  I  do  not  know  that  you 
can  do  butter  than  contribute  to  a  paper  of  his  setting 
up.  He  may  call  it  the  Mully-Grub,  or  gi\  t  it  some 
such  title  as  will  b-  speak  the  nature,  of  the  matter 
it  will  usually  contain. 

The  academician  at  this  came  forward.  I  am  far, 
said  he,  from  a  disposition  to  spoil  sport ;  but  when 
the  useful  is  mixed  with  the  jest,  I  count  every  point 
gained. 


34  MODERN  CHIVALRY, 

Omne  tulit  punctum— 

I  never  had  intended  more,  said  the  pole-cat  man5 
than  to  reach  the  sensations  of  the  multitude,  and  bring 
them  to  their  senses.  It  is  only  by  an  appeal  to  the 
sense  of  feeling  that  the  mind  sometimes  can  be 
awakened  The  public  have  now  some  idea  that  the 
licen'iousness  of  the  press,  is  not  more  a  nuisance  in 
the  moral,  than  offensive  smells  are  in  the  physical 
world.  I  will  agree  that  the  cat  be  removed,  and  as.a 
substitute,  shall  subscribe  to  the  Mully-Grub. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  25 


~  CHAPTER  III, 


THE  day  after  the  town  meeting,  the  Captain 
began  to  reflect,  that  he  could  not  avoid  being  implica 
ted  in  the  character  of  the  paper  about  to  be  establish 
ed.  O'Regan  was  known  to  be  his  servant  ;  at  least 
to  be  under  his  influence,  and  he  would  be  consider 
ed  the  real  editor;  Teague  the  ostensible,  and  though 
the  fact  was  known  at  home,  that  he  hr.cl  nothing  to 
do  with  it,  yet  abroad,  it  would  bear  a  different  con 
struction,  and  refutation  would  be  difficult.  Having 
supported  the  character  of  a  gentleman,  and  being 
still  willing  to  support  that  character,  how  could  he 
endure  to  have  the  volumes  of  scurrility,  tl,i;t  v  c/  icl 
appear,  imputed  to  him  ;  or  supposed  to  be  admitted 
with  I. is  approbation.  Uneasy  with  this  upon  his 
mind,  he  could  see  no  way  to  eel  out  of  the  iabyiinth 
in  \\hich  he  had  involved  himself,  by  inadvertently 
proposing  Teugue.  He  thought  it  however  his  duty, 
to  disclose  to  tiie  bog-trotter,  ihe  o'Tioc  to  \vi-irh  he 
was  destined.  Maintaining  good  i-iUlu  he  w^s  un 
willing  to  make  use  of  his  influence  to  dissuutie  from 
the  undertaking;  or  to  deter  by  rep;  timing  the 
danger  that  existed,  and  the  consequences  that,  mi^ht 
ensue.  This  he  could  easily  have  done,  by  suggest 
ing  the  guillotine,  or  even  a  cudgeling,  the  more 

PA. AT  II.  VOL.  I.  C 


£6  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

common  mode  of  punishment,  in  this  republic.  But 
good  luith  tbibade. 

But  what  was  the  amazement  of  every  one,  when 
news  \viis  brought,  that  Porcupine,  i>acl  decamped  in 
the  mean  time.  Whether  il  was  that  the  talents  of 
Teague  had  been  magnified,  and  he  did  not  choose 
to  engage  in  competition  with  one  so  much  his  supe 
rior,  lest  lie  should  lose  by  comparison,  the  reputa 
tion  lie  had  acquired  ;  or  what  is  more  likely,  the 
constables  were  after  him  for  debt,  his  press  and 
types  having  been  seized  the  day  before,  and  sold  for 
rent,  and  new  demands,  of  a  smaller  nature  coming 
against  i.iin,  fines  and  penalties  also  hanging  over 
him  for  libels  ;  and  damages  recoverable  in  actions 
of  defamation  ;  but  so  it  was,  that  he  had  disappear* 
ed. 

The  Captain  was  relieved  from  the  embarrassment 
which  he  had  endeavoured  to  conceal,  because  he 
now  saw  a  way  open  to  set  aside  the  idea  of  a  press, 
which  he  l.ad  reason  to  Apprehend  his  bog-trotter 
would  not  be  <  '  io  conduct  with  reputation. 

Townsmen,  -m!  iVllcAv-c-uizens,  said  he,  seizing 
r.11  oppoi'tiu:! 'v  to  speak,  the  reason  has  ceased  upon 
which  we  had  proposed  to  act:  the  setting  up 
the  bo.v-trotter  in  the  capacity  of  an  editor  as  a 
match  for  Porcupine,  for  lie  has  disappeared  ; 
need  we  buff  at  the  bear  when  there 
to  1.1, fT  nt.  Unless  indeed  we  could  set 
Lim  up,  expvci.h  ,  from  him  a  chaste  and  pure  paper 
conU.iniM"  :  i>  '  information,  and  strictures  useful  to 
the  ivpubiir.  ii>:r  i.!-,at  from  his  education  and  man- 
m'v<;.  -Vvi  iiavc  no  reason  to  expect.  It  is  true,  if  he 
to  collect  the  ide;<s,  and  give  them  expres 
sion,  he  has  had  opportunities  to  observe  what  if 
..-ted,  might  essentially  serve  to  pre- 
r,vi-ve  iVora  exi'.'eines  in  a  free  government,  lie  has 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  sr 

seen  the  folly  of  the  people  of  France,  if,  those  occa 
sionally  tin-own  into  the  representative  assemblies, 
could  be  called  the  people.  lie  has  seen  the  folly  of 
these  in  reducing  all  things  to  the  firs*,  elements  in 
stead  of  accommodating  to  existing  establishments  ; 
of  deracinating  from  the  foundation  church  and  state, 
and  bandying  the  term  liberty  until  ignorance  and 
usurpation  terminated  in  despotism.  For  though  at 
the  commencement  of  a  revolution,  active  and  unin 
formed  spirits,  are  useful,  or  perhaps  absolutely  ne 
cessary,  like  the  subterranean  fire  throwing  up  conti 
nents  ;  yet  as  in  this  case,  the  fostering  dews,  and  the 
breath  of  the  atmosphere,  are  necessary  to  give  sail 
and  impregnate  with  vegetation  ;  so  after  the  stirrings 
ofmens  minds,  with  a  political  convulsion,  deliberate 
reason,  and  prudent  temperament  are  necessary,  to 
preserve  what  is  gained,  and  turn  it  to  advantage. 
But  this  sans  culotte,  for  so  he  was  called  in  France  ; 
and  well  he  might ;  for  he  was  without  femorals 
when  he  went  away,  and  when  he  came-back  ;  this 
sans  culotte  is  not  a  Mirabeau.  He  has  kept  no 
journal  :  he  has  made  no  observations  except  of 
mtns  heads  chopped  off  by  the  guillotine.  He  has 
brought  back  little  with  him,  but  ce  quc  (.lit  ;  qu-j  ce 
YOUS  la  ;  donnez  moi,  and  such  like.  I  tnink  we  are 
well  off  with  him  and  let  him  go  to  his  vocation. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY, 


OBSERVATIONS. 

TflE  preceding  chapters  were  written  some- 
years  ago,  while  an  editor  of  the  name  of  Cobber, 
published  a  p..ptT  under  the  title  of  "  Porcupine." 
But  the  breaking  up  of  that  paper  in  a  manner  simi 
lar  to  that  just  slated,  prevented  the  going  on  with 
the  allegory,  or  the  handing  to  the  public  by  the  way 
of  the  press,  in  some  shape  the  pamphlet  begun. 
Some  time  since,  the  appearance  of  a  certain  Calen 
der,  in  a  paper  under  the  title  of  the  Recorder,  had 
in  iuced  me  to  look  at  what  I  had  intended  for  Porcu 
pine,  and  to  think  of  continuing  it  to  some  point 
and  winding  up  of  the  story  ;  but  the  man  drowning 
himself,  or  being  drowned  by  accident,  stopped  me 
in  my  intention,  as  it  would  be  like  thro\ring  water 
on  a  dead,  or  us  the  proverb  is,  a  drowned  rat,  to  say 
any  t'.ing  that  bad  a  relation  to  him. 

But  having  a  little  leisure  on  my  hands,  and  in 
warm  we.uher,  liking  light  work,  I  amused  myself 
with  sa\ing  some  tilings  that  were  on  my  mind  on 
other  subjects,  and  I  thought  I  would  make  this  which 
I  had  already  written,  the  introduction.  For  the  fact 
is,  that  I  mean  this  tide  of  a  Captain  travelling,  but 
as  a  ve-hicle  to  my  way  of  thinking  on  some  subjects; 
just  as  the  ancients  introduced  speakers  in  a  dialogue, 
occasionally  at  banquets  ;  or  as  the  philosophers  in 
thtir  walks  and  conversations,  moralized  in  parables, 
i.i,!  fuigiisd  cabes,  a  w-'.y  of  reasoning,  and  address 


MODERN  CHIVALRY,  S* 

less  offending  the  self-love  of  men  than  what  has  the 
appearance  of  immediate  and  direct  instruction.  Nor, 
will  the  publication  of  the  foregoing  hints  on  the  iliibe- 
rality  of  the  p.cess,  bethought,  even  now  altogether 
useless  ;  for  though  since  the  death,  or  departure,  of 
the  two  monsters  just  named,  there  has  been  an  ebb 
of  this  flood  of  scurrility,  yet  dropping  the  figure,  the 
American  press,  has  not  been  wholly  free  from  the 
stains  of  the  like  paragraphs.  Theappiication  therefore 
may  not  be  wholly  wt.liout  un  object,  and,  in  the  p  ant 
ing  there  may  be  seen  some  existing  resemblances. 
For  though,  as  the  almanac-makers,  say  fc'  it  is  calcu 
lated  for  a  particular  meridian,  yet  il  may  without  sen 
sible  variation,  serve  other  latitudes.*'  No  man  can 
have  :t  higher  opinion  of  the  dignity  of  station  occu 
pied  by  the  editor  of  a  paper  under  a  free  government, 
than  I  have  I  think  it  one  of  the  most  honourable,  as 
well  as  the  most  useful  in  society.  I  am  unwilling 
therefore  that  it  be  degraded,  and  I  am  happy  to  ob 
serve  that  the  example  of  the  tv.o  monsters  mention 
ed,  has"  had  the  effect  to  disgust  the  public. 

I  take  the  pulpit,  the  courts  of  judicature,  and  the 
press,  to  be  the  three  threat  uuuns  of  sustaining  and 
enlightening  a  republic.  The  SctipUire  is  replete 
with  the  finest  sayings  of  morality.  With  a  scholar 
of  the  Latin  and  the  Greek  school,  it  is  delightful  to 
quote  in  conversation,  or  writing,  the  classical  sen 
tences  of  antiquity,  ap'ly  applying  them  to  the  occa 
sion  :  enriching  the  discourse  \\  iili  apposite  thoughts  ; 
pleasing  the  hearer,  or  .the  leader,  and  doing  credit  to 
the  person  himself;  driving  out  i'.  o\\i  hi.s  treasury, 
things  new  and  old.  But  these  writings  of  un  oriei  tal 
cast,  comain  pithy  observation,  up.-  n  life  and  manners, 
than  which  there  can  be  nothing  more  deligljiiul  to 
remember  and  quote,  and  more  profitable  to  curry  in 
to  practice.  R^Uing  the  Scriptures  by  young  p<_o- 
c  2 


Jo  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

pie  ;  hearing  them  explained  and  introduced  by  quo- 
union,  sermon  and  lectures  I'rom  the  pulpit,  raises  the 
affections  to  virtue,  and  helps  the  judgment  in  the  con 
duct  of  lif'j. 

The  courts  of  judicature,  are  a  school  of  justice, 
and  honour.  A  great  ground  of  the  law,  are  the  prin 
ciples  of  univei  sal  justice.  The  discussion  of  coun 
cil ;  the  verdicts  of  juries,  the  decision  of '.he  courts, 
have  respect  to  the  great  principles  of  moral  honesty. 
But  the  sphere  is  confined,  compared  with  that  of 
the  press,  which  has  an  extensive  range  ;  and  for  this 
reason  ought  to  preserve  the  greater  delicacy  in  lan 
guage  and  sentiment.  Even  the  war  of  the  sword 
has  its  laws  —It  is  not  allowable  to  poison  springs,  or 
the  means  of  life.  In  a  paper  war  nothing  is  justifia 
ble  that  does  not  tend  to  establish  a  position,  or  deter 
mine  a  controversy  ;  that  which  outrages  humanity, 
is  the  cruelty  of  a  savage  who  puts  to  death  with  tor^ 
ture,  or  disfigures,  to  gratify  revenge. 

To  know  what  may  be  said  in  a  paper,  or  in  what 
manner  it  may  be  said,  the  editor  whom  the  public  a- 
lone  knows,  need  only  consider  what  would  become  a 
gentleman  to  say,  in  promiscuous  society.  Whether 
conversing  in  the  manner  he  writes,  or  in  which,  what 
is  inserted,  is  written,  he  would  he  heard  with  respect, 
and  treated  with  civility.  Good  breeding  is  as  neces 
sary  in  print  as  in  conversation.  The  want  of  it  e- 
qually  entitles  lo  the  appellation  of  an  ill-bred-man. 
The  press  can  have  no  more  licence  than  the  tongue, 
At  the  tribunal  of  common  sense,  it  has  less,  because 
an  expression  might  escape  a  man,  which  might  re 
ceive  pardon,  or  excuse,  as  the  offspring  of  inadver 
tence  ;  but  writing  13  deliberate,  and  you  may  turn 
b..cu  and  strike  out  the  allusion,  or  correct  the  term. 

.National  character  is  interested  in  the  delicacy  of 
the  press,  il  is  u,  disgrace  to  a  people  to  have  amongst' 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  31 

them  volumes  of  scurrility  circulated  through  their* 
post-offices,  with  a  peculiar  privilege  of  ctntage, 
placed  upon  the  benches  in  our  public  houses,  or  sent 
home  to  our  private  dwellings. 

Is  this  the  occupation  to  which  it  ought  to  be  an 
honour  to  belong  ,  to  which  a  father  would  wish  to 
put  a  son,  having  educated  him  with  the  best  advan 
tages,  and  giving  him,  as  he  had^hr  ught,  a  duty  as 
sacred  as  the  priesthood,  ai.d  with  a  more  exclusive 
sphere  of  ac'.ion  than  tht  barrister  ;  having  it  in  high 
commission  by  the  constitution  of  his  country,  "  to 
canvass  the  conduct  of  men  in  public  offices, "  and 
inform  the  public,  "  where  the  matter  is  proper  for 
public  information." 

It  does  not  follow,  that  because  a  man  takes  a  pa 
per,  that  he  approves  of  all  that  is  in  it.  It  is  cer 
tainly  censurable  to  continue  our  subscription  to  a 
paper,  the  prevailing  tenor  of  which  is  defamatory  of 
individuals  ;  but  were  we  to  reject  a  paper  because 
it  is  occasionally  so,  there  are  few  papers  that  we 
should  take  at  all.  The  American  press,  has  been 
abominably  gross,  and  defamatory,  and  there  are  few 
publications  of  this  nature,  that  have  been  at  all  times 
unexceptionable.  A  man  will  be  astonished  some 
times  to  hear  of  himself,  or  of  others,  what  has  not 
the  slightest  foundation,  but  in  the  invention  of  the 
paragraphist.  There  may  be  some  prototype,  filmy 
origin  to  the  unsubstantial  fabric  ,  perhaps  not  even 
•A  vapour,  but  in  the  breath  of  the  defamer.  Is  the 
assassin  odious,  and  not  the  author  of  anonymous 
abuse  ?  Yet  such  is  the  error  of  opinion  with  some, 
that  they  think  it  not  dishonourable  to  attack  anony 
mously  It  is  cowardice  in  a  free  country,  where 
the  law  is  equal  :  where  no  Csesar  exists  to  make  if 
necessary  to  conceal  the  author  of  the  pasquinade. 
A  brave  man  will  scoin  subterfuge,  and  shade.  Ail 
honest  man  will  avow  himself  and  his  opinions. 


\ 

MODERN  CHIVALRY* 


NOTWITHSTANDING  the  Captain  though* 
he  had  got  quit  of  Teague,  in  the  matter  of  the  press, 
he  had  still  some  trouble.  For  the  bog-trotter  was 
dissatisfied.  He  had  an  hankering  after  tht  editor 
ship,  and  talked  of  taking  up  subscriptions.  To  put 
him  off,  the  Captain  suggested  the  publishing  his 
travels  I'eague,  suid  he,  if  many  a  man  had  what 
you  have  ill  your  power,  he  would  make  a  fortune  by 
it.  You  have  been  in  the  Con;;icrs;erie.  That  of  it 
self,  might  make  a  chapter  that  would  fill  a  volume. 
If  you  take  up  subscriptions,  \\  hy  not  for  such  a  work 
as  that  ?  It  will  sell  for  a  ready  penny  these  times  ;  I 
Would  advise  you  to  go  about  it 

O'ch,  on  my  slioul,  said  Teague,  but  it  would  make 
a  book  as  big  as  the  prai-As'  bible,  if  I  was  to  tell  all 
dat  I  saw  on  loder  side  de  great  water.  In  dat  great 
country,  old  France  ;  where  de  paple  talk  all  at  once 
vdd  de  brogue  on  deir  tongut  s,  and  say  nothing  De 
devil  bum  tne,  but  deir  foutres,  and  paibleus,  would 
nv-tki;  a  book,  as  big  as  a  church  staple. 

Well  done  Teague,  said  the  Captain  ;  you  must 
then  set  about  it.  The  first  thing  ii  will  behoove  you 
to  consid.r,  is  the  manner. in  which  it  \\ill  he  written; 
r  your  narration  shall  be  in  the  first  person,  asj 


MODERN  CHIVALRY,  33 

«  I  did  this,"  and  "  I  said  that ;"  or  whether  in  the 
third  person,  as  it  were  one  speaking  of  you,  as, 
"  O'Regan  having  clone  so,  and  made  an  observation 
to  this  effect  "  And  whether  it  shall  be  in  the  way 
of  continued  narrative,  with  chapters,  or  in  the  shape 
of  a  journal,  or  be  cast  in  the  way  of  letter.  For  all 
these  modes  of  writing  are  used  as  best  suits  the  tra 
veller  ;  or  may  be  thought  most  pleasing  to  the  read 
er.  One  advantage  you  will  have,  that  you  need  not 
stick  pertinaciously  to  the  ttuth  ;  for  travellers  have 
a  licence  to  deviate  ;  and  they  are  not  considered  as 
on  oath,  or  upon  honour  in  giving  their  accounts  ; 
embellishment  is  allowable.  Some  illumination  of 
the  narrative:  though,  confining  yourself  to  the  truth 
strictly,  I  make  no  doubt,  your  story  will  be  suffici 
ently  extravagant,  and  of  course,  border  on  the  mar 
vellous. 

The  fact  was,  that  the  bog-trotter  had  incidents 
sufficient  to  enliven  his  history.  He  had  been  in  the 
suit  of  Anachatsis  Cloots,  and  personated  an  Esqui 
maux  Indian  ;  he  had  been  taken  up  in  a  balloon 
some  distance  from  the  earth,  and  let  down  by  a  pa 
rachute,  instead  ol  a  sheep.  It  is  true,  this  was  not 
with  his  own  consent,  but  by  force  ;  the  Parisians 
thinking  it  of  little  account  whether  the  experiment 
was  made  with  him  or  a  less  valuable  animal.  It  is 
true,  to  make  amends  for  this,  a  royalist  lady  fell  in 
love  with  him,  thinking  he  had  a  resemblance  to  the 
young  Duke  of  Orleans.  He  had  made  a  fortunate 
escape  in  the  conciergerie.  A  prisoner  in  the  next 
cell,  No  1,  finding  the  letter  G,  put  upon  his  door, 
which  stands  for  guillotine  ;  exchanged  for  a  few 
loiuVs  with  O  Regan,  No,  2  — But  an  order  came  to 
reprieve  No.  1,  and  to  take  No.  2,  meaning  the  bog- 
trotter.  The  consequence  was,  that  the  Frenchman 
was  put  into  the  cart,  and  our  sans  culotte  escaped. 


34  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

It  would  make  a  book,  t©  exhaust  these  particulars, 
and  many  more  that  occurred,  The  Captain  having 
recommended  the  work,  was  concerned  to  have  it 
accomplished  with  some  credit  to  those  concerned, 
and  therefore  thought  it  advisable  to  give  the  author 
some  hints  before  he  entered  on  the  task. 

Teague,  said  he,  the  first  thing  to  be  thought  of.  is 
a  place  to  write,  "fhe  extremes  are  two,  the  cellar  and 
the  garret  The  cellar  was  chosen  by  an  orator  of 
Greece,  to  write  his  orations,  or  at  least  to  prepare 
for  the  writing  them  ;  for  in  this,  he  is  said  to  have 
copied  over  eight  times  the  history  of  Thucidydes. 
Whether  it  is  the  darkness,  or  the  solitude  of  the  ca 
vern,  that  is  congenial  to  the  talent  of  writing,  may  be 
a  question.  I  should  think,  however,  that  the  serial 
mansion  of  a  garret  is  most  favourable  to  the  lighter 
species  (;f  writing,  such  as  madrigals  ;  or  paragraphs 
in  magazines,  or  novels.  But  as  yours  is  a  serious 
work,  it  may  be  above  the  subterranean,  and  below  tlio 
firmament.  Perhaps  a  middle  story  may  suffice.  It 
will  depend,  however,  on  your  head.  If  you  find 
yourself  light,  go  down  ;  if  heavy,  mount  ;  and  thus 
adjust  your  apartment  to  your  feelings.  The  wasps 
chuse  the  garret  ;  but  the  spider  is  found  in  the  cel 
lar  ;  and  his  weaving  is  an  emblem  of  the  composi 
tion  of  an  author. 

As  to  stile,  just  write  as  you  would  speak,  and  give 
your  account  with  simplicity,  without  affectation  ; 
understanding  your  subject  well,  and  using  no  more 
words,  than  is  necessary  to  express  your  meaning. 

As  to  paper,  whether  common  or  woven  ;  or  as  (o 
type,  whether  single  or  double  pica  ;  these  are  terms 
I  do  not  understand.  I  see  tlnm  in  the  advertise 
ments,  and  that  is  all  I  know  about  them.  Whether 
duodecimo,  octavo,  or  folio,  will  depend  upon  the 
bulk  of  what  ib  to  be  printed. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.       35 


CHAPTER  V. 


THE  Captain  had  now  been  more  than  a 
month  at  home*  making  enquiry  into  the  history  of 
the  village  ;  what  changes  in  the  domestic  affairs  of 
his  neighbours  ;  what  good  or  bud  fortune  had  hap 
pened  to  individuals,  at  the  same  time  walking 
through  the  town,  and  observing  the  improvements 
or  dilapidations  in  the  buildings  or  streets  It  was 
obvious  that  little  attention  had  been  paid,  for  some 
time,  to  public  works  ;  the  pavements  were  neglect 
ed,  and  the  ways  and  water-courses  suffered  to  fill  up. 
An  aqueduct  begun,  to  bring  a  spring  from  the  hill, 
was  left  unfinished. 

What  can  be  the  reason  of  all  this,  said  he,  to  the 
citizens  ? 

It  was  answered,  that  the  chief  and  assistant  bur 
gesses  had  been  extravagant  ;  that  the  works,  which, 
by  the  charter  of  incorporation  they  had  a  power  to 
project,  were  extensive,  and  the  consequent  taxes 
which  they  had  a  ri^ht  to  impose,  and  which  became 
necessary,  were  thought  oppressive.  The  people  had 
left  out  these  officers  at  the  annual  election,  and 
chosen  new.  That  these  wishing  to  preserve  popu 
larity,  had  let  all  matters  res',  and  had  neither  made 
improvements,  nor  raised  taxes. 


36  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

And  will  this  please  ahvavs.  They  have  turned 
out  one  set  for  doing  too  much  ;  anil  they  will  turn 
out  the  other  next  for  doing  nothing. 

But  why  not  hit  a  medium,  said  the  Cap'ain  ? 

A  difficulty  occurs,  continued  the  speaker.  In  the 
works  projected,  the  people  insist  that  no  man  shall 
be  consulted  in  his  own  occupation.  The  mason  shall 
make  out  the  bills  of  scantling  :  and  the  carpenter 
determine  the  arches  of  a  stone  bridge. 

That  is,  said  the  Captain,  as  in  a  city  that  I  passed 
through  in  my  travels.  Tiie  physician?  claimed  a 
right  to  jud^-e  of  laws,  ami  tae  lawyers  of  physic. 
Reversing  the  maxim,  that  every  man  is  to  be  trust 
ed  in  his  own  profession. 

This  is  republicanism  run  mad.  The  sovereign 
people  would  do  well  to  imitate  other  sovereigns,  at 
least  in  this  ;  that  they  trust  even  foreigners  in  the 
arts,'  and  not  by  an  unreasonable  jtarlousy,  loose  the 
advantage  of  judgment,  which  it  is  nol  in  the  nature 
of  things,  that  they  themselves  can  possess. 

Political  divisions  will  always  exist.  It  is  insepa 
rable  from  trie  nature  of  a  community.  And  it  is 
not  in  the  nature  of  thini-.s  that  the  power  can  be  long 
on  one  side.  The  duration  depends  u^un  tke  judgment 
of  axing  it.  The  people  will  revolt  irom  themselves 
when  they  find  they  have  done  wrong,  and  that  side 
which  was  now  the  weakest  will  become  the  strong 
est. 


Accounts  were  received,  and  Tea^ue  himself  ocra- 
sionaily  announced  that  he  had  succeeded  in  taking 
up  subscriptions  for  his  commentaries,  Uui  it  had 
never  occurred  to  any  one  that  the  bog-irotter  coukl 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  S7 

neither  read  nor  write.  But  the  difficulty  now  pre 
senting  itself,  a  school-master  offered  his  services  to 
be  his  amanuensis. 

But  amongst  the  advertisements  on  the  tavern  and 
shop  doors,  the  Captain  observing  one  day  a  notice  of 
the  want  of  a  suitable  person  in  the  academy  to  instruct 
in  the  French  language,  he  was  led  to  reflect,  that  af 
ter  dictating  his  publication,  Teague  would  be  out  of 
employment,  and  that  a  vacancy  of  this  kind  might- 
tally  with  his  faculties,  having  been  in  France,  the  very 
country  where  the  language  was  vernacularly  spoken  ; 
that  his  attainments  must  be  much  superior  to  those 
who  had  acquired  the  tongue  only  from  dead  books, 
the  ear  not  accustomed  to  the  sounds  of  familiar  con 
versation. 

Losing  no  time  he  waited  on  the  Principal  of  the 
Academy,  and  gave  him  an  account  of  the  pedeseque, 
and  of  his  pretensions. 

The  Principal  was  astonished  ;  but  concealed  his 
surprize.  He  could  easily  comprehend  the  incompe- 
tency  of  this  man  to  teach  the  language  in  a  school 
of  learning,  where  it  is  expected  to  be  taught  gram 
matically  ;  and  the  absurdity  of  taking  his  lingo,  for 
French,  if  he  had  the  brogue  in  that  pronunciation 
as  he  had  in  English.  But  it  might  not  be  so  easy  a 
matter  to  convince  the  Captain  of  this  who  appeared 
to  have  an  undue  opinion  of  his  Requirements.  Ne 
vertheless  he  endeavoured  to  m.tke  himself  intelligi 
ble  on  this  subject,  by  observing  that  there  was  a 
v/ide  difference  between  a  public  professor  in  a  col 
lege,  and  a  private  tutor  who  attends  pupils  occasion 
ally  :  that  in  a  seminary  of  learning  the  rudiments  of 
a  language  were  usually  taug'it  by  rules  ;  and  it  was 
an  object  to  understand  the  pans  of  speech  into  which 
the  tongue  w.is  divided  ;  the  use  of  the  articles,  if 
there  were  any  ;  the  inflexions  of  the  cuses,  the  vari- 

PART  II.  VOL.  I.  » 


SS  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

aliens  of  the  genders,  the  conjugations  of  the  verbs; 
the  concords  of  syntax  ;  and  after  all  this  the  idiom, 
or  peculiar  phrases,  and  structure  of  the  sentence  : 
that  from  what  the  Captain  had  informed  him,  and 
v.'hat  he  himself  had  gleaned  from  others,  of  the  cha 
racteristics  of  this  subordinate,  the  academy  was  not 
his  province,  but  the  village.  He  might  employ  his 
talents  to  advantage,  instructing  young  gentlemen 
and  ladies  in  the  knowledge  of  the  French  tongue,  at 
their  own  houses ;  with  a  grammar,  and  without  a 
dictionary  ;  or  without  a  grammar  ;  and  with  the 
voice  and  diction  only.  For-  in  fact  it  was  of  little 
.consequence  how  they  wcr<:  taught  ;  for  they  would 
learn  nothing  :  and  barbers  and  tumblers  that  had 
come  in  and  undertaken  to  instruct;  had  done  as  well 
as  v/htr  musters ;  for  they  had  amused  their  pupils  ; 
and  I'.mu  iument  was  all  that  pupils  would  be  willing 
to  receive.  Enough  if  they  can  get  a  word  or  two  that 
sounds  like  French,  to  throw  out  to  a  lady  in  a  dance; 
as  parlez  vous  inudame  ;  or  s'l  vous  phis. 

It  may  be  a  digression,  said  the  Captain  ;  but  it  is 
a  pr- ..u'..:;ble  lesson.  Do  you  conceive  that  the  Ame 
rican  youth  are  too  hastily  manufactured,  and  come 
f;.  ;-\vard  too  soon  into  life. 

Unquestionably,  s;;'uUhe  Principal.  Education  !•  ere 
is  unr.ati;ra'iy  hastened.  Our  minority  is  too  short 
to  make  a  great  man.  We  "'overstep  the  modesty 
ftife,"  and  suffer  our  young  men  to  come  forward 
into  councils  that  require  the  heads  of  age.  Hence 
our  juvenile  speeches  in  debates.  Hence  the  wild 
fire  in  our  councils.  The  young  gentlemen  of  the 
:  _•  are  above  learning;  as  soon  as  they  have  got  on 
a  p.-ir  of  pantaloons,  and  half  boots.  They  are  out 
or'  liv-ir  education,  and  ir.ni  b?f<trc  their  time  We 
had  an  election  the  other  day  ;  for  a-chief  burgess. 
I1.  '.»  -.')  a  matter  ojl"  astonishment  to  those  ot  the  ol'J 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  s» 

school,  to  see  a  youth  coins  forward,  born  after  his 
competitor  had  been  ranked  with  the  sages  of  the  ul 
lage,  and  claim  the  suffrages  of  the  citizens.  It  had 
an  unfavourable  effect  upon  the  very  dumb  creation. 
It  was  not  enough  that  the  lads  under  age,  began  to 
raise  their  voices,  and  vociferate  ;  but  it  seemed  that 
the  young  of  animals  had  gained  upon  their  growth, 
and  were  old  before  they  hud  attained  maturity.  i"h« 
young  dogs  barked  more  ;  whether  it  was  from  an 
impression  of  the  atmosphere  j  or  fin  imitation  of  tl\e 
sounds  of  men. 


V 


MODERN  CHIYAUIV 


CHAPTER  VI. 


TO  give  the  bog-trotter  lime  to  write  his  hi'ai 
iovy,  the  Oplain  turned  his  atttmion  lor  a  while  to 
other  objects.  There  was  an  old  lawyer  in  the  vil 
lage  that  had  left  off  practice,  and  accompanied  by  a 
blind  fin  lev,  gave  lectures  occasionally,  at  what  he 
called  his  inr.s  of  court,  on  the  practice  of  the  law,  of 
which  he  pretended  (o  have  had  great  experience ; 
and  in  fact  he  had  be^n  a  long  time  at  the  bar ;  r<nd 
»!-cm  age  V.as  now  unfit  for  the  circuit,  especially  be 
ing  blind,  and  unless  in  a  carriage,  which  the  roads 
did  not  well  admit,  could  not  conveniently  go  abroad ; 
and  the  small  practice  of  the  village,  scarcely  Sufficed 
for  the  occupation  of  his  time,  or  the  means  of  his 
support.  The  want  of  sight  rendered  him  incapable 
of  conveyancing,  and  all  lie  could  do  was  to  give 
council,  or  argue  a  cause  by  which  he  made  a  penny; 
but  to  fill  up  his  time,  and  put  his  learning  to  ac 
count,  he  had  set  on  foot  lectures  for  young  students, 
and  amused  himself  at  intervals  with  a  tune  en  the 
violin  which  the  fkiler  phijed,  and  for  which  the  by 
slanders  threw  in  a  five-penny  bit  of  siher,  such  of 
them  as  did  not  attend  to  the  law  lecture,  or  could 
derive  any  benefit  from  it.  Thus,  clubbing  their  ta 
lents,  and  joining  in  amusement,  and  in  business  ae 


MODERN  CHlVALUY,  4i 

joined  in  the  loss  of  vision,  they  made  a  living  ;  the' 
scraper  receiving  his  six  cents  and  a  half  for  his  tuno 
on  the  instrument,  and  the  lawyer  the  same  money 
for  his  breath  on  the  abstract  subject  of  the  study  and 
practice  of  the  law. 

It  may  be  asked  how  it  came  to  pass,  that  he  conld 
lay  down  the  principles  of  a  successful  practice  in  a- 
profession,  and  at  the  same  time  not  to  have  become 
enriched  by  it  himself,  so  as  to  be  above  the  necessity 
in  his  old  age,  of  making  money,  by  the  best  means 
in  his  power  to  procure  his  support,  the  profession 
being  lucrative  itself,  especially  where  any  one  ex 
cels  in  the  knowledge  of  it,  and  is  ordinarily  indus 
trious  in  the  pursuit  But  the  answer  is  easy  ;  that 
the  making  money  and  keeping  it  are  two  distinct 
things  :  for  so  it  was,  that  this  lawyer  now  blind,  had 
let  a  great  deal  of  business  go  through  his  hands, 
without  making  much  by  it ;  from  a  want  of  skill  to 
make  money  stick.  He  thought  always  more  of  gain 
ing  the  suit  and  the  praise  of  managing  it  well,  than 
of  the  fee.  Hence  it  was  that  he  had  credit  as  a  plead 
er,  but  not  as  the  maker  of  a  great  estate. 

It  is  doubtless  a  general  rule  that  the  way  to  be  rich 
is  to  excel  in  your  profession,  and  whoever  excels 
m.-iy  in  general  be  rich,  and  it  is  a  folly  not  to  make 
this  use  of  it.  But  we  see  that  with  all  the  lovers  of 
the  arts,  painting,  mtisic,  statuary,  eloquence,  there 
is  a  neglect  of  riches,  the  mind  carried  off  from  the 
love  of  money,  and  placed  upon  the  art  itself.  The 
main  chance  is  overlooked  ;  and  it  is  only  lute  in  life 
'that  the  folly  is  discovered  by  the  person  himself, 
though  others  had  been  remarking  it  all  his  life  long. 
But  though  not  profitable  to  the  professor,  to  culti 
vate  an  art  for  its  own  sake,  yet  it  is  useful  and  pleas 
ing  to  the  world;  and  Quimilu'n  who  has  lelt  us  a 
book  on  the  eloquence  of  the  bar,  b  more  valued,  be- 
9  2 


42  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

cause  he  has  given  more  pleasure  to  those  who  have 
conic  iu\tT  him,  than  others  who  had  made  perhaps 
more  by  their  practice,  hut  whose  memory  has  gone 
\vilh  themselves,  at  the  same  time  that  their  estates 
went  to  others. 

As  a  sample  of  the  lectures  of  the  blind  lawyer; 
v-e  shall  give  the  following. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


THE    LECTURE. 

IT  is  necessary  to    comprehend  perfectly  the 
facts  of  the  case,  and  this  to  enable  ; 

1.  To  frame    the  action  ;  trespass,  or  trespass  on 
the  case  ;  Sec. 

2.  To    frame   your  declaration  :  that  is,    to  put  a 
precise  statement  of  the  cause  of  action  upon  the  re 
cord. 

3.  To  examine  the  witnesses,  preparatory  to  the 
trial. 

I  say  nothing  of  the  science  necessary  to  draw  a  de 
claration  ;  though  thtre  is  great  delicacy  and  beauty, 
in  making  a  legal  statement  of  your  cause  of  action 
with  brevity,  perspicuity,  and  technical  correctness. 
]STor  do  1  mean  to  touch  on  the  vigilance  on  your  part 
or  liberality,  to  your  adversaries,  in  conducting  the 
cause  to  issue  and  trial,  taking  rules  and  giving  no 
tice.  This  is  not  the  stage  where  all  advantages  are 
fair.  These  are  preliminaries  to  the  contest,  and  as 
in  the  wager  of  battle  the  combatant  makes  oath,  that 
he  uses  no  enchantment  ;  so  a  liberal  lawyer  will  dis 
dain  to  avail  himself  of  an  oversight,  or  take  a  catch 
•which  has  no  effect  upon  the  merits  of  a  cause.  If 
he  observes  a  detect  winch  it  becomes  necessary  to  a- 
mend,  in  civil  cases,  he  will  point  it  out  and  give  leave 
to  do  it.  This  I  grant  he  is  not  bound  to  do  ;  but  it  is 
for  the  credit  of  the  profession  that  such  liberality 
should  be  cultivated,  and  justice  \\iil  lose  nothing  by 


44  MODERN  CHIVALRY, 

it.  Strict  rules  of  pleading,  strictly  pursued,  arenc: 
inconsistent  with  this  liberality  !  Professional  men, 
can  understand  the  boundaries  and  distinctions.  It  is 
not  within  my  present  compass  to  go  into  them. 

Preparatory  to  the  trial  ;  a  great  point  is,  the  exa 
mination  of  the  witnesses  to  be  adduced  by  your  cli 
ent  ;  such  of  them  as  are  willing  to  say  what  they 
know,  prior  to  their  being  called  in  court.  It  is  of 
moment  for  you  to  know  what  you  can  prove  by  any 
one  of  them,  that  you  may  bring  them  to  thi  point 
immediately  ;  and  save  the  time  of  the  court  from  im 
pertinent  relation.  It  is  necessary  for  the  sake  of 
your  client  to  sift  them  well,  and  know  the  testimony 
they  are  about  to  give.  The  council  above  who  has 
thus  silted  them,  should  undertake  to  examine.  When 
the  conduct  of  the  cause,  rests  with  me,  and  the  re 
sponsibility,  I  would  sutler  no  assistant  to  ask  a  ques 
tion  of  my  witnesses  Let  him  take  his  turn,  and  fill 
up  his  part  in  cross  examining  the  witnesses  of  the  ad 
versary.  When  the  testimony  is  closed  in  va  jury  tiial, 
the  cause  is  usually  lost  or  won  :  and  a  single  ques 
tion  injudiciously  put,  may  have  been  the  cause  of 
losing  it.  Yet  there  is  nothing  more  difficult  for  a 
leading  council  than  <o  restrain  the  impetuosity  of  his 
associates,  and  their  a-  i:lity  to  ask  questions. 

It  is  a  matter  of  t^ivat  judgment  when  a  witness 
has  answered  wt.il.  ••  let  the  answer  rest.  It  is  fa 
vourable  to  truth  to  let  it  rest  ;  for  by  putting  it  a- 
gain,  :md  again,  you  <  <.M|'USC  the  mind,  and  you  may 
get  the  very  reverse  of  what  he  had  before  said  ;  or  at 
least  you  im.y  gtt  it  st>  disturbed,  as  to  be  unintelligi 
ble,  and  do  you  no  good. 

Jf  it  occurs  to  an  assistant  council  who  lias  not  pre 
viously  examined  ;  tli.it  a  question  may  be  put  with 
advantage,  lit  can  suggest  it  to  the  leading,  or  exami 
ning  .council;  and  leave  him  to  judge.  The  wish  of 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  45 

seeming  to  be  doing  something  for  his  money  is  the 
cause  of  that  propensity  to  interrogate  that  prompts 
improperly  to  take  up  the  examination. 

The  taking  down  the  testimony  is  so  managed  aa 
to  consume  time  unnecessarily  in  our  courts.  All 
concerned  in  a  cause,  must  take  down  and  wait  for  all. 
The  testimony  must  be  taken  down  as  if  it  was  to  be 
read  again  to  the  court,  or  sent  to  the  jury  in  the  stylo 
of  a  written  deposition.  Unnecessary  matter  is  taken 
down  ;  for  there  are  seldom  more  than  a  few  senten 
ces  in  the  testimony  of  a  witness  that  are  material  to 
the  cause.  But  it  is  to  seem  very  busy,  and  doing 
something  for  the  client,  where  in  fact  nothing  is  done 
that  leads  to  an  ostentation  of  taking  down,  even 
where  there  is  nothing  to  take.  I  have  actually  known 
this  to  take  place  at  the  bar. 

Well ;  what  do  you  know  of  this  matter  ? 

Why,  in  fact,  I  know  little  about  it. 

Stop,  stop  a  little,  let  me  take  that  down. 

Well ;  you  say  you  know  little  about  the  matter.' 

Nothing  at  all — only — 

Stop,  stop,  let  me  take  down  what  you  have  said— « 

A  thing  like  this  exhausts  the  patience  ;  yet  it  is 
difficult  fora  court  to  correct  it.  It  must  depend  up 
on  the  good  sense  of  the  council  themselves,  to  select, 
and  confine  their  notes  to  what  is  of  substance  in  the 
evidence. 

The  greatest  effort  in  the  management  of  a  cause, 
is  the  taking  exception  to  evidence.  For  this  purpose, 
it  is  necessary  that  from  the  commencement  of  the 
trial,  the  leading  council  lies  by  ;  thinks  much  ;  says 
little  ;  bends  his  whole  mind,  to  preserve  himself  un 
ruffled  :  sets  forward  the  junior,  and  assistant  coun 
cil  to  spur  where  it  may  be  necessary  j  to  make  pro 
lusions,  and  gain  time. 


46  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

As  for  instance  ;  a  piece  of  evidence  is  offered,  It 
strikes  the  leading  council,  that  exception  lies  against 
it.  But  he  is  not  clear ;  nor  is  he  prepared  to  sup 
port  the  exception.  An  assistant  council  takes  the 
exception.  It  is  run  down  and  completely  answered. 
Not  a  word  more  :  but  the  leading  council  has  had 
time  to  consider. 

If  he  had  not  thought  proper  to  give  it  up  ;  he 
would  have  risen  in  full  force. 

And  if  he  had  been  answered  with  some  shew  of 
reason,  the  assistant  would  have  rejoined,  and  done 
justice  to  the  argument.  For  let  it  not  be  thought 
that  though  I  mark  the  parts  of  the  assistant  council, 
I  do  not  well  know  that  the  greater  lawyer,  may  have 
the  subordinate  part  assigned  him  ;  or  may  fall  into 
that  place,  in  the  management  of  a  cause,  on  the  trial. 
The  greater  general  n>ay  happen  to  have  the  com 
mand  of  a  detachment  only  ;  or  be  employed  to  bring 
on,  or  relieve,  in  the  course  of  an  engagement. 

For  law  is  an  image  of  war ;  and  as  in  -war,  the 
greatest  praise,  is  to  discharge  your  duty  wherever  it 
may  be  assigned  ;  so,  on  a  trial.  A  column  standing 
still,  and  never  brought  forward,  or  discharging  a 
shot,  but  simply  keeping  ground,  may  have  done  the 
real  execution,  and  gained  the  battle.  A  thought  sug 
gested  is  sometimes  more  than  an  argument. 

But,  nevertheless,  elocution  has  its  place,  and  noble 
praise.  It  is  delightful  to  hear  one  speak  well  where 
he  ought  to  speak.  "  The  words  of  the  wise  are  like 
nails  ;  fastened  in  sure  places."  Great  indulgence 
must  be  made,  for  young  pleaders  ;  but  I  have  it  not 
in  view  to  treat,  not  of  what  is  to  be  indulged  ;  but  of 
•what  is  to  be  approved.  Brevity  is  the  soul  of  elo 
quence,  and  amplification,  the  usual  fault.  Few  err 
in  saying  too  little.  Tediousness  is  the  more  com 
mon  extreme  :  padding,  and  beating  on  the  pointc. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  4ff 

After  a  passion  is  excited,  there  is  danger  of  "  tearing 
it  to  rags," 

The  opening  of  the  case,  before  tKe  evidence  is  in- 
tioduced,  is  a  matter  of  some  delicacy  ;  and  a  prin 
ciple  is  brevity  ;  and  stating  the  proper  proof,  rather 
below  what  it  will  turn  out.  When  disappointed  in 
the  expectation  raised,  the  mind  is  dissatisfied,  and 
with  difficulty  can  do  justice  to  what  is  proved.  It  is 
in  the  application  of  the  evidence  that  eloquence  fine's 
her  province  at  the  bar.  And  yet  here  it  is  that  lees 
harm  can  be  done  by  weak  or  unskilful  advocates, 
than  in  any  part  of  the  contest.  The  court  and  jury 
are  attached  to  the  evidence*  The  mind  is  steclfast 
upon  this,  and  if  a  flourisher  runs  off;  he  may  talk  j 
it  is  only  a  loss  of  time.  It  is  here  that  less  experi 
enced  council  may  be  suffered  to  amuse  themselves  ; 
and  can  do  little  harm,  more  especially  if  there  is 
seme  one  to  follow  to  review  the  facts,  apply  the  law, 
and  clench  the  argument.  The  harm  that  can  be 
done,  is  to  weary  the  mind,  and  relax  the  spring  of 
attention.  This  i?  mischievous  ;  but  cannot  well  be 
prevented.  The  council  must  be  heard.  But  there 
is  much  less  danger  to  a  cause,  in  tins,  than  from  an 
injudicious  touch  in  the  conduct  of  it,  through  the 
evidence. 

With  regard  to  reading  authorities  in  the  opening", 
or  reply  ;  or  in  the  conduct  of  the  tiki  generally,  I 
have  but  a  sing-'e  observation.  It  is  better  to  adduce 
no  authority,  at  all,  than  one  which  has  a  doubtful 
application,  because  it  brings  in  question  the  discern 
ment  of  the  council ;  and  gives  an  opportunity  to  the 
adversary,  to  flourish  and  run  down  General  reason? 
is  a  safer  grounds  than  doubtful  decisions. 


48       MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


CHAPTER  VII. 


A  great  uproar  had,  in  llie  mean  time  taken 
place  in  the  village.  The  doctrine  of  abating  nui 
sances,  had  been  much  in  conversation,  since  the 
lown  meeting  in  the  matter  of  the  pole-cat.  It  came 
so  far,  that  an  incendiary  proposed  to  abate,  or  burn 
down  the  college.  Because,  suid  he  ;  all  learning  is 
a  nuisance. 

A  town  meeting  had  been  called  on  the  occasion  ; 
and  whether  from  a  wish  to  see  a  bon-fire  ;  or  from 
the  hatred  of  the  ignorant,  to  all  that  places  the  in 
formed  above  them  ;  the  proposition  however  unrea 
sonable  and  illegal  had  its  advocates.  It  had  been 
actually  carried,  and  a  person  was  now  on  his  way 
with  a  brand  lighted  to  set  fire  to  the  building. 

The  alarm  was  given  ;  and  the  more  considerate 
rushed  out  to  endeavour  to  prevent  conflagration. 

Force  was  vain  ;  and  reason  avails  little  with  a 
mob  The  only  way  to  oppose  their  resolution  is 
indirectly  by  turning  the  current  of  their  thoughts 
aside  and  to  the  attaining  the  same  thing  in  another 
way.  The  principal  and  professors  had  harangued 
in  vuin  It  was  threatened  that  if  they  did  not  stand 
out  of  the  way,  they  would  burn  them,  with  the  col 
lege. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  4y 

The  Captain  had  come  up ;  and  venturing-  to  speak ; 
gentlemen,  said  he,  it  is  not  for  the  college  that  I  am 
about  to  speak  ;  it  is  for  yourselves  ;  your  object  is 
to  put  down  learning;  and  do  you  not  kno\v  that  it  is 
put  down  already.  Why  will  you  do  a  useless  tiling? 
It  is  calling  in  question  your  understanding;,  to  do  a 
needless  mischief. 

Is  not  learning  put  down  already  ?  the  methodists 
are  the  best  preachers.  Take  a  horse  jockey  and  in 
two  weeks  from  the  jump,  he  is  in  a  pulpit.  No  need 
'of  Latin,  Greek,  Hebrew  ;  a  pollyglot  bible  ;  systems 
of  divinity  ;  a  commentary,  a  treatise,  an  essay,  or  a 
dissertation  :  all  is  plain  waiting  now. 

All  this  tends  to  put  learning  down,  so  that  you 
have  all  the  advantage  of  this,  without  the  trouble. 
Why  burn  the  college  ? 

The  building  will  serve  useful  purposes,  when  the 
professors  are  driven  out  of  it. 

Politicians  say,  that  though  they  have  no  learning, 
they  feel  no  want  of  it.  Is  it  to  be  supposed  that  a 
workman  does  not  know  whether  he  wants  tools  ? 
All  tl.is  ends  when  learning  and  law  are  put  dovin. 
Trial  by  battle  must  regulate  society.  We  shall  then 
want  barracks  and  hospitals.  This  building  will  ac 
commodate  invalids. 

1  do  not  know,  said  a  sedate  man  among  the  crowd, 
whether  after  all,  a  little  learning  may  not  be  in  some 
cases,  useful.  It  is  a  great  htlfi  to  ivea-k  jieoftle.  I 
have  seen  a  book,  entitled,  Jtukes^  and  e'en  to  had  ufi 
crijipli  d  Christians  breeks.  That  is  hooks  and  eyes  to 
hold  up  breeches.  Alluding,  by  the  bye,  to  hooks 
and  eyes  which  were  in  use  before  buttons.  What  are 
called  gallowses,  have  succeeded  to  the  assistance  of 
but  lor  s.  hut  have  not  altogether  superseded  them. 
Not  that  I  mean  to  insinuate  that  the  disuse  of  hooks 
and  eyes,  lead  to  the  gallows  in  the  proper  sense  of 

PART  II.  VOL.  1.  B 


••:<!>  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

ihe  word,  any  more  than  that  learning  does.  Though 
inanv  a  man  that  wears  buttons  has  been  hung.  Per 
haps  tnore  wiftiout  buttons  than  with  them.  But  I 
mean  to  say  that  a  young  man,  before  he  comes  to 
the  years  of  discretion  may  as  well  be  employed  in 
learning  to  make  marks  upon  paper,  as  playing  at 
iiine-mens-momce,  and  it  does  him  no  more  harm 
to  try  to  read  Greek,  than  to  trace  partridge  tracks. 
The  mind  must  be  employed  in  something  to  keep 
it  out  of  harm's  way,  and  reclusion  in  a  seminary  is 
useful,  if  for  nothing  else  at  least  to  keep  young  pec- 
pie  will-in  doers,  which  the  academician  could  not 
easily  do,  unless,  the  device  of  books  was  used  to  be 
guile  the  hours  of  study.  And  though  a  great  part 
of  their  learning,  is  but  the  knowledge  of  hocks  and 
cr^/S-.  yet  the  exercise  of  the  mind  renders  them  more 
i'jc/iert  in  thir.king  ;  und  though  Latin  is  of  no  more 
use  to  raise  the  devil  than  English,  now  a  days  ;  yet 
it  is  a  gentle  exercise  to  learn  it,  and  makes  the  boys 
gi- jw  tustcr.  It  keeps  them  from  their  mothers  who 
lire  apt  to  spoil  their  offspring  by  too  much  indul 
gence.  The  idea  of  getting  a  task,  accustoms  the 
mind  to  obedience.  Nov.  there  are  some  branches 
.of  scii-nce  that  i-.re  really  useful,  such  as  speaking  and 
\vriiing  intelligibly,  «-. id  casting  up  accounts.  Nor 
is  the  time  altogether  tin  own  away  in  learning  ma 
thematics,  especially  thfc  theory  of  the  mechanical 
powers.  Some  are  of  opinion  that  this  study  has 
been  of  great  use  in  navigation,  and  water  works. 
The  ancients  found  their  account  in  it,  in  the  con* 
sii'ucMcn  01  dt  Cutapult.  But,  at  least,  what  harm, 
i.i  letting  pedants  chop  logic,  and  boys  laugh,  in  the 
seir. italics  \  A  herih.g  pickle,  or  a  Merry  Andrew^ 
is  uhowtd  to  an.use  j  copie,  and  we  do  not  pull  down 
their  stalls.  A  ventriloquist  is  suffered  to  take  his 
f.loiUr  from  Us,  and  we  make  no  rciiionslrau'-e.  Lee* 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  5i 

*urcs,  on  moral  philosophy  are  at  least  as  innocent  as 
this.  I  do  not  know  any  better  recreation  for  a  lad 
of  mettle  than  to  listen  to  a  dissertation  on  eloquence, 
or  a  discourse  on  chronology,  and  history.'  Jt  shar 
pens  his  wit  to  talk  over  affairs  with  his  equals.  Cut 
there  is  one  reason  that  serves  for  a  hundred  It  is 
not  every  one  that  is  horn  a  genius,  and  can  do  with 
out  the  help  of  education.  I  am  therefore  for  conti 
nuing  these  crudities  a  little  longer.  When  v/e  can 
afford  it  better,  we  can  pull  down  the  college.  This 
speech  had  a  good  effect,  and  the  mob  retired 

But  before  they  were  aware,  the  flame  had  broken 
out  in  another  direction.  The  mob  retiring,  had  en 
tered  into  altercation  amongst  themselves,  and  began 
to  blame  one  another.  Some,  for  not  going  on  to 
burn  the  college,  and  others,  for  having  thought  of  it 
at  all.  In  opposition  to  the  last,  the  first  grew  outrage 
ous,  and  began  to  exclaim,  and  to  curse  and  to  swear, 
and  said,  damn  them,  but  if  they  had  not  burned  a 
college,  they  would  burn  or  pull  down,  a  church. 
They  had  actually  prepared  faggots,  and  were  on  their 
way  a  second  time,  to  execute  a  new  mischief. 

The  alarm  was  given,  the  chief  burgess,  and  assist 
ants,  and  respectable  inhabitants  assembled  !  Great, 
reliance  was  had  upon  the  Captain,  from  his  success, 
in  the  former  instance  ;  and  when  the  two  forces, 
that  of  the  mob,  and  that  of  the  community  stood  face 
to  face,  and  were  in  opposition,  ready  to  fall  on,  the 
one  to  commit  waste,  and  the  other  to  defend,  he 
was  called  upon  to  come  forward  and  harangue. 

He  obeyed  instantly,  but  was  well  aware  that  a  stra 
tagem  in  war  cannot  succeed  a  second  time,  and  there 
fore  instead  of  attempting  to  decoy  and  turn  aside 
their  passions,  thought  proper  to  attack  them  direct 
ly  by  the  opposite,  fear.  Madmen,  said  he,  what  do 
you  meau?  Is  it  to  rob,  plunder  and  murder  that  you 


£2  MODERN  CHIVALRY, 

have  assembled  ?  Come  on  ;  but  in  coming;  you  must- 
meet  with  this  weapon,  brandishing  his  hanger  ;  I  am 
alone  ;  but  a  legion  is  behind  me  and  will  be  with 
m  e  speedily. 

But  as  I  am  at  all  times  averse  from  the  use  of 
force  until  it  becomes  necessary  ;  I  am  willing  in 
the  mean  time  to  hear  reason.  Why  is  it  that  you 
•would  pull  clown  a  church,  and  abolish  the  Christian 
worship  in  the  village  ? 

It  is  not  our  intention  to  abolish  Christianity,  said  a 
grave  man  amongst  them,  but  to  put  down  the  preach" 
er  at  tl'is  place  ;  who  is  not  an  American  republican, 
but  quotes  the  English  commentators  in  his  sermons. 
Henry',  annotations  on  the  Bible  ;  Burket  on  the 
New-Testament  ;  Pool's  Synopsis,  Tillotson  and 
Baxter,  and  many  others.  We  wish  to  abolish  these, 
and  have  nothing  but  our  own  commentaries.  Arc 
we  to  be  drawing-  our  proofs  from  under  a  monarchy, 
and  retiring  to  tracts  and  essays  published  in  Great 
Britain  ?  Have  we  no  sense  of  our  own  to  explain 
texts  of  Scripture,  and  apply  doctrines  ?  It  is  time  to 
emancipate  ourselves  from  these  shackles,  and  every 
man  be  his  own  expounder,  or  at  least  confine  our 
clergy  to  the  Bible  and  the  Psalm  book,  or  such  of 
our  divines,  as  have  written  amongst  ourselves,  and 
are  of  our  own  manufacture  in  a  republican  govern 
ment. 

Religion,  said  the  Captain,  is  of  no  government. 
Wines  are  the  better  for  being  brought  over  seas,  and 
our  best  brandies  are  from  monarchies.  Where  was 
the  cloth  of  that  ccjat  made  ?  Will  you  reject  a  good 
piece  of  stuff  because  it  came  through  the  hands  of 
an  aristocratic  weaver  ?  These  are  false  ideas  of  what 
is  right,  and  useful  to  mankind.  The  common  law 
is  not  the  worse  for  having  been  the  common  law  of 
England,  and  our  property  and  birth  right  which  our 


CHIVALRY.  33 

ancestors  brought  with  them  ;  nor  is  our  Bible  the 
worse  for  having  been  translated  under  James  the 
first  of  England,  which  translation  we  still  use,  and 
from  which  we  repeat  all  sentences  of  Scripture.  Nor 
are  systems  of  theology,  or  harmonies  of  the  evange^ 
lists  the  worse  for  having  been  written  in  another 
country.  Why  do  we  use  the  English  language  ?  Is 
it  not  because  we  cannot  easily  substitute  another  ;  or 
have  no  better  to  substitute.  The  Shanese,  or  Dela 
ware,  or  Piankisha,  may  be  softer,  but  not  so  copi 
ous  or  of  equal  energy  and  strength.  But  even  if  in, 
all  respects  superior,  can  we  by  an  act  of  volition, 
transfer  it  into  common  use  and  make  .it  all  at 
once,  our  vernacular  tongue  ? 

The   grave  man  made  no  answer  ;  but  the  more 
violent  were  still  disposed  to  pull  clown  the  church. 


Ax  the  alarm  created  by  the  uproar,  the"  peda*" 
gogue,  and  the  pedeseque,  who  had  in  the  mean  time 
been  engaged  in  composing  the  book,  had  run  out, 
and  left  the  manuscript  in  hands,  on  the  table.  A 
wag  stepping  in,  had  written  an  addition  to  a  chapter. 
And  coming  back,  the  school-master  had  resumed 
his  labour,  without  observing  it.  The  chapter  in 
hands  was  that  which  gave  an  account  of  his  ascent 
in  a  balloon  ;  and  the  addition  was  as  follows  : 

• — "  Passing  a  cloud,  I  put  out  my  hand,   and 

took  a  piece  of  it,  and  squeezed  it  like  a  spunge,  and 
the  water  ran  out.  The  sun  went  north  about  ;  but 
never  set.  At  the  distance  of  about  fifty  leagues  above 
the  earth,  we  saw  a  white  bird  sitting  on  the  corner 
of  a  cloud.  We  took  it  to  be  one  of  MahOraets  pig<'-" 
£  2 


54  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

ons.  If  we  had  had  a  gun  we  could  have  shot  it-. 
Passing  by  the  moon  we  saw  a  man  selling  lands  at 
auction.  He  wished  us  to  give  a  bid  ;  but  we  told 
him,  we  had  not  come  to  buy  land  in  the  moon.  We 
came  across  a  comet,  but  it  was  asleep.  It  looked 
like  a  tarapine  ;  but  had  a  tail  like  a  fox. 

The  balloon  struck  a  wasp's  nest,  and  we  were  in 
danger  of  the  stings. 

Coming  near  a  hail  bank,  we  filled  a  hat :  the  hail 
stones  were  about  as  large  as  a  pigeon's  egg. 

A  thousand  miles  above  the  earth  we  passed 
through  a  field  of  turkey  buzzards.  This  would 
seem  to  be  their  region  ;  and  accounts  for  the  cir 
cumstance,  that  no  one  has  ever  found  a  nest  of  one 
of  these.  Their  rookeries  are  out  of  sight,  in  the  at 
mosphere. 

As  we  approached  one  of  the  heavenly  bodies — It 
appeared  like  an  island.  We  struck  upon  a  planet, 
but  Blanchard  got  out  and  pushed  off  the  balloon. 
We  aupposed  it  to  be  Mercury,  as  we  heard  orators 
haranguing,  and  a  multitude  of  tongues. 

Theve  were  marriages  going  on  in  Venus,  and  in 
Mars,  we  heard  the  drums  beat. 

In  Jupiter  we  heard  swearing,  Proh!  Jupiter  j  Ol 
Jupker  !  by  Jupiter. 

We  meant  to  have  a  pull  at  one  of  Saturn's  ring's, 
but  were  blown  off  the  coast,  and  found  ourselves  in 
the  latitude  of  Herschell.  Provisions  failing,  we 
thought  proper  to  shape  our  course  to  the  earth  again. 

The  first  thing  we  saw  was  the  forest  of  Ardennes, 
which  appeared  like  a  shamrock  ;  the  Pyrenean 
mountains  seemed  a  bed  of  parsley,  and  the  Atlantic 
Ocean,  was  about  as  large  as  Loch  Swilly. 

Within  about  a  furlong  of  the  earth,  Blanchard 
gave  me  the  parachute,  and  I  came  clown.  It  was  in 
a  field  of  corn  among  reapers.  They  took  me  for  » 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  55 

sheep,  and  thought  to  have  mutton  5  but  finding  their 
mistake,  they  invited  me  to  breakfast. 


TEAGUE  with  his  amanuensis  returning,  resum 
ed  his  memoir,  not  observing  the  interlopation  which1, 
in  the  mean  time  had  been  made.  Some  have  thought 
k  was  the  best  chapter  in  it.  At  least  it  is  the  most 
extravagant. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY 


CHAPTER  VIII. 


HAVING  now  a  little  time  upon  his  hands, 
the  Captain  thought  of  repeating  his  visit  to  the  blind 
lawyer,  and  fidler  ;  and  happening  at  an  interval  of 
the  blind  man's  lectures  he  drew  him  into  conversa 
tion,  on  the  subject  of  the  law.  What  is  this  com 
mon  law,  said  he,  which  you  speak  of,  and  why  can 
not  it  be  abolished  ?  The  common  law  of  England  ! 
why  not  a  common  law  of  our  own  ;  now  that  we  are 
an  independent  government  ? 

It  is  our  own  common  law,  said  the  lawyer.  We 
derive  it  from  a  common  source  with  the  inhabitants 
of  Britain.  Shall  the  people  on  that  side  the  water 
alone  possess  this  jurisprudence,  which  our  common 
ancestors  possessed,  just  because  we  have  left  the 
island  ?  It  was  because  our  birth-right  to  this  law  was 
questioned  that  we  resisted  in  war,  and  declared  our 
independence.  The  right  to  representation  is  a  prin 
ciple  of  the  common  law,  and  this  right  was  denied 
to  the  colonies.  The  right  of  trial  by  jury  is  a  prin 
ciple  of  the  common  law,  and  this  in  some  cases,  was 
abridged,  in  others,  taken  away  altogether.  On  what 
ground  were  these  defended  ;  on  the  ground  thftt 
'hey  were  our  inheritance  by  the  common  law. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  SV 

But  why  called  common  law  ?  It  was  so  called  as 
distinguished  from  the  laws  of  particular  places.  It 
was  a  system  common  to  the  whole  people.  The 
term  came  into  use  after  the  heptarchy. 

A  ground  of  this  law  is  reason  ;  y  the  principles 
of  universal  justice.  The  application  of  these  princi 
ples  to  particular  cases,  forms  a  great  part  of  the  com 
mon  law  :  the  application  of  the  principles  of  justice 
to  that  infinity  of  cases,  which  arise  on  the  inter 
course  of  men  in  a  state  of  society  :  obligations  inde 
pendent  of  contract,  or  contracts  themselves.  We 
read  the  decisions  in  such  cases,  because  the  reason 
of  those  who  have  gone  before,  is  a  help  to  those  that 
follow. 

Rules  of  pleading,  rules  of  evidence,  the  practice 
of  courts,  are  the  result  of  experience,  and  our  own  ; 
or  adopted  by  us,  as  a  part  of  the  common  law.  This 
law  forms  a  system  be^un  in  the  woods  of  Germai.y  ; 
taking  its  rise  amongst  our  Saxon  ancestors,  it  was 
brought  with  them  into  Britain  ;  receiving  accessions 
from  what  it  found  good  in  the  island  to  which  it 
came. 

Abolish  the  common  law  ?  why  r.ot  abolish  the  art 
of  medicine,  because  it  has  been  cultnated  in  Great 
Britain  ?  Sydenham,  Harvey  and  Mead,  are  thought 
to  have  added  to  the  science.  The  British  chymists, 
have  increased  the  materia  medica.  Why  not  make 
war  upon  the  apothecaries,  because  they  sell  English 
drugs  ? 


58  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

JUST  nt  that  instant  a  burly  burly  was  heard  half 
a  squ.n-e  distant  ;  people  rushing  into  an  apothecary 
shop,  und  ju^s  thrown  out  at  the  window.  It  was  a 
mob  collected  to  break  up  the  Doctor. 

A  L  ttin  master  from  the  college,  lifting  up  his 
hands  in  the  attkude  of  a  man  attempting  to  ring  a 
bell,  was  endeavouring  to  appease  the  multitude,  in 
such  address  as  was  on  his  tongue  from  the  classic 
authors  :  cive s,  cives,  quis  furor  vos  agitat !  vesania 
qus  versat !  qua:  dementia  cepit !  Infelix  pecus  !  oh  ! 
lieu  !  proh  hominum.  Insanire  decct,  radone,  mo- 
doque. 

It  availed  nothing.  The  outrage  was  continued. 
Glass  and  earthen  ware,  broken  ;  powders  and  liquids 
filled  the  atmosphere  with  vapour,  and  a  variety  of 
smtlls.  Ah  !  said  an  orator,  it  is  full  time  to  return 
to  the  simplicity  ot  early  times,  when  men  had  re 
course,  in  case  of  internal  diseases,  or  external 
wounds,  to  the  barks  of  trees,  or  the  plants  of  the 
fields,  and  had  not  yet  become  acquainted  with  extrac 
tions  and  decoctions  put  in  phials,  and  called  drops, 
to  make  the  well  sick,  and  poison  the  living. 

It  would  have  made  a  good  drawing  in  a  picture,  to 
have  seen  the  apothecary  at  work,  in  the  mean  time, 
endeavouring  to  clear  the  shop,  with  a  cudgel,  some 
times  pelting-  a  rioter;  at  other  times  breaking  the 
head  -nf  one  of  his  own  jugs. 

A  preacher  stood  by  exhorting  to  carry  on  the 
work.  He  had  taken  a  text.  »  There  is  a  time  to 
build,  and  a  time  to  pull  down."  He  thought  this  a 
pulling  down  time.  The  greater  part  of  his  audi 
ence  appeared  to  think  him  orthodox,  and  were  shew 
ing  their  faith,  bj  their  works,  at  the  expence  of  the 
dispensary.  Good  God,  called  out  the  son  of  Escula- 
pius,  will  no  one  assist  ?  shall  I  be  ruined?  The  in 
dustry  of  years  dissipated  in  a  day  :  all  my  laud- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  6ft 

anutn,  my  pepper-mint,  sulphur,  vitriol,  oils,  acids, 
my  tartar,  and  arsenic  ;  all  gone  to  pot,  or  rather  the 
pots  gone  with  them,  jars,  jugs,  and  glister-pipes  : 
Svhat  devastation  !  what  havock  !  Is  it  for  sport,  or 
for  profit  ?  Oh  ;  the  folly,  the  fury,  the  madness  of 
the  populace  I  They  are  indeed  the  swinish  multi 
tude.  A  herd  of  swine  in  a  century,  would  not  have 
done  so  much  damage. 


At  this  point  of  t!te  game,  whether  by  design,  or  ac 
cident,  a  cry  of  fire  had  been  raised  ;  and  the  fire  com 
pany  with  their  engine  and  buckets  were  up,  and  be 
gan  to  play  upon  tht  building,  throwing  the  water  in 
at  the  windows,  und  at  t;  t-  door,  so  that  the  people  in 
the  house,  and  the  Doctor  himself  were  as  wet  us  rats, 
and  occasionally  the  pipe  carried  round  with  a  sweep, 
came  upon  the  by-stunders  without.  The  preacher 
got  his  Bible  wet,  and  his  Psalm  book  ;  and  the  Latin 
master  called  out"  Jdm  satis  terris  ;"  or  that  there 
was  rain  enough  ;  ui.d  the  orator,  thought  it  a  new 
way,  of  quelling  mobs.  The  Captain  said  he  had  seen 
something  of  the  kind  attempted  in  repressing  bees, 
when  they  swarmed,  throwing  water  on  them,  and 
that  the  riots  of  men  were  analogous. 

But  what  can  they  n.tan,  s.  id  a  peace  officer  by  at 
tacking  this  nu.ns  boluies  ?  Do  they  mean  to  pel  an 
end  to  the  practice  of  physic?  among  the  savages 
they  attribute  aches,  and  pain*  in  the  flesh  and  bones, 
to  a  bad  spirit  that  has  got  into  ti.e  muscles,  ami  the 
tendons,  and  by  rubbing  with  the  hand,  and  pressing 
the  parts  they  endeavour  to  txprl  it.  The  chaffing 
has  Sometimes  a  good  effect,  and  if  there  thould  not 


60  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

be  an  evil  spirit  to  drive  out,  it  eases  and  relieves  from 
the  complaint.  But  though  exercise  and  tempe 
rance  may  preserve  health,  and  cold  and  warm  ba 
thing,  and  friction  of  the  joints  may  relieve  from  a 
rheumatic  pain,  yet  in  a  multitude  of  cases  the  speci 
fics  of  pharmacy  may  be  found  useful ;  especially  in 
a  society  of  close  population,  where  we  have  not  woods 
and  forest  to  run  in,  and  where  sedentary  occupations 
keep  people  sitting  half  their  time.  And  though  uf- 
terall,  the  diagnosis,  or  distinguishing  diseases,  is  in 
many  cases,  but  a  guess,  and  the  means  of  cure  still 
more  conjectural,  yet  still  there  is  something  in  the 
province  of  science,  and  the  skill  of  the  well  read  and 
experiencerl  physician. 

Yv'hy  then  do  you  not  put  the  law  in  force  against 
such  an  attack  upon  the  druggist,  said  an  orator  ?  You 
see  his  chest  of  medicine  broken  open,  befoie  your 
eyes,  and  his  shelves  puHed  down,  and  the  tables  un 
der  foot,  and  yet  no  one  bound  over,  or  the  riot  act 
read. 

Soft  and  fairly  said  the  peace  officers,  all  in  good 
time. 

Take  sail  from  the  mast  when  there  comes  too 
strong  a  blast.  A  madness  prevails  at  present.  It 
willbe  but  of  a  for;  nights  continuance.  When  the  peo 
ple  get  a  thing  into  their  heads,  the  best  way  is  to  let 
them  go  on.  They  will  come  to  themselves  by  and 
by. 

But  in  the  mean  time  they  will  do  a  great  deal  of 
harm,  said  the  Captain. 

It  is  in  the  atmosphere  said  the  orator  !  is  it  impor 
ted,  or  of  domestic  origin,  s«dd  a  thinking  man  among 
the  croud. 

It  may  be  imported,  or  it  may  be  of  domestic  origin 
said  a  simple  man  ;  for  both  abroad  and  at  liomc,  we 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  61 

have  instances  of  such  madness  occasionally  breaking 
out,  owing  to  some  subtil  gas  in  the  holds  of  vess  els, 
or  that  breeds  in  our  own  streets.  It  may  come  from 
France  or  Ireland  :  but  what  is  there  to  hinder  it 
springing  up  here,  where  there  are  as  good  materials 
to  work  upon,  as  on  the  other  side  the  water.  Hu 
man  nature  is  the  same  every  where. 


IfART  II.  VOL.  t 


MODERN  CHIVALRY 


CHAPTER  IX. 


TilE  memoir  of  the  bog-trotter  had  now  made 
Its  appearance,  and  was  read  with  avidity  by  all  ranks, 
and  clas.s>  s  of  the  community.  The  novelty  of  the 
natter  made  the  stile  agreeable  and  it  was  called  up 
as  a  model  of  fine  writing.  In  fact  the  school  master 
•\vho  was  the  real  author,  Teague  furnishing  only  ma 
terials,  had  so::.e  knowledge  of  the  English  gram 
mar,  and  had  read  the  Pii^riins  Progress,  the  Seven 
Champions  of  Christendom,  Reynard  the  fox,  the 
Sk'!;e  of  Troy,  and  had  a  diction  not  unpleasing,  and 
tolerably  correct. 

The  place  of  a  professor  of  rhetoric  in  the  college, 
being  vacant,  it  was  suggested  that  the  new  author 
might  bj  an  acquisition  to  give  lectures  on  eloquence, 
gn<:  Tetigue  wvi>,  as  usual,  elated,  with  the  proposi 
tion,  and  solicited  the  Captuin  to  countenance  the 
matter,  with  the  trustees  of  the  seminary,  that,  if  he 
Iv.d  failed  in  the  political,  he  might  have  a  chance  of 
elevation  in  the  literary  world.  The  Cc.pu.in  accord 
ingly  lent  his  aid,  iuid  though,  with  some  reluctance, 
undertook  to  press  the  matter  with  the  friinds  of  the 
his'.itu'ion,  stiii  doubling  in  his  own  mind  the  capa 
city  of  tin:  candidate  lor  a  clu.ir  in  a  university.  Jt  is 
true,  he  had  heurd  tell  ot  lectures  on  taste  and  criti* 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  03 

cism,  by  those,  who  had  not  much  taste,  and  were 
no  great  critics  themselves.  But  this  was  considered 
as  abuse,  and  not  to  pass  into  precedent.  However, 
he  consented  and  did  broach  the  matter.  It  was  like 
ly  to  be  carried  and  would  have  been  carried,  but  for 
the  other  professors,  who  said  it.  would  be  a  burlesque 
on  them,  and  threatened' to  resign  if  the  tiling  was 
pushed  any  faith  er,  as  in  their  opinion,  however 
great  the  fame  of  this  phenomenon  might  be,  he  was 
in  fact,  but  an  illiterate  person,  and  finer  for  a  pro 
fessor  of  gymnastics,  than  of  letters  in  an  academy. 

A  professor  of  gymnastics,  then  let  him  be,  said  the 
Captain.  It  is  true  he  has  retread  Salzman  on  the 
athletics  of  schools,  or  Strutt  on  the  games  and  pas 
times  of  Lv.i.^1  uid  ;  nevertheless  he  can  pJay,  at  prison 
best,  barley-'K-tt ;  blind-muns-buiF;  the  hindmost  of 
tbrte,  and  fool  in  the  corner.  He  is  no  slouch  at 
s.rere-arse  ;  is  a  pretty  good  hitch  at  a  wrestle  ;  and 
can  run  and  leap  abundantly  well. 

So  saying,  he  turned  about,  and  walked  away,  with 
his  stick  in  hii  hrncl,  to  look  for  the  bog-trotter,  and 
to  bring  him  forward  for  the  professorship  ;  but  had 
r.ot  walked  far,before  he  fell  in  with  the  remains  of  the 
Doctor's  shop  that  had  been  thrown  cut  upon  the 
street  ;  and  wiiere  was  Teague  in  a  stall  turned  doc 
tor,  and  selling  drugs  to  the  mullitude,  arsemc  for 
worm-powder,  and  laudanum  for  wine-cordial.  He  ht.d 
picked  up  the  phials  when  ihe  apothecary  had  run  off 
fearing  the  multitude,  and  the  people  thinking  this 
man  his  deputy,  or  substitute,  selling  off  at  a  low 
price,  were  willing  to  take  a  bargain  while  they  could 
get  it. 

The  Captain  wras  irritated  on  the  score  of  humani 
ty,  and  for  the  first  time,  made  a  stroke  at  the  bog- 
trotter.  The  cudgel  lighting  on, a  box  of  Spanish  flies 
t  hat  was  g.oirg  off  a  twelve  u.d  a  l:t.li  cent*,  c!is- 


*4  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

sipated  the  contents.  A  dialogue  ensued,  and  much 
expostulation.  But  the  result  was,  that  the  venclue 
was  broken  up,  and  it  came  to  be  understood,  that 
Teague  was  not  the  real  ownt-r  of  the  ware-house, 
and  that  the  purchasers  might  be  called  upon  to  pay 
ibr  the  drugs  a  seccnd  time.  This  last  consideration 
had  an  cfi'cct  and  the  bidding  ceased. 


AT  this  time  John  Murdoch  came  up,  a  shrewd 
man,  though  not  in  any  office,  and  being  well  ac 
quainted  with  the  Captain,  and  the  history  of  the  bog- 
trotter,  made  free  to  speak  upon  the  occasion,  and 
addressing  himself  to  the  Captain;  for  the  bog-trotter 
had  run  off>  whether  fearing  the  stick,  or  to  spend 
the  money  he  had  gathered.  C;  plain,  said  he,  Nemo 
omnibus  hoiis  sapit  ;  no  man  is  wise  at  all  times. 
You  have  been  a  long  time  sveking  to  get  your  man 
into  place,  and  now  that  he  had  got  into  place  with 
out  you ;  for  accident  often  does  more  for  a  man  ihan 
his  best  friends  ;  you  have  been  unwilling  that  lie 
should  stay  in  it.  Nay,  you  have  driven  him  from  it. 
lie  had  just  got  into  a  good  way  in  an  honourable  and 
lucrative  profession,  and  you  have  stopt  his  career 
viih  your  batabuy,  or  shalelah,  a  weapon  which,  from 
his  infancy  he  had  been  taught  to  dread.  Do  you 
think  the  greater  part  of  doctors  are  better  read  than 
he  was  ;  or  even  if  better  read,  does  their  reading 
turn  to  more  account?  Will  the  people  employ  them 
sooner,  because  they  are  learned  in  their  profes 
sion  ?  Or,  even  if  learned,  is  their  skill  the  more  to 
be  depended  on  ?  One  of  the  faculty  has  said  ;  ars 
Rostra  conjecturalis  est,  Hoffman  ran  down  Boer- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  65 

haave  ;  Cullen,  Hoffman  ;  Brown.  Cullen  ;  and  the 
System  now  among  the  .physicians,  is  a  hotc'h  potch, 
or  mi  <  tu  re  of  all.  O'Regan  might  have  been  a  quack  -r 
but  the  faculty  tell  us  that  medicine  is  much  indebted 
to  quacks.  Mercury  was  brought  into  use  by  t'lern, 
and  it  is  now  the  panacea,  the  specific  for  all  diseases-, 
the  consumption  itself.  Grauty  is  the  most  practical 
qualification.  Could  not  Teague  assume  a  grave  ap 
pearance  ;  a  sober  physiognomy,  a  measured  step; 
with  a  cane  in  his  hand  ;  a  steady  look  straight  be 
fore  ;  a  nod  to  those  that  pass  by,  as  if  from  a 
thinking  man  ?  Could  not  he  feel  a  pulse,  and  speak 
mysteriously,  if  be  could  not  speak  learnedly,  not 
having  given  clinical  lectures,  or  attended  them  ?  Or" 
could  he  not  hold  his  tongue  a  long  time,  and  say 
nothing;  which  would  answer  the  purpose  just  as 
well ;  for  silence  is  obscurity,  and  obscurity  is  subli 
mity.  When  the  patient  is  dead,  it  was  the  disease 
killed  him,  not  the  doctor.  Dead  men  tell  no  tales. 
Facilis  descerisus  av'enii.  I  have  heard  the  blind  law 
yer  discoursing  to  this  effect,  that  in  the  profession 
of  the  law,  winch  is  an  ostensible  profession,  and 
more  likely  to  expose  a  man's  parts,  or  faculties  of 
mind  th<in  almost  any  other,  yet  it  is  not  always  un 
derstood  who  is  the  real  lawyer";  and  a  man  may 
have  made  an  estate  at  the  bar,  before  it  is  found  out 
that  he  is  a  fool.  If  he  loses  the  cause  by  his  mis 
management,  he  lays  it  on  the  jury  :  or  ii'  the  court 
decide  on  a  point  of  law  contrary  to  the  advice  he  had 
given,  what  can  I  help  it,  says  he,  if  a  c^mmistion 
cannot  give  sense.  It  is  the  law  of  the  books,  though 
it  is  not  the  law  of  their  heath.  The  client  submits, 
and  is  better  pleased  with  his  counsel,  than  with  art 
honest  fellow  who  had  told  him  in  the  first  instance  ; 
or  would  tell  him  in  the  last,  that  his  cause  was  none 
of  the  best  j  and  the  verdict,  or  judgment  tight.  If 
v  3 


<6  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

this  L  the  case  in  a  profession,  that,  in  comparison  of 
the  other,  is  visible,  and  tangible;  that  you  can  reach 
it  in  its  exhibition,  what  must  it  be  in  an  art  which 
is  leos  in  view  ;  where  the  ignorance  of  the  practi 
tioner  is  capable  of  more  concealment ;  and  the  man 
dies  who  is  most  hurt,  and  carries  his  complaint  be 
fore  Minos,  and  Rhadnmanthus,  who  wait  until  the 
doctor  co?ne3  to  give  him  a  fair  hearing  ? 

It  is  not  that  I  had  any  doubt,  suid  the  Captain,  of 
Ins  getting  into  practice,  that  I  had  been  opposed  to 
his  empiricism.  My  apprehension  rather  was,  that 
he  would  get  too  much  practice,  and  have  too  many 
lives  to  answer  for  morally  and  in  conscience,  if  not 
legally.  For  what  did  he  know  of  drugs,  or  of  their 
effect  upon  the  constitution  ?  If  you  go  to  conscience 
and  morality  with  it,  I  have  done,  said  Mr.  Murdoch. 
You  leave  no  reasoning  for  me.  I  was  speaking  as  a 
man  of  the  world,  and  the  making  a  living  :  if  you 
feel  yourself  entramelled  with  that  sort  of  doctrine, 
you  are  on  the  other  side  the  line  :  I  have  no  concern 
with  you  :  You  belong  to  the  old  school. 

The  doctor,  in  the  mean  time,  had  come  back,  and 
was  examining  the  depredations. 

An  inventory  was  taken  under  the  direction  of  the 
Captain  that  what  remained  might  be  compared  with 
the  original  stock,  and  the  loss  ascertained,  that  it 
might  be  compensated  to  the  poor  man  by  subscrip-- 
ti'jn.  As  to  what  had  been  purloined  by  Teague  in 
the  way  of  sale,  he  undertook  himself  to  make  up 
thut,  having  been  somewhat  accessary  to  it  by  intro- 
tiucing  the  bog-tcotter  to  the  village. 


MODERN  CHIVA^;  V,  67 


CHAPTER  X. 


FROM  what  has  been  stated  of  the  activity  o* 
mind  among  tht  inhabitants  of  this  village,  and  espe 
cially  from  the  samples  that  have  been  given  of  tlieir 
attention  to  politics  it  will  not  be  a  subject  of  wonder, 
that  there  was  a  village  coffee-- i-juse,  on  a  small  sruie 
in  this  place,  and  that  the  people  sometimes  met  here, 
to  smoke  a  pipe,  and  take  a  gi  ;bs  of  beer  and  read  a 
news  paper.  It  might  be  called  a  beer  house,  if  what 
was  drank  in  it  gave  the  name;  far  mor  r  was 
drank  than  coffee;  but,  in  imitation  of  th .•  'larger 
towns  it  was  called  a  coffee  house  It  ''.ippfnei!  that 
the  Captain  wishing  to  k-arn  the  news  ot  i'ie  coffee 
house,  took  a  walk  there. 

Teague,  with  what  he  had  collected  from  the  sale 
of  the  drugs,  had  been  here  belore  them  ;  and  taking 
on  himself  the  air  of  a  politician,  had  culled  i"<.;r  pipes 
and  tobacco,  and  was  looking  over  a  ^z^ire  ;  not  that 
he  could  read  ;  but  to  induce  peupl  .  10  believe  that 
he  read  ;  occasionally  also,  as  if  unconscious  or 'hose 
around  him,  throwing  out  a  sentence,  in  French  ;  a 
little  of  which  he  had  acquired  as  a  pairct  would? 
language  :  such  phrases,  as  save  qui  pen-. :  ?:irn  pw 
pour  lui  ;  a  la  guillotine.  Nor  did  he  tu.  C(  t!iu 
shrug  of  the  shoulders,  a  habit  of 


«l  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

emotions  of  the  mind,  which  remained  still  in  some 
degree  among  the  republicans,  though  it  had  been 
contracted  under  the  monarchy,  when  people  were 
afraid  to  speak  out,  and  raised  the  back,  \\hen  they 
did  not  dare  to  lift  the  voice  ;  and  dumb  signs  served 
instead  of  a  viva  voce  declaration.  This  suited  the 
bog-trotter  and  enabled  him  to  conceal  his  ignorance. 
Not  that  he  had  the  prudence  to  intend  this  ;  but  imi 
tating  what  he  had  seen  abroad,  he  took  up  the  cha 
racter  at  home. 

The  attention  of  the  benches  was  attracted  by  his 
physiognomy,  and  attitude  ;  and  in  the  opinion  of 
some,  he  was  taken  for  a  French  minister  or  consul  ; 
by  others  for  an  emigrant  of  distinction  that  had  lost 
his  property,  for  the  sake  of  his  title  of  nobiiity. 

The  Captain  hearing  these  surmises,  impelled  by 
the  natural  candour  of  his  mind,  could  not  avoid  ex 
plaining.  It  is  neither  French  minister,  nor  consul, 
said  he  ;  but  my  bog-trotter,  that  I  had  detected 
some  time  ago,  selling  drugs,  and  passing  himself 
for  a  physician.  He  might  be  qualified  to  be  a  horse 
doctor,  but  certainly  not  to  practice  on  the  human 
constitution.  But  what  particularly  excited  indigna. 
tion,  was  his  purloining  the  medicines,  taking  and 
carrying  away,  what  did  not  belong  to  him,  and  was 
aggravated  by  the  circumstance,  of  the  things  being 
thrown  into  the  open  air,  by  the  rioters  who  had  bro 
ken  the  house,  and  dispersed  the  shop,  to  the  great 
injury  of  the  poor  apothecary  whose  property  they 
were.  I  had  taken  it  on  myself  to  chastise  him,  con 
sidering  myself  under  obligation  to  restrain  him,  hav 
ing  been  accessary  to  his  coming  to  the  village.  And 
if  you  will  give  me  leave  gentlemen,  and  excuse  the 
time  and  place,  I  will  take  the  libt  rty  to  cleid  a  few 
blows  at  this  instant,  as  he  cannot  conveniently  escape 
from  the  boxea  before  my  stroke  overtakes  him. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY,  69 

Not  giving  time  for  reflection,  or  reply  on  the  part 
of  those  preseiv,  he  raised  his  baton,  and  \vas  about 
to  strike  ;  Teague  on  the  other  hand,  hu<l  up  his 
heart  of  o-.ik,  also,  if  not  to  offend,  at  least,  to  de 
fend,  and  parry  the  stroke  ;  his  countenance  iu  the 
mean  time:  arguing  submission  :  his  words  also, 
whether  from  fear,  or  respect,  softening  and  concilia 
tory.  God  love  your  soul,  said  he,  and  be  aisy  ;  and 
not  be  after  beating  me  before  dese  paple  dat  know 
noihing  o'  de  matter ;  that  will  take  you  for  an 
ou Id  foo),  beating  and  fighting  for  nothing  :  Just 
for  making  a  copper  out  o'  de  offals  of  a  farrier,  sel 
ling  d-.'in  to  de  paple  when  de  mountebank  himself 
ran  off.  It  is  a  good  job  to  be  making  a  penny  in 
hard  times.  If  your  honour  will  give  me  lave,  I  will 
introduce  your  honour,  to  dcse  paple  dat  have  taken 
me  for  a  French  minister.  I  tought  I  had  looked 
more  like  a  papish  Praist.  But  as  dey  know  best,  it 
is  all  de  same  to  me.  I  will  drink  your  honour's 
health  in  a  tankard  of  ail  if  your  honour  will  pUtse  to 
call  for  it.  Dese  shivil  looking  strangers,  dat  I  ne 
ver  saw  before,  will  like  your  honour  better  than  kick 
ing  and  cuffing  wid  yourshalelah  and  putting  yourself 
in  a  passion  wid  a  bog-trotter,  dat  never  meant  you 
any  harm, 

The  address  seemed  reasonable  ;  and  those  pre 
sent  interfering,  the  Captain  consented  to  let  him  off, 
advising  more  honesty  and  fair  dealing  for  the  future 
But,  in  his  apology  to  the  company,  for  what  mi.;at 
seem  an  impropriety  in  b;  'saviour,  he  w.is  led  to  give 
the  history  ol  the  Hibcrui'in,  and  tht  circumstance  of 
his  IK  ing  in  France,  which  accounted  for  ,;is  affect 
ing  tue  French  manner,  and  occasional  attempts  at 
the  language.  Tuis  in  the  mean  time  led  to  a  gene 
ral  conversation  on  the  affairs  of  France,  and  the  his 
tory  of  the  revolution.  Observations  were  made 


70  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


above  the  ordinary  stile  of  lv«v..b".use 
and  of  which,  though  exprt,s*  •_;.!  in  a  desultory  ni«.n- 
ner,  as  each  o  ie  too<<  the  pip  .  *•»,.!  "nis  mouth,  or 
IL^ned  to  the  suggestions  of  others,  it  in  :y  be  worth 
while  to  give  u  sample. 

One  oi  these  who  had  a  corn'uler.bl  ••  fluency  of 
tongue,  and  ready  memory,  observed,  "  That  the  loss 
of  liberty  in  the  course  of  fiat  revo.l'uion  was  o'ving 
to  the  unskilfttlness  of  those  who  conducted  u." 

Hut  in  like  situations,  s.iid  another,  !•>  it  re  isonable 
to  expect  move  skiil  ?  The  mass  of  the  people  con 
ducted  the  revolution,  and  is  I',  in  the  nature  of  things, 
for  them  to  stop  at  a  proper  point  ? 

It  is  in  the  nature  of  things,  s.u'd  another  ;  but.  it  is 
a  rare  felicity  It  is  natural  to  distrust  him  who  pro 
poses  to  stop  short  of  what  seems  a  complete  reform. 
The  sovereign  people  is  as  liable  io  the  r.npu'se  ot  pas 
sion,  and  as  open  to  the  insinuations  of  flatterers  us  an 
individual  tyrant.  The  courtier  devoid  of  principle, 
in  the  democratic  h;>.ll,  gets  the  ear  of  the  populace, 
as  he  would  that  of  a  Prince,  and  abuses  h. 

I  do  not  know  well  what  a  mun  can  better  do,  said 
another,  than  just  to  fall  in  with  the  current  of  opinion 
and  when  it  changes,  change  with  it.  We  are  right, 
say  the  people.  You  are  right,  says  the  man  orpiii- 
dence.  We  were  wrong,  say  the  people.  You  were 
wrong,  says  the  same  mrtn.  Who  is  ev.T  ui-ple  ised 
with  a  person  that  has  been  in  the  s;ime  error  with 
hi  ins.-  If  ? 

Tnat  is  true  said  the  Captain  :  but  is  there  no  such 
thing  as  public  spirit  ?  Is  there  not  a  spice  of  virtue 
to  be  found  in  a  iv,y:blic  ?  Who  would  not  devote 
himself  for  the  public  good  f  Were  Phooion,  and 
P.iilopoemen  time  servers  ''.  \  grant  thai  i;.  is  not  the 
way  ultimitely  to  make  friends  of  them,  and  to  have 
their  confidence.  Let  school  boys  propose  to  rob  a 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  ?! 

hen-roost,  thty  \vill  respect  him  who  dissuaded, 
though  it  wi.siiot  populur,  but  incurred  the  imputation 
of  cowardice,  and  a  want  of  spirit,  at  the  time.  Let 
them  rob  a  garden,  and  be  bi ought  to  punishment, 
they  Will  revere  him  who  had  told  them  it  was  wrong 
but  was  hurried  along  with  them,  and  suffered  by 
their  fault.  It  is  by  these  means  that  amongst  sava 
ges,  strong  minds  obtain  the  asttr.clancy  and  are  trust 
ed  by  the  nation.  Great  is  t.ie  ibrce  of  truth)  and  it 
will  prevail.  It  requires  great  courage  to  bear  testi 
mony  against  an  error  in  U  e  judgment  of  the  multi 
tude  ;  as  it  is  atuiuieti  with  present  disreputation. 
Yet  courage  is  virtue,  und  is  its  own  reward. 

The  great  misciiiei  of  democracy  is  party,  said  an 
orator,  who  had  taken  the  pipe  from  his  teeth. 
.  It  is  the  great  advantage  01  it.  suid  his  neighbour, 
It  is  the  angel  that  descends  at  u  ct  ;  tain  scusou  and 
troubles  the  porii  of  Ik-ihsuida,  that  the  lame  person 
may  be  made  \\  i.ole.  Were  it  not  for  party,  ail  things 
would  t^o  one  nay  ;  tie  common  wealth  would  stag 
nate. 

But  let  one  party  obtain  the  ascendancy,  and  does  it 
not  come  to  the  sume  thing.  Ali  things  \\ill  go  one 
way  then  ;  or  rather  stand  still. 

Not  so,  suid  the  captain  ;  no  party  can  maintain 
power  long.  The  ascendancy  curries  ils  overthrow 
along  with  it.  The  duration  depends  upon  the  judg 
ment  ol  ;.'  e.  leaders  of  the  councils.  But  the  leaders, 
will  find  that  they  cannot  lead  always.  Wl  ile  they 
were  smuggling  up  the  asci-nt,  every  one  \vus  willing 
to  be  helped,  and  took  arlvice.  But  on  the  top  ot  the 
precipice,  scampvtr  and  hoop,  and  ti .ere  is  no  retir-in- 
ing  them.  A  leader  of  judgn.ent,  wiii  always  find  it 
more  difficult  to  manage  las  own  people  than  to  com- 
but  his  adversaries.  They  cannot  be  bruoght  to  halt 


72  MODEfcN  CHIVALRV. 

at  a  proper  point  ;  and  their  errors  bring  them  down 
again,  as  those  in  power  did  before  them. 

However,  this  is  wandering  from  the  point,  said  a 
man  in  a  black  wig  ;  we  were  talking  of  the  French; 
who  says  that  Bonaparte  did  not  usuip  the  govern 
ment  ? 

I  am  of  that  opinion,  said  the  Captain  ;  for  there 
was  no  government  to  usurp.  He  put  down  the  di 
rectory,  who  had  themselves  put  clou n  the  councils. 
The  banishment  to  Cayenne,  is  a  proof  of "it. is. 

I  agree  with  you,  said  an  individual  on  tl.e  other 
side  of  the  box,  or  bench,  as  it  rather  might  be  called. 
It  was  the  Mountiiinards  that  runed  the  republic,  at 
the  very  time  they  were  running  down  others  under 
the  charge  of  incivicism,  and  conspiracy  against  the 
republic. 

Doubtless,  said  the  Captain  ;  It  is  in  popular  in 
temperance,  that  aristocracy,  and  despotism  have 
their  source. 

At  this  instant  the  blowing  of  a  horn  announced  the 
arrival  of  the  post  ;  the  late  papers  were  bi ought  in\p 
and  all  began  to  read. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


CHAPTER  XI. 


THE  Captain  having  a  short  space  of  time  to 
spare  from  his  avocations,  and  disposed  to  tnke  the  air, 
had  walked  out  and  coming  near  the  sine.Il  building 
which  served  as  a  hospital  for  the  village,  was  dispo 
sed  to  visit  it  and  see  the  state  in  which  it  was,  with 
what  new  objects,  since  he  had  been  absent  on  hi., 
peregrinations. 

He  was  shewn  by  the  keeper  an  extraordinary  ob 
ject  in  a  cell,  a  man  who  imagined  himself  a  moral 
philosopher,  delivering  lectures.  His  observations 
•Were  occasionally  fraught  \vitn  eoott  stnse.  \Yhiie 
the  Captain  stood,  in  the  passage  opposite  his  duo;-,  he 
made  a  note  of  some  part  of  his  discourse*  and  which, 
having  had  an  opportunity  of  copying,  we  shall  give 
to  the  reader.  It  was  on  the  subject  of  the  resentment 
of  injuries. 

"  It  is  a  strange  thing,  said  he  that  we  cani.ot  sub 
mit  with  equanimity  to  evils  in  the  moral  work!,  as  we 
do  in  the  natural.  We  expect  a  fair  day,  indi'ne 
conies  a  foul.  Is  it  any  graiiiicution  to  us,  to  beat  the 
air,  or  stamp  upon  the  puddle  ?  Who  would  think  of 
giving  the  cow  skin  to  a  hurricane  ?  Yet  the  iM-eat-.  st 
damage  is  some-times  done  by  a  bias1  of  wind.  He 
f!  be  thoiii^ht  a  iiK'.dmun,  and  be  sent  to  Ua« 

II.  VOL.  1.  G 


f4  .MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

place,  who  \vas  depreht-mled  buffeting  a  whirlwind, 
even  though  it  had  torn  up  by  the  roots,  or  broken 
down  a  fridl  tree.  He  niusi  be  out  of  his  senses  in 
deed,  that  would  have  recourse  to  a  bludgeon,  in  case 
of  an  attack  by  an  inundation.  It  would  be  a  laughing 
stock  to  see  even  a  Turk  giving  the  bastinado,  to  a 
hot  season,  or  to  cold  weather.  The  knout  to  a  Rus 
sian  winter  !  Did  the  pope  ever  excommunicate  a 
storm  on  the-  ocean  ?  What  man  is  angry  with  a 
squall  of  wind  ?  He  considers  it  as  an  evil,  and  com- 
p-ses  1  is  mind  to  the  loss  of  his  merchandize.  Is 
ingratitude  less  to  be  expected?  And  yet  when  it  hap 
pens,  we  reprobate,  and  seek  revenge.  Sufferings 
from  moral  causes,  are  just  as  common  as  from  natu 
ral.  And  yet  when  an  injury  is  committed  by  a  hu- 
jiu.n  creature,  we  are  taken  by  surprise,  and  lose  tem 
per.  Cannot  we  turn  away,  as  from  a  sudden  gust, 
and  take  shelter  under  some  one  willing  to  protect 
us,  without  thinking  more  of  the  enemy  that  had 
beaten  us,  with  his  fist,  or  abused  us  with  a  bad 
tongue  ?  The  pelting  of  a  hail  stone  never  induces 
you  to  use  hard  words,  or  to  demand  satisfaction  of 
the  atmosphere  ;  and  yet  you  will  send  a  challenge, 
and  risk  j  our  own  liie  to  punish  a  man  that  has  barely 
slighted  you  in  manner,  or  in  words.  Why  not  take 
the  other  side  of  the  road,  and  pass  him  by  as  you 
would  a  pond  of  water,  or  a  marshy  place  ?  Cannot 
•we  take  the  necessary  precautions  agv.inst  calumny,  as 
ye  wcvnd  against  foul  air,  without  putting  ourselves 
in  a  passion  \viiii  the  author  of  the  defamation  any 
more  than  with  a  vapour,  or  an  exhalation  ?  But 
thtrt  is  such  a  thing,  as  will  and  intention  in  the  me- 
ral  agent.  Is  thi.i  ary  thing  more  than  an  idea,  a 
rnarter  (.f  our  own  imaginations  .?  It  is  the  same  thing 
to  u*  whether  there  is  a  fij;i>-it  in  the  winds,  or  no  -v  /- 
r'H  when  a  house  it>  blown  down  ;  or  the  roof  carried 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  sr 

Sway.  What  is  it  to  us,  whether  the  cause  thinks, 
or  does  not  think.  We  blame  it  the  most  sometimes 
because  it  does  not  think.  We  call  in  question  the 
understanding  of  a  man  when  he  wrongs  us  ;  and  say, 
if  he  had  the  vefbction  of  a  reasonable  being,  he  would 
have  corrd'.-.ctti]  Limself  in  u  different  manner.  And 
yet  the  eonsMerutiou  that  he  had  not  reflection,  does 
i-.ot  mitigate,  fcut  incrca»'js  onr  resentment  Oh  !  the 
inconsistency  of  human  life  and  manners.  I  am  shut 
up  here  as  a  madman,  in  a  mad  p-!ace,  i-.ncl  yet  it  ap 
pears  to  me  that  1  am  t'u*  only  rational  bting  amongst 
men,  because  I  know  that  I  am  mad,  and  acknowledge 
it,  and  thej  do  not  that  they  are  mad,  or  acknowledge. 
it.:' 

As  far  as  my  small  judgment  goes,  says  an  orator, 
when  he  is  about  to  express  an  opinion  ;  and  yet  he 
docs  not  think  Ms  judgment  sin  cut.  lie  would  Uikc 
it  much  cirnhs  if  any  one  took  him  at  his  word,  ra,<l 
would  say,  true  it  is,  ytnir  judgment  it  out  *maU.  All 
think  themselves  wise,  wise,  wise.  Bui  1  s;;y,  focis, 
fools,  fools,  At  this  he  threw  himself  down  on  his 
couch,  an.-!  f~ll  asleep. 

In  the  ne:;t  apartment  was  an  insane  person,  who 
siiltd  himself  the  "  Lay  Preacher,"  who  took  his 
text  as  usual:  and  began  to  preach.  Book  of  Judges, 
21.  25.  u  In  those  days  there  was  no  King  in  Israel  } 
iind  every  man  did  that  which  was  right  in  his  own 
eyes  " 

That  was  right,  said  a  mad  democrat,  who  Wii<> 
confined  in  a  cell  across  the  passage.  When  \ve  got 
quit  of  a  king,  the  same  thing  was  expected  here, 
"  that  every  man  should  do  that  which  was  right  in 
his  own  eyes  ;"  but  behold  we  are  made  to  do  that 
•which  is  right  in  the  eyes  of  others.  The  law  governs, 
and  this  law  is  made  up  of  acts  of  assembly,  and  the 
decisions  of  the  courts  ;  and  a  kind  of  law  they  caU 


?6  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

tht  common  law.  A  man's  nose  is  just  as  much  upon 
the  grind -stone  as  it  was  before  the  revolution.  It  is 
not  your  own  will  that  you  must  consult ;  but  the 
will  of  others.  Down  with  all  Jaw,  and  give  us  a  free 
government,  "  that  every  man  may  do  that  Vvhich  is 
right  in  his  own  eyes." 

Madman,  suit!  the  Preacher  ;  thou  knowest  not 
what  thou  say i.-st.  It  is  not  allowable  that  nun  should 
do  that  which  is  right  in  their  own 'eyes.  A  man  is 
not  a  proper  judge  of  right  in  his  own  cause.  His 
p.issions  bias  his  judgment.  He  cannot  see  the  right 
and  justice  of  the  case.  The  want  of  a  king  in  Israel 
was  accompanied  with  the  want  of  laws.  I  do  not 
mean  to  say  that,  without  a  king  there  cannot  be 
laws.  But  kings  are  put  here  for  government,  that 
being  the  government,  at  that  period  known  in  the 
world.  For  even  a  mixed  monarchy  is  an  improve 
ment  of  later  times.  The  meaning  is,  there  being 
no  government,  every  man  did  th;.t  which  was  right 
iii  his  own  eyes  ;  and  ten  to  one,  but  it  was  wrong  in 
the  eyes  of  others  :  A  wild  state  of  anarchy.  A  lime 
for  Sampson  to  live,  that  could  knock  down  people 
with  "  ike  jaw  bone  of  an  ass." 

What  worse,  said  the  democrat,  than  amongst  us, 
where  we  see  honest  men  knocked  down  with  the 
ja\v  bones  of  lawyers,  arguing  a  cause,  and  the  judges 
that  decide  upon  the  case. 

Passing  on,  the  Captain  came  to  the  stair  case, 
and  ascended  to  the  second  story ;  he  M'ished  to  see  a 
mad  poet  who  had  been  engaged  in  travestying  his 
travels.  He  had  the  advantage  of  a  commodious 
apartment,  more  so.  than  some  of  those  who  have 
surpassed  him  in  his  art  in  different  places  and  peri 
ods  of  the  world.  The  poet  Dryden  was  not  so  well 
accommodated,  at  the  time  he  wrote  his  St.  Cecilia's 
Ode,  which  is  thought  to  be  the  best  of  his  compoti- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  ?/ 

tiGns.     The  poet  that  we  have  before  us,  was  a  quiet 
man,  and  had  the  privilege  of  the  hospital,  to  go  and 
come  as  he  pleased,  but  not  to  go  without  the  walls. 
He  was  confined  here  by   his   relations  merely  as  a 
matter  of  convenience,  being  so  absent  in  mind,  that 
lie  was    incapaple  of  taking   care  of   himself.     The 
manuscript,  in  doggerel  verse,  would  seem  to  be  suf 
ficient  to  compose  a  boot,  half  as  large  as  Hudibras. 
He  was  overjoyed  to  see  the  Captain,  who  was  the 
hero  of  his  poem  ;  and  the  Captain  was  no  less  amu 
sed  to  see  him,  and  the  adventures  of  which  he  made 
a  part  turned  into  rhyme.   His  sensations  were  equal 
ly  sublime  with  those  of  the  Trojan  hero,  when   he 
saw  the  war  of  Troy  in  the  paintings  hung  up  in  the 
hall  of  the  queen  of  Carthage.     The   circumstance 
was  not  less  entertaining  to  him  as  the  actor,  or  the 
speaker  in  the  course  of  the  adventures  so  rtcorded, 
and  he  consented  to  accept  a  copy,  not  that  he  meant 
to  give  it  to  the  press,  but  to  cast  his  eye  over  it,  for 
his  particular  amusement  :  nevertheless,  the  manu 
script  having  fallen   into  our  hands,  we  shall  select 
parts  of  it,  and  according  as  the  reader  seems  to  like 
that  which  he  gets,  ve  shall  give  him   more.     In  the 
mean  time  tve   shall  dismiss  the  Captain  from   the 
hospital,  not  but  that  there  was  much  more  to  see  anc? 
hear  amongst  the  Bedlamites  still,  but  affected  '.vitli 
melancholy  and  weary  of  the  scene.  At  the  same  time 
doubting  with'  himself,  whether  those  he  saw  confined 
\vera  more  devoid  of  reason  than  the  bulk  of  men  run 
ning  at  large  in  the  world.     1!^  had  no  doubt  of  one 
being  a  lunatic   of  whom   the  keeper  made  mention, 
but  whom  he  had  not  an  inclination  to  visit,  in  the  se 
cond  story;  for  he  was  said  to  be  employed  looking 
at  the  rnoon,  wilh  a  pair  of  spectacles  which  he  took 
for  a  telescope.     For  lunacy  means  rnoon- struck,  a»icV 
this  seemed  to  bs  the  case  with  Lira. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY, 


CHAPTER  XII. 


HAVING  turned  his  back  on  the  hospital, 
there  was  a  concourse  of  people  :  the  cry  was  a  ntw 
code  of  laws. 

A  new  code,  said  a  grave  man  ?  Is  not  the  old, 
the  result  of  experience,  a  gradual  accession  of  rules 
regulations  in  society  i  Begin  again,  and  you 
%\ould  come  to  the  same  result  at  last.  But  to  form 
laws  from  abstract  comprehension,  fitted  to  all  exigen 
cies,  is  not  within  the  compass  of  the  powers  of  man. 
It  is  sufficient  if  he  can  form  a.  schedule  or  plan  of 
government ;  this  is  the  outline  ,  the  interior  gyra 
tions,  must  be  made  up  from  repeated  experiments. 

The  vvoicls  new  code,  were  mistaken  by  some 
amongst  the  crowd,  for  no  code. 

No  code,  was  repeated  through  the  multitude. 

What  no  Uwc  at  all,  said  the  grave  man  ? 

No  law;:,  Wai  the  outcry  immediately,  and  every 
vociferous  person  wishing  to  hear  himself  speak,  and 
every  timid  person,  afraid  of  being  suspected  ofinci- 
vicism,  began  to  call  out,  no  laws. 

That  will  never  do,  said  the  grave  man,  it  were 
better  to  have  no  judges  than  to  have  no  laws,  or  at 
least  as  bad.  For  how  can  men  jud^e  but  by  law?. 
Arbitrary  discretion  is  a  blind  guide. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  79 

The  words  no  judges,  had  been  heard  more  dis 
tinctly  than  the  rest,  and  supposing  it  to  be  a  substi 
tute  for  no  laws,  voices  came  from  every  quarter  in 
support  of  the  amendment.  I  support  the  amend 
ment  ;  I  agree  to  the  substitute,  no  judges,  no 
judges. 

The  clamour  became  general,  down  with  the 
judges. 

This  puts  me  in  mind,  said  the  Captain,  of  the 
sermon  of  the  Lay  Preacher.  I  should  have  no  ob- 
jeclion  to  an  amendment  of  the  law,  or  to  new  judges 
but  no  laws,  no  judges,  is  more  than  I  had  expected 
to  have  heard  in  an  assembly  of  republicans. 

A  person  standing  by  was  struck  with  the  good 
sense  and  moderation  of  this  remark,  and  stepping 
forward,  'made  his  harangue. 

I  will  not  say,  said  he,  that  I  am  for  no  judges  \ 
But  this  I  will  say,  that  new  judges  is  a  desideratum 
in  the  body  politic.  The  greater  part  that  we  have 
are  grown  gray,  and  are  as  blind  as  bats  :  they  can 
not  see  without  spectacles.  I  am  for  new  judges. 

You  talk  of  judges,  said  the  grave  man,  as  if  it  was 
as  easy  to  make  a  judge  of  law  as  to  make  a  hird-cage, 
or  a  rat-trap. 

What,  said  a  merry  fellow,  shall  we  have  new 
shoes,  new  pantaloons,  and  new  every  thing  ;  and 
shall  we  net  have  new  judges  ?  We  shall  never  do 
any  good  with  the  present  set  of  judges  on  the  bench. 

It  was  carried  that  there  should  be  new  judges. 

But  having  disposed  of  the  old,  it  became  a  ques 
tion  whom  they  should  elect  for  new.  The  bog-trot 
ter  was  proposed  for  one,  having  had  his  name  up 
before  in  the  matter  of  the  newspaper. 

What,  my  waiter,  said  the  Captain  ?  Yts,  your 
waiter,  said  a  wag,  or  a  fool,  I  do  not  know  which. 


80  MODERN"  CHIVALRY. 

You  astonish  me,  said  the  Captain.  My  waiter  a 
judge  of  the  courts.  He  will  make  sad  work  on  a 
bench  of  justice.  He  \\ill  put  down  all  law.  He  will 
silence  all  lawyers,  lie  will  have  no  law  :  no  books  ; 
no  cases  ;  all  plain  sailing  with  him.  Every  man  his 
own  lawyer,  state  his  own  cases,  and  speak  for  him 
self.  No  Hooks  and  Crooks  ;  no  Hawkins  ;  no  Ba 
cons  ;  or  Blackstones  ;  or  \Vhitestones  ;  no  Strange- 
cases  ;  no  law  of  evidence.  Every  man  sworn  and 
tell  what  he  knows,  whether  he  has  seen  it,  or  heard 
it,  at  second,  or  at  first  hand  :  interest  or  no  inter 
est  ;  all  the  same  ;  let  the  jury  believe  what  they 
think  proper  ;  and  the  judge  state  the  law  from  his 
thumbs  ends  without  books. 

This  is  madness,  and  here  I  have  more  trouble  on 
niy  hands  with  this  bog-trotter,  than  I  have  ever  had 
before.  It  is  a  more  delicate  matter  to  see  him  placed 
on  the  seat  of  justice,  to  administer  the  laws,  than  to 
be  in  the  Senate  House,  and  assist  to  make  them. 
For  in  that  case  he  would  be  but  a  component  mem 
ber  of  a  great  body,  and  his  errors,  might  be  lost  irr 
the  \visdom  of  the  other  members.  But  in  the  capa 
city  of  judge  he  is  sole,  or  with  but  a  few,  and  it  is 
an  easier  matter  to  frame  a  single  luw  thun  to  expound 
and  apply  a  thousand. 

Gentlemen,  said  he,  addressing  himself  to  thtf 
multitude,  you  will  ruin  your  administration.  You 
will  bring  disgrace  upon  it.  The  people  will  not  feel 
your  error  at  once  ;  but  they  will  feel  it  by  and  bye, 
and  will  depose  you  Avho  have  been  the  most  active 
in  this  cavalcade.  That  is,  they  will  withdraw  front 
you  their  confidence.  The  abuse  of  power  leads  to 
the  loss  of  it.  No  party  in  a  government,  can  exist 
Jong,  but  by  moderation  and  wisdom.  The  duration 
of  jiowe T)  ivill  always  be  in  fircfwrtion  to  the  discreet 
:wr  of  it.  I  am  shocked  at  your  indiscretion.  Have 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  81 

not  some  of  you  reed  Don  Quixotic  ?  In  the  capacity 
of  judge,  Sancbo  Panzo  made  some  shrewd  decisions; 
or  rather  Cervantes  made  them  for  him  ;  for,  I 
doubt  much  whether  Sancho  ever  made  one  of  them. 
But  who  is  tl  ere  of  you,  will  make  decisions  for 
Teague.  I  doubt  much  whether  he  would  take  ad 
vice,  or  let  any  one  judge  in  bis  behulf.  Besides 
that  of  a  judge  is  not  a  ministeiiai  office,  and  cannot 
legally  be  exenistdby  deputy.  You  viil  n.ake  pret 
ty  work  of  it  with  Tt-frgue  for  a  judge.  It  rm.y  Le  ac 
cording  to  the  light  of  nature  ;  but  not  according  to 
the  law  of  nature  that  he  will  judge.  At  least,  not 
according  to  the  law  of  nations:  for  no  n;,iion  undt-r 
heaven  ever  had  such  a  judge.  Not  even  in  the  most 
unenlightened  times.  If  he  had  a  knowledge  even  of 
the  old  Brehon  law,  in  his  native  country,  it  might 
be  some  help.  But  in  matters  of  mcum  and  tuum  he 
has  a  ceriain  wrong  headedness  that  hinders  him 
from  ever  seeing  right.  He  thinks  always  on  the 
one  side  ;  that  is  on  his  own  side.  But  what  he 
•would  do  between  suitors,  I  am  not  so  clear,  but  I 
lake  it  he  would  be  a  partial  judge.  The  man  has 
no  principle  of  honour  or  honesty.  He  would  be  an 
unjust  judge. 

Will  not  the  commission  make  him  a  judge,  ex~ 
claimed  one  of  the  multitude. 

But  will  it  make  him  capable  of  judging,  said  the 
Captain  ? 

Why  not,  said  a  boisterous  man.  What  else 
qualifies  or  makes  fit.  Can  the  most  sensible  man, 
or  the  most  learned  person,  judge  without  a  com 
mission  ? 

Doubtless  that  is  the  authority,  said  the  Captain. 
But  still  the  capacity. 

^  Capacity  !  Said  a  man,  with  a  bit  out  of  the  one 
side  of  the  membrane  of  his  nose,  snivelling  in  his 


«2  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

speech  ;  capacity  !  Give  me  the  commission,  and  I 
•will  shew  you  the  capacity.  Let  me  see  who  vill 
dare  to  question  my  capacity. 

Such  a  burlesque,  t..i<J  the  blind  lawyer,  tends  na 
turally  to  the  overthrow  of  justice.  For  able  and  con- 
sriemious  men  will  withdraw  horn  a  degraded  station. 
Intrigue,  \\orsethan,  perhaps,  the  arm  of  flesh  iUetf, 
•will  come  to  be  employed  in  the  management  of' caus 
es.  .Security  of  person,  property,  and  reputation,  the 
great  cud  of  civil  institutions,  will  be  rendered  prer  ;,- 
rious.  Taw  SLCiiiitv  oftncui  depends  upon  fixed  unj 
kir'v.n  rules,  as  well  as  the  application  of  them.  It 
is  not  an  ea^y  nx>.Uer  to  al^in  a  kiO\\lu'ge  of  the^e 
ruLs.  The  law  3  of  a  single  curne  at  sci  ool,  or  uf 
such  as  employ  manhood,  in  in.  liour  of  amusement, 
15  a  thing  of  labour  i,>  ac'.j-.iii'e  Tlie  law  pailiannn- 
tary  ;  or  rules  of  a  legislative  body,  is  not  learnt  in  a 
d  iy.  And  yet  without  a  kno-.vk(!;;e  oi  it,  there  is  a 
Want  cf  order,  as  well  as  dispatch  in  business.  The 
laws  of  municipal  regula'ion  in  a  community,  laws 
of  external  structure,  and  internal  police,  are  not  at 
tainable  with  the  celerity  of  a  moments  warning. 
But  when  we  come  to  the  rules  pf  property,  the  laws 
of  tenure  and  of  contract,  a  field  opens,  that  startles 
the  iinu<.',i!>,.'.k-n.  ]  Aen  the  study  of  years,  makes 
but  a  sciolist.  But,  you  .will  say,  lay  aside  rules. 
Let  all  decisions  spiin^  iVoni  the  nictates  of  common 
.sense  Applied  to  the  parti,  uhr  ca^e  before  the  judge. 
But  the  mere  arbitrary  smve  (.fright  .  nd  wrong,  is 
ail  unsafe  standard  of  justice.  A  free  government,  is 
a  government  of  laws.  A  C_.oi  or  a  Muf:i  are  tolera 
ble  only  in  despotic  countries.  You  arc  destroying 
your  republic  by  undermining  the  independence,  tnd 
respectability  of  your  judiciary.  It  is  that  bianch  of 
the  government,  on  which,  liberty  most  essentially 
depends. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  83 

The  multitude  seemed  to  be  but  little  moved  by 
these  observations,  which  made  it  necessary  for  the 
Captain  to  try  what  could  be  done  with  the  bog-trot 
ter  himself,  to  dissuade  him.  from  accepting  the  ap^ 
pointment.  Accordingly,  taking  him  aside,  he  spoke 
to  him  as  follows  : 

Teague,  said  he,  will  there  be  no  end  of  your 
presumption  ?  I  take  it  to  be  a  great  error  of  educa 
tion  in  our  schools,  and  colleges,  Unit  ambition  is 
encouraged  by  the  distribution  of  honours,  in  consi 
deration  of  progress  in  letters  ;  that  one  shall  be 
declared  the  first  scholar  in  langu  -ges,  another  in 
mathematics.  It  is  sufficient  that  th.e  fact  be  so 
without  announcing  it.  The  self-love  of  the  student 
\vill  find  it  out  himself,  without  information,  and  his 
fellows  will  be  ready  to  acknowledge  it,  provided  that 
it  is  not  arrogated,  or  a  demand  made  that  it  be  for 
mally  acknowledged.  For  this  takes  away  the  friend* 
ship  of  olhtrs,  and  corrupts  the  mom!  fttMngs  of  the 
successful  competitor  himself,  Ambition  springs  up, 
that  accursed  root  which  poisons  the  world.  Now, 
you  cannot  lay  your  ambition  to  the  charge  of  schools 
or  colleges  :  for,  you  have  nt ver  been  at  any  scn.i- 
nary  whatever,  as  far  as  I  understand,  if  I  niay  guess 
from  your  want  of  attainments  in  academic  studies; 
and  yet  notwithstanding  you  have  never  been  in  the 
way  of  the  distinction  of  grades,  and  prizes,  and  lite 
rary  honours  ;  \ou  have  discovered  an  ambition  of  a 
full  grown  size,  even  at  this  early  period  of  your  life. 
It  must  be  a  bud  nature  that  has  generated  this  pre<- 
posterous  Aiming  and  sttvtcl  ing  at  promotion.  A 
vise  man  will  weigh,  wnat  he  undertakes  ;  what  his 
shoulders  can  be  i'-.  and  what  they  cannot.  He  will 
consider  whether  the  cmVe  is  lit  for  him,  or  whether 
he  is  fu  for  the  office.  He  will  rdh-ct  li«;u  the  shade 
i'f  ol'iui times  the  most  tLbkauie  situation.  l)o  jou 


14  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

see  that  bird  upon  the  tree  there  ?  It  builds  its  lies', 
with  care,  and  endeavours  to  render  it  convenient. 
But  does  it  build  it  on  the  topmost  bough,  exposed 
to  the  sun,  and  the  heavy  rain  ;  or  rather  does  it  not 
choose  an  inferior  branch  in  the  thickest  of  the  um 
brage  ?  Take  a  lesson  from  the  fowls  of  heaven,  and 
the  brutes  of  the  field.  It  is  not  the  elevation  of  place, 
but  the  convcniency  of  accommodation  that  governs 
them.  Ambition  is  an  accursed  germe  of  evil  in  the 
human  mind.  It  is  equally  destructive  of  the  hap 
piness  of  the  possessor  and  of  that  of  others.  You  a 
republican,  and  yet  destitute  of  republican  virtue,  the 
basis  of  which  I  take  to  be  humid1  y  and  arff-denial. 
Wv-re  I  the  master  of  an  academy,  the  first,  and  con 
tinual  lesson  would  be,  to  attain  science,  and  be 
learned  ,  but  as  to  s^eminpj  so,  to  consider  It' as  of  no 
account.  Science  iv<.>idd  discove r  itse If  The  possess 
ing  knowledge  would  be  its  own  reward.  The  con 
cealment  of  .dl  self-knowledge  of  thin  advan'a^e,  not 
only  constitutes  the  decent  and  the  becoming  in  lite, 
but  lays  the  fo'i-vLtion  of  em  )!u,nL-nt  in  the  go  id  will 
of  others.  !•  may  be  p-irdou.-tble  i'i  early  ae^e  to  have 
pridv  in  the  ad  vantage  of  bodily  form  ;  bu  we  call 
in  q  itstion  the  modesty  of  a  youth,  mal<:  or  female, 
•wiio  seems  to  set  an  inordinate  value,  on  a  limb  or  a 
feature.  U  >  v  much  less  tolerable,  the  find"  of  mcn- 
tal  *uiirrir)>it't  But  of  all  tijin^^  under  heaven  the 
most  contemptible,  and  the  lea^t  suff  .Table,  is  that  of 
incompetency  to  a  trust,  and  Hie  aspiring  to  a  place, 
for  w'  ir'i  the  candidate  is  not  qualified  ;  or,  even  if 
qii.lifk-d,  a^uin^t  modesty,  and  the  claims  of  others. 
It  brill  ;s  a  man  to  be  the  subject  of  a  1  >n;^u  and  ridi 
cule.  D>  you  kno.v  that  pe  making  voii'ajutl^, 
was  but  a  farct-,  in  the  uunner  that  Sanc'io  P.m- 
zo  w.ts  ad •-.' lived  to  a  yjov^rn  iient.  You  li.ive  read 
the  JJju  Quixottc  of  Cervantes,  I  prcsuaic.  Bat 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  85 

vvhat  do  I  say  ;  you  read  Don  Quixotte  !  you  have 
read  nothing;  and  yet  you  would  be  a  judge.  Am 
bition,  I  tell  you,  is  an  evil.  You  have  read  of  Julius 
Caesar,  in  the  Roman  history.  Again  I  forget  my 
self.  You  have  read  nothing.  But  I  may  tell  you  of 
him.  What  was  the  purple  to  him  compared  with 
losing  the  affections  of  his  countrymen  ?  Though,  by 
the  bye,  there  is  some  reason  to  think  that  it  was 
neck  or  nothing  with  him,  and  that  self-preservation 
nude  it  necessary  to  usurp  the  empire,  things  having 
come  to  that  state  at  Rome,  that  if  he  did  noi  usurp, 
another  would.  But  a  good  republican,  and  a  virtu 
ous  man,  would  rather  fall,  than  save  his  life,  at  the 
expenee  of  the  rights  of  others.  But  it  slips  my  me 
mory  that  I  am  talking  to  a  bog-trotter.  There  is 
no  making  a  silk  purse  out  of  a  sow's  ear.  Suppose 
you  were  made  a  jud  i;e  ;  in  this  hurly  burly  of  the 
public  miiul,  would  your  standing  be  secure,  even 
wit'i  the  most  perfect  competency  for  the  place  ?  You 
•would  not  stand  two  throws  of  a  weaver's  shuttle. 
Your  chair,  under  you,  would  be  like  an  old  piece  of 
fumi'ure  bought  at  a  vendue,  pu»  together  for  sab  ; 
the  glueing  g)n^  utvl  the  joints  broken.  It  would 
fall  before  it  h.nl  Lit  half  your  weight,  and  leave  you, 
Wi'i)  your  backside  upon  the  floor.  Nt".v  judges  to- 
dav,  and  the  pub.ic  mind  .vould  have  desired  new 
judges  to- morrow  Consider  tlu-  physical  consequence 
of  being  broken  from  the  bench .  T»ke  mv  word  it 
is  not  a  common  br^aki'ig  ti;h  ;  il  will  affect  your 
frame  at  every  change  of  the  weather.  It  will  make 
a, i  almanac  of  your  whole  system  It  will  make  your 
joints  -loiie.  Ir  will  be  worse  than  a  sprain  in  the  nn- 
cle  ;  or  a  rheu^n  v-is-n  in  the  limbs  ;  or  a  s>  iatica  in 
the  small  of  uie  back.  It  will  give  you  a  cho'ic  every 
iv.: -v  moon,  anJ  uke  away  your  sleep  at  midnight.  It 
wil!  give  you  the  jaundice  ;  and  hurt  your  complex- 

FAKT  II.  VOL.  I.  H 


•S3  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

ion.  Your  eyes  will  become  yellow,  and  your  cheeks 
green.  You  will  lobe  your  appetite  ;  and  not  be  able 
to  eat,  even  wlien  you  can  get  it  Why  man ;  it 
•\vill  blister  your  feet,  and  break  your  shins.  It  will 
bring  you  to  death's  door,  before  you  have  lived  half 
your  days. 

liy  de  holy  poker,  said  Teague,  I  will  be  no  judge, 
if  dai  is  de  way  of  it.  Dcy  may  judge  for  demselves; 
I  will  be  no  judge.  De  devil  a  judge  will  I  be  ;  I 
would  sooner  dig  turf  or  be  a  horse  jockey  at  fairs  in 
Irtlund,  dun  be  a  judge  on  dose  terms  j  so  dty  may 
make  whom  dey  please  a  judge  for  me. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  fr» 


CHAPTER  XI II» 


CONTAINING    OBSERVATIONS. 

TO  speak  seriously  upon  the  subject,  I  doubt 
much,  whether  in  the  present  commercial  state  of 
society,  and  where  property  is  not  held  in  common, 
people  would  be  safe  and  prosperous  without  law  al 
together.  I  do  not  know  whether,  even  lawyers  are 
not  a  necessary  evil.  It  is  true,  they  take  up  more 
time,  than  is  perhaps  necessary,  in  their  pleadings, 
and  cite  more  authorities  than  are  absolutely  applica- 
ble  to  the  point  in  question.  The  younger  council 
read  authorities,  to  shew  that  they  have  read,  and  the 
older  to  prove  that  they  have  not  forgotten.  I  would 
allow  ninety  nine  cases  out  of  an  hundred,  that  have 
nothing  to  do  with  the  matter  ;  but  the  citing  five 
hundred  cases,  not  one  of  which  is  any  thing  to  the 
purpose,  is  carrying  it  to  an  excess  which  in  strict 
ness  cannot  be  justified.  It  takes  up  time,  ar.d  is  not 
paying  a  proper  respect  to  the  common  sense  of  the 
country.  A  little  original  reason  and  reflection  of  the 
advocate  himself  might  answer  the  purpose  in  some 
cases.  The  reason  of  a  man's  own  raising,  may  be 
as  good  as  that  which  is  bought  at  market. 


is  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

What,  is't  t'  us, 

Though  it  were  si.id  by  Trisrnegistus  ? 

Not  that  I  mean  to  ui.ck mine,  much  less  to  by 
aside  altogether,  the  assistance  of  bonowed  reason, 
and  the  Auxiliary  deductions  of  other  men,  \vhether 
on  this  side  the  vater  or  beyond  it.  But  thcie  is 
such  a  tiring  as  lv.  int.,  tnsiau-d  to  autl critics,  or  tit 
least,  loading  the  argUQicpl  with  too  much  incvni- 
branci  of  cjuoiatioiis.  It  depends  a  good  deal  upon 
the cour  im:nce  j;iven  by  the  eourt  to  such  a  lumber 
cl.-vn  tiorii  old  UK  ks  ;  \et  the  coneiiirg  it  lequires 
an  infini:y  of  care,  lest  you  lose  the  advantages  of 
recin  :ing  to  fn*'  principles. 

Antiques  p-duclere  fbntes.  The  profound  divine 
reads  the  commentators  un<!  thence  assists  (he  com 
ments  which  he  makes  himself.  The  avoiding  one 
tn or  leads  into  a  Morse. 

Fuga  Culpx, 

In  vitium  ducit. 

Tn  (earing  up  the  darnel,  the  -wheat  may  come 
with  it.  Tiie  books  must  be  read. 

Noctr.rna  manu,  versate  diurna. 

But  in  an  argument,  I  value  more  the  judgment 
of  selection,  than  the  labour  of  collecting.  It  is  a 
flattering  tiling  to  a  court,  to  take  it  for  granted,  that 
they  understand  first  principles  ;  and  e\en  a  jury  are 
not  displeased  when  you  seem  to  suppose  in  the  sum 
ming  up  the  evidence,  and  the  remarks  upon  it,  that 
they  themselves  can  see  a  thing  that  is  as  plain  as  a 
pike-staff.  Hence,  long  speaking,  and  an  over-mi 
nute  investigation,  is  sometimes'  odious.  Or  to  at 
tempt  to  make  them  believe  what  cannot  be  believed, 
makes  a  man  sick,  provided  he  is  not  disposed  to 
Liugh.  This  depends  a  good  deal  en  the  natural 
playfulness  of  his  mind  or  the  mood  in  which  he  is, 
iVom  the  want  of  food,  or  sleep.  I  excuse  the  people 


V  MODERN  CHIVALRY.  89 

shewing  a  dissatisfaction  to  the  trial  by  jury,  under 
the  pleadings  of  advocates,  when  the  harangues,  in 
an  evening  are  like  to  prove  eternal.  When  the 
stream  of  the  orator  turns  upon  itself ;  visits  the 
ground  that  it  had  left,  and  is  unwilling  to  quit  the 
enchanted  borders  of  the  argument. 

Yet,  I  think,  all  things  considered,  that  there  13 
some  use  in  courts  of  justice  ;  and  that  it  would  not 
consist  with  antient  habits,  to  lay  them  aside  all  at 
once  Liberty  has  been  accustomed  to  them.  I  do 
not  find  that  she  has  ever  done  without  them.  Where 
ver  she  comes,  she  seerns  to  call  for  them. 

There  is  a  strange  coincidence  between  liherty, 
and  an  established  jurisprudence.  Whether  it  be 
matter  of  accident,  or  a  connection  in  the  natural  ex 
istence,  may  deserve  investigatfon.  To  give  the  de 
vil  his  due,  there  is  a  good  deal  of  pains  taken  in  the 
courts  to  secure  a  fair  trial,  in  the  ernpanneling  the 
jurors,  and  the  admissibility  of  evidence,  whether 
oral  or  written.  As  to  the  protecting  the  sultoi  s  from 
each  other,  and  what  is  called  the  consequential  con 
tempt^  it  is  a  matter  too  delicate  to  touch  upon,  and 
we  shall  pass  it  by.  But  it  seems  to  me  that  the 
peace  is  better  kept,  than  if  there  were  no  courts  at 
all,  and  no  protection  given  to  the  parties,  relative  to 
the  matter  in  question,  even  out  of  doors.  However^ 
this  I  leave  to  the  consideration  of  the  prudent. 

Some  are  of  opinion  that  it  \vould  be  better  :o  argue 
all  matters  of  meum,  or  tuum,  in  the  public  papers, 
or  in  hand-bills  posted  upon  trees,  The  principal  ob 
jection  I  see  to  uiis,  is  that  the  suitors  waxing  warm 
in  the  controversy,  would  call  one  another  nan.e^  ar.d 
come  to  blows.  A  great  deal  of  ill-blood  between 
neighbours  might  shew  itseif.  How  could  you  keep 
lawyers  from  writing  in  the  gazettes,  any  more  ihr.n 
from  speaking  at  the  bar  ?  And  here,  their  jargon  re- 


90  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

duced  to  paper,  would  spread  wider,  and  have  more 
permanence  than  floating  on  the  atmosphere  with 
which  their  breath  had  mixed  it  in  the  first  instance. 
The  theories  of  ingenious  men  are  not  to  be  discourag 
ed  ;  yet  it  is  not  to  b<-  taken  for  granted  that  every 
theory  that  is  plausible,  i.»  practicable  ;  and  will  be 
found  to  answer  the  expectations  of  the  most  deliber 
ate  projector. 

The  independence  of  judges,  is  a  favourite  theme 
with  the  judiciary  themselves.  And  doubtless  there 
is  some  reason  on  their  side.  For  the  Scripture 
says,  u  the  fear  of  man  bringeth  a  snare;"  and  the 
man  that  has  most  influence,  in  elections,  is  likely  to 
be  rnorit/lvn-f/  by  an  elective  officer.  It  would  not  be 
a  state  conducive  to  justice  ;  that  in  giving  judgment, 
the  judge  should  be  under  the  temptation  to  be  look 
ing  about,  and  turning  in  his  mind,  the  probability 
of  being  turned  out  in  consequence  of  the  judgment 
he  was  thea  to  give  :  whether  John  O'Nokes,  or  John 
O'Sdles  were  to  be  the  next  members  of  the  Le^isla- 
jotly.  But  this  supposes  judges  fallible,  and 
subject  to  the  weakness  of  human  nature,  which  is 
not  to  be  supposed  at  ail. 

Cut  if  you  confer  independence  any  more  than  in  a 
ministerial  officer,  the  judge  becomes  impudent. 
Fo.vv'r  corrupts.  It  is  maur.d  to  count  too  much 
upon  a  rain's  standing.  Everyone  overrates  his  own 
importance  ;  much  more  his  own  services.  Self-love, 
tnd  sdf-consequence  swe!b,  ur>d  produces  oedemat- 
ous  effects.  The  man  that  has  give;!  his  vote  at  an  J 
election,  or  written  a  paper,  will  conceive  that  he  has 
turned  the  election  ;  that  day  tight  hfiringi  b<  cause  he 
hus  cr'Mk'd.  He  will  denounce  the  man  that  differs 
from  him,  as  swerving  from  the  faith  ;  the  orthodoxy 
of  the  creed  ;  making  no  allowance  for  the  different 
org  tnlzation  of  the  brain,  and  the  conception  of 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  9-1 

things.  How  much  rhoVe  intolerant  is  a  man  like  to 
be,  that  conceives  himself  fixed  in  u  seat  for  an  inter 
minable  period. 

There  is  such  a  thing  as  tyranny  in  judges  ;  and  I 
am  no  enemy  to  the  investigation  of  official  conduct. 
But  let  the  power  paramount,  the  people  take  care 
that  they  exercise  not  tyranny  themselves  ;  or  give 
way  to  passion,  which  even  in  a  body  politic,  is  possi 
ble.  Let  the  sovereign,  like  that  of  all  the  earth,  do 
justice  ;  arid  consider  that  the  possession  of  power  is 
'upheld  by  justice. 

But  as  to  the  notion  of  some,  that  law,  lawyers,  and 
judges,  might  be  laid  aside  altogether  ;  I  doubt  as 
already  hinted,  the  good  policy  of  this,  At  least  the 
experiment  may  be  premature.  Republican  princi 
ples  have  purified  the  world  a  good  deal  ;  but  I  do 
not  know  that  it  is  just  come  to  this,  that  men  are 
universally  virtuous.  Some  vestiges  of  that  ironage 
yet  remain.  The  old  man  of  federalism  enters  yet  a 
little  into  our  dealings  with  each  other.  I  admit  that 
public  offices  are  pretty  well  purged  ;  but  there  are 
unfair  transactions  yet  spoken  of  among  the  multi 
tude.  It  may  be  too  soon  yet  to  abolish  all  h-w,  and 
jurisprudence.  I  admit  th?.t  court',  of  law  are  a  check 
upon  the  freedom  of  the  press,  and  I  excuse  the  pub- 
libhcrs  of  gazettes,  in  their  zeal  to  have  them  over 
thrown,  or  at  least  reduced  to  tear  and  subordination. 
Because  it  is  drawing  all  things  to  their  own  exami 
nation.  But  are  they  sure  that  they  are  good  repub 
licans  in  this  ?  Or,  indeed  that  they  consult  their  own* 
security  in  the  event  of  this  licence.  For  prostrate 
the  courts,  and  the  cudgel  prostrates  themselves. 
While  they  nre  pushing  at  a  judge,  they  are  prep?.i  ing 
the  way  for  some  robust  man  in  due  time,  to  push  at 
them.  With  different  weapons  it  is  true.  For  the 
weapons  of  the  press,  arespiritu.il,  or  of  the  mind-j 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

but  that  of  the  bludgeon  is  corporal,  and  made  of 
wood,  or  some  other  material  of  a  solid  substance. 
It  is  not  the  interest  of  a  printer  that  a  judge  be  ren 
dered  timid,  by  persecution  ;  for  he  stands  between 
thecudgeiist, orpu^eiistin  a  controversy  with  theman 
of  types.  Thus  the  freedom  of  the  press,  is  biipported 
by  the  laws,  and  by  the  due  enforcement  of  them.  Yet 
it  is  natural  for  a  man  at  first  view,  to  think,  that  if 
there  were  no  courts,  he  could  write  with  less  re 
straint.  He  could  make  every  man  tributary  to  his 
opinion  ;  or  to  his  measures  ;  for  if  he  did  not  libel,  he 
could  threaten  to  libel,  and  compel  a  submission. 

It  seems  to  me  that  a  poor  man  is  safer  in  a  coun 
try  of  laws,  than  in  one  without  laws.  "  For  wealth 
makcth  many  friends  ;"  and  I  do  not  hear  any  com 
plaints  that  the  rich  are  favoured  in  the  courts.  But, 
that  may  be  owing  to  the  mode  of  trial,  which  is  in 
the  face  of  the  world,  and  where  lawyers  are  suffered 
to  make  as  free  with  the  character  and  conduct  of  a 
rich  rogue  in  a  cause,  as  with  one  of  a  more  circum 
scribed  estate.  This  last  is  one  argument  I  have 
just  hit  upon,  in  favour  of  lawyers  ;  and  I  find  my 
self  well  disposed  to  give  them  a  lift  when  I  can  with 
propriety.  For  though  I  would  be  willing  to  muzzle 
them  a  little  in  their  speeches  ;  yet  I  do  not  wish  to 
see  them  run  down  altogether. 

Fortitude  is  a  requisite  qualification  in  a  judge.  It 
requires  resolution  to  preserve  order  at  the  bar;  over 
awe  petulance  ;  arrest  impertinence  in  manners,  or 
in  argument  ;  suppress  side-bar  conversation  ;  and 
render  the  practice  tolerable  to  practitioners  of  mild 
and  modest  demeanor  ;  of  delicate  and  gentle  dispo 
sition  ;  of  scrupulous  honour,  and  liberality  in  the 
conduct  of  a  suit,  or  management  in  courts.  Reso 
lution  is  necessary  to  decision  unequivocal  and  satis 
factory,  unawed  by  forensic  opinion  or  the  influence 
of  individuals.  It  is  dangerous  therefore  to  sap  this 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  03 

spirit  of  independence,  by  the  precarious  tenure  of 
the  office,  while  at  the  same  time  the  right  of  the 
citizen  is  examined,  and  the  power  of  the  court  con 
sidered  in  its  lautude  and  operation.  All  L  mean  to 
say,  is,  that  the  examination  of  the  judicial  conduct  is 
a  high  trust,  in  the  view  of  an  enlightened  public, 
and  answerable  to  the  piesent  time,  and  to  posterity, 
for  the  consequences, 


94      MODERN  CHIVALRY 


CHAPTER  XIV, 


WHAT  is  the  reason  of  the  fluctuations  of- 
parties  in  republics  ? 

The  reasons  are  many.     But  one  is  the  unskilful 
driving  of  the  state  carriage,  by  those  who   get  pos 
session  of  the  curricle.     Phaeton,  you  know,  though 
he  had  the  best  advice  from  his  father 
In  medio  tutissimus  ibis. 

The  middle  way  is  the  best;  yet  before  the  middle 
of  the  day,  he  had  set  the  earth  on  fire.  The  people 
are  always  honest,  but  oftentimes  the  instruments  of 
their  own  servitude  ;  by  distrust  where  they  ought  to 
have  confidence,  and  confidence  where  they  ought  to 
have  distrust.  The  bulk  cannot  have  perfect  inform 
ation  ;  and  that  reach  of  thought  which  observation, 
and  experience  gives.  They  must  trust  a  good  deal 
to  others  in  the  science  of  government,  and  the  ex 
pediency  of  public  measures  ;  and  it  depends  upon 
those  whom  they  do  trust,  whether  the  power  of  a 
party  is  long  lived,  or  short.  All  depends  upon  the 
"wisdom,  and  integrity  of  those  that  lead.  What  ruin 
ed  the  federal  administiation,  but  the  intemperance 
of  driving.  The  upright  disapproved,  and  the  pru 
dent  forsook  it.  The  unskilful  pilots  were  not  aware 
of  an  under  current  that  had  begun  to  set.  Extremes 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  95 

will  always  beget  the  same  effect  ;  and  like  the  ten« 
sion  of  a  chord,  produce  a  return  in  a  contrary  direc 
tion.  Judgment,  how  far  to  go,  and  where  to  s'op, 
is  the  great  secret.  Trained  shaft  horses,  that  will 
back  down  the  inclined  plane  of  a  hill,  are  excellent 
in  a  team.  Younglings,  though  mettlesome,  uml  ge 
nerous,  are  apt  to  draw  too  fast,  upon  a  declivity  or 
even  on  a  plain. 

For  that  reason,  I  cannot  say,  that  I  am  favourable 
to  a  change  of  representatives  every  year,  even  when 
what  has  been  done,  docs  not  altogether  please  me. 
Because  experience  is  a  great  soltner  of  the  mind  ;  it 
gives  knowledge.  A  man  after  some  times  begins  to 
understand  the  game,  and  to  find  out  who  it  is  that 
takes  a  lead  with  a  view  to  some  object  of  his  own. 
That  may  be  unfathomable  in  the  earJy  breaking  of 
the  business,  and  yet  come  out  at  last  Or  a  man  may 
'Come  to  see  his  own  error,  and  firqfic  by  the  recollection. 

But  how  will  an  honest  man  in  a  deliberate  body, 
know  what  to  trust  but  his  own  judgment  ?  Nothing, 
Then  let  him  think  humbly,  diligently,  extensively, 
distrusting  pre-conceived  opinions,  and  laying  his 
mind  open  to  the  light  of  truth.  Yet  there  may  be 
some  rules  to  guide  the  judgment.  Such  as  trusting 
the  judgment  of  others  who  have  had  experience  in 
the  science,  or  establishment,  relative  to  which,  the 
question  is  agitated,  or  the  measure  proposed.  Every 
one  is  to  be  trusted  in  that  thing,  of  which  he  has 
some  knowledge. 

That  man  is  to  be  trusted  who  is  free  from  the 
imputation  of  inordinate  selfishness  in  private  life. 
You  will  find  an  artist  that  is  fonder  of  the  art  than  the 
emoluments.  There  are  men  that  connect  the  pub 
lic  good  with  their  own  happiness  ;  generous  spirits 
Who  manifest  this  by  their  disinterestedness  in  urcii- 
cary  transactions.  This  is  a  good  sign,  and  ought  to 


96  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

inspire  confidence  in  their  agency,  in  public  matters. 
The  man  that  cow-Is  good  will  more  than  money,  and 
the  jiraise  ofbt-ntnol  nee,  more  than  that  ofjirivate  gain, 
has  some  soul  in  him,  and  other  things  equal,  is  to  be 
trusted  before  liim  of  a  contracted  spirit,  and  self-love 
in  all  his  actions. 

But  after  nil,  things  will  take  their  course  ;  and  no 
party  in  a  republic  will  retain  power  always,  because 
they  will  abuse  it;  but  the  duration  of  power  in  an 
elective  government,  will  depend  considerably  upon 
the  being  able  to  distinguish  between  vigour  and  mo« 
deration. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  97 


CHAPTER  XV. 


'CONTAINING    OBSERVATION'S. 

THERE  is  a  natural  alliance  between  liberty 
and  letters  Men  of  letters,  are  seldom  men  of 
wealth,  and  these  naturally  ally  themselves  with  the 
democratic  interest  in  a  commonwealth.  These  form 
a  balance  with  the  bulk  of  the  people,  against  power, 
springing  from  family  interest,  and  large  estates.  It 
is  not  good  policy  in  republicans  to  declare  war  a- 
gainst  letters  ;  or  even  to  frown  upon  them,  for  in  li 
terary  men  is  their  best  support.  They  are  as  neces 
sary  to  them  as  light  to  the  steps.  They  are  a  safe 
auxiliary  ;  for  all  they  want  is,  to  have  the  praise  of 
giving  information.  The  study  of  political  law,  and 
municipal  jurisprudence  qualifies  to  inform,  and  hence 
at  the  commencement  of  the  American  revolution, 
lawyers  were  the  first  to  give  the  alarm  and  assert 
the  rights  of  the  people.  Shall  we  forget  the  recent 
services  of  lawyers  in  the  framing  the  federal,  and 
state  constitutions  I  The  name  of  lawyer  ought  not 
to  be  hunted  down,  because  there  are  characters,  un 
worthy  of  the  profession,  with  whom  the  love  of 
money  is  inordinate,  and  insatiable, 

PART  II.  VOL.  I.  1 


«B  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

There  is  ground,  for  the  regret,  that  literary  in 
stitutions  are  not  favoured  ;  that  it  has  become  a  po 
pular  thing  to  call  out  against  learning,  as  not  neces 
sary  to  make  republicans.  The  knowledge  of  our 
rights,  and  capacity  to  prosecute,  and  defend  them, 
docs  i:ot  spring  from  the  ground  ;  but  from  educa'i- 
on,  and  study.  Under  a  federal  government ;  we  are 
peculiarly  situated.  We  stand  in  need  of  law,  learn 
ing,  and  legal  abilities  to  support  ourselves  in  a  con 
test  with  the  claims  of  the  general  government,  which, 
as  it  bounds  tlie  state  jurisdiction,  must  in  the  nature 
of  ti, ings  encroach  upon  it.  It  is  of  great  moment, 
•with  a  view  to  t'as  very  object  that  our  judiciary  be 
composed  of  able  men,  that  under  the  concurrent 
Jurisdiction- Of  the  courts.it  may  be  able  to  hold  its 
own;  or  more  especially,  that  from  a  want  of  confi 
dence  in  the  abilities  of  the  state  jud»es,  recurrence 
may  not  be  had  to  the  tiibunals  of  the  United  States, 
by  le^himate  election,  or  !>y  those  collusions  against 
which  it  is  diliicmt  to  ;su.tud. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


CHAPTER  XVI. 


THE  rumour  had  prevailed,  that  the  judges 
had  been  broke. 

Is  it  upon  the  wheel  ?  Said  a  learned  man  ;  for  he 
did  not  think  it  could  be  with  the  bow-string  that  they 
had  been  punished  ;  for  that  is  the  mode  towards 
public  officers,  in  the  dominions  of  the  Grand  Seigni 
or  ;  nor  did  he  think  it  could  have  been  with  the 
knout  or  bastinado  ;  as  that  is  usual  only  in  Russia, 
and  makes  a  part  of  the  penal  code,  at  the  discretion  of 
the  Czar. 

Not  upon  the  wheel,  said  a  by-stander ;  they  are 
not  broke  in  that  sense  of  the  word.  It  is  but  a  re 
moval  from  office, that  is  intended  by  the  word,  broke; 
and  not  the  breaking  of  the  back,  or  the  limbs,  or  any 
part  of  the  body. 

Why  break  them  ?  said  the  learned  roan,  even  in 
that  sense  of  the  word.  That  is  remove. 

Because  they  gave  a  wrong  judgment,  said  the  by 
stander. 

There  could  na  be  a  better  reason,  s&id  a  Scotch 
gentleman,  it  is  contrary  to  the  very  end  o'  tl.tir 
creation. 

Why  not  reverse  their  judgment  ?  said  the  scho 
lar. 


UO  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

Because  it  is  better  to  reverse  themselves,  said 
the  Scotch  gentleman  ;  and  let  them  and  their  judg 
ment  a'  go  thegether. 

At  saying  this,  a  person  came  in  who  gave  intel 
ligence,  that  the  4th  of  July  being  about  to  be  cele 
brated,  the  people  had  made  choice  of  Teague  O'Re- 
gan,  the  Captain's  man,  to  deliver  an  oration,  on  this, 
the  anniversary  of  our  independence,  and  to  draw  up 
the  toasts. 

Will  absurdities  never  ceaL1*  ?  said  the  Captain, 
in  a  free  government.  My  bog-trotter  chosen  to  de 
liver  an  harangue,  in  commemoration  of  the  men,  and 
measures,  of  our  great  national  contest  !  It  is  for  the 
celebration  of  the  festival.  Astonishing  1 

Teague,  said  he,  I  could  have  put  up  with  the 
great  variety  of  functions  to  which  you  have  been 
proposed  ;  or  have  proposed  yourself  ;  even  that  of  a 
judge  of  the  courts  of  law  ;  as  being  matters  of  a 
mere  secular  nature,  and  forensic  concern  ;  but  to  be 
the  organ  of  the  celebration  of  a  festival,  which  has 
become  in  a  manner  sacred,  by  the  cause  to  which  it 
is  consecrated,  is  beyond  all  endurance  ;  and  as  to  the 
drawing  up  toasts,  or  sentiments  for  the  day,  you  are 
incompetent.  You  may  be  equal  to  the  fabrication 
of  a  common  place  allusion  to  the  prevailing  cry,  and 
make  it  the  voice  of  the  occasion,  as  for  instance,  to 
give  a  slap  at  the  judges. 

But  as  to  hitting  off  thoughts  on  the  principles  of 
government ;  or  practical  application  in  the  measures 
of  the  administration,  you  are  unequal  to  the  task. 

With  regard  to  Teague  himself,  he  had  as  little 
thought  of  delivering  an  oration,  or  drawing  up  icasts- 
as  any  one  else  could  have.  The  apothecary  who 
meant  to  sell  medicines  on  that  day,  on  a  stage,  had 
employed  him  to  act  in  the  capacity  of  tumbler  ;  not 
that  he  could  tumble ;  bttt  that  he  could  not  tumble  ; 


MODERN  CHIVALftY.  101 

dud  so,  by  preposterous  attempts  at  agility  would  an 
swer  the  purpose  of  moving  laughter,  and  drawing  the 
attention  of  the  multitude,  who  being  collected  for 
that  purpose,  might  be  drawn  into  another,  ihe  pur 
chase  of  worm  powders,  lozenges,  and  usual  drugs. 

The  celebration  of  our  national  anniversary,  will 
no  doubt,  be  continued  while  the  union  of  these  states 
exists.  It  may  be  continued  by  the  parts  probably 
after  a  dis-union  ;  an  event  certain,  and  inevitable  ; 
but  which,  the  wise  and  the  good  delight  to  contem 
plate  as  remote  ;  and  nil  likely  to  happen  for  innu 
merable  ages  The  orations  delivered  on  this  day, 
may  greatly  contribute  to  postpone  the  event  cf  a  dis 
union,  by  patriotic,  and  conciliatory  sentiments.  For 
this  reason,  the  best  abilities,  and  the  most  virtuous 
hearts  ought  to  be  chosen  to  be  the  orators  ot  the  oc 
casion. 

But  the  toasts,  or  sentiments  given  on  the  convivial 
libations  ;  not  in  honor  of  imaginary  deities,  as  a- 
mongst  the  Greeks  and  Romans  ;  but  in  honor  of  de 
ceased  heroes,  who  have  passed  from  a  scene  where 
they  were  mixed  with  us,  and  to  a  scene,  where  we 
shall  be  mixed  with  them;  these  expressions  of  the 
public  mind,  ought  to  be  the  peculiar  care  ot  the 
aged  and  the  wise.  They  ought  to  be  tiie  lectures  of 
wisdom.  Taking  up  the  matter  in  this  point  of  view, 
what  delicacy  ought  to  be  attached  to  the  expression 
of  sentiment.  Let  it  be  considered  that  on  a  single 
thought  may  depend  the  essence  of  liberty  ;  health 
or  poison  may  be  communicated  by  a  word  Fcr  the 
toasts  of  this  day  are  considered  as  indications  q/  tfic 
public  wz//,  and  yet  without  a  due  sense  of  the  solemn 
obligations  of  honor  and  honesty,  toasts  art  brought 
forward,  perhaps  by  an  individual,  in  accommodation 
to  a  local  prejudice,  and  merely  to  accomplish  the 
purpose  of  an  election  to  a  public  body.  For  the  i'cicfr ' 
I  2 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

is,  that  toasts  are  not  always  real  expressions  of  tha 
sentiments  of  even  a  majority  of  those  who  sufl'er  them 
lo  pass  ;  they  are  introduced  by  the  mistake  of  those, 
•who  substitute  the  sentiments  of  the  uninformed  for 
that  of  the  whole  community.  But  all  that  is  illibe' 
ral,  on  these  occasions,  ought  to  be  avoided.  All  inhu 
manity,  and  injustice.  All  anticipation  of  judgment 
on  cases  depending  ;  all  expressions  calculated  to  in 
flame  the  decision.  For  a  popular  clamour  once  rai 
sed  is  difficult  to  be  resisted. 

Democracy  has  its  strength  in  strict  integrity  ;  in 
perfect  delicacy  ;  in  elevation  and  dignity  of  mind.  It 
is  an  unjust  imputation,  that  it  is  rude  in  manners, 
and  coarse  in  expression.  This  is  the  characteristic 
of  slaves,  in  a  despotism  ;  not  of  democrats  in  a  re 
public.  Democracy  embraces  the  idea  of  a  standing 
on  virtue  alone  ;  unaided  by  wealth  or  the  power  of 
family.  This  makes"  the  noble  of  nature"  of  whom 
Thomas  P?yne  speaks.  Sha!4  this  noble  not  know  his 
nobility,  and  be  behind  the  noble  of  aristocracy  who 
piques  himself  upon  his  honour,  and  feels  a  stain  up 
on  his  delicacy  as  he  would  a  bodily  wound  f  The  de 
mocrat  is  the  true  chevalier,  who,  though  he  wears 
not  crosses,  or  the  emblazoned  arms  of  heraldry,  yet 
is  ready  to  do  right;  and  justice  to  every  one  All 
others  are  impostors,  and  do  not  belong-  to  the  order 
of  democracy.  Many  of  these  there  are  no  doubt; 
false  brethren  ;  but  shall  the  democrat  complain  of 
usurpation  ;  of  undue  influence  ;  or  oppression  and 
tyranny  from  ambitious  persons  ;  and  not  be  jealous^ 
ut  the  same  time  of  ih  nwc ratic  tyranny  in  himsclfj 
•which  is  the  more  pernicious,  as  it  brings  a  slur  upon 
the  purest  principles  ? 


MODERN  CHIVALRY,  103 


BOOK  IL 


IT  has  been  asked,  why,  in  writing  ihis  me-- 
moir  ,  have  I  taken  my  clown,  from  the  Irish  nation  ? 
The  character  of  the  English  clown,  I  did  not  well  un 
derstand  ;  nor  could  I  imitate  the  manner  of  speaking. 
That  of  the  Scotch  I  have  tried,  as  may  be  seen,  in 
the  character  of  Duncan.  But  I  found  it,  in  my 
hands,  rather  insipid.  The  character  of  the  Irish 
clown,  to  use  the  language  of  Rousseau,  "  has  more 
stuff  in  it."  He  will  attempt  any  thing. 

The  American  has  in  fact,  yet,  no  character  j 
neither  the  clown,  nor  the  gentleman.  So  that  I 
could  not  take  one  from  our  own  country  ;  which  I 
would  much  rather  have  done,  as  the  scene  lay  here. 
But  the  midland  states  of  America,  and  the  western 
parts  in  general,  being  half  Ireland,  the  character  of 
the  Irish  clown,  will  not  be  wholly  misunderstood. 
It  is  true  the  clown  is  taken  from  the  aboriginal 
Irish  ;  a  character  not  so  well  known  in  the  North  of 
that  country  ;  nevertheless,  it  is  still  so  much  known, 
even  there,  and  amongst  the  emigrants  here,  or  their 
descendants,  that  it  will  not  be  wholly  thrown  away. 

On  the  Irish  stage,  it  is  a  standing  character  ;  and 
on  the  theatre  in  Britain,  it  is  also  introduced.  I 


W4  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

have  not  been  able  to  do  it  justice,  being  but  half  an 
Irishman,  myself,  and  not  so  well  acquainted  with 
the  reversions,  and  idiom,  of  the  genuine  Thady,  as 
I  could  wish.  However,  <he  imitation  at  a  distance 
from  the  original,  will  better  pass  than  if  it  had  been 
written,  and  read,  nearer  home  Foreigners  will  not 
so  readily  distinguish  the  incongruities  ;  or,  as  it  is 
the  best  we  can  produce  for  the  present,  will  more 
indulgently  consider  them. 

I  think  it  the  duty  of  every  man  who  possesses 
a  faculty,  and  perhaps  a  facility  of  drawing  such 
images,  as  will  amuse  his  neighbour,  to  lend  a  hand, 
and  do  something  Have  those  authors  done 
nothing  for  the  world,  whose  works  would  seem 
to  have  had  no  other  object  but  to  amuse  ?  In- 
low  health  ;  after  the  fatigue  of  great  mental  ex 
ertion  on  solid  disquisitions  ;  in  pain  of  mind, 
from  disappointed  passions  ;  or  broken  with  the 
sensibilities  of  sympathy,  and  affection  ;  it  is  a 
relief  to  try  not  to  think,  and  this  is  attainable,  in 
sormj  degree  ;  by  light  reading.  Under  sensations 
of  this  kind,  I  have  had  recourse  more  than  once  to 
Don  Quitotte  ;  which  doubtless  contains  a  great  deal 
of  excellent  moral  sentiment.  But,  at  the  same 
time,  has  much,  that  can  serve  only  to  amuse.  Even 
in  health,  and  with  a  flow  of  spirits,  from  prosperous 
affairs,  it  diversifies  enjoyments,  and  adds  to  that 
happiness  of  which  the  mind  is  capable.  I  trust 
therefore,  that  the  gravest  persons,  will  not  be  of 
opinion  that  1  ought  to  be  put  out  of  the  church,  for 
any  appearance  of  levity,  which  this  work  may  seem 
to  carry  with  it. 

I  know  there  have  been  instances,  amongst  the 
pU'itans  of  clergymen,  degraded  for  singing  a  Scotch 
pastoral.  But  music  is  a  carnal  thing  compared  with 
putting  thoughts  upon  paper.  It  requires  an  opening 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  103 

of  the  mouth,  and  a  rolling  of  the  tongue,  whereas 
thought  is  wholly  spiritual,  and  depends,  not  on  any 
modification  of  the  corporeal  organs.  Music,  how 
ever,  even  by  the  strictest  sects,  is  admissable  in  sa 
cred  harmony,  which  is  an  acknowledgement,  that  e- 
ven  sound,  has  its  uses  to  soothe  the  mind  or  to  fit  it 
for  contemplation. 

I  would  ask,  which  is  the  most  entertaining  work, 
Smollet's  history  of  England;  or  his  Humphrey  Clink 
er  ?  For  as  to  the  utility,  so  fur  as  that  depends  upon 
truth,  they  are  both  alike.  History  has  been  well  said 
to  be  the  Romance  of  the  human  mind  ;  and  Romance 
the  history  of  the  heart.  When  the  son  of  Robert 
Walpole  asked  his  father,  whether  he  should  read  to 
him  out  of  a  book  of  history  ;  he  said  ;  "  he  was  not 
fond  of  Romance.''  This  minister  had  been  long  en 
gaged  in  affairs  ;  and  from  what  he  had  seen  of  ac 
counts  of  things  within  his  own  knowledge  he  had  lit 
tle  confidence  in  the  relation  of  tilings  which  he  had 
not  seen.  Except  memoirs  of  person's  own  times  bio 
graphical  sketches  by  cotemporary  writers  :  Voya 
ges,  and  Travels,  that  have  geographical  exactness, 
there  is  little  of  the  historical  kind,  in  point  of  truth, 
before  Roderick  Random  ;  or  Gil  Bias. 

The  Eastern  nations  in  their  tales,  pretend  to  no 
thing  but  fiction.  Nor  is  the  story  with  them  the  less 
amusing  because  it  is  not  true.  Nor  is  the  moral  of  it 
less  impressive,  because  the  actors  never  had  exist 
ence.  This,  I  have  thought  it  sufficient  to  say,  by  way 
of  introduction  in  this  place. 


106  MODERN  CHIVALRY,. 


CHAPTER  I. 


IF  the  memoir  of  the  bog-trotter  had  not  ad 
vanced  the  author  to  a  professor's  chair  ;  it  had,  at 
least,  procured  him  admission  to  a  number  of  learned 
societies  ;  abroad  and  at  home  i  should  a  new  edition 
of  the  work  come  to  be  published,  it  will  take  up,  at 
least,  two  quarto  pages,  to  contain  the  names  of  these 
member-ships,  and  honours. 

But,  notwithstanding  the  most  pressing  solicitati 
ons,  he  could  not  be  brought  to  accept  of  an  introduc 
tion  to  the  Si.  Tammany  Society  ,•  owing  to  the  im 
pression  which  he  still  retained  of  being  an  Indian 
chief,  from  which  he  had  a  narrow  escape  in  the  early 
part  of  this  work.  For  unfortunately,  it  had  been  ex 
plained  to  him,  that  St.  Tammany  was  an  Indian 
Saint ;  and  that  the  Society  met  in  a  w/jj-wam,  and  ex 
changed  h;l/s.  They  offered  to  make  him  a  Sachem  ; 
but  all  to  no  purpose  ;  the  idea  of  scalping,  and  torn- 
hacking,  hung  still  upon  his  mind.  It  was  by  com 
pulsion,  in  France,  that  he  took  upon  him  the  charac 
ter  of  an  Esquimaux,  in  the  procession  of  Anacharsis 
Clootz. 

The  Captain  presented  himself  to  the  Society,  ex 
plaining  these  flings  ;  and  that,  in  fact,  such  had  been 
the  alarm  of  the  author  of  the  memoir,  at  the  propo- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  K)7 

sition  of  being  made  a  member,  that  he  had  abscond 
ed  a  day  or  two  before.  The  Society  took  his  ex 
cuse  ;  and  made  the  Captain,  an  honorary  member  in 
his  place. 

This  was  no  object  with  the  Captain,  as  he  was  a 
candidate  for  no  office  ;  and  could  draw  no  advantage 
from  a  promiscuous  association.  Nor  did  he  see  that 
he  could  be  of  any  use  to  mankind  in  this  new  capaci 
ty,  as  the  propagation  of  the  gospel  in  foreign  parts, 
or  amongst  the  savages,  made  no  part  of  the  duty. 
For  though  Tammany  himself  may  have  been  a 
Saint,  there  are  few  of  his  disciples  that  can  pretend 
to  sanctity,  superior  to  common  Christians.  Or,  at 
least,  their  piety  consists  more  in  contemplation, 
than  in  active  charity,  and  practice.  We  hear  of  no 
missionaries  from  them,  amongst  the  aborigines 
of  the  continent,  as  we  should  be  led  to  expect  from 
being  called  the  St.  Tammany  Society.  For  it  is  to  be 
presumed,  that  this  Saint  had  been  advanced  into  the 
calender  from  the  propagation  of  the  chrisiian  faith, 
as  was  St.  Patrick  ;  St.  Andrew,  and  others.  And 
though,  as  these  old  societies,  with  that  of  St.  George, 
St  David,  &c.  the  duty  of  evangelists  may  be  excu 
sed,  the  countries  to  which  they  belong,  being  long 
since  christianized  ;  yet  the  native  Americans  which 
St.  Tammany  represents,  are  whole  nations  of  them. 
infidels  The  sons  of  St  Tammany  ought  certainly 
to  think  a  little  of  their  brothers  thai  are  ytt  in  blind 
ness,  and  lend  a  hand  to  bring  them  to  light.  It  is 
not  understood,  that  even  a  talk  has  been  held  with  a 
single  nation  of  our  VVestern  Tribes  ;  though  it 
could  have  cost  but  a  few  blankets,  and  a  keg  oi  rum 
to  bring  them  together  ;  and  in  council  a  little  wam 
pum,  and  kiliikaneeque. 

But  our  modern  churches,  have  not  the  zeal  of 
tte  primitive  ;  or  that  zeal  is  directed  to  a  different  ob- 


108  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

ject,  the  building  ufi  the  faith  at  home  ;  and  that  in  ci* 
civil  affairs,  more  than  spiritual,  doctrines,    it  is  not 
the  time  now  to   go  about  "  in  sheepskins,  and  goat 
skins,"  to  convert  the  heathen,  to  the  gospel ;  but  the 
citizens  to  vote  for  this  or  that  candidate.  The  Cincin 
nati   being  a  mere  secular  society,  is  excusable  ;  but 
the  Saint  Societies,  would  seem  in  this,  to  depart  from 
the  ethnology  of  their  denomination.     I  know  that 
some   remark  on   the  word  Cincmnatus  ;  and  think 
that  it  ought  to  be  pronounced  as  well  as  spelled,  St. 
Cinnatus  ;  and  in  that  case  all  would  be  on  a  footing. 
I  have  no  objection,  provided  that  it  makes  no  schism  ; 
for  even  the   alteration  of  a  name  might    make  a 
schism.     And  a  schism  in  a  society  militant,  such  as 
this  is,  might  occasion  a  war  of  swords  ;    and  not  a 
war  of  words  only.     I  will  acknowledge  that  I  would 
like  to  have  the  thing   uniform,  St.  Cinnatus,  with 
the  rest.    So  that  if  it  could  be  brought  about  without 
controversy,  it  would  contribute  to  the  unity  of  del 
si"-nation.     But  controversy,  is,  above  all  things  to  be 
avoided.     And  nothing  is  more  apt  to  engender  con- 
troversy,  than  small  matters.     Because,  small  things 
are  more  easily  lost  than  great.     Or  ;  because  it  vex 
es  a  man  more,  to  find  his  adversary  boggle  at  a  tri 
fling  matter  of  orthodoxy  when  he  has  swallowed  the 
great  articles  of  credence,  than  to  have  to  pull  him  up, 
a  cables  length,  to  some  broad  notion,  that  separates 
opinion  and  belief.     To  apply  it  to  the  matter  of  the 
spelling;  qni  beret  in  litera,  heret  in  cortice. 
is,  to  give  it  in  English,  it  may  depend  upon  a  single 
letter  how  to  draw  the  cork.    All  consideration  there- 
fore  on»-ht  to  be  sacrificed  to  good  humour,  and  con 
viviality7,  and  I  would  rather  let  the  heathen  name  re 
main,  than  Christian  it  at  the  expence  of  harmony* 
and  concord.     But  to  return  from  this  digression,  t< 
the  St  Tammany  Society,  of  which  I  was  speaking, 
and  which  had  some  time  ago  convened. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  109 

It  was  anew  thing  to  the  Captain,  to  take  a  seat  in 
the  wigwam,  and  to  smoke  the  calumet  of  peace. 
Bxit  he  was  disappointed  in  his  expectations,  of  seeing 
Indian  manners,  and  customs  introduced,  and  made 
a  part  of  the.  ceremony.  There  was  some  talk  of 
brightening  the  chain,  and  burying  the  hatchet;  but  lie 
saw  no  war-dance.  What  is  more,  even  the  young 
warriors  were  destitute  of  the  Indian  dress.  There 
was  not  a  moccasin  to  be  seen  on  the  foot  of  any  of 
them  ;  not  a  breech-clout  ;  nor  ha'd  they  even  the 
natural  ;  or  rather,  native  brands  and  marks,  of  a  true 
born  Indian.  No  ear  cut  in  ringlets  ;  no  broach  in 
the  nose  ;  or  tatooing  on  the  breast.  AH  was  as 
smooth,  and  undisfigured,  as  the  anglo  Americans 
that  inhabit  our  towns,  and  villages. 

The  Grand  Sachem,  made  a  speech  to  the  Cap 
tain,  not  in  Indian  ;  but  in  German  ;  which  answered 
the  end  as  well  ;  for  he  did  not  understand  it.  But 
it  was  interpreted,  and  related  to  the  proposition  of 
making  him  a  Chief,  which  he  declined,  professing 
that  it  was  more  his  wish  to  remain  a  common  Indi 
an,  than  to  be  made  even  a  half-king,*  not  having  it 
in  view  to  remain  much  in  the  nation  ;  or  attend  the 
council  fires  a  great  deal.  He  contented  himself 
with  putting  some  queries,  relative  to  the  History  of 
St.  Tammany  ;  of  whit  nation  he  was  ?  Did  he  be 
long  to  the  North,  or  the  South  ?  The  East,  or  the 
West  ?  On  what  waters  did  he  make  his  camp  ? 
How  many  moons  ago  did  he  live  ?  Where  did  he 
hunt  ?  Who  converted  him  ;  or  whom  did  he  con 
vert  ?  Why  take  an  Indian  for  the  tutelary  suint  of  the 

*  -•/  half-king,  means  double  king,  or  king  of  two  no.- 
lions,  who  have  him  speit  between  them. 

*XUT  II.  VOL.  I.  K 


110  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

whites  ?    Why   not  Columbus  ;  or  Cabot  ?    Where 
did  this  saintship  originate  ? 

To  these  queries,  the  Chiefs  could  give  no  answer  : 
nor  is  it  of  much  moment  whether  they  could  or  not. 
Some  of  them  are  not  worth  answering. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY,  1 1 1 


OBSERVATIONS. 

AMONG  the  Romans,  there  was  a  kind  crea 
ture,  of  the  name  of  Appolo,  who  stood  by  people,  and 
v.'iien  they  were  doing  wrong,  \vould  give  them  a 
twilch  of  the  ear,  10  bid  them  stop. 

Auvum    veliuit. 

I  crvnnot  say,  that  I  felt  just  such  a  twitch  while  I 
wus^i*Itifig  the  last  'Chapter  ;  unless  figuratively  ; 
meaning  some  little  twitch  of  the  mind,  recollecting, 
and  ivfkeCrg,  that  it  mi^ht  possibly  save  ofl'crct  to 
public  bodies,  aii(!  s-ricties,  especially,  the  St.  Tarn* 
many  ;  and  ttinriupati  ;  thouth  n^ne  -ti\73  intended. 
tut.  it  is  impo:-.t.iMc  to  anticipate  in  all  ca:ses,  the  stu- 
sations  of  others.  Tilings  \\iil  i^ivc  oirtnce,  tiiat  were 
meant  to  ?;//ln/i,  and  assist  ;  or  to  please  uncl  divert. 
In  the  case  of  public  bodies  cj-ptuuliy.  no  man 
l.nows,  what  may  make  an  uufavouiable  impression. 
It  is  necessary  ;  or,  unavoidable  as  k  mip;!it  be  tran- 
shited  ;  a  ihut  offences  come  ;  but  n<o  to  luin  by  whom 
they  comr."  One  would  think  that  in  a  free  country, 
there  might  be  some  liitle  more  moderati'jn  wiih  re 
gard  to  what  is  done,  and. said.  It  is  a  maxim  in  h.\v, 
that  words  are  to  be  construed,  "  mitior  stiitu  ;"  or, 
iii  the  milder  sense.  It  is  a  Scriptural  dciimiion  oi" 
chi'.rity,  'v  tliat  it  is  not  easily  piovoktcl."  Whereas, 
on  tiie  contrary  an  uncharitable  disposition,  is  ready 
to  misconstrue,  and  convert  loan  cfience.  A  iown,  a 


MODERN  CHIVALRY; 

society,  a  public  body,  of  any  kind  might  be  presumed 
to  bear  more  t  hart  an  individual,  because,  theoffence  be 
ing  divided  amongst  a  greater  number  ;  it  can  be  but 
a  httle,  that  will  be  at  the  expense  of  any  one  person. 
Ifthertfore,  any   son  of  St.  Tammany,  "or  St.  Cinna- 
uis,  should   feel  himself  hurt  by  our  lucubration,  let 
him  consider  that  it  is  better  to  laugh  than  be  an«ry  • 
and  he  will  save  himself,   if  he  begins  to   laugh  ErV 
1  hough,  after  all,  some  will  say,  there  is  nothing  to 
laugh  at ;  and  in  this,  they  will  be  right.  For  at°the 
most,  it  can  only  be  a  smite.     It  is  a  characteristic  of 
the  Comedy  of  Terence  ;  that  he   never  forces  your 
laugh  ;  but  to  smile  only.     That  I  take  to  be  the  cri 
terion  of  a  delicate   and  refined  wit ;  and  which  was- 
becoming  the  lepos,  or  humour  of  such  men,  as  Le- 
hus,and  Scipio,  who  are  thought  to  have  formed  his 
taste,  and  assisted  him  in  his  dramatic  compositions. 
Yet  I  must  confess,  if  I  could  reach  it,  I  would  like  the 
broad  laugh ;  but  it  is  difficult  to  effect  this,  and,  not,  at 
the  same  time,  fall  into  buflbontry,  and  low  humour. 
Laughing  is  certainly  favourable    to  the  lungs  ;  r.nd 
happy  the  man,  whose  imagination  leads  him  to  risi- 
Lk  sensations,  rather  than,  to  melancholy. 

All  work,  and  no  play,  makes  Jack  a  dull  boy.  But 
I  have  no  idea  of  laughing,  any  more  than  of  playing 
without  having  perlbmed  the  necessary  task  of  duty, 
or  labour.  An  idle  laughing  fool,  is  contemptible  and 
odious;  r.nd  laughing  too  much  is  an  extreme, -which  the 
wise  will  avoid.  Take  care  not  to  laugh,  when  there 
is  nothing  to  laugh  at.  I  a,n  always  know  a  man's 
sense,  by  his  song,  his  story,  or  his  laugh.  I  will  not 
say  Ins  temper  ;  or  principles  ;  but  certainly  his  diare 
of  understanding.  The  truth  is,  this  composition  has 
more  for  its  object  than  merely  to  amuse  though  that 
is  v.n  object.  But  I  doubt  whether  we  shall  receive 
cerdit  ior  our  good  intentions.  }-'or  truth  Iks  in  a 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  HJ 

and  unless  there  is  some  one  to  dra'.v  the  buck 
et,  there  is  no  getting  it  up. 

We  have  been  often  asked  for  a  key  to  this  work. 
Every  man  of  sense  has  the  key  in  his  own  packet. 
His  own  feelings  ;  his  own  experience  is  the  key.  It 
is  astonishing,  with  what  avidity,  we  look  for  the  ap 
plication  of  satire  which  is  general,  and  never  had  a 
prototype.  But  the  fact  is,  that,  in  this  work,  the  pic 
ture  is  taken  from  human  nature,  generally,  and  has 
no  individual  in  view.  It  was  never  meant  as  a  satire 
upon  men  ;  but  upon  things.  An  easy  way,  to  slur 
sentiments,  under  the  guise  of  allegory  ;  which  could 
not  otherwise  make  their  way  to  the  ears  of  the  curi 
ous.  Can  any  man,  suppose,  upon  reflection,  that  if 
ridicule  was  intended  upon  real  persons,  it  would  be 
conveyed  in  so  bungling  a  manner  that  people  would 
be  at  a  loss  to  know,  who  was  meant  ?  That  is  not 
the  way,  we  fix  our  fools  caps 

*  Let  any  man  put  it  to  himself,  and  say,  would  he 
wish  to  be  of  those  that  give  pun  by  personal  allusion, 
and  abuse.  Self-love,  for  a  moment  may  relish  the 
stricture  ;  but  could  never  endure  to  be  thought  the 
author.  In  attacking  reputation,  there  are  two 
things  to  be  considered,  the  manner,  and  the  object. 
When  the  object  is  praise-worthy,  there  is  an  openness 
a  franknes,  and  manliness  of  manner,  which  com 
mands  respect.  But  even  where  the  object  is  a  pub- 
He  good,  the  manner  may  etfcite  contempt.  Let  our 
editors  of  news-papers,  look  to  this,  those  of  them 
who  wish  to  be  considered  gentlemen  ;  such  as  have 
no  character  to  lose,  and  never  wish  to  have  an^,  mt,y 
take  all  liberties,  and  occupy  their  own  grade 

But  as  we  were  saying,  public  bodies,  and  societies 
of  men,  ought  not  to  take  offence  easily  ;  nor  resent 
violently  "  As  they  are  strong,  be  merciful"  A 
single  person  is  not  on  a  footing  with  a  great  number. 


Ill  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

He  cannot  withstand  the  whole,  if  they  should  take 
offence  without  reason  ;  and  he  may  be  consciously 
scrupulous  of  fighting;  or  may  be  afraid  to  fight; 
which  will  Answer  the  end  just  as  well ;  or  he  may 
have  the  good  sense  and  fortitude,  to  declare  off; 
which  by  tlu  bye  requires  more  courage,  than  the 
bulk  of  men  fiosscs*.  It  requires  a  courage  above  all 
false  ofdmon  ;  and  the  custom  will  never  be  put  out 
of  countenance,  until  some  brave  men  set  the  exam 
ple.  Thsre  ii  nothing  that  a  wise  man  need  fear, 
but  dixhfiiW)  founded  on  the  charge  of  a  want  of  vir 
tu?  ;  oil  that  which  all  men,  of  alt  /ilacca,  and  of  all 
times,  iv! !l  acknowledge  to  be  disreputable.  Under  this 
he  id,  will  not  be  found  the  refusal  of  a  challenge. 
JVof  hi/2%  can  hi-  .ifr, •-(!>',  th*  contemfit  of  which  is  greaf, 
Is  it  not  great  to  despise  prejudice,  and  false  opinion? 
u  He  thut  ru'.eth  his  spirit,  is  greater  than  he  that 
take'.h  a  city  :"  but,  he  that  is  above  the  false  senti 
ments  of  others,  presents  to  me  the  image  of  a  supe 
rior  power,  that  ascends  through  the  vapours  of  tf  e 
at  nosphere  an  1  dissipates  the  fog.  The  world  is 
indebted  to  the  man  th.it  refuses  a  challenge  ;  but  who 
can  orse  ami  tiling  to  him  that  accents  it  ;  for  he  sanc- 
fi^ns  an  unjust  larj  ?  Doubtless,  the  accepting  of  a 
challenge,  is  pirdonable  as  a  wukncss  ;  but  still  it  is 
a  weakness.  The  man  is  a  hero,  who  can  withstand 
unjust  opinion.  It  requires  more  courage,  than  to 
fight  duels.  To  sustain  life,  under  certain  circum 
stances,  calls  fw  more  resolution  than  to  commit,  &ui- 
ci'dr.  Yet  suicide  is  not  reputable  Brmus  in  the 
schools  condemned  it  ;  but  at  Philippi,  adopted  it. 
Because  his  courage  failed  him. 

But  cudgelling  follows  the  refusal  of  a  challenge. 
Not  if  there  is  instant  notice  eiven  to  a  p^ace  offk\r. 
But  posiing  follows.  Notice  of  thut  may  be  given 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  115 

also,  and  a  court,  and  jury  brought  to  criticise  upon 
the  libel. 

Why  is  it,  that  a  public  body  is  more  apt  to  take 
offence,  than  an  individual  ?  Because,  every  one  b.- 
comes  of  consequence  in  hrofiortion,  as  he  is  careful 
of  the  honor  of  the  whole.  It  is  oftentimes,  a  mere 
matter  of  accident,  whether  the  thing  is  well,  or  ill 
taken.  If  one  should  happen  to  call  ou',  that  it  is  an 
insult,  another  is  unwilling  to  question  it,  lest  he 
should  be  suspected  of  inciviftm,  and  lose  his  stand 
ing  in  society  in  general ;  or,  in  that  to  which  he 
more  particularly  belongs.  The  misconception  of  one 
forces  itself  upon  another  ;  and  misconstruction  pre 
vails.  That  which  was  the  strongest  proof  of  confi 
dence  in  the  integrity,  and  justice  of  the  body,  is  view 
ed  as  distrust  ;  and  a  concern  for  their  honor,  con 
sidered  a  rejiroach.  The  most  respectful  language 
termed  insolence.  Implicit  submission  attributed  to 
disres/iect.  Self-denial  overlooked,  and  wantonness  of 
insult  substituted  in  its  place.  This,  all  the  offspring 
of  mistake  ;  which  it  is  the  duty  of  the  in  in-idual  to 
remove.  But  how  can  lie  speak  if  his  h'ad  is  off", 
before  he  knows,  that  the  offence  is  taken  ?  Protesting 
therefore  that  I  mean  no  offence  to  either  of  these 
societies,  or  the  individual  members,  in  any  thing  I 
have  said  ;  I  request  them  to  take  it  in  good  part ; 
or.  if  there  should  seem  to  be  ground  of  affront,  they 
will  give  me  a  hearing,  and  an  opportunity  to  ex 
plain. 

There  is  no  anticipating  absolutely, and  to  all  extent, 
what  a  person  might  say  for  himself  if  he  was  heard. 
That  presumption  which  had  existed  might  be  remo  - 
cd.  His  motives  might  appear  laudable  ;  or  at  the 
worst,  originating  in  a  pardonable  weakness.  Who- 
tner  or  not,  the  credit  of  the  tribunal  with  the  world, 
•might  vender  it  expedient  to  observe  these  appear- 


l\9  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

ances  They  did  it  in  France  under  the  revolutionary' 
government  ;  and  even  the  emperor,  seems  to  con&i-> 
der  it  as  indisjiensible.  If  therefore  any  thing  in  these 
chapters  should  unfortunately  give  umbrage  to  the 
sons  of  St.  Tammany,  or  to  the  Cincinnati  members, 
I  pray  a  citation,  and  demand  a  healing.  I  trust  I  shall 
be  able  to  convince  them  that  I  am  not  deficient  ia 
respect  for  them  individually,  or  as  public  bodies* 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  tvf 


CHAPTER  II. 

\ 


THE  Captain  walking  by  himself,  could  not' 
avoid  reflecting  on  the  nature  of  government  ;  a  uni 
on  of  souls,  and  corporal  force.  It  makes  all  the  dif 
ference  that  we  se«  between  the  savage,  and  civilized 
life.  The  plough,  the  pully,  the  anchor,  and  the 
potters  wheel,  are  the  offspring  of  government  ;  the 
loom,  the  anvil,  and  the  press.  But  how  difficult  to 
link  man  with  man  ;  how  difficult  to  preswve  a  free 
government  !  The  easiest  thing  in  the  world,  says 
the  clown,  if  th<>  sage  will  only  let  it  aLne.  It  is  the 
philosopher  that  ruins  all. 

There  is  some  foundation  for  this  A  mere  philo 
sopher  is  but  a  fool,  in  matters  of  business.  Even  in 
speculation,  he  sometimes,  imagines'  nonsense.  Sir 
Thomas  More's  Utopia  has  become  proverbial;  Hai - 
rington's  Oceana  has  become  a  model  for  no  gove'Ti- 
ment.  Locke's  Project  w.is  tried  in  South  Carolina. 
It  was  found  wanting.  Imagination,  and  experiment 
are  distinct  things.  There  is  such  a  thing  as  practi 
cal  sense.  Do  we  not  see  instances  of  this  every  day  ? 
Men  who  can  talk  freely,  but  do  nothing.  They  fail 
in  every  thing  they  attempt.  There  is  too  much  vi 
sion  mixed  with  the  fact.  Want  of  information  of 
what  has  been;  the  not  examining  the 


US  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

congruity  of  things,  leads  to  this.  You  see  a  trades 
man  framing  a  machine.  A  chip  less,  or  more  spoils 
the  joint. 

Where  is  the  best  account  to  be  found  of  the  Ro 
man  commonwealth  ?  In  Poiibyus.  In  what  did  its 
excellence  consist  ?  In  its  balances.  What  invented 
these  ?  The  exigencies  of  the  case.  Some  were 
adopted  in  the  first  instinct  ;  otheis  as  remedies  10 
the  mischiefs  that  occurred.  Were  the  sagts  of  any 
xre  here?  A  little.  Sallust  says,  "considering  the 
history  of  the  Roman  people,  that  the  G.>uls  were  be 
fore  them  in  bravery,  and  the  Greeks  in  eloquence  ;" 
Vet  Rome,  has  become  the  mistress  of  the  world  ;  I 
have  found  thut  it  has  been  owing  to  a  u  \v  gre.,t  men 
that  happened  to  arise  in  it.  Were  thesj  £.«."  dema 
gogues  f  Not  in  a  bad  sense  of  the  word.  They  did 
not  deceive  the  people  for  tiieir  own  ends.  How  <& 
demagogues  deceive  people  ?  ffow  do  you  catch  a 
nag  ?  You  hold  a  bridle,  in  your  k-ft  hand,  behind 
your  back  ;  and  a  hat  in  your  right,  as  if  there  were 
something  in  it,  and  cry  cope.  What  do  demagogues 
Wfnt  by  deceiving  the  people  ?  To  ride  them.  What 
do  they  pretend  they  have  in  the  hat  f  oats,  salt ;  any 
thing  they  find  a  hor&e  likes. 

How  do  you  ilis'inguiih  ire  demagogue  fiom  the 
pa'iioi?  The  dem^t'Sue  flatters  the  clown,  and  finds 
fuull  wiih  the  sage.  Tiie  patriot,  and  the  sage,  un 
less  you  mean  the  vain  p<,iiosrp!ier,  mean  tl.e  same 
tiling.  The  Jewish  prop  lie  is  vtere  all  of  them  sages. 
The-v  were  Seers,  or  men  lhat  ftaw  far  into  things  You 
•vviil  find  they  were  no  slouches  at  blaming  the  people. 
"  My  people  Israel  is  deatioyecl  lor  lack  ol  know 
ledge."  "  I  am  wounded  in  Lae  house  of  my  fiL-nds." 
Tiii*  may  be  suii,  of  lib;  rty,  wh^n  repu&kcant  give  it  a 
stab.  The  lamentations  of  Jeremiah  are  but  the 
weepings  of  a  patriot  over  the  errors  of  tne  people. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

Yet  the  people  are  always  right,  say  the  demagogues. 
I  doubt  that.  Tomfool,  may  laugh  at  the  expression, 
"  save  the  people  from  themselves."  Nevertheless, 
there  is  something  in  it.  It  is  a  scripture  phrase, 
"  go  not  with  a  multitude  to  do  evil ;"  which  would 
seem  to  imply  that  the  multitude  will  sometimes  do 
wrong. 

Do  the  multitude  invent  arts  ?  Or  some  individuals 
among  them  ?  It  is  sometimes  a  matter  of  accident. 
Sometimes  a  matter  of  genius.  But  it  is  but  one  out 
of  a  thousand  that  happens  to  hit  upon  it,  or  that 
has  the  invention  to  contrive.  But  government  is  an 
easy  matter  ;  and  has  nu  wheels  like  a  watch.  What 
is  it  that  enables  one  man  to  see  farther  into  tilings 
than  another  in  matters  of  government  ?  What  is  it 
that  makes  him  a  seer?  Thinking,  looking,  examin 
ing.  Does  it  come  by  inspiration  I  More  by  expe 
rience.  What  are  the  wheels  in  our  government  that 
are  like  to  go  first  ?  The  Judiciary,  the  Senate,  the 
Governor.  Is  this  the  order  in  which  they  will  £O  ? 
Precisely.  Does  any  man  meyn  it  ?  Not  at  all.  How 
can  it  then  happen  ?  In  the  natural  progress  of 
things.  Will  one  house  become  a  tyrant  ?  It  will 
come  to  be  the  few  ;  and  the  few  were  always  tyrants. 
Will  it  be  but  a  few  in  the  house,  that  will  govern  ? 
It  will  come  to  one  at  lust.  It  will  take  fifty  years  to 
bring  it  to  this.  I  do  not  say  that  it  will  be  a  hop- 
step,  and  jump  ;  or  a  fanning  leap,  all  at  once. 

But  we  have  the  press  here.  Suppose  a  leading 
print  in  the  hands  of  A  patriot.  He  will  keep  all 
right.  Yes,  provided  he  is  a  sage  at  the  same  time. 
That  is,  that  his  information  on  the  nature  of  govern 
ment,  is  equal  10  his  patriotism  ;  or  that  his  passion, 
does  not  betray  dim  into  error;  the  journal  of  L. 
Ami  du  peupl :  by  M  irat,  was  patriotic  ;  but  it  ruined 
the  republic.  An  uninformed  infium.natory  print,  is  a 


420  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

corrtiptress  of  public  opinion.  It  is  the  torch  that 
sets  Troy  on  fire.  There  is  no  Marat,  amongst  us, 
at  the  head  of  a  Journal  ;  but  there  may  come  to  be. 
It  is  a  difficult  thing  to  trim  the  state  vessel.  The  al 
tering  the  stowage  will  put  out  of  trim.  The  Han 
cock  was  taken,  by  altering  the  stowage.  It  destroyed 
the  trim.  Yet  trimmers  are  unfavourably  spoken  of. 
That  is,  I  presume,  halting  between  two  opinions. 
"  Why  halt  ye  between  two  opinions  I"  But  preser 
vers  of  the  balance  are  not  trimmers  in  this  sense  of 
the  word. 

But  how  is  it  that  the  people  can  do  wrong,  when 
they  mean  well  ?  An  uninformed  sfdrit  of  reform  may 
prevail.  How  can  passion  prevail  ?  The  axletree  is 
heated,  by  the  ?iavey  and  the  hob  is  set  on  fire.  The 
nave  heats  itself  by  its  own  motion  ;  and  fire  is  com 
municated  to  the  whole  carriage. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  131 


CHAPTER  III. 


THIS  was  the  day  of  the  fair  held  twice  a  year 
in  the  village.  The  people  had  come  4n  and  erected 
booths.  The  Captain  took  a  walk  to  see  the  fair,  and 
on  the  first  stall  he  saw  boxes.  What  are  these,  said 
the  Captain  ?  Cases  for  lawyers,  said  the  Chapman. 
What  will  the  lawyers  do  with  these,  said  the  Cap 
tain  ?  Put  them  on  their  back-sides,  said  the  Chap 
man.  That  will  make  them  look  like  soldiers,  with 
cartouch  boxes,  said  the  Captain.  No  matter  for  that, 
said  the  Chapman.  A  lawyer  can  no  more  move 
without  cases,  than  a  snail  without  a  shell.  They  must 
have  authorities. 

They  have  too  many  sometimes,  said  the  Captain, 
^s  I  have  heard  the  blind  lawyer  say  ;  but  your  cases, 
or  cai'touch  boxes,  I  presume;  are  meant  as  a  bur 
lesque.  Not  altogether,  so,  said  the  Chapman  ;  but  a 
little  bordering  on  it.  These  boxes  might  answer  the 
purpose,  of  carrying  cases,  to  the  court  ;  but  an  ho 
nest  mail  might  put  them  to  a  better  use  :  so  I  sajr 
no  more,  but  sell  my  wares  to  the  customer. 

At  the  next  stall  was  Tom  the  Tinker,  with  old 
kettles  mended,  and  new  ones  for  sale.  Ay,  Tom> 

•PART  n.  VOL.  i.  t 


132  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

said  the  Captain,  this  is  better  than  resisting  laws  ;v 
even  the  eji-cisc  law. 

I  liavt:  found  out  a  better  way  than  resisting  laws, 
iiov,-,  said  V.::  Tinker. 

\yin;t  is  that,  s.  id  the  Captain  ? 

Abolish  the  courts,  and  demolish  the  judges,  and 
the  laws  v,  ill  goof  themselves. 

Ah  !  Tom,  said  the  Captain,  leave  the  public  func 
tionaries,  to  the  public  bodies  ;  you  have  nothing  to 
tlo  with  them 

But  I  should  have  something  to  do  with  them,  said 
the  Tinker,  ii'  I  had  a  voice  in  a  public  body. 

But  you  have,  not  a  voice,  said  the  Captain. 

J'ut  I  muy  ha'. e,   suid  the  Tinker. 

I  voukl  lather  hear  your  voice  in  your  shop,  said 
the  Captain;  and  the  sound  of  your -hammer,  on  a 
•coffee  pot,  or  a  tea  kettle.  You  can  patch  a  brass 
candle-stick,  better  than  the  state,  yet,  I  take  it, 
To  ui. 

Or  solder  spoons  either,  said  Tom  ;  but  every 
tiring  must  have  a  beginning. 

At  the  next  still  was  a  hai  d-warc  man  ;  in  the 
next,  a  Potter  with  his  jugs.  Anacharsis,  according 
to  Diogenes  Laertius,  invented  the  anchor,  and  the 
Pottrrs  wheel  ;  he  was  a  more  useful  man  than  him 
thill  invented  tire-arms  ;  though  it  is  a  question  with 
some,  whether  gunpo\\der  has  not  rendered  war  less 
pwiguinarjr, 

A  Toyman'  had  his  stall  next.  As  the  Captain  was 
looking  at  his  baubles,:  an  accident  happened  on  the 
other  side  the  way.  At  a  short  turn,  a  cart  had  over- 

*  Tin',  chief  tf  the  iiiiiiirrcc'hn,  in  the  western  J:artt 
of  Pennsylvania^  in  the  year  lfiM;  called  himself,  Torn 
the  Tinker. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  12 J 

set.     It  was  light,  and  loaded  with  empty  kegs.    Ne 
vertheless  the  driver  wanted  help  to  lilt  it  up. 

The  Chapman,  the  Toyman,  the  Potter,  the  hard- 
\vi.ie  man,  and  Tom  the  Tinker  were  endeavouring 
toassist.  The  Tinker  and  the  hard-ware  man,  had  set 
their  shoulders,  to  the  cart.  They  here  ii  i:p  ;  but, 
by  too  violent  a  push  threw  it  to  the  ether  side.  The 
Ciii-.puuin,  and  Toyman,  thought  to  set  the  matter 
rii;ht,  and  in  the  adverse  direction,  applied  their  force, 
b~ing  on  the  other  side  the  curt  ;  and  to  do  them  jus 
tice,  gave  a  good  hoist  ;  but  over-did  the  matter,  as 
much  as  was  done  before  ;  for  the  cart  cams  back 
and  lay  pieslrate  in  the  same  direction,  as  at  first. 

The  driver,  in  the  mean  time,  was  dissatisfied. 
Gentlemen,  said  he,  do  you  mean  to  assist,  or  to  in 
jure  me  ?  It  may  be  sport  to  yen  ;  but  ii  is  a  loss  to 
me.  to  have  my  cart  broke,  and  my  k'^s  s'aved  It  U 
all  wrong,  said  the  CaptiJn.  Why  not  let  the  tiling 
stand  upun  the  horizontal  ?  None  of  ycur  tricks  upon 
travellers.  Let  the  poor  man's  cart  have  fair  play, 
a.;d  bland  i:;;;>i;  its  o~v?>  fa  <  '••••>;. 

Aye,  aye,  t>  del  a  misanthrope  ;  this  conies  of  b.ul 
doi.i^s.  You  imi  >t  be  goin;^  to  the  woods  ;  und  dis- 
Mrbinij;  innocent  U-r-jsti;  cu'un^  down  you;:^  trees; 
makiiig  staves,  and  hoopiu:;  ki-;-'s.  Ti;i^  i,  jut-t  the 
v.'ay  ti,<.'y  ni-iUe  luv.ri  ;  to  hoop  j/c(  pic  a>>  \<>u  would  a 
Lurrel  It  is  ri-'ht  to  overtufii  the  cart,  on  account  of 
the  manufacture  it  carries. 

All  ;  it  is  in  t-.ii.i  manner,  said  a  w^ral  d-aivhig 
r.Min  ;  that  people  overturn  the  state.  If  the  vehicle 
goes  to  the  one  side,  it  is  the  act  of  a  patiiot  to  ;;et  it 
vi.-jiit.  Cut  unskilful  persons,  pass  tl.e  line  of  gravi 
ty  ;  so  that  a>  much  mischief  arises,  from  too  much 
force  as  too  little.  Passing  Lie  lint,  of  ^rjviu,lion.  it? 
a  body,  n  like  wjundin^  u  tirinci/.ie  u<~ :i>s 
ii'jn.  All  errors  otcrpcdi  ry  m.iy  be  t.Uitnd* 


124'  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

eel  ;  but  the  violations  of  firinci/ile  are  vita?,  and  ter 
minate  hi  death.  Put  that  fellow  in  a  pulpit,  and  he 
could  preach,  said  a  by-stander  ;  do  you  hear  what 
a  sermon,  he  mukes  upon  a  cart  I  He  could  take  a 
text  ;  Nebuchadnezzar,  or  Zei  ubabel  ;  and  lengthen 
out  a  discourse  for  a  fortnight. 

In  the  meantime,  the  Cuptain,  was  almost  carried 
off  his  feet,  by  a  crowd  of  people  going-  to  see  the  learn 
ed  pig.  Has  he  theJow^'uf*,  said  Angus  Sntherland,  a 
Scotchman  ?  He  has  two,  said  a  wag.  The  Hebrew, 
and  the  Evse,  1  trow,  said  the  Scotchman.  No  ;  the 
squcel^und  the  gruntlc,  I  ween,  said  the  drolling  per 
son.  That  is  his  vernacular  said  the  Scotchman  ;  but 
I  mean  his  acquired  languages.  I  do  not  know  that 
he  has  acquired  any,  said  ihe  drolling  man  ;  but  he  is 
considerably  perfected  in  those  that  he  had  before. 

Weel,  that  is  something,  said  Angus  ;  but  he  has 
got  a  smack  o'  the  mathematics,  I  suppose.  A  little 
of  algebra,  said  the  wag  ;  the  plus,  and  minus,  he  un 
derstands  pretty  well. 

The  conversation,  was  interrupted  by  the  vocifera 
tion  of  a  man,  in  soliloquy  at  a  distance.  He  appeared 
to  be  in  great  agitation  :  clinching  his  fists,  and  strik 
ing  them  aguinst  each  other.  An  abominable,  slan 
der,  said  he  ;  la  scholar  I  I  a  learned  man  1  it  is  a 
falsehood.  See  me  reading  !  He  never  saw  me  read. 
I  do  not  know  a  B.  from  a  bull's  foot.  But  this  is  the 
way  to  injure  a  man  in  his  election.  They  report  of 
me  that  I  am  a  scholar  ?  It  is  a  malicious  fabrication. 
I  can  prove  it  false.  It  is  a  groundless  insinuation. 
What  a  wicked  world  is  this  in  which  we  live.  I  a 
scholar  !  I  am  a  son  of  a  whore,  if  I  ever  opened  a 
book  in  my  life.  O  !  The  calumny  ;  the  malice  of 
the  report.  All  to  destroy  my  election.  Were  you 
not  seen  carrying  books,  said  a  neighbour  ? 


MODERN  CHIYALU?.  ti* 

Aye,  said  the  distressed  man  ;  tv.o  books  tl.nl  a 
Student  had  borrowed  from  a  clergyman.  But  did  I 
look  into  them  ?  Did  any  man  see  me  open  the  hooks? 
I  will  be  sworn  upon  the  evangelists  :  I  will  take  my 
Bible  oath,  I  never  looked  into  them.  I  am  innocent 
nfletters  as  the  child  unborn.  I  ani  an  illiterate  man, 
God  be  praised,  and  Tree  from  the  sin  of  learning,  or 
any  wicked  art,  as  I  hope  to  be  saved  ;  but  here  a  re 
port  is  raised  up,  that  I  have  dealing's  with  books,  that 
lean  read.  O!  The  wickedness  of  this  Vvorld  ?  Is 
there  no  protection  from  slander,  and  barl.report  ? 
Go:l  help  me  !  Here  I  am,  an  honrsl  republican  ;  a 
good  citizen,  and  ytt  it  is  reported  of  me,  thut  I  read 
books.  O  !  The  tongues  of  men  !  Who  can  stop  re 
proach  ?  I  am  ruined  ;  I  am  undone  ;  1  shall  lose 
my  election  ;  and  the  good  will  of  all  my  neighbours, 
and  the  confidence  of  posterity.  It  is  u  dreadful 
thing  that  all  the  discretion  of  a  m'an,  cannot  save  him. 
from  evil-speaking,  and'defamation. 

It  is  a  strange  contrast,  thought  the  Captain,  that 
lae  admire  learning  ina{iig;  and  Undervalue  it  in  a 
rtian.  The  time  was,  waen  learning  \Yould  save  a 
irun  s  neck  ;  but  now  it  endangers  it.  The  neck 
verse,  is  reversed.  That  is,  the  effect  of  it.  For  the 
man  that  can  read  goes  to  the  wall  ;  not  him  that  is 
ignorant.  ButswrA  are  the  revolutions  of  opinion. 

Of  all  things  in  the  world,  said  a  speculative  phi 
losopher,  I  should  the  least  expect  science  in  a  pig  ; 
though  the  swinish  multitude  are  not  without  gcoti 
moral  qualities  ;  or  the  semblar.ee  of  thes*e,  by  p;-u- 
pi-nsitive  instin*  t.  The  herd  of  deer  avoid,  or  beat 
off  the  chuced,  or  wounded  companion  :  but  attack  a 
hog  in  a  g-uig,  and  the  bristles  of  all  are  up,  to  make 
bailie  There  is  an  esprit  de  corps  ;  or  a  principle 
of  self-preserv;'.tion.  They  do  not  \v\tii  until  they  ;TC 
*.-.'v?u  off  one  by  one  ;  but  make  a  common  caxise  ilh 
L  2 


t26  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

the  first  instance.  When  the  twenty-one  deputies  in 
the  National  Assembly  of  France,  \\ere  denounced, 
there  were,  no  doubt,  a  great  number  that  saw  the  in 
justice  ;  but  not  the  consequence.  They  were  Milling 
that  the  bolt  should  pass  by  themselves,  and  were  si- 
]  ;nt  But  those  that  followed,  soon  felt  the  case  to  be 
their  own,  though  they  did  not  make  it  at  first.  The 
hogs  have  more  seme,  or  nature  is  more  faithful  than 
reason.  A  sailer  en  board  a  s/ii/i  may  not  like  his  com- 
ra-des  ;  but  if  they  are  charged  with  mutiny  wrong 
fully,  he  is  interested  and  will  see  it  if  he  is  wise  ;  for 
it  concerns  him  that  they  be  dealt  with  fairly.  For 
injustice  to  them,  leads,  to  injustice  to  himself.  A 
third  mate  may  dislike  the  first,  or  nei-ond,  or  the  Cap 
tain,  himself,  and  have  no  objection  to  change  them  ; 
Imt  the  mistake,  or  injustice  of  owners  towards  these, 
affects  hinisielf-  If  one  goes  at  this  turn  ;  another 
.  may  go  at  the  n  xt  ;  until  ail  fall  to  unjust  accusation. 
If  tin  n.il  i  ( :•>'•  nee,  uncl  safety  of  command  is  afiVcU  d 
all  officers  s.nl'jr,  and  tiie  service  is  injured.  The 
picking  off  one  at  a  doie  is  politic  in  those  that  as 
sail  ;  but  fatal  to  those  that  are  tw.-.iled.  I'lAylihi-inux 
devoured  b;;i  one  <f  the  soldiers  of  Ulysses  in  a  nay.  So 
t:-.\t  it  t'.ocs  net  follow,  that  hog,  likts  ho?>;,  more 
than  sheep,  likes  sheep  ;  or  tlmt  bristle  is  cr'ianijiibn 
fjf  brhilc  ;  «•/.."«  tie  ccmcx  la  take  bis  part  ,-  but  that, 
the  law  of  s>  If-jtreservati'jn,  is  better  understood  ;  or 
f !:  bij  this  animal.  But  as  to  teaching  a  pig  t>ny 
tiling  like  humun  km. '"ledge,  though  not  a  new  thing, 
would  seem  tc-be  of  little  use  Crows  were  taught 
to  sncuU  HI  the  time  of  Augustus  Cat  ^r  ,  as  we  find 
f  OKI  the  s'oryofthe  Cobler,  ar>d  his  crow.  The 
Poet  Virgil  talks  of  cattle  speaking  ; 

Perudcsque  loculse. 

But  this  was  a  prodigy.     Learning  must  go  some- 
wl.ere,  as  &  river  that  sinks  ju  one  place  ns^s  in  uno- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  12? 

ther.  If  erudition  is  lost  with  men,  it  is  well  to  find 
it  with  pigs.  The  extraordinaries  are  always  pleas 
ing.  The  intermediate  grades  of  cloqiu nee,  from  a 
Curran  to  a  Parrot,  are  not  worth  marking. 

A  little  learning  is  a  dangerous  tiling. 
Diink  deep,  or  taste  not  the  Pierian  spring. 

If  a  man  cannot  be  a  Poll)  glotist,  he  may  as  well 
be  a  goose. 

It  was  at  a  time  things  took  this  turn  that  Ba 
laam's  ass  spoke.  There  was  darkness  all  over  Eu 
rope,  for  six  or  ten  centurits  ,  and  little  knowledge  of 
the  scientific  kind  to  he  found  with  man,  fish,  "fowl 
or  beast.  A  glare  of  light  sprung  up,  and  lias  pre 
vailed  awhile.  Men  ot  science  have  been  in  repute 
in  monarchies  ;  and  in  SOUTH  republics  :  or  at  least 
science  itself  has  had  some  quarter.  But  it  is  now 
scouted,  and  run  down.  The  mild  shade  of  the  even 
ing,  the  crepusculum  approaches.  A  twilight,  that 
the  weakest  eye  can  sustain.  The  bats  will  be  out 
now.  The  owl  can  see  as  well  as  the  cat.  If  there 
is  less  light,  there  is  mare  equality  of  vision  ;  which 
may  be  for  the  best. 

That  fellow  could  preach  too,  said  a  by -slander  j 
and  give  him  a  text.  What  a  speech  he  has  made 
••Mjion  a  shoat  .' 

I.HH  l>;utdng  up,  they  saw  a  man  actually  preach-, 
ing  ;  or  something  like  it  in  a  tavern  door,  with  a 
newspaper  in  his  hand.  It  was  upon  the  subject  of 
oeccnomies.  For  now  all  is  oecon^mij.  Not  making; 
but  strutng.  This  discoui  se  was  a  lecture,  on  the  bi;!> 
lr«a  ion  ot  aliment,  and  the  making  water  go  farther 
by  boiling  it.  Saving  the  scales  ol  fish  ;  and  the  stem 
beaten  out  of  flax  ;  curtcd'ir.g  wages,  and  doing  hss 
work  ;  ajl  things  by  the  minimum  :  he  would  have- 
all  Miscroscopcs  ;  no  Telescopes.  Minutiasj  Miiu> 


128  MODERN  CHIVALRY, 

tiae,  Minutiae  ;  nothing  great,  comprehensive  ;  oB 
magnificent  in  his  pi  ejects  Themistocles  knew  hctf 
to  make  a  great  state,  out  of  a  small  commonwealth. 
But  was  it  by  vaving,  or  by  gaining  that  he  did  it  ? 
Was  the  sweep  ot  his  mn.d  contracted  ;  or  extensive  ? 
Had  the  Zar  of  Muscovy  a  great  heart  ?  Did  he  re 
duce  mountains  by  particles  ;  or  employ  his  mind 
upon  hen  coops  ?  Tliese  were  questions,  the  oecono- 
•niist  answered  in  the  affirmative.  But  some  doubted 
the  oithocioxy  of  the  doctrine,  and  kit  the  congre 
gation. 

In  a  public  house,  was  heard  the  music  of  a  fiddle, 
and  a  bag-pipe.  It  was  Duncan  the  quondam  waiter 
of  the  Captain  who  had  made  a  match  of  the  bag-pipe 
against  the  violin.  Play  up.  said  Duncan  to  the  piper  ; 
now  "  tlif  Coming  o'  the  (.'am^ona  ;"  now  the  Heels  a* 
B(:gie.  Play  up  ;  I  could  dance  amaist  involuntarily  ; 
as,  I  were  bit  by  the  Taran  ula. 

The  Latin  master  was  of  the  company  ;  and  en 
couraged  the  contest,  by  the  application  of  classic 
phrases  ;  such,  as, 

Et  vitula  tu  di  ..mis,  et  hie 

...    .  .lioni  quoniani  cenveniir.us  ambo. 
Ti-lc  'lann  carmen,  divine  poeta. — : — 

But  more  noise  ;  though,  perhaps  less  music  was 
heard  out  of  doors  coming  down  the  street  A  crowd 
of  people  ;  boys  and  grown  persons,  were  following 
O'Dcll  the  revolutionist  tor  Ca  Ira,  or  the  Mar 
seilles  hymn,  he  bawl  cl  out  ti,e  following 

DOWN  with  the  sessions,  and  clown  With  the  laws; 

They  put  me  in  mind  oi  the  school-master's  taws. 
There's  nothing  i'"»  nature  that  gives  such  disgust, 
As  force  and  compulsion  to  mak^  a  man  just. 

Hillt  in  ;    /.'///•  /«,  s^t  mt  down  a:sy, 

Jfilu-iuj 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  129 

A  lawyer's  a  liar  ;  old  Sooty  his  father  ; 
He  talks  all  day  long,  a  mere  jacka-blather. 
His  books,  and  his  papers  may  all  go  to  hell, 
Ami  make   speeches  there,  sings  Lary  O'DclI. 

Hilldu,  &c. 

The  state  is  a  vessel,  and  hoop'd  like  a  tub  ; 
And  the  adze  of  the  cooper  it  goes  dub,  a  dub. 
But  hooping  and  coopering,  is  fitting  for  fools  ; 
AVJUIJ  fvid  all  learning,  and  shut  ufi  the  schools* 


A  horse  eats  the  less,  when  you  cut  off  his  tail  j 
And  chickens  hatch   faster,  the  thinner  the  shell. 
A  clerk  in  an  office  might  do  two  things  in  one, 
Hatch  eggs  while  he  sits,  and  writes  all  alone. 
Hillclu,  c$V. 

The  song  may  be  good,  as  to  music,  said  the  Cap 
tain  ;  but  I  do  not  like  the  st  ntirr-ti.ts:  especially  the 
concluding  couplet.  It  seems  to  me,  that  oeconomy 
has  become  /iai  simony  ;  the  oppsite  extreme  of  pro 
digality  ;  or  extravagance.  The  one  is  odious  ;  the 
other  contemptible.  All  tax  ;  or  no  tax.  There  is  no 
medium.  And  yet  all  that  is  excellent  lies  in  the  medi 
um.  But  no  tax,  and  oectjiomy  \\illas  certainly  t'e- 
stroy  an  administration,  as  ail  tax,  and  extravagance. 
The  meanness  cf  starving  cfficcs  ;  establishments  ;  ?'T?;W 
/irovements,  will  attach  di&refinlaticn  to  the  agtnts  ; 
and  operate  a  rcmovaljrcm  the  body  /  oiitic  ;  07  the  de 
bilitation  of  the  body  ftoliiic  itselj  But  in  all  things 
there  is  a  tendency  to  extremes.  The  prpular  n  ir.d 
does  not  easily  arrest  itself  when  cksct  ruling  tipri;  an 
inclined  plain  of  opinion.  Popular  ballads  aie  an  in* 


130  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

dex  of  the  public  mind.  Hence  ive  see  that  an  antipa 
thy  to  laws,  lawyers,  and  judges,  is  the  ton  at  present 
and  i.iao  that  oecorumy  is  the  ruling  passion  of  the  lime. 
Yet  in  all  these  things,  there  may  be  an  excess.  For 
the  pf  of  tie  arc not  always  righr.  Uiiless  in  the  sense  of 
the  EngliiU  la\v,  that  "  The  king  can  do  r.o  wrong." 
Doubliess  whatever  the  people  do  is  legally  right  ; 
but  yet  not  always  politically"  right.  For  do  we  not 
fir.d  i'vom  the  voice  of  history,  that  those  men  arc 
thought  to  have  deserved  best  of  their  country,  who 
have  occasionally  withstood  the  intemperance  of  opi 
nion.  Selt 'seekers  only  "  are  all  things  to  all  men." 
Tnree  things  are  necessary  to  constitute  a  great  man. 
Judgment,  fortitude,  and  Self-denial.  It  is  a  great  thir.g 
to  judge  wisely.  Perhaps  this  may  be  said  to  compre 
hend  the  whole,  lor  judging  wisely  i;pou  a  large 
scale,  will  embrace  fortitude,  and  self-denial.  Hence, 
in  the  Scripture  phrase,  bad  men  are  called  fools.  It 
is  but  cutting  down  the  fruit  tree,  to  hark  in  with  a 
popular  cry  for  the  moment.  All  is  gained  for  the 
present.  But  there  is  nothing  for  the  next  year.  Such 
u  man  may  get  into  a  public  body,  but  \\iil  not  long 
retain  his  seat  ;  or,  if  he  does,  he  loses  all,  in  ihe 
esteem  oj  t/i"  virtuous,  and  the  tui&r.  But  I  doubt  whe 
ther  the  people  are  so  mad  for  oeconomy.  //  originates 
with  tho;>e  who  are  conscious  to  themselves  that  they 
cannot  ft'cuse  them  by  great  actions  ;  and  ihtrtfore  at- 
tem/n  it  by  small  The  extreme  has  been  that  of  i;i.;»e- 
c^ssary  expenditure  ;  and  it  is  popular  to  call  out  eco 
nomy  ;  which  the  people-pleascr  gets  into  Ids  mouth 
and  makes  it  the  siubbolcth  of  just  politics.  But  the 
peop!c-pk-aser  is  not  always  the  friend  of  the  people. 
Do  wejind  him  in  war  the  beat  general  whs  consults  the 
ardour  of  hia  roojis,  wholly^  and  Jights  v}hen  they  cry 
out  for  battle  ?  Pompey  yielded  to  such  un  outcry, 
a.nd  lost  the  field,  of  Puarsuliu.  A  journal  v/as  pub? 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  131 

fished  in  France,  by  Marat,  under  the  direction,  or, 
Avith  the  assistance  of  Robespierre,  entitlf-d  "  L'  ami 
du  ficu/ite."  There  could  not  be  a  more  seducing 
title;  and  yet  this  very  journal  was  the/os  of  the 
Jieofile.  I  have  no  doubt,  but  that  Murat  meant  well 
to  the  people  ;  but  he  had  not  an  understanding  above 
the  public,  and  judgment  to  correct  the  errors  of  oc 
casional  opinion.  He  was  of  the  multitude  himself, 
and  did  not  overtop  them  by  having  higher  ground  from 
'whence  to  observe.  He  had  not  been  a  sage  before  he 
became  a  journalist.  Hence  he  denounced  the  Giron 
dists  the  philosophers  of  the  republic  ;  Condorcet, 
and  others  who  had  laid  the  foundation  of  the  revolu 
tion.  He  denounced  them  because  they  suggested  a 
confederate  republic,  such  as  Montesquieu  projected, 
and  America  has  realized.  Marat  took  up  with  the 
simple,  the  one  and  indivisible  ;  the  populace  under 
stood  this,  but  not  the  complication,  and  it  prevailed  ; 
•but  the  republic  went  down. 


J32  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


OBSERVATIONS. 

I  never  had  a  doubt  with  the  Captain,  but  that 
the  bulk  of  the  jacobins  in  France  meant  well ;  even 
Marat  and  Robespierre  considered  themselves  as  de 
nouncing,  and  trucida'lng  only  the  enemies  of  the  re 
public.  What  a  delightful  trait  of  virtue  discovers 
itself  in  the  behaviour  of  Peregrine,  the  brother  of 
Robespierre,  and  proves  that  he  thought  his  brother 
innocent  "  I  am  innocent  ,•  and  my  brother  is  as  inno' 
cent  as  lam."  Doubtless  they  were  both  innocent. 
Innocent  of  what  ?  Why  ;  of  meaning  ill  "The  time 
shall  come,  when  they  that  kill  you,  shall  think  they 
are  doing  God  service."  Peregrine,  led  the  column: 
with  his  drawn  sword  in  his  hand,  that  entered  and  re 
took  Toulon.  He  threw  himself  into  the  denuncia 
tion.  This  ought  to  be  a  lesson  to  all  republicans  to 
have  charity,  for  those  that  differ  in  opinion.  Tiberus, 
and  Caius  Gracchus  at  Rome  meant  well  ;  Agis,  and 
Cleomines  at  Sparta  the  same  ;  but  they  attempted  a 
reform,  well,  in  vision,  and  imagination,  but  beyond 
what  was  practicable  or  expedient.  They  fell  victims 
to  the  not  distinguishing  the  times  ;  the  advanced 
state  of  society,  which  did  not  comport  with  the  ori~ 
ginat  simplicity  of  institutions. 

Marat  the  journalist  and  Robespierre  were  pushed 

( gradually  to  blood  ;  by  the  principle,  which  governed 

them,  of  taking  it  for  grafted  that  all  who  thought 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  13: 

differently  upon  a  subject  were  traitors  ;  and  that  « 
majority  cf-vote  was  the  criterion  of  being  right.  The 
mountain,  the  bulk  ot  the  national  assembly,  could 
not  but  be  in  their  opinion,  infallible.  The  eternal 
mountain  at  whose  foot  every  one  was  disposed  to 
place  himself;  the  mountain  on  whose  top  were 
"thunders  and  lightnings,  and  a  thick  cloud;"  but 
not  a  natural  mountain  of  the  earth,  collecting  refresh 
ing  showers,  and  from  which  descended  streams.  It 
was  a  mountain  pregnant  with  subterranean  fire.  It 
burst,  and  exists  a  volcano  to  this  day.  So  much  for 
the  majority  of  a  fiublic  body,  bdng  always  right  ;  and 
to  mueh  fjr  a  journalist  meaning  we/I,  and  yet  destroying 
the  republic.  It  is  a  truth  in  nature  and  a  maxim  in 
philosophy  "  that  from  whence  our  greatest  good 
springs,  our  greatest  evils  arise."  A  journalist  of 
spirit  is  a  desideratum  in  a  revolution.  But  when 
the  new  island,  or  continent  is  thrown  up  from  the  bot 
tom  of  the  ocean  ;  and  the  subterranean  gas  dissipa 
ted,  why  seek  for  a  convulsion  ?  But  rather  leave  na 
ture  to  renew  herself  with  forests,  and  rivers,  and 
perennial  springs.  But  that  activity  which  was  use 
ful  in  the  first  effort,  is  unwilling  to  be  checked  in 
the  further  employment ;  and  under  the  idea  of  &hro- 
-gressing  reform,  turns  upon  the  establishment  which 
it  has  produced,  and  intending  good,  does  harm. 
The  men  are  denounced  that  mean  as  well  as  the 
journalist,  and  perhaps  understand  the  game  better 
than  himself  though  they  differ  in  judgmrjit  MI  the 
move.  In  a  revolution,  every  man  thinks  he  has  done 
all.  He  knows  only,  or  chiefly  what  he  has  done 
himself.  Hence  he  is  intolerant  of  the  opinions  of 
others,  because  he  is  ignorant  of  the  services  which 
are  a  proof  of  patriotism ;  and  of  the  interest  which  is 
a  pledge  of  fidelity.  Fresh  hands  especially,  are  apt 
overdo  the  matter,  as  I  have  seen  at  the  building  of 

PART  II.  VOL.  I.  M 


KU  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

a  ciibin  in  the  western  country.  A  strong;  man  takes 
hold  of  the  end  of  a  log,  and  he  lifts  faster  than  the 
oilier.  From  the  unskilfulness  and  inequality  of  his 
exertions,  accidents  happen.  Prudent  people  do  not 
like  rash  hands.  States  have  been  best  built  up,  by 
the  wise  as  ivell  as  the  honest. 

There  are  men  that  we  dislike  in  office.  All  men 
approved  Marius,  says  the  historian  Sallust,  when  he 
began  to  proscribe,  now  and  then,  a  bad  man  ;  but 
they  did  not  foresee  what  soon  happened,  that  he  did 
not  step  short,  but  went  on  to  proscribe  the  good.  It 
is  better  to  bear  an  individual  mischief,  than  a  public 
inconvenience.  This  is  a  maxim  of  the  common  law. 
That  is.  it  is  better  to  endure  an  eul  in  a  particular 
case,  than  to  -violate  a  general  Jirincijile.  There  ought 
to  be  constitutional  ground,  and  a  just  cause  to  re 
move  the  obnoxious.  It  will  not  do  even  in  Ireland, 
to  hun;j  a  man  for  stealing  cloth,  because  he  is  a  bad 
weaver . 

Where  parties  exist  in  a  republic,  that  party  will 
predominate  eventually  wl  ieh  pursues  justice.  A 
democratic  pirty,  will  find  its  only  security  in  this. 
"  If  these  things  are  done  in  the  green  tree,  what 
slrT  be  done  in  the  dry  "  If  democracy  is  not  just, 
what  shall  we  expect  from  aristocracy,  where  the 
pride  of  purse,  a:.  !  j>  i"!e  of  family,  raises  the  head  ; 
s-.vdls  the  port  ;  prod-.ic.'.s  the  strut,  and  ail  the  un- 
dervaliiiiur  which  t!  re  fjr  the  many  ?  jVris- 

tocracy,  wl.ich  claims  by  hereditary  right,  the  hon 
ours  and  emoluments  of  the  commonwealth.  Who 
does  no!  di^i'.v,.-  the  presumption  of  the  purse  proud, 
and  the  pride  of  connections  ?  And  it  is  for  that  rea 
son  that.  I  wish  my  fellow  democrats,  "  my  brethren 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  isq 

mocrat,  if  having  no  cousin,  and  no  funds  ;  and  pnly 
to  rely  on  my  fieravnul  services,  can  make  me  <>ne.  And 
I  believe  this  is  a  pretty  good  pledge  for  democracy 
in  any  man.  Unless  indeed,  he  should  becoir.e  a 
tool  to  those  that  have  cousins  and  funds  ;  and  this 
he  will  not  do  if  he  \\ns  firide.  lie  might  be  made  a, 
despot,  but  this  can  only  be  by  the  peoples  destroy 
ing  the  essence  of  liberty,  by  pushing  it  to  licentious 
ness.  A  despot  is  a  spectre  which  rises  chiefly  from 
the  marsh  of  licentiousness.  It  was  the  jacobins  made. 
Bonaparte  what  he  now  is. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY, 


CHAPTER  IV. 


A  CAVALCADE  was  coming  by,  and  upon  en 
quiry  it  was  found  to  be  a  crowd  of  people  with  a  law 
yer  gagged.  The  knob  in  hi*  mouth  was  rather  long; 
and  the  poor  man  seerr.td  to  be  in  pain,  by  the  ex 
tension  of  his  jaws.  He  could  not  speak  ;  which  was 
a  great  firh>atic:n,  it  being  his  daily  employment,  and 
the  labour  of  Ids  vocation.  For  the  people  thought 
he  spoke  too  much,  or  at  least  was  tedious  in  his 
speeches,  and  took  up  the  time  of  the  court,  and 
juries,  unnecessarily.  But  this  was  a  new  way  of 
correcting  amplification  in  an  orator.  It  is  true  that 
things  strike  more  than  words,  and  the  soldier,  in  a 
Roman  assembly,  who  held  up  the  stump  of  his  arm 
lost  in  battle,  pleaded  more  effectually,  for  his  bro 
ther,  the  accused,  than  all  the  powers  of  eloquence, 
liut  it  was  a  wicked  thing,  and  entirely  a  la  mob,  to 
stretch  the  jaws  so  immeasurably.  But  the  people 
will  haw  their  way;  when  they  get  a  thing  into  their 
heads,  there  is  no  stopping  them  ;  especially  on  a 
fair  day,  such  as  this  was.  It  is  true  the  thing  was 
illegal,  and  he  could  have  liis  action,  but  they  took 
their  chance  of  that.  The  fact  is,  the  tediousness  of 
lawyers,  in  their  harangues,  is  beyond  bearing,  and 
is  enough  to  drive  the  people  to  adjustment  fa'{{sf  and 


MODEfttf  CHIVALRY,  itf 

aftV  thing1,  to  get  quit  of  them.  The  opener  of  & 
cause,  must  lead  you  into  the  whole  transaction,  in- 
stearl  of  leaving  it  to  the  evidence  to  do  it  lie  must 
give  you  a  view  of  the  whole  scope  of  his  case  This 
might  be  in  a  few  words.  But  he  wants  to  make  a 
speech  ;  a  strong  impression  at  the  first.  He  must 
tell  you  how  he  means  to  draw  up  his  evidence;  bow 
tojigfn  his  mm.  ~1  should  not  like  my  adversary  "a 
know  this  ;  I  would  not  tell  the  court,  lest  he  should 
htar  it.  What  would  we  think  of  a  ireneral  who 
should  mount  the  rostrum  in  the  presence  of  the  ene 
my,  and  explain  the  order  of  hi-,  batik  ?  I  lo\e  the 
art  of  managing  a  cause  lor  its  own  sake,  and  I  like; 
to  see  it  wirtaijicalhi  won  The  less  speaking,  almost 
always,  the  better  for  a  cause  Thtre  is  such  a  ti  intr, 
as  "  darkening  counsel  by  words  without  knowledge." 
dtticimn  ik'f&vGierabic  to  fttrcefui;n  in  iht  hcu^r.  We 
do  not  carry  wheat,  to  be  ground  before  it  is  sifud  of 
the  chaff".  Yet  there  may  be  an  error  on  the  other 
side.  The  declination  to  brevity  may  be  too  great. 
I  am  afraid  to  say  much  on  this  head.  le-Jt  1  bhould 
be  understood  to  undervalue  eloquence,  tind  check  it 
altogether  But  certain  it  is,  that  the  excess  is  en 
the  side  of  qm.mity,  in  speaking  at  the  bar  i.t  present. 
The  juries  feel  it,  and  twist,  and  turn  themselves  in 
to  all  shapes  to  avoid  it.  The  courts  f.cl  it.  and  on- 
many  occasions,  grot-n  for  deliverance. 

What  necessity  on  a  poim  of  law  to  read  all  cases, 
that  have  relation  to  the  subject?  To  give  a  lecture 
on  the  elementary  principle,  and  ariduce  cases,  from 
the  first  decision  to  the  last  It  has  been  in  voirue 
with  the  ck-rgy,  to  begin  with  Genesis,  and  end  with 
Revelations;  to  prove  their  doctrine  as  tiny  go  along, 
by  an  enchainment  of  texts  ;  i.nd  to  say  tne  same 
tiling  over  again,  in  many  different  wordiJ.  But  in 
demonstrating  the  forty-seventh  propotiiiun  cf  the- 

'  M-3 


•13*  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

first  book  of  Euclid,  we  do  not  lay  down  every  postu 
late,  and  axiom  ;  nor  do  we  go  through  the  demon 
stration  of  every  preceding  problem,  on  which  this  is 
built  ;  but  we  refer  to  such  of  them  as  enter  into  that 
which  is  before  us.  The  demonstrations  of  Euclid 
are  brief ;  and  that  constitutes  their  excellence.  Ad 
event  urn  festinat.  Here  is  no  detour  ;  or  winding 
that  does  not  accelerate,  and  force  the  conclusion. 

In  the  mean  time,  the  blind  lawyer  being  at  hand, 
delivering  a  lecture,  had  heard  of  the  tribulation  of 
his  brother  the  gag'd  lawyer  ;  and  for  the  honour  of 
the  profession,  stretching  out  his  hands  to  the  people, 
had  obtained  his  enlargement  ;  and  the  removal  of 
the  peg.  But  it  was  said,  this  would  be  a  warring  to- 
the  advocate,  to  shorten  his  speeches  for  the  future. 
The  branks  which  had  been  upon  his  head  ;  that  is, 
the  wocdys  which  had  tied  the  knob,  were  laid  aside, 
fur  knot. her  occasion. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


CHAPTER  V, 


IT  was  a  legal  proceeding,  in  this  village,  thai 
when  any  one  was  suspected  of  insanity,  a  commis 
sion  of  lunacy  issued,  and  an  enquiry  was  held  to  as 
certain  the  fact.  An  inquisition  was  hoklen  at  this 
time  on  the  body  of  a  man,  and  it  was  the  right  of 
the  defendant  when  the  evidence  on  the  part  of  the 
commonwealth  was  closed,  to  be  heard  in  his  defence. 
On  this  occasion  the  accused  person  made  use  of  his 
privilege. 

THE  MADMAN'S  DEFENCE. 
Fellow-Citizens  ; 

IT  is  an  aukward  situation  in  which  you  see  me 
placed,  to  be  obliged  to  nu.intain  that  I  am  in  my" 
right  mind,  and  not  out  of  my  senses.  For  even  if  I 
speak  sense,  yon  may  attribute  it  to  a  lucid  inrci-cal. 
It  is  not  a  difficult  matter,  to  fix  any  imputation  upon 
a  man.  It  is  only  to  follow  it  well  up  "  Line  upon 
line  ;  prtcept  upon  prtctpt ;  here  a  little  .tnd  time  a 
little."  There  is  nothing  but  a  rm*n's  own  life,  and 
a  course  of  conduct,  that  can  rebut  the  cahin  ny.  It 
is  therefore  in  vain,  to  answer  in  gazettes.  «»  to  go 
eut  into  the  streets  and  call  u\iifalm/io<jd.  The  more 


i40  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

pirns  you 'take  to  defend  yourself,  the  more  it  is  fixed 
upon  you.  For  the  bulk  of  manki.  d  are  on  the  side 
of  the  culu -nniator,  and  would  rather  have  a  thing 
true,  than  false.  F  believe  there  would  be  no  better 
\vuy,  than  for  a  man  to  join  in,  and  slander  himself, 
xm'il  tlie  weight  of  obloquy,  beca-me  so  great,  that 
the  publi  would  revolt,  and  from  believing  all,  be 
lieve  nothing.  I  have  known  t!  is  iric-d  with  success. 
But  how  can  one  rebut  the  imputation  of  madness  ? 
How  disprove  insanity  ?  The  highest  excellence  of 
understanding,  and  madness,  like  the  two  ends  of  a 
right  line,  turned  to  a  circle,  are  said  to  come  to 
gether. 
Nullum  magnum  ingenuim  sine  mensura  dementis'. 

Great  wits  to  madness  sure  are  near  allied  ; 
And  this  partitions  do  the  bounds  divide. 

Hence  you  will  infer  that  I  may  appear  rational, 
and  quick  of  perception,  and  even  just  in  judgment 
for  a  time,  and  yet  be  of  a  deranged  intellect.  What 
can  I  tell  you,  but  that  it  is  tue  malice  of  niy  ene 
mies,  that  have  devised  this  reproach,  in  order  to  hin 
der  my  advancement  in  state  aff'.irs  ?  It  is  true  there 
are  some  things  in  my  habit,  and  manner  that  nr-ay 
have  given  colour  toti  e  charge  ;  singularities.  But 
a  man  of  study,  and  abstract  thought,  \\i':l  have  ningu- 
la  ilirs  Henry  Fielding  s  Parson  Adams  ;  and  Doc 
tor  Orkborn  iu  Mrs.  D*  \rbray's  Camilla,  are  ex 
amples  of  this.  A  man  of  boo^s  ^vill  b  abstract,  or 
absent  in  conversation,  sometimes  in  business. 

A  m.in  of  books,  said  the  Foreman  of  the  Jury  !  a 
scholar  !  Au  !  You  are  a  scholar,  are  you.  Ah,  l\a  ; 
that  is  enough  ;  we  want  no  more.  If  you  are  not  a 
m  id  nan  you  must  be  a  knave,  and  that  comes  to  the 
Same  thing.  Say.  gentlemen,  shall  we  find  him 
ty?  What  saj  you,  is  he  mad  ? 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  M? 

1.  Juryman  ;  he  seems  to  be  a  little  cracked. 

2.  He  does  not  appear  to  be  right  in  his  head-. 
S.  I  cannot  think  him  in  his  right  mind. 

4.  He  is  beside  himself. 

5.  Crazy. 

6.  Out  of  his  reason. 

7.  Deranged. 

8.  Insane. 

9.  Mad. 

10.  Stark  mad. 

1 1 .  As  mad  as  a  March  hare. 

12.  Fit  for  Bedlam. 
Verdict — Lunacy. 

The  court  to  whom  the  inquisition  was  feturnetf, 
thought  it  a  hard  case,  as  there  was  no  other  evi 
dence  than  his  own  confession  of  being  addicted  to 
books,  and  gave  leave  to  move  an  arrest  of  judgment  j 
and  ordered  him  before  themselves  for  examination^ 

You  are  a  man  of  books 

A  little  so. 

What  books  have  you  read  ? 

History,  divinity. 

What  is  the  characteristic  of  history  ? 

Fiction. 

Of  Novels  ? 

Truth. 

Of  metaphysics  ? 

Imagination. 

Of  natural  philosophy  ? 

Doubt. 

What  is  the  best  lesson  in  moral  philosophy  ? 

T>>  i-xfiect  no  giatitudr. 

What  is  the  best  qualification  of  a  politician  I 

Honesty. 

Tnc  next  best  ? 

Knowledge, 


142  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

The  next  best  ? 

Fortitude. 

Who  serves  the  people  best  ? 

Not  always  him  that  fileases  them  most. 

It  seems  to  the  Court,  said  the  Chief  Justice,  that 
the  man  is  not  altogether  mad.  He  appears  rational 
in  some  of  his  answers.  We  shall  advise  upon  it. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  143 


OBSERVATIONS. 

THERE  has  certainly  been  a  great  deal  of 
-sain  learning  in  the  world  ;  and  good  natural  sense 
has  been  undervalued.  "  Too  much  learning  may 
make  a  man  mad."  It  may  give  him  a  pride  and  vani 
ty  that  unfits  for  the  transaction  of  serious  affairs.  I 
•would  rather  have  a  sober  sedate  man  of  common 
sense  in  public  councils,  than  a  visionary  sciolist  just 
from  the  academies.  But  solid  science  is  ornamental, 
as  well  as  useful  in  a  government.  Literary  acquire 
ments  may  be  undervalued.  A  man  may  not  be  a 
scholar  himself  ;  but  he  may  have  a  son  that  may. 

"  The  child  may  rue  that  is  unborn." 
A  check  given  to  the  love  of  letters.  The  offspring 
of  a  plain  farmer  may  be  a  p/ulosofihcr  ;  a  lawyer  a 
judge.  Let  not  the  simplest  man  therefore  set  light  by 
literary  studies.  The  bulk  of  our  youths  are  suffici 
ently  disposed  to  indolence  of  themselves.  It  requires 
all  the  incitement  of  honours  and  emoluments  to  trim 
the  midnight  lamp..  The  rivals/lip  of  the  states  ought 
to  be  in  / heir  public  foundations  ;  in  producing  men  of 
letters.  Popular  distrust  of  them  ought  not  to  be 
promoted.  The  coxcomb  ;  the  macaroni  springs  up 
in  the  cities  :  The  illiterate  in  the  country  village. 
Legal  knowledge,  and  political  learning,  are  the  sta 
mina  of  the  constitution.  The  preservation  of  the 
constitution  is  the  stability  of  the  stale. 


144  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

Political  studies  ought  to  be  the  great  object  with 
the  generous  youth  of  a  republic  ;  not  for  the  sake  of 
place  or  profit ;  but  for  the  sake  of  judging  right, 
and  preserving  the  constitution  inviolate.  Plutarch's 
lives  is  an  admirable  book  for  this  purpose.  I  should 
like  to  see  an  edition  of  10,000  volumes  bought  up  in 
every  state.  Plutarch  was  a  lover  of  virtue,  and  hit 
reflections  are  favourable  to  all  that  is  great  and  good 
amongst  men. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  146 


CHAPTER  VI. 


THE  madman  being  out  upon  bail,  walked  a- 
bout  seemingly  disconsolate  ;  and  tell  in  with  a  phi 
lanthropic  person,  who  endeavoured  to  console  him. 
You  may  think  yourself  fortunate,  said  he,  that  the 
charge  had  not  been  that  }ou  iven  dead.  You  might 
have  been  tumbled  into  a  coffin,  and  buried  before 
you  were  aware.  When  a  public  clamour  is  once 
raised,  there  is  no  resisting  ii  People  will  have  the 
tiling  to  be  >o.  lest  there  should  be  no  news.  For  the 
stagnation  of  intclligtnct  is  equal  to  the  want  oi  breath. 
I  will  venture  to  say  that  in  three  days,  were  I  to  un 
dertake  it,  I  could  have  it  believed  that  the  soul  had 
gone  out  of  your  body,  and  that  you  were  a  walking 
mummy.  It  is  only  to  insist  upon  it,  and  spread  iti 
and  a  part  will  be  credited  ;  at  first,  and  tinahy  the 
whole.  Thank  fortune  that  you  are  upon  your  feet 
upon  the  earth.  You  are  not  the  first  that  have  been 
buried  alive.  On  opening  a  coffin,  the  corpse  has  been 
found  turn  d  upon  us  itice.  In  a  tomb  it  has  been 
found  out  of  the  coffin,  and  laying  where  it  had  wan 
der,  d,  thinking  to  get  out. 

Good  heavens  !  said  the  madman,  this  is  enough 
to  turn  one's  brain  indeed.  1  begin  to  feel  my  head 
swimming.  I  sit  possible  that  without  the  least  foun- 

PAKT  II.  VOL.  1.  N 


146  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

datim,  such  a  proposition  should  come  to  be  believ 
ed  ?  Believed  ;  ay  ;  and  people  would  be  found  to 
swear  to  it.  You  have  no  conception  from  how  small 
beginnings  great  things  arise. 

Ingrecliturque  solo,   8c  caput  inter  nubila  condit. 

You  have  seen  a.  wood-flecker.  It  is  astonishing  how 
large  a.  hole  it  makes  with  so  small  a  beak.  It  is  ow 
ing  to  successive  impressions.  Since  common  fame 
has  begun  with  you,  it  is  well  that  it  has  taken  that 
turn  ;  and  made  you  only  mad. 

If  that  is  the  case,  Siid  the  man  of  books,  I  ought  to 
be  reconciled.  It  miorht  have  been  worse. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY, 


CHAPTER  VII. 


IT  may  seem  strange  that  in  the  present  cur 
rent  of  prejudice  against  learning,  and  learned  nun, 
the  schoolmaster  had  not  been  taken  up,  that  spoke 
Latin.  The  fact  was,  the  people  did  noLknow  that 
it  was  Latin.  Some  took  it  for  one  language,  and 
some  for  another.  Thus,  when  he  accos'.cfd  persons 
in  the  street,  with  his  puzzling  phrases  to  translate, 
either  on  account  of  the  peculiarity  of  the  idiom,  or 
the  clipsis  of  the  sentence,  answers  were  given  cor- 
fesp-'Midc-nt  to  the  mistake.  Thus  : 

Nil  admmui 

I  do  not  understand  Spanish. 

Simplex  munc'itiis 

I  never  learned  Welsh. 

Annbii^uoque  vultu 

It  is  Greek  to  me. 

I/icrinix  rerum 


I  d  -  not  understand  Dutch. 
Mea  Valt-nriam,  si  quis- 


I  have  never  been  among  the  Indians, 

— — Esse  Sua 

Puruti 

Potatoes  are  very  good. 


US  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

M  for  the  blind  lawyer,  humanity  interposed  on 
his  behalf.  There  is  a  generosity  in  the  public  mind 
that  lends  them  to  pass  by  the  unfortunate.  The  so 
vereign  people,  like  other  sovereigns,  do  not  make 
war  upon  bats.  His  lectures  were  short,  and  did  not 
cost  much.  The  loss  of  money,  leaves  a  bite  behind 
it  worse  than  the  sling  of  the  wasp.  It  is  this  that 
excites  a  prejudice  against  lawyers  ;  and  yet  people 
are,  themselves,  to  blame.  It  is  their  own  self-love, 
and  unwillingness  to  think  themselves  in  the  wrong, 
that  leads  f>  law.  Covetousness,  deceives. 

O,  si  angulus  iile,  mihi  foret 

I  must  have  that  nuke  of  woods,  thut  rins  out  there. 
It  will  mak  a  calf  pasture. 

I  admit  that  bar  oratory  is  carried  to  excess,  and 
there  is  toe  much  of  it  occasionally  ;  it  is  valued  by 
the  quantity,  more  than  the  quality.  But  there  is  a 
great  deal  of  excellent  oratory  to  be  found  at  the  bar. 
There  are  stamina,  though  retrenchments  might  be 
made. 

Cum  luculentus  flueret, 

Erat  quod  tollere  posses. 

The  great  defect  is,  the  making  many  points;  the 
cat  that  had  but  one  way  to  escape,  stood  as  good  a 
chance,  as  the  fox  that  had  a  thousand.  Seize  the 
turning  point  of  the  cause  ;  if  it  can  be  clone,  and 
canvass  that.  The  stroke  of  the  eye,  or  coup  d'  eil, 
which  characterizes  the  great  general,  is  the  being 
able  to  see,  at  once,  the  commanding  point  of  the 
field :  to  abandon  out  posts,  and  concentrate  his  forces. 
Why  need  a  man  be  taking  time  to  shew,  in  how 
many  ways,  he  can  kill  a  squirrel?  If  he  can  take  him 
down  with  a  rifle  ball,  at  once,  it  is  enough. 

Oratory  has  no  where  a  finer  province,  than  at  the 
bar.  In  a  deliberative  assembly,  there  is  no  such, 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  Us) 

Scope.  Questions  of  finance  have  nothing  to  do  with 
the  heart.  No  man  can  be  an  orator  at  the  bar,  that 
has  not  a  burning  love  of  justice.  For  it  is  this  gives 
the  soul  of  oratory.  An  advocate  thinking  merely  of 
th  -  fee  can  be  no  oi\;tor.  The  soul  must  be  expand- 
eel  by  the  love  of  virtue. 

1 1  a  deliberative  assembly,  it  is  difficult  to  be  honest. 
Party  wll  not  suffer  it.  At  the  bar  a  man  may  be 
honest.  For,  in  a  cause  he  is  not  supposed  to  speak 
his  own  sentiments,  but  to  present  his  side  of  the  ar 
gument  ;  and  with  truth  in  his  statements.  The  at 
tempting  to  hold  what  is  not  tenable,  is  a  mark  of 
tu  akn<'sis.  \V;iy  then  a  prejudice  against  lawyers  ? 
1  exclude  attornies  that  are  mere  money  gatherers  ; 
or  professional  men,  that  screw  the  needy,  and  grind 
the  faces  of  t>e  poor.  Such  there  will  always  be. 
But  nature  fircsentx  not/liny  without  an  allay  of  evil. 

As  to  the  blind  fiddler  if  it  should  be  asked,  why  he 
was  not  accounted  mad,  it  was  because  he  was  not 
denounced.  There  v,  a  great  deal  in  calling  out  mad 
dog.  Besides,  tue  insignificance  of  tlie  scraper,  pro 
tected  him  in  the  republic  He  was  so  busy  scraping, 
that  he  never  mt-ddied  with  /lothics,  and  this  was  a 
great  heip  And  as  he  played  every  tune  to  every 
one  that  asked,  having  no  predilection  for  Langoke, 
above  Etric  Bunks,  he  gave  no  offence. 

Munquam  contra  torrentem,  brachia, 

Dire/at,  sic  octagiata  unuoi  vidit  in  aula. 


150  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 


A  CATTLE  driver  had  come  from  (he  western 
S)  to  exchange  at  the  fair,  stock,  for  salt, 
iron,  and  women.  In  barter  for  the  lust  article,  a  cow 
was  given  for  a  girl.  The  settler  went  out,  in  the 
first  instance,  with  a  rifle,  a  hatchet,  and  a  knapsack. 
Having  fixed  on  a  spot  at  a  spiing  head,  the  next 
thing  was  to  fail  sapiins  and  construct  a  hut.  A  small 
piece  of  ground  was  then  cleared  of  the  under-wood, 
and  this  ibrmed  into  a  brush  fence  to  inclose  it.  He 
returned  then  to  the  interior  of  the  country,  and  the 
next  su  in  me  i1,  going  out  with  a  hoe,  i;nd  a  stock  of 
provisions,  on  a  pack-horse,  he  began  his  cultivation. 
Having  tamed  a  buffaloe,  or  got  a  cow  from  Pi  dan 
Aram,  he  had  in  due  time,  milk  in  abundance.  This 
put  it  into  l.h  head  to  get  a  milk-maid',  in  other  words 
a,  wife.  The  traders  in  this  article,  usually  chose  those 
of  the  l'~ps  oiuilcnt,  whose  dress  answered  all  the  ends 
of  fashion  wit  hout  tne  affectation.  The  e Iboivs  mi  re 
bare,  because  the  sleeves  did  not  reach;  and  the  fold 
ing  doors  of  the  bosom  were  undrawn,  because  they 
Lad  been  i.l  .u;ys  c -,i,  n.  There  was  no  occasion  for 
flesh  coloured  pantaloons  ;  for  the  pantaloons  were 
the  natural  flesh  itself,  discovered  through  the  r<-nts 
of  the  muslin,  by  (he  waving  ofHhe  wind,  like  a  light 
cloud  upon  a  bed  of  air,  in  an  April  cjay. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  151 

When  these  virgins,  "  nothing  loath,"  had  been 
conducted  to  the  bowers  mantled  with  the  natural  vine, 
an  offspring  arose  in  a  few  years,  such  as  that  from 
whence  the  poets  have  drawn  their  best  fictions.  You 
will  have  no  occasion  to  read  Ovid's  Metamorphosis, 
to  have  an  image  of  Daphne,  or  Proserpine  ;  Diana 
and  her  nymphs  ;  the  Dryads,  Hamadryads,  or  other 
personages.  Just  cross  over  into  these  new  forests 
and  there  you  have  them  in  reality  :  maids  bathing 
their  snowy  limbs  in  transparent  streams  ;  climbing 
the  mountain  top,  collecting  flowers,  or  gathering  the 
berries  of  the  wood  Nature  is  here  in  her  bloom  ; 
no  decay  or  decrepitude.  All  fragrancy,  health,  ami 
vivacity. 

The  stripling  of  these  woods,  is  distinguished  from 
the  city  beau  ;  but  it  will  not  become  me  to  say  who 
has  the  advantage  :  whether  the  attitude  of  the  pre 
sented  rifle  ;  or  that  of  the  segar  in  the  teeth,  is  the 
most  manly  ?  Which  looks  best,  the  hunting  shirt 
open  at  the  neck,  or  the  roll  of  muslin  that  covers  it, 
and  swells  upon  the  chin  ?  These  are  things  to  be 
canvassed  by  the  curious.  I  am  of  opinion,  however, 
that  it  is  b'jtter  to  be  clear  sighted  than  purblind,  and 
to  be  able  to  see  a  deer  in  a  thicket,  than  to  have  need 
of  a  glass,  before  the  nose  to  direct  the  steps  where 
there  is  nothing  to  stumble  ovr r. 

It  can  be  no  slur  upon  the  descendant  of  a  western 
settler,  that  his  mother  was  obtained  in  barter,  with 
her  hair  descending  to  her  girdle  :  or  waving  in  ring- 
Ictr-  on  her  shoulders  ;  and  the  moisture  of  her  eye 
brightened  with  a  tear  at  the  emigration  ;  when  he 
considers,  that,  in  all  times,  and  in  all  places,  matri 
mony,  to  use  the  pun  of  Bishop  Lalimer,  has  been, 
in  a  great  degree,  a  mutter  of  money  ;  and  the  consi 
deration  of  the  contract  not  always  what  the  lawyers 
call  a  good  consideration,  that  is  affection;  but  a  valu- 


151  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

able  one,  wealth.  Even  if  the  circumstance  should 
be  considered  as  less  honourable  than  a  marriagt  i>ct- 
tlt'inent  with  forms,  and  perfect  equalky,  in  the  trans 
action  ;  it  \vili  be  forgotten  in  a  century  or  two,  and  it 
may  come  to  be  doubted  whether  there  was  ever  sucA 
a  tiling  as  barter  at  all. 


A  noise  of  a  different  kind  was  now  heard  in  an 
other  quarter.  It  was  occasioned  by  a  brick,  bat  which 
had  fallen  from  the  heavens,  or  the  top  01  •<.••  chimney; 
or  been  thrown  by  some  one,  vvi.ich  is  just  as  likely, 
and  Lit  the  stall  of  an  honest  Frenchman,  who  sold 
hair-powder.  He/ construed  it  an  insult,  and  insisted 
upon  knowing,  waat  no  one  could  inform  him  of; 
or  if  they  could,  was  not  disposed  to  do  it  ;  that  is, 
whence  it  came  ?  DLble  !  diable  !  said  he,  in  a  rage. 
Si  j'  etois,  d'  en  la  France.  If  I  vere  in  my  own  con- 
tixe — Le  miserable  police.  Dish  coairee  has  une 
ver  b  ,d  police. 

A  T  en  enlu\ — Foutre,  Foutre,  Font  re  ! 

Paice  que  je  si;is  un  jacobin.  I  be  de  jacobin. 
Di  (h  i-.  '  >'U  un-agc.  \  ill  kill  all  d^  honest  icpv.blican. 

Ah  !  M(.SNI>  urs  aliaiocrals;  C*  est  que  voiif>  voulez 
jne  tucr — C*  tst  une  terrible  con-piration.  K  ish  van 
tei  nble  Conspiracy. 

Civility  to  a  foreigner  Induced  the  multitude  to  in- 
teiposc,  and  indeuvour  to  pacify.  But  :.<lr«ngers  are 
jealous,  and  it  was  an  !:</ur  before  lie  could  be  per 
suaded  by  some  that  spoke  the  lans-ju^e,  to  believe 
that  the  thin.^  mi^ht  have  been  a  matter  of  incident. 
He  liad  tlireatfiicd  to  make  a  representation  to  the 
govt- nmient,  and  ciemuhu  Uic  interpooitiou  01  the  ex- 
ecuiire. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  15* 

There  is  reason  to  think  that  he  had  dropped  it ; 
as  we  have  seen  no  diplomatic-  correspondence  on  the 
subject. 


A  seller  of  patent  medicines  gave  out  that  he  had 
bought  them  from  a  chymist  who  had  invent (d  a  new 
vegetable.  Discovered,  you  mean,  said  a  naturclisf. 
No  ;  Invented^  said  the  patent  doctor.  He  made  it 
himself.  I  have  some  of  the  seeds  in  my  pocket. 
Out  of  what  did  he  make  it  ?  Hydrogen  ;  oxygen  j 
carbonic  acid,  and  muriate  of  soda. 

It  is  beyond  my  comprehension  :  what  does  the 
seed  look  like,  said  the  naturalist  ?  Coriander  seed  ; 
or  mustard,  said  the  doctor.  Here  is  a  sample  of  it, 
giving  him  a  grain  or  two. 

And  it  is  out  of  this  you  make  your  drops,  said  the 
naturalist  ?  Certainly,  said  the  doctor. 

And  a  new  seed  will  produce  new  drops,  said  the 
naturalist  ;  and  perform  new  cures  in  the  world. 

Undoubtedly,  said  the  doctor:  what  use  could  there 
be  in  inventing  it,  if  it  did  not  ? 

I  wish  he  would  invent  a  neiv  planet,  said  the  na 
turalist. 

That  he  could  do  readily  enough,  said  the  doctor ; 
but  there  are  more  than  are  good  already.  They  shed 
malign  influences. 

Aye,  quo'  the  Scotchman ;  there  is  such  a  thing 
as  «  evil  stars" 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


CHAPTER  IX. 


A  COMPANY  of  village  payers  were  tir*?™  - 
pantomime.  11  >iK'nuin  represented  •>  poli'.i..  i.in  \vith 
the  people  on  his  hick  Incurvated  and  groaning,  he 
seemed  to  teel  the  pressure  exceedingly. 

I  like  burlesque  very  «ell-  said  a  spectator.  A 
man  must  imagine  '.i-.nsc  :i"  \rias,  forsooth,  «'/.A  h» 
hcavrnis  on  his  shoulder^  .'  The  people  would  Wi.lk  OH 
their  feet  if  he  would  let  them  alone.  What  nmUers 
it,  if  by  attempting  to  sustain  them,  hi:  gets  his  run-p 
broke  ? 

That  is  all  the  thanks  a  patriot  ever  got,  said  a 
wise  m  n. 

Are  not  the  people  strong  er.om;h  of  themselves? 
said  the  spectator. 

Stren.-jtu  of  mind  is  improvable,  s;,ic!  the  wise  mnn. 
f  fence  strength  of  mind  uiff^rs  more  t'uu;  strength  of 
boflv.  The  aggregate  of  mind  is  one  tl.ing  and  a 
disttnguislied  mind  another,  li  is  nor  so  ubsurd,  to 
suppose  that  one  mind,  in  a  p:u  ti< -.uh.r  rase,  nu.y  ex 
cel I  anot!:er  Tlie  so<  i  il  compact  is  a  noble  study. 
He  who  has  devoted  himself  greatly  to  it.  may  be 
supposed  to  have  made  some  progress.  Why  sl^ould 
he  not  have  credit  for  his  good  intentions  ?  Why 
ruuke  him  the  object  of  u  public  exhibition,  because 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  155 

he  thinks  himself  the  support  of  the  community  ? 
Public  spirit  ought  to  be  supported,  and  hints  well 
meant,  well  iaken.  It  is  bu~  an  innocent  hypocon- 
driasis  for  a  man  to  apprehend  that  he  is  doing  good, 
by  his  lucubrations.  That  he  is  a  pillar  of  the  com 
monwealth. 

See  how  he  grins,  and  balances,  said  the  f-pectator, 
speaking  of  the  Harlequin,  because  the  people,  in  his 
opinion,  are  too  much  to  the  onr  side. 

It  is  an  easy  thing  to  turn  even  virtue  into  ridicule, 
said  the  wise  man.  But  selfishness  was  never  an  amia 
ble  quality.  And  can  tin  re  be  a  nobler  eflort  of  be 
nevolence  than  to  seek  the  public  good  ?  If  one  indi 
vidual  misses  it  ;  another  hits  ;  and  the  principle  is 
salutary.  It  is  not  him  that  sails  with  the  wi:id  of 
popular  opinion  that  always  consults  the  interest  of 
the  populace  At  the  same  time,  I  am  for  keeping 
•up  the  spirit  of  the  fie  o  file.  It  is  the  a*moi>phere  of  li 
berty.  And  though  this  atmosphere  is  the  region  of 
lightning  and  engenders  storms,  y?t  in  it  ive  brcu'he^  and 
have  our  being.  But  1  speak  of  the  angel  that  guides 
the  hurricane  ;  the  good  man  of  more  temperate 
counsels;  and  who,  from  age,  experience,  or  extent 
of  thought,  sees  the  consequence  oi'  tiih.gs.  and  ap 
plies  the  prudence  of  restraint  to  the  common  mind 
in  the  \iolence  of  its  emouons. 

Why  shall  we  censure  such  a  man  should  he  in 
dulge  the  ambition  of  restraining  t'.e  people  ;  or  ra 
ther  of  supporting  them  by  counselling  moderation. 
'  He  is  sometimes  the  best  friend  that  rrproves.     A  flat- 
;  terer  never  was  a  friend.     The  caricature  of  a  man 
having  the  people  on  his  back,  is  an  aiistocratic  fc-t^h 
to  discourage  a  love  ff.r  the  people,  and  u  di-.ju    i'ion 
to  promote  their  teal  interest.    This  Harlequin  is  set 
on  by  the  enemies  of  the  people,  and  A\Uh  a  view  to 
disparage  republican  exertions. 

The  spectator  was  silent. 


156  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

WHILE  the  Harlequin  was  acting  The  Ofi/iress/'d 
Politician,  as  the  pantomime  was  called,  a  pedlar  had 
thrown  himself  into  nearly  a  similar  position  ;  and 
though  it  may  seem  strange,  an  accidental  conjunction 
of  attitude.  He  had  got  his  stall  on  his  back  ;  and 
gave  out  that  he  had  taken  an  oath,  not  to  set  it  clown, 
until  the  people  at  the  fair,  had  bought  off  all  his 
goods.  He  was  on  his  hands,  and  feet,  and  bellowing 
like  the  bull  of  Phalaris,  affecting  to  be  overcome, 
with  the  load  of  his  p.ick  The  people,  out  of  huma 
nity  ;  credulous  to  his  distress,  came  from  every  quar 
ter  to  hear  his  complaint,  and  ease  him  of  his  goods. 
A  partner  was  handing  out  the  merchandize,  and  dis- 
.posing  to  the  customer,  as  fast  as  he  could  come  at  the 
articles.  The  back-bent  man,  in  the  mean  time,  in 
his  inclined  posture,  was  gathering  up  the  dollars, 
thrown  upon  the  ground,  and  putting  them  into  his 
hat ;  not  omitting,  the  groans  necessary  to  attract  a 
continuance  of  commiseration. 

Christian  people,  said  he,  ease  me  of  my  wares,  or 
I  shall  have  to  break  my  back,  or  to  b-cak  my  oath. 

You  had  better  break  your  oath  than  your  back, 
said  a  man  pushing  by  ;  I  have  no  money  to  throw 
away  upon  a  rogue. 

A  rogue  !  Said  the  burthened  man.  If  I  were  a 
rogue  I  could  break  my  o..th  ;  but  it  is  conscience 
keeps  me  hire  I  cannot  break  my  oath  ;  and  my  back 
must  be  broke  Help  good  people-help;  buy  my  wares 
and  ease  me  of  my  load. 

You  son  of  a  whore,  said  a  rude  man,  cannot  you 
stand  up,  and  your  pack  will  fall  off? 

Ay  bill  it  is  my  oath,  said  the  Pedlar,  that  keeps  it 
on,  un'il  all  my  goods  be  bought. 

It  ish  a  tarn  .-Jieat,  said  an  honest  German  ;  he  isli 
a  liar  and  a  rogue.  His  back  ish  not  broke  more  ash 
mine.  His  pack  ish  light  ash  a  feather ;  \vid  shilks, 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  15? 

and  such  lings,  dut  weigh  nothing.  He  is  a  tarn  sheat 
and  a  rogue. 

I  am  muckle  o'  your  way  o'  thinking,  said  Donald 
Bain,  the  weaver  ;  it  is  a'  a  stratagem,  to  get  his  hand 
in  folks  pockets,  and  wile  awa'  the  penny.  The  deel  an 
aith  has  he  ta'en.  It  is  a'  a  forgery. 

It  ish  a  devlish  contrivance,  said  the  German. 

It  is  all  de  love  of  de  monish,  said  a  Jew.  His  con 
science  is  monish  ;  I  go  anoder  way  to  de  exchange 
dish  morning. 

Nevertheless  credulity  prevailed  :  and  seme  conti 
nued  to  purchase. 


If  at  the  hundreth  edition  of  this  work,  a  century 
or  two  hence,  it  should  be  published  with  cuts,  like 
Don  Quixotte,  and  other  books  of  an  entertaining 
cast  ;  the  figure  of  the  Pedlar  and  his  pack  may  ai- 
ford  a  good  drawing  ;  and  the  Harlequin,  at  the  same 
time,  with  the  people  on  i,is  bark. 

The  moral  of  the  diat^cssed  politician  is  obvious  to 
everyone.  It  is  natural  for  Uh  to  suppose  that  the 
world  cannot  do  without  us.  O  Wiat  will  they  do 
when  we  are  gone,  is  the  language:  ot  >lmost  every 
ma'i's  heart  in  some  way  or  other.  I  -will  venture  to 
say  there  are  chimney  sweepers,  who  t.iink  that  all 
will  go  to  pot,  when  tliev  (It  •  -p  off.  Yet  the  v/orld 
goes  on  its  gudgeons,  and  all  tilings  that  are  therein 
revolve  just  us  be  lore  ! 

What  will  we  do  for  a  general,  said  one  to  me, 
wlK-n  Fuyette  deserted  to  Sedan. 

What  ?   when  Durnouiicr  went  off  sc:id  another  ? 

•He  may  be   z/c.  in   the  run  kit  ^uid  /,   who   will  termi- 

?ART  XI.  VOL.  I,  O 


i3s          MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

nate  ths  revolution.  It  came  nearly  to  pass  ;  for  the 
Corsican  was  at  that  time  but  in  the  low  grade  of  what 
v/c  call  a  subaltern. 

I  have  reflected  with  myself  whence  it  is  that  men' 
of  slow  minds,  and  moderate  capacities,  and  with  less 
ze-.il  and  perhaps  less  principle,  execute  offices,  and. 
sustain  functions  with  less  exception.,  than  others  of 
more  vigour  and  exertion  ;  and  I  find  it  owing  to  a 
single  secret  ;  laiss^z  nous  fairs  ;  "  let  us  be  doing  :" 
that  is,  let  subordinates,  do  a  great  deal  themselves. 
"  He  is  right  ;"  it  is  well  ;  and  if  it  is  wrong,  self- 
love  saves  the  error  :  men  had  rather  be  suffered  to 
be  wrong,  than  to  be  set  right  against  their  wills. 
What  errors  of  stupidity  have  I  seen  in  life,  in  the 
small  compass  of  my  experience,  and  the  sphere  of 
vny  information  ;  and  these  errors  the  object  of  in 
dulgence,  because  there  was  nothing  said  or  done  to 
wound  the  pride  of  the  employer.  This  is  a  lesson  to 
hu  ;<\  r»  p-ide  tncl  vanity  It  is  a  lesson  of  prudence  to 
•O'.M.  Tiie  sun  lots  every  planet  take  its 
course  ;  aivl  .so  did  General  Washington.  That  was 
tiie  happy  faculty  that  made  him  popular. 

Hi ;  tort  w..s  in  some  degree,  the  laissez  nous  faire; 
"  Tne  not  doing  too  much." 

Yet  the  lovers  of  an  art,  may"  be  excused  in  being 
hurt  when  they  see  the  urtUt  err  The  lovers  of  the 
public  in  iv  deserve  praise  woo  wish  to  set  the  world 
right  and  do  a  lit  tie  i.o.vyrds  it.  It  is  the  error  of  vi 
gorous  minds,  to  s..y  U;o  L-ust  of  it  ;  and  oftentimes, 
the  exccvs  of  virtue. 

Sometimes,  it  is  an  iwivdh'e  im/ufac  ofn/arit  that 
cannot  be  resisted  Vlcib":  .•  -  > .; .-rsedeil  in  the  com- 
;  of  tlie  Ali •.<•!)!. in  army,  but  remaining  in  the 
neighbourhood  could  not  .ivoid  pointing  out  to  the  ge 
nerals  who  succeeded  nim  and  WMO  were  his  enemies, 
the  errors  tliey  were  about  to  commit,  and  which  ad- 


.    MODERN  CHIVALRY.  159 

vice,  neglecting,  they  were  overthrown  with  their  for 
ces,  by  the  Lacedemonians  under  the  conduct  of  Ly- 
sander,  and  disgraced.  Moreuu  though  superseded 
by  the  directory,  and  serving  only  as  a  volunteer,  step 
ped  forward  to  an  unauthorized  command,  and  saved 
the  army  on  the  defeat,  and  death  of  Joubevt. 


THE  critic  will  say,  what  use  can  there  be  in  such 
representations  ?  \V  e  do  not  write  altogether  for 
grave,  or  even  grown  men  ;  our  book  is  not  for  a  day 
only.  We  mean  it  for  the  coming  generation,  as 
well  as  the  present  ;  and  intending  solid  observations, 
rjc  inttriard  pleasantry  to  make  the  boys  read. 


166  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


CHAPTER  X. 


CONTAINING    EXPLANATIONS. 

IN  my  observations  on  the  licence  cf  t 
in  the  curly  pages  of  this  book,  it  may  be  seen  that  I 
have  had  in  view  personal,  and  not/iodfic^l  stricture. 
The  difference  of  these  I  cannot  so  well  express  as  in 
the  words  of  the  greatest  orator  in  the  knowledge  of 
history,  Curran  cf  Ireland.  I  quote  him  to  give  my 
self  an  opportunity  of  saying  how  much  I  admire  him. 
It  i-,  on  J-'i-icrd/s  trial  for  a  libel,  that  the  following 
correct  sentiments  are  beautifully  expressed. 

"  Having  stated  to  you  ruttLmen,  'the  great  and 
exclusive  extent  of  your  jurisdiction,  I  shall  beg  leave 
to  suggest  to  you  a  distinction  that  will  strike  you  at 
first  sight;  and  that  is  the  distinction  between  public 
animadversions  upon  the  character  of  private  indivi 
duals,  and  those  which  are  written  upon  measures  of 
government,  and  the  persons  who  conduct  them  ;  the 
former  may  be  called  personal,  and  the  latter  political 
publications.  No  two  things  can  be  more  di  fie  rent  in 
their  nature,  nor,  in  the  point  of  view  in  which  they 
are  to  be  looked  on  by  a  jury.  The  criminality  of  a 
merely  person?.!  libel,  consists  in  this,  that  it  tends  to 
a  breach  of  the  peace  ;  it  tends  to  all  the  vindictive 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  161 

paroxisms  of  exasperated  vanit}1  ;  or   to  the  deeper^ 

and  more  deadly  vengeance  of  irritated  pride. The 

truth  ib.  few  men  see  at  once  that  they  cannot  be  hurt 
so  much  as  they  think  by  the  mere  battery  of  a  news 
paper.  They  do  not  reflect,  that  every  character  has 
a  natural  station,  from  which  it  cannot  be  effectually 
degraded,  and  beyond  which  it  cannot  be  raised  by 
the  bawlings  of  a  news-hawker.  If  it  is  wantonly  as 
persed,  it  is  but  for  a  season,  and  that  a  short  one 
WHEN  IT  EMERGES  LIKE  THE  MOON 
FROM  BEHIND  A  PASSING  CLOUD  TO  ITS 
ORIGINAL  BRIGHTNESS.  Ii  is  righi  however, 
that  the  law  and  that  you,  should  tiokl  the  strictest 
hand  over  this  kind  of  public  animadversion  that 
forces  humility  and  innocence  from  their  retreat 
into  the  glare  of  public  view  — That  wound. s  and  sacri 
fices  that  destroys  the  cordiality  and  peace  of  domestic 
life;  and,  that,  without  eradicating  a  single  vice  or  a 
single  folly,  plants  a  thousand  thorns  in  the  human 
heart."- 


IT  will  not  give  universal  satisfaction  to  have  in 
troduced  the  name  of  Porcupine,  or  Calender.  1-or 
though  no  man  can  respect  these  characters;  yet,  con 
sciousness  of  having  once  favoured  them  from  other 
motives,  will  touch  the  seff-Iove  of  some,  as  it.  v.ii!  be 
said  the  one  is  dead  ;  and  the  other  run  av/ay,  and  it 
was  not  worth  while,  or  perhaps  liberal,  to  make  use 
of  their  names  even  in  a  dramatic  way  ;  or  as  a  cha 
racter  in  a  fable.  As  to  Porcupine,  it  vav;  saiti  at  the 
time,  that  though  occasionally  coarse  in  his  language, 
and  gross  in  his  reflections,  yet  such  u  snlrit  and  slile 
o  2 


163-  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

of  writing,  was  necessary  to  counteract  the  excess  of 
democratic  principles;  that  in  fact,  it  did  good.  I 
doubt  upon  that  head  ;  or  rather  to  the  best  of  my 
judgment,  it  did  harm  to  the  qause  which  it  was 
thought  to  serve.  Indignation  is  insensibly  transfer- 
cd  from  the  advocate  to  the  cause. 

It  has  been  said,  in  the  British  Parliament,  that 
"  He  deserved  a  statue  of  gold  for  the  services  ren 
dered  here."  This  is  a  great  mistake.  He  did  injury 
to  the  character  of  British  manners  and  liberality.  It 
produced  something  like  a  personal  resent  mentagainst 
the  whole  nation  whence  such  a  writer  came.  An 
intemperate  partizan  in  public  or  in  private  life,  can 
never  serve  uny  cause. 

But  it  was  not  with  a  view  to  pourtray  this  spectre 
of  scurrility  that  the  name  is  introduced;  but  because 
it  suited  to  the  counterpart,  Polecat.  I  had  thought 
of  Panther  ;  but  Porcupine,  could  be  drawn  from  real 
life,  and  was  at  hand. 

I  will  not  say,  that  before  Porcupine  came  and 
since,  there  has  not  been  a  portion  of  scurrility  in 
some  gazettes,  unworthy  of  the  firesa.  There  has 
been  too  much  ;  but  1  believe  the  example  and  the 
fate  of  this  monster,  and  his  successor  Calender,  has 
greatly  contributed  to  reform  the  abuse.  It  is  a  check 
upon  an  editor,  to  be  threatened,  not  with  a  prosecu 
tion  ;  but  to  be  culled,  a  Porcujiine  ;  or  a  Calender. 


IT  will  be  natural  for  a  reader  to  apply  in  his 
own  mind,  the  history  of  the  village  and  its  agitations, 
to  the  state  where  we  live;  and  it  will  be  asked,  what 
ground  is  there  for  the  idea,  that  here  we  talk  of  pull- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  163 

ing  down  churches  ;  or  burning  colleges.  There  is 
no  ground  so  far  as  respects  churches  ;  but  it  is  in 
troduced  by  way  of  illustration.  What  if  any  one 
should  say,  let  us  have  no  books,  and  no  doctrines, 
but  the  ten  commandments,  the  Lord's  prayer,  and 
the  apostles  creed  ?  Give  us  the  gospel  in  a  narrow 
compass,  and  have  no  more  preaching  about  it.  This 
would  be  no  more  than  is  said  of  the  law  ;  why  can 
not  we  have  it  in  a  pocket  book,  and  let  every  man  be 
his  own  lawyer  ?  Our  acts  of  assembly  fill  several 
folio  volumes ;  and  yet  these  are  not  the  one  thou 
sandth  part  of  our  law.  Why  not,  at  least,  put  the 
acts  of  assembly  in  a  nut  sheil  ?  Ask  our  legislators. 
What  else  law  have  we  but  the  acts  of  the  legislative 
body  ?  The  law  of  nations  forms  a  part  of  the  munici 
pal  law  of  this  state.  This  law  is  of  great  extent,  and 
to  be  collected  from  many  books.  The  common  law, 
before  the  revolution,  made  a  part  of  our  laiv  ;  and  by 
an  act  of  our  legislature  of  the  28th  January,  1777,  it 
is  recognized  and  established  to  be  a  part  of  our  law, 
and  u  such  of  the  statute  laws  of  England  as  have  here 
tofore  been  in  force"  This  law  must  be  collected 
from  commentaries,  and  decisions.  It  is  of  an  im 
mense  extent.  Because  the  relations  of  men,  and  the 
contracts  of  parlies,  are  of  an  infinite  variety.  But 
how  is  Turkey  governed?  Do  the  mufti  require  such 
a  multiplicity  of  rules  ?  No,  nor  the  cadi  in  Persia  ; 
because  "  having  no  law,  they  are  a  law  unto  them 
selves."  There  is  no  jury  there.  It  must  be  a  pro 
fession,  a  business  of  study  to  understand  our  law  : 
we  cannot  therefore  burn  the  books  of  law,  or  court 
houses,  any  more  than  we  can  dispense  with  sermons 
and  commentaries  on  the  Bible  ;  or  pull  clown  religi 
ous  edifices. 

I  will  not  say,  that  people  talk  of  burning  colleges  j 
but  they  do  not  talk  much  of  building  them  up.    The 


164  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

constitution  provides,  Art.  7.  "  That  the  legislature 
shall,  as  soon  as  conveniently  may  be,  provide  by  luw 
for  the  establishment  of  schools  throughout  the  state, 
in  such  manner  that  the  poor  may  be  taught  gratis." 
Sec  11."  The  arts  and  sciences  shall  be  promoted 
in  one  or  more  seminaries  of  learning."  We  do  not 
hem1  of  much  exertion  on  this  head  ;  cither  in  the 
legislative  body,  or  out  o*  d^ors.  But  what  is  more 
exceptionable  ;  or  at  lenc.t  unfortunate,  in  the  opinion 
of  literary  men,  and  perhaps  in  the  opinion  of  some 
that  have  the  misfortune  not  to  be  learned,  is  that 
learning  does  r.ot  stem  to  be  in  repute  universally. 
The  surest  means  in  some  places,  ?.s  is  said,  to  make 
your  way  to  a  public  function,  is  to  declaim  against 
learning.  It  would  be  a  libel  on  the  body  politic,  if 
a  state  could  be  the  subject  of  a  libel,  to  say,  or  to  in 
sinuate  that  this  is  general.  Hut  it  is  hard  in  some 
places,  I  do  not  know  that  it  is  carried  so  far  that  a 
candidate  for  an  office  will  affect  not  to  be  able  to 
write,  but  make  his  mark  ;  but  it  is  not  f.ir  from  it; 
for  he  will  take  care  to  have  it  known,  that  he  is  no 
scholar  ;  that  he  has  had  no  dealings  with  the  devil  in 
this  way  ;  that  he  has  kept  himself  all  his  life,  thank 
God,  free  from  the  black  art  of  letters  ;  that  he  lias 
nothing  but  the  plain  light  of  nature  to  go  by.  and 
therefore  cannot  be  a  rogue  ;  that  as  for  learned  men 
that  have  soid  themselves  to  the  devil,  they  may  go 
to  their  purchaser  ;  he  will  have  nothing  to  do  with 
old  nick  or  his  agents.  This  is  not  just  the  language 
used;  but  it  is  the  spirit  of  it.  It  may  be  a  caricature, 
as  we  distort  features  to  mark  deformity  more  deform 
ed.  But  the  picture  is  not  without  some  original  of 
this  drawing.  To  spuak  figuratively,  as  we  say  of 
fevers,  it  may  be  in  low  grounds,  and  about  marshes 
that  we  have  the  indisposition  ;  that  is,  ?'/:  the  secluded 
parts  of  the  country.  But  so  it  is  tha4.  it  does  exist. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY,  165 

It  is  true,  the  savages  of  our  frontier  country,  and 
elsewhere,  dispense  with  the  use  of  letters  ;  and  at  a 
treaty,  Canajohalas  and  other  chiefs  make  their  marks. 
They  are- able  counsellors,  and  bloody  warriors,  not 
withstanding.  The  Little  Turtle  defeated  General 
St.  Cluir,  who  is  a  man  of  genius,  and  literary  educa 
tion  ;  and  yet  the  Little  Turtle  can  neither  read  nor 
write,  any  more  than  a  wild  turkey  ;  or  a  water  tara- 
pin.  But  let  it  be  considered,  that  the  deliberations 
of  the  council-house,  at  the  Miami  towns,  embrace 
but  simple  objects;  and  a  man  may  throw  a  tomhawk, 
that  holds  a  pen,  but  very  awkwardly.  So  that  there 
i-i  nothing  to  be  inferred  from  this,  candidly  speaking, 
I  grant  that  Charlemagne,  made  Ins  mark,  by  dipping 
his  hand  in  ink,  tuid  placing  it  upon  the  parchment. 
It  was  his  hand,  no  doubt ;  but  it  must  have  taken  up 
a  large  portion  of  the  vellum  ;  and  it  would  have 
saved  expcnce,  if  he  could  have  signed  himself,  in  a 
smaller  character.  But  what  may  pass,  in  an  illite 
rate  age,  with  an  emperor,  will  not  be  so  well  received 
in  a  more  enlightened  period,  and  in  the  case  oi  a 
common  person. 

It.  is  not  the  want  of  learning  that  I  consider  as  a 
defect  ;  but  the  contemfit  of  it.  A  man  of  strong  mn.d 
may  do  ivif/iout  it ;  but  he  ought  not  to  undet  value  the 
assistance  of  it,  in  those  who  have  but  moderate  parts 
to  depend  upon.  It  is  a  bad  lesson  to  young  people  ; 
who  had  better  take  a  lesson  from  their  books.  At 
any  rate,  it  is  good  to  have  the  thing  mixed  ;  here  a 
scholar  and  there  an  illiterate  person  ;  that  the  hon 
esty  of  the  one  may  correct  the  craft  of  the  other. 

How  comes  it  that  a  lawyer  in  this  state  seems  to 
be  considered  as  a  limb  of  satan  ?  There  is  a  great 
prejudice  against  them.  It  would  seem  to  me  that  it 
is  carried  to  an  extreme.  An  advertisement  appear 
ed  some  years  ago  in  a  Philadelphia  newspaper  of  a 


166  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

ship  just  arrived  with  indented  servants  ;  tradesmen 
of  all  descriptions  ;  carpenters,  joiners,  and  sawyers. 
The  error  of  the  press  had  made  it  lawyers.  It  gave 
a  general  alarm  ;  for  the  people  thought,  we  had 
enough  of  them  in  'his  country  already. 

But  if  we  have  lawyers  at  all  ;  it  is  certainly  an 
advantage  to  have  them  well  educated.  Were  it  for 
nothing  else  but  the  credit  of  the  thing,  I  should  like 
to  see  an  enlightened,  and  liberal  bar  in  a  country. 
It  is  thought  that  learning  makes  tlitm  make  long 
speeches.  It  that  should  be  made  appear;  I  bar  learn 
ing  ;  for  I  like  brevity  :  with  Shakespeare,  I  think  it 
"  the  soul  of  wit." 

I  attribute  the  making  long  sfieechcs,  to  the  taking 
lo?iij-  notes.  Wnen  every  thing  is  taken  down,  every 
thing  must  be  ansxvered,  though  it  is  not  worth  the 
answering.  This  draws  replies  long  into  the  night; 
and  we  labour  under  the  di  .advantage  of  not  having 
woolsacks  to  sleep  upon  as  they  have  in  England, 
while  the  council  are  fatiguing  themselves  ;  or  at 
least  the  juries. 

The  prejudice  against  lawyers  stands  upon  the 
ground  with  the  prejudice  against  learning.  The  ma 
jority  are  not  lawyers,  or  learned  men.  A  justice  of 
the  peace  is  a  deadly  foe  to  a  lawyer;  for  what  the  one 
loses,  the  other  gets.  The  chancery  jurisdiction  of 
a  justice  is  hewn  out  of  the  jurisdiction  of  the  courts 
of  law,  and  abridges  the  province  of  the  lawyer.  It  is 
well  if  it  does  not  edge  out  the  trial  by  jury.  How  ? 
This  mode  of  trial  is  retained  by  the  courts  of  law. 
But  who  are  at  th;;  bottom  of  this  hostility  to  the 
courts  of  law.  I  will  not  say  the  h'Aij  army  of  justices  ; 
though  some  may  break  a  spear  at  it.  I  believe  there 
are  of  them,  that  think  their  jurisdiction  is  sufficiently 
encreased  ;  but  there  are  others  iv/io  wjuld  not  object 
to  a  little  more. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  167 

In  China  there  are  no  courts  of  law  or  lawyers  ; 
?,I1  justices  of  the  peace.  They  call  them  Mandarins. 
In  capital  cases,  t  lit  re  is  an  appeal  to  the  emperor. 
There  is  no  jury  trial  there. 

A  limb  of  the  law,  is  a  good  name  for  a  lawyer  j 
for  we  say  a  limb  of  Satan  ;  and  a  lawyer  \i\<\free 
country  is  the  next  tl  ing  to  it  :  a  thorn  in  the  flesh  to 
buffet  the  btople.  There  is  freedom  enough  in  the 
constitution  ;  why  need  wt  be  afraid  oi  aristocracy  in 
practice  ?  Every  man  is  brought  up  to  the  buii-iing 
in  a  court  of  law,  be  he  tied  or  poor;  but  the  scLeriffJ 
in  Arabia,  who  is  a  justice  of  the  peace  ;  not  likt  our 
sheriff  here,  though  it  is  spelt  the  same  nearly,  can 
summons  no  jury  ;  at  least  i;e  takes  cure  not  io  do  it. 
But  the  governments  of  those  countries,  are  arbi  r  -.ry, 
not  free.  It  is  in  astonishing  thing  to  me,  that  ujree 
gcj-uemmcnt,  and  the  exclusion  of  lawyers,  cannot  well 
be  reconciled. 

How  can  the  overthrow  of  a  judiciary  tribunal,  af 
fect  liberty  ?  No  otherwise  than  as  it  militates  «g<  inst 
a  branch  of  the  government.  Take  away  abianch 
from  a  tree,  and  the  shade  is  reduced.  What  is  a 
branch  that  is  born  d^\\n  by  the  rest  ?  But  suppose 
the  judiciary  branch  goes  ;  me  legh>lati\e  and  execu 
tive  remain.  There  are  two  sprigs  to  the  legislative 
branch.  Which  is  strongest  ?  That  of  the  house  of 
representative*.  Is  there  no  danger  of  this  out-grow 
ing  the  other  two  ?  There  is  hail  a  sprig  in  the  exe 
cutive.  But  the  great  sprig  of  the  house  of  represen 
tatives  is  "  the  rod  of  Aaron  that  will  swallow  up  the 
other  rods."  There  is  a  talk  nou  of  abolishing  the  se 
nate.  That  will  be  talked  of,  unless  it  becomes  an 
enrt'gistcfing  office.  It  is  hoped  that  will  never  be. 
In  this  I  allude  not  to  any  disposition  that  has  yet 
shewn  itself  in  the  house  of  representatives  j  but  to 
what  I  have  heard  broached  out  of  Uoors. 


168  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

Despotism  is  not  a  self-born  thing.  It  has  iis  ori 
gin  in  first  causes.  These  not  perceptible,  like  the 
gas  that  produces  the  yellow  fever.  Why  call  out 
against  the  fever  ?  It  is  the  gas  that  is  the  cause. 
Whence  sprung  the  emperor  that  now  ajficts  the 
French?  From  the  mountain  of  the  national  assembly. 
It  is  the  madness  of  the  people  that  .makes  emperors. 
They  are  not  always  aware  when  they  are  planting. 
serpents  teeth.  Reflecting  men  saw  the  emperor,  in 
the  insurrections  of  Paris;  in  the  revolutionary  tribu 
nals  ;  in  the  dominancy  of  the  clubs  ;  in  the  deporta 
tions  to  Cayenne.  Whether  it  springs  from  the  setd, 
or  grows  from  the  plant  ;  is  oviparous,  or  viviparous, 
detfiotism.it  not  of  a  day;  it  is  of  gradual  increase. 
WiJI  not  the  people  give  him  credit  that  can  point 
out  to  men,  ivhcre  a  germ  of  it  exists. 


IN  what  is  hinted  at,  in  several  pages  of  the  pre 
ceding  chapter,  of  hostility  to  laws  and  a  disposition 
to  overthrow  establishments,  and  judges,  I  have  in 
view,  not  the  procetdings  of  a  public  body,  hut  the 
prejudices  of  the  people.  It  is  talk  out  of  doors  that 
I  respect.  And  this  is  the  fountain  which  is  to  be 
corrected.  Representatives  must  yitld  to  the  preju 
dices  of  their  constituents  even  contrary  to  their  own 
judgment.  It  is  therefore  into  this  pool  that  I  cast 
my  aalt.  It  is  to  correct  these  waters  that  Iwrifr  tfiis 
bwk.  I  have  been  in  the  legislature  myself,  and  I 
know  how  %  member  must  yield  to  clamours  at  Lon>e, 
For  it  comes  within  the  &puit  of  the  piincple,  to  obey 
instructions. 


MODERN  £  HIV  ALII  Y.  IG9 

In  the  song  which  I  have  put  into  the  mouth  of  O'- 
Dell,  I  have  nothing  else  in  view  but  to  give  a  picture 
of  the  excess  of  the  spirit  of  reform.  It  is  taken  from 
•the  life  ;  for  though  not  in  verse,  yet  I  have  heard 
similar  sentiments  expressed  by  the  uninformed. 


THE  talk  of  abolishing  the  courts,  and  the  judges, 
is  a  language  which  I  put  into  the  mouth  of  Tom  the 
Tinker ;  yet  is  more  general  than  is  imagined.  I 
am  afraid  it  may  affect  ultimately  the  democratic  in 
terest  ;  to  which  I  feel  myself  attached  ;  for  I  aver 
myself  to  be  a  democrat.  No  Perkin  Warbeck,  or 
Lambert  Simnel  ;  but  a  genuine  Plantagenet.  Hence 
my  concern  for  their  honour  und  existence,  which  can 
alone  be  supported  by  their  wisdom,  and  their  justice. 

Judges  are  impeached,  and  violent  persons  will 
have  them  broke  before  they  are  tried.  But  accusa 
tion  and  condemnation  are  not  the  same  thing.  It  is 
not  on  every  bill  that  is  found  by  a  grand  jury  that 
there  is  not  a  defence. 

There  is  nothing  to  be  collected  from  any  hints  of 
mine  that  I  arraign  the  justice  or  policy  of  the  im 
peachment  ;  much  less,  that  I  wish  to  see  it  quashed, 
or  withdrawn.  I  have  it  only  in  view  to  arraign  pre 
conceived  opinions,  and  the  fortstalling  the  public 
judgment, 

Sublime  is  that  tribunal  that  is  to  judge  judges. 
The  highest  judicature  of  the  body  politic.  It  pre 
sents  an  awful,  but  majestic  spectacle.  Our  senators, 
in  this  capacity  are  the  representatives  of  heaven.  I 
see  them  seated  on  a  mount  u  fast  by  the  throne  of 
God  ;"  the  stream  of  justice  issuing  at  their  right- 
n,  VOL.  i.  r 


iro  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

hand  ;  full  and  equal  in  its  current  ;  crystal  in  it* 
fountains,  and  giving  vegetation  to  the  groves  and 
gardens  on  its  borders  :  The  stream  of  injustice  at 
their  left,  bursting  like  a  torrent  of  tnflamed  napth% 
scorching  and  consuming  all  before  it 

It  lies  with  this  sublime  court  to  give  its  lessons  of 
impartial  justice  to  the  subordinate  judiciaries  I  re 
joice  in  this  power  of  the  constitution.  1  shall  sul* 
ir.it  to  its  decisions. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


CONCLUSION  OF  THIS  VOLUM* 


IT  occurs  to  me,  that  I  shall  have  all  the  law-* 
yers  on  my  back  ;  because  I  have  said  to  them,  as 
was  said  to  the  Pharisees,  u  Use  not  vain  repetitions 
as  the  heathens  do:  for  they  think  they  shall  be  heard 
for  their  much  speaking."  By  the  bye  the  heathen 
\vith  us,  that  is,  the  savages  of  North  America,  are 
not  long  speakers.  They  call  it  a  talk,  it  is  true  ;- 
but  it  is  raised  above  a  common  conversation.  And 
they  are  not  tedious  speakers;  short,  clear  and  pithy, 
are  the  characteristics  of  their  eloquence. 

The  heathen — are  the  Gentile  nations  here  meant, 
that  bordered  on  Judea  ?  or  does  it  refer  to  the  re- 
dunclunce  of  the  Greek  and  Roman  eloquence  ?  The 
loquacious  Greek  was  proverbial.  When  a  language 
becomes  copious,  the  speakers  become  verbose. 

But  the  lawyers  will  say,  "  how  can  we  help  it? 
The  client  will  have  talk  for  his  money.  He  pur 
chases  his  plantation  by  the  acre  ;  he  sells  his  wheat 
by  the  bushel ;  or  if  a  shopkeeper  in  the  city,  he 
measures  tape  by  the  yard.  Omuia  cleus  dedit,  says 
the  Latin  scholar,  Nurnero,  mensura,  et  pond  ere. 
He  will  have  quantity,  let  wha.t  will  go  with  the  q.ua« 
lity.  For  ol  that  he  is  not  a  judge. 


172  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

I  admit  it  is  difficult  to  get  a  man  to  understand 
that  the  cause  is  oftentimes  won,  with  judgment  and 
silence,  like  the  game  of  chess.  All  depends  upon 
the  move.  A  client  will  say,  you  ought  to  refund 
me  something  ;  or  take  less  than  I  promised.  You 
had  no  trouble.  Or  he  will  go  away,  and  say,  lawyer 
1  M'Gonnicle  took  twenty  dollars  from  me,  and  did 
not  say  a  word. 

He  was  si:c  hours  on  his  feet,  says  a  man  coming 
from  the  court.  This  sounds  well  and  it  looks  as  if 
the  man  was  a  great  lawyer.  So  that  self-preserva 
tion  is  at  the  bottom  of  long  speaking.  Or  is  it  in 
accommodation  to  false  opinion. 

I  admit  something  in  all  this.  An  advocate  will 
occasionally  find  himself  under  the  necessity  of  saying 
more  than  is  necessary,  in  order  to  save  appearances, 
and  to  satisfy  his  client  who  is  not  like  the  court  and 
jury,  weury  of  the  harangue.  But  this  is  not  the 
great  cause  of  prolixity.  It  has  a  deeper  root ;  it  is  a 
false  stile  of  eloquence  that  has  been  introduced,  and 
is  become  fashionable.  I  have  asked  chief  justice 
Shippcn,  if  he  could  recollect  and  trace,  the  origin 
and  progress  of  it.  Is  it  imported,  or  of  domestic 
origin  ?  He  thinks  it  was  introduced  by  John  Dickin 
son,  who  was  an  agreeable,  but  a  lengthy  speaker. 
At  nisi  prius  ;  or  r-.t  bur  in  England,  there  was  no 
such  thing.  JV.it  whether  there  is  or  not  ;  is  of  no 
:nt.  Tlie  thing  ought  not  to  be.  Because  it 
\\ill  lead  to  the  loss  of  ihejury  trial. 
,  A  lawyer  must  say  every  thing  that  his  ingenuity 
can  suggest  on  the  subject.  The  strongest  reasons 
are  not  suHicient  ;  he  must  bring  up  the  weaker.  Af 
ter  throwing  bombs,  he  must  cast  jackstones. 

There  is  more  sense  in  the  common  mind  than  is 
imagined  ;  and  close  thought  in  strong  words  will  be 
understood,  and  a  few  will  suffice. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  173 

The  bcu1  of  this  state  is  said  to  excel  in  legal  know 
ledge  ;  but  certainly  is  behind  none  in  liberality  of 
practice  ;  and  delicacy  in  argument.  In  practice,  no 
catches,  or  as  the  common  people  call  it,  snap  judg 
ments  ;  lying  in  wait  at  the  dot  ket ;  making  surrep 
titious  entries,  and  giving  trouble  to  get  slips  set  right. 
This  the  meanest  lawyer  can  do.  A  rat  can  gnaw 
the  bowstring  of  Philoctetes.  The  drawback  in  the 
opinion  of  foreigners,  and  the  feelings  of  the  people 
here,  is  the  length  of  speeches. 

I  will  not  say  that  hence  arises  wholly  the  preju 
dice  against  lawyers.  A  prejudice  against  the  liberal 
professions,  exists  in  all  countries  ;  or  they  are  made 
the  subjects  of  invective  from  the  occasional  abuse  of, 
their  privileges.  "  Woe  unto  you  lawyers,"  is  a  scrip 
ture  expression,  and  applies  to  the  priests  among  the 
Jews  who  were  t'.ie  interpreters  of  the  law  of  Moses. 
The  physicians  of  all  countries  are  said  to  kill  people. 
And  as  to  advocates  they  get  no  quarter  in  any  conn-- 
try.  Wits  will  exclaim  even  without  ill  will.  Don, 
Quevedo,  a  Spanish  writer,  in  his  vision  of  hell,  tellsi 
us,  that  he  observed  a  couple  of  men  lying  on  then* 
backs  asleep  in  a  corner,  with  the  cobwebs  grown 
across  their  mouths.  He  was  told  these  Avere  porters, 
and  had  been  employed  in  carrying  in  lawyers,  but 
there  had  been  no  occasion  for  their  services,  for  a 
century  past,  these  cuttle  had  come  so  fast  of  them 
selves,  that  the  carriers  had  laid  themselves  up,  in 
the  interval  of  business,  to  take  a  nap  there. 

As  to  the  length  of  speaking,  how  can  it  be  helped, 
in  advocates  ?  Not  by  any  act  of  the  legislature,  con 
stitutionally,  at  leant  in  criminal  cases  ;  for  it  is  pro 
vided  by  the  constitution  that  in  criminal  cases,  i'ie 
party  shall  be  heard  by  himself  and  his  counsel.  But 
this  provision  was  not  meant  to  exclude  the  rk;!:i  in 
civil  cases,  which  existed  at  the  common  lav/ ;  but 


•7*  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

because  in  capital  cases,  in  the  courts  of  criminal 
jurisdiction  in  England,  counsel  was  not  allowed  te 
the  accused,  except  on  law  points,  arising  on  the 
trial.  In  civil  cases  the  legislature  may  change  the 
law  or  modify  it ;  but  I  am  not  able  to  say,  what  re 
gulation  by  an  act  of  the  legislature,  might  be  expe 
dient  :  or  what  practicable  by  the  courts  themselves. 
The  safest  and  most  easy  remedy  •would  be  in  the  bar 
themselves;  cultivating  a  stile  of  eloquence  of  greater 
brevity,  and  endeavouring  to  be  more  laconic  in  their 
speeches. 

They  are  not  aware  that  this  length  of  speaking 
has  become  unsufferable.  That  resentment  against 
the  bar  on  that  account,  has  been  accumulating,  and 
is  now  ready  to  overwhelm  their  existence.  It  is  a 
great  cause  of  that  obloquy  against  the  proceedings 
of  the  courts  of  justice,  which  is  heard  in  this  state. 
Delay  is  the  effect }  and  delay  is  an  obstruction  of 
justice. 

But  delay  is  the  cause  of  loss  to  the  lawyer.  It  is 
a  vulgar  idea,  but  founded  in  mistake,  that  lawyers 
delay  causes  ibr  the  sake  of  fees.  It  is  their  interest 
to  have  speedy  trials,  as  much  as  with  merchants  to 
have  quick  returns.  It  is  the  interest  of  the  advocates 
that  I  endeavour  to  promote,  in  suggesting  a  reform 
in  the  length  of  pleadings.  I  am  endeavouring,  in 
the  scouted  language  of  some  reasoners,  "  to  save  th« 
lawyers  from  themselves."  It  is  on  this  principle 
that  I  attempt  to  school  them  a  little  on  the  point  of 
oratory  at  the  bar. 

Some  one  will  say,  that  I  but  affect  to  treat  them 
cavalierly.  That  it  is  like  the  case  of  an  Indian 
>n  a  skirmish,  of  which  I  have  heard,  on  the  west  of 
the  Ohio,  who  on  his  party  being  defeated,  pursued 
one  of  his  own  people,  with  his  torn  hawk  lifted  up, 
igady  to  strike,  and  was  mistaken  for  a  volunteer* 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  175 

In  the  heat  of  the  affair  seeing  him  alert,  and  pursu 
ing,  they  thought  the  one  before  him  was  in  good 
hands,  and  they  let  them  both  escape. 

To  apply  the  story.  It  may  be  thought  that  I  af 
fect  to  school  the  profession,  to  save  it  from  arbitra 
tion  laws,  in  the  spirit  of  what  has  been  called  the 
adjustment  bill.  I  am  not  one  of  those  with  whom  it 
has  been  clear,  that  the  adjustment  bill  passed  into  a 
law,  would  do  any  injury  to  lawyers.  It  might  win 
now  off  some  of  the  chaff,  but  better  corn  would  come 
to  the  mill.  I  have  no  idea  that  any  thing  can  hurt 
the  profession,  but  the  overthrow  of  liberty.  Council 
to  advise,  and  an  advocate  to  speak,  will  be  always 
wanted  where  the  laws  govern  and  not  men.  Rules  of 
property  and  contract  in  civil  cases,  and  the  princi 
ples  of  law  in  matters  of  life,  liberty,  and  reputation, 
will  always  call  for  the  assistance  of  the  head,  and 
the  powers  of  speech,  in  a  republic, 

My  concern  in  the  case  of  innovations,  doubtlesis 
meant  for  improvements,  has  been  that  the  experi 
ment  would  not  shew  wisdom  in  the  framers;  but,  on 
the  contrary,  discredit  the  administration  by  which 
they  had  been  introduced  ;  or,  if  tolerated,  and  ap 
proved,  would  lead  to  aristocracy,  and  despotism  in 
the  end.  This  by  gradations  insensible,  as  opiates 
unnerve  the  constitution.  It  would  take  a  volume  to 
trace  gradatim,  how,  and  why  this  would  be  brought 
about ;  and  after  all  it  may  be  a  spectre  of  the  imagi 
nation.  Let  the  wise  determine.  Were  I  a  practising 
lawyer,  as  probably  I  may  soon  be,  I  should  appre 
hend  little  from  it  on  the  score  of  profit,  and  loss  to 
the  profession.  My  idea  is,  that  eighteen  months 
would  put  an  end  to  it,  and  it  would,  by  that  time, 
have  sowed  a  pretty  fruitful  field  of  controversy,  that 
would  last  as  many  years.  As  to  the  constitution,  it 


ira  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

seems  to  be  in  vain  to  talk  to  the  people  about  it,  when 
.  it  is  in  the  7ra?/  ofivhat  they  wish,  and  must  have, 

But  hinting  as  has  been  done  with  regard  to  the 
exuberance  of  oratory  at  the  bur,  it  is  to  be  taken  sub 
ject  to  the  exception  of  cases  which  cannot  be  consi 
dered  in  a  few  words  ;  either  where  the  facts  are 
complicated,  and  the  evidence  extensive  ;  or  where  a 
point  of  law  embraces  an  extensive  scope  of  argument. 
The  elucidation  in  some  cases,  must  be  drawn  from 
the  law  of  nature  ;  the  law  of  nations;  the  municipal 
law.  Statutes,  commentaries,  and  decisions  must  be 
examined  at  full  length. 

It  is  not  half  a  day,  or  a  day,  that  will  suffice  al 
ways,  to  do  justice  to  a  question.  The  court  them 
selves  will  stand  in  need  of  the  cartful  preparation, 
and  the  minute  investigation  of  the  counsel.  The 
bringing  forward  lucidly,  and  arguing  a  matter  well, 
is  a  great  help  to  a  court.  'It  is  doing  for  them,  what 
they  would  have  to  do  for  themselves,  without  their 
assistance. — The  labour  of  the  counsel  is  the  ease  of 
the  court.  Many  a  midnight  thought  is  expended  by 
the  laborious  lawyer,  of  "which  the  court  feels  the  be 
nefit,  in  the  light  which  he  throws  upon  the  subject 
of  the  litigation.  It  is  the 

Rudis  indigestttque  moles, 

of  the  unprepared  that  wastes  the  most  time. 

It  is  the  highest  effort  of  a  strong  mind  to  con* 
dense.  Having  taken  a  comprehensive  view  of  the 
whole  horizon  of  the  subject,  the  man  of  talents  col 
lects  the  firincifilcs  that  govern  and  illustrate  the  case, 
To  state  and  press  these,  is  the  effort  of  the  great 
orator.  To  reduce  to  generals,  and  bring  forward 
the  result. 

But  in  order  to  speak  short  upon  any  subject »     • 
think  long.     Much  reflection  is  the  secret  of  all  that  is 
excellent  in  oratory.  No  man  that  speaks  just  enougbr 


.MODERN  CHIVALRY.  177 

and  no  more,  ever  wearies  those  that  hear  him.  And 
that  is  enough  which  exhausts  the  subject,  before  the 
patience  of  the  auditory. 

There  is  such  a  thing  as  alarming  the  patience  A 
speaker  branches  out  his  subject.  It  is  all  proper  that 
this  should  be  done  in  his  own  mind.  It  is  necessary 
that  he  should  have  a  system  of  argument,  and  a  cer 
tain  order  of  arrangement.  But  I  do  not  approve  of  an 
explanation  of  this.  I  remember  the  alarm  which  I 
have  felt  listening  to  a  speaker  in  the  pulpit,  when 
he  has  spread  out  the  table  of  his  doctrine  into  heads 
and  sections.  When  he  had  done  with  the  first,  that 
is  well,  thought  I.  But  then,  there  is  the  second 
head  ;  will  he  be  as  long  upon  that  ?  Now  if  he  had 
said,  This  point  of  doctrine  arises  from  the  text,  I 
would  have  heard  it  out  without  fore-casting  in  1117 
mind  that  the  ulterior  divisions  were  to  come  yet.  It 
is  not  in  the  language  of  nature  to  have  such  compart 
ments.  It  is  well  enough  in  a  book  of  didactic  disser 
tation.  For  there  is  one  can  lay  clown  the  volume, 
and  amuse  himself  otherwise  when  he  rs  weary  The 
Indian  in  his  talk  has  an  order  in  his  mind,  and  pur 
sues  it  by  the  wampum  belt,  as  the  Catholic  says  his 
prayei'  by  his  beads.  It  is  not  the  secret  of  persua 
sion,  which  does  not  steal  upon  the  heart  ;  and  what 
ever  the  effect  in  matters  of  the  judgment,  may  be  the 
annunciation  of  method  ;  it  is  unfavourable  to  all  that 
interests  the  heart,  and  governs  the  imagination.  You 
will  see  no  such  thing  in  Demosthenes  or  Curran, 
Cicero  has  something  of  it,  but  I  always  thought  it  a 
blemish.  Ars  est  celare  artem. 

There  is  no  such  tlung  in  the  works  of  nature. 
Artificial  gardens  sometimes  present  that  view,  but 
these  are  not  in  the  best  taste. 

The  hills  and  mountains,  vales,  and  extensive  plains 
are  dispersed  with  a  beautiful  variety.  The  stars  of 


178  MODERN  CHIVALRY, 

the  heavens  are  not  at  marked  distances.  There  is  & 
concealed  regularity,  order  and  proportion  in  all  that 
affects.  The  mind  remains  cold  where  there  is 
nothing  that  surprises  and  comes  unexpectedly 
upon  it. 


ENS)   0?   THE   FIRS?   VOlUHE. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY t 

CONTAINING   THE 

ADVENTURES  OF  A  CAPTAIN, 

AND 

TEAGUE  O'REGAN, 

HIS    SERVANT. 

BY  H.  H.  BRACKENRIDGE. 


QJUID  VKTAT  RIDEXTEM   DICERE   VERVM HOB. 


PART  II. 

VOLUME  II. 


PUBLISHED  BY 

JACOB  JOHNSON,  AND  FOR  SALE  AT  HIS  BOOKSTORES 
IN  PHILADELPHIA  AND  IN  RICHMOND,  VIRGINIA. 

AIEXJXDEX  t?  PHILLIPS,  PRlXfERS,  CARLISLE, 
1807. 


COPY  RIGHT  SECURED. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


CHAPTER  I. 


AS  the  Captain  was  lounging  through  the 
fair,  he  saw  a  tall  thin  man,  of  a  lean  visage,  and  sal 
low  complexion,  talking  at  a  stall  with  a  chapman. 
He  had  under  his  arm  a  piece  of  new,  or,  as  it  is  cal 
led,  green  linen.  In  fact  he  was  a  weaver,  and  had 
linen  claith,  as  he  called  it,  to  sell.  For  he  was  what 
we  call  a  Scotch-Irishman,  and  of  the  name  of  Ocona-'' 
ma,  which  is  not  a  Scotch-Irish  nume  ;  but  an  abori 
ginal  Patronymic ;  nevertheless  it  came  to  be  hi$ 
name  ;  perhaps,  by  the  mother's  side. 

He  had  on  him  what  we  call  a  sjiencer  ;  that  is  a 
coat  with  the  tail  docked  ;  though  some  have  this 
kind  of  garb  made  so  in  the  first  instance  ;  that  is,  a 
juste  au  corps,  or  jacket  to  go  over  the  coat,  instead 
of  being  under  it ;  so  that  it  seems  to  be  but  a  half- 
coat. 

Now  Oconama  is  pronounced  with  the  final  vowel 
soft ;  and  hearing  it  so  pronounced,  the  Captain  took 
it  to  be  occonomy  :  especially  as  he  saw  that  his  dress 
corresponded  with  the  designation  ;  and  the  sm^ll 
scratch  wig  on  his  head,  but  half  covered  his  brown 
A  2 


6  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

hair,  which  was  seen  underneath,  supplying  the  de 
fect  of  covering  by  the  caul,  which  was  piss-hurnt, 
and  had  but  a  few  strangling  hairs  on  the  top  of  it, 
which  was  us  bald  otherwise,  as  the  pate  of  a  Capu 
chin. 

Oeccnomy,  said  the  Captain  ;  for  such  I  see  you 
are  ;  and  I  might  have  known  you,  even  if  I  had  not 
heard  your  name  j  I  am  glad  to  have  fallen  in  with 
you  ;  having  often  heard  of  you,  and  wishing  to  see 
you,  and  to  be  acquainted.  There  was  said  to  be 
great  want  of  you  a  few  years  ago,  under  the  presi 
dency  of  John  Adams,  who  though  a  good  man,  yet 
it  has  been  understood,  did  not -sufficiently  consult  you. 
I  am  glad  to  hear  that  you  are  in  request  with  Presi 
dent  Jefferson,  though  it  may  b2  as  some  say.  that  he 
consults  you  100  much,  and  that  you  carry  things  too 
far. 

Adams  !  Said  O'conoma.  I  was  not  in  the  coun 
try  when  Adams  was  president.  The  more  the  pity, 
said  the  Capf/m.  There  was  great  want  of  you. 
Yon  were  much  called  for.  There  is  a  wunt  of  oeco- 
nomy,  sukl  one.  There  is  no  ©economy,  said  another. 
Bat  I  am  happy  that  you  are  now  here.  Great  things 
•were  expected  from  you,  an''  great  things  you  have 
cone.  But  there  are  good  men  who  think,  to  use 
their  own  phrase,  .that  we  are  oeconomizing  over 
much,  and  that  by  the  weight  of  your  reputation,  you 
have  misled  our  councils,  in  some  particulars.  A 
judiciary  law  v/as  ^aid  to  be  repealed  on  the  firinciftle 
(if  dc con '!,.']]/.  The  covstt'x'ibnalily  of  the  repeal  has 
been  questioned,  much  more  the  e.rfiedicncii.  The 
suitors  are  obliged  to  come  from  the  most  remote 
pans  of  a  stale,  to  some  one  place  where  the  circuit 
court  is  held,  which  under  that  law  was  brought,  if 
not  to  their  own  doors,  yet  at  least  nearer  home.-  The 
.'.'u't'.^i  7/i.viy  '-'.  ,:a  to  (!.c jurisdiction  of 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  7, 

the  federal  Coitrts  ;  or  a  like  law  must  be  re-esta 
blished.  The  army  has  been  reduced  on  the/zrmc/- 
ple'of  oeconomy  ;  the  marine  also  Our  armed  ves 
sels  have  been  sold  off,  and  turned  into  merchantmen. 
Hence  a  petit  guere'  with  the  Bashaw  of  Tripoli,  for 
several  years,  whom  we  could  havs-  put  down,  and 
burnt  up  like  a  wasps'  nest,  if  we  had  kept  our  ships, 
and  men  together.  But  I  will  not  say,  that  there  was 
not  good  reason  at  the  time,  to  justify  the  retrench 
ment,  I  mean  that  appearances  were  such  as  to  justify 
it.  It  is  easy  to  judge  after  the  event,  and  though  I 
think  the  thing  was  wrong,  yet  I  do  not  arraign  the 
motive.  The  public  mind  leaned  so  strongly  to  re 
trenchments,  and  called  for  it  so  loudly,  that  it  was 
not  easy  to  resist  it. 

But  the  spirit  of  oeconomy  is  said  to  have  invaded 
the  legislative  part  of  the  administration,  and  to  be  a- 
bout  to  fall  upon  the  executive  itself  in  the  reduction  of 
salaries.  And  not  the  administration  only  of  the  ge 
neral  government,  but  of  the  states,  confederate,  and 
subordinate.  For  imitation  is  the  faculty  of  man  ;  and 
we  imitate  those  whom  we  respect.  Hence  it  is,  that 
•we  every  where  hear  of  oeconomy-  An  old  woman 
cannot  set  a  hen  to  hatch  but  on  the  principle  of  oeco* 
•nomy. 

It  is  a  check  to  all  improvement  in  any  system  ; 
the  judiciary,  for  instance,  that  it  does  not  consist  whh 
oeconomy.  Now  query,  Mr.  Oeconomy,  whether  this 
may  not  be  carrying  things  too  far.  I  know  well  that 
fault  will  be  found  with  all  measures.  For  all  systt-ms 
have  their  draw-backs.  This  world  that  we  inhabit 
has  its  physical  and  moral  evil  though  the  work  of  in» 
finite  wisdom.  What  perfection  then  can  we  ex,''  <:t 
from  man  ?  But  it  is  well  to  weigh,  and  to  know  whe 
ther  what  is  attempted,  comes  as  near  as  may  be  to 
tjie  expedient.  This  is  all  I  have  in  view.  You 


x  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

have  been  praised,  and  you  are  blamed.  And  so  it 
has  been  with  all  men  in  all  ages  who  have  endea 
voured  to  serve  the  public.  Their  integrity,  and  their 
exertions  have  not  been  sufficient  to  secure  them  a- 
gainst  obloquy. 

Romulus  et  liber  Pater,  et  Cum  Castore  Pollux, 
Post  ingentia  facta,  Deorum  in  templa,  recepti, 
Dum  Terras,  hominumquecolunt  genus,  asperabella 
Componunt,  ugross  assignant,  oppida  condunt ; 
Ploravere  suis  non  respondere  favorem 

Speralum  mentis 

Of  this  Smart's  translation  is  as  follows  ; 
"  Romulus,  and  Father  Bacchus,  and  Casior  and 
Pollux,  alter  great  atchievements,  received  into  the 
temple  of  the  gods  ;  while  they  were  improving  the 
world  and  human  nature  ;  composing  fierce  dissen 
sions,  settling  property,  building  cities;  lamented  that 
the  esteem  they  might  have  expected,  was  not  paid 
in  proportion  to  their  merits ." 

The  weaver,  at  this  rhapsody,  especially  the  last 
part,  the  Latin  sentence,  stood  amazed,  with  his  eyes 
staring,  and  his  mouth  open.  He  took  him  for  the 
madman  of  whom  he  had  heard,  and  who  had  been 
said  to  have  been  tried  that  day  ;  and,  on  the  princi 
ple  of  self-preservation,  if  not  of  oeconomy,  began  to 
recede,  and  to  ensconce  himself  behind  the  Pedlar, 
who  accosting  the  Captain  took  upon  him  to  explain. 
It  must  be  a  mistake  of  the  person,  said  the  chap 
man  This  is  not  the  man  you  take  him  to  be. 

Who  is  he  then  ?  Said  the  Captain.  It  is  not  Gal- 
latin  ;*  for  Gallatin  does  not  wear  a  wig,  as  I  have 
understood,  but  his  own  hair  ;  and  Madison  f  is  a 
small  man. 

*   The  Secretary  of  the  Treasury,  f  Secretary  of  State. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  9 

It  is  neither  Gallatin  ;  nor  Madison,  said  the  Ped 
lar  ;  but  an  acquaintance  of  mine  from  the  county 
Wicklow  in  Ireland.  He  has  been  in  the  country 
about  two  months,  and  has  never  seen  Jefferson  ;  or 
given  him  advice  to  do  good  or  harm. 

I  ask  his  pardon,  said  the  Captain.  Calling  him 
Oeconomy,  I  took  it  to  be  him  that  is  said  to  be  at  the 
seat  of  government,  helping  on  with  retrenchments 
and  expenditures.  His  garb  corresponded  with  his 
designation,  as  he  seemed  to  cut  his  coat  according'  to 
his  cloth  ;  and  had  curtailed  the  dimensions  of  his  pe 
riwig,  substituting  a  little  of  his  own  hair  ;  or  ra 
ther  letting  it  grow,  to  make  amends  for  the  want 
of  caul,  which  bald  as  it  is,  come  but  half  way  down 
his  occiput,  and  leaves  his  neck  bare. 


1Q  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


OBSERVATIONS. 

IT  would  be  a  gratification  to  myself,  and  it 
might  be  of  use  to  others,  to  give  some  notes  of 
political  history  in  this  state.  Those  just  grown  ufi  ; 
or  lately  come  amongst  us,  from  abroad,  would 
better  understand,  why  it  is  that  democracy  has  been 
Occasionally  the  order  of  the  day  ;  and  again  put 
down.  It  has  always  had  numbers  on  its  side,  and  yet 
has  not  always  possessed  the  administration.  I  use 
the  term  democracy,  as  contradistinguished  from  the 
aristocracy;  that  is  a  union  of  men  of  wealth,  and 
influence. 

In  the  state  constitution  of  1776,  the  democracy 
prevailed  in  carrying  a  single  legislature  ;  but  this  laid 
the  foundation  of  their  overthrow;  becaust  experience 
proved  that  it  was  wrong.  "  IVisdojn  is  justified  of  all 
her  children." 

The  constitution  of  177f>,  gave  way  to  that  of  1790 
and  the  aristocracy  obtained  the  ascendancy ;  or  rather 
having  obtained  it,  they  brought  about  a  convention, 
and  carried  the  constitution  of  1790  ;  which  is  the  jiret 
sent. 

But  connecting  themselves  with  the  errors  of  the 
administration  of  the  federal  government,  in  1797, 
4798  they  lost  the  state  administration,  and  the  demo 
cracy  prevailed. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  II 

Five  years  has  it  retained  the  administration  ;  and 
will,  an  interminable  time,  provided  that  ivise  measure* 
are  pursued,  and  justice  dur.< . 

This,  I  am  not  addressing  to  the  legislature,  or  ex 
ecutive  power  of  the  government;  but  tc  the  fieofilc. 
It  is  for  them  my  book  is  intended.  Not  for  the  repre 
sentatives  of  a  year  or  four  yeais,  but  fur  themselves. 
It  is  Tom,  Dick,  and  Harry,  in  the  woods,  that  I  want 
to  read  my  book.  I  do  not  car«  trough  the  delegated 
authorities  never  see  it.  1  will  not  s^y,  it  is  to  their 
musters  that  I  write  ;  for  I  reprobate  tiie  pl.rase.  I 
have  no  idea  of  masters,  or  servants  in  a  rtjmblic. 
But  it  is  to  their  constituents  thai  I  consider  myself 
as  applying,  in  the  observations  I  make.  At  the 
same  time  professing,  which,  aficr  ivhac  has  haf  j.in- 
ed  in  my  case,  is  /icr/ia/is  necessary,  that  1  ha\e  not  the 
slightest  disrespect  lor  the  representatives  t/.-at  have 
bcen^  or  may  again  be  ;  I  only  \\isjh  them  to  ••  up-port 
a  character  in  their  deliberations.  \vi  ich  the  world  fiiu&e 
approve.  Or  rather  I  wish  the  democracy  supported 
which  can  be  done  only,  on  t!.e  basis  of  wit>clvm,  which 
contains  in  it  truth,  and  justice. 

Error  is  always  weakness.  Integrity  cannot  save 
error.  It  can  only  reduce  it  from  misdemeanour  to 
frailty. 

In  what  is  the  democracy  likely  to  err  ?  How  do 
men  or  when  they  run  fron;  one  exlixme  to  ano;i-<.T? 
There  may  be  an  extreme  in  otccnlnn/^  as  \\cii  as  in 
expenditure.  The  oeconomhts  are  a  ^ood  des<  ription 
of  persons  ;  but  they  may  not  always  be  the  iUunana- 
ti.  Tiiere  is  such  a  thing  as  oeccnomy  over  much.  A 
man  of  spirit,  and  enterprise  in  his  private  afT,  irs,  will 
be  settsihte  that  ii  is  no  oeconomy  to  stint  i:ij  labour 
er*  of  wages;  or  to  higgle  in  iiis  bargains.  More 
ckpcnds  upon  judgment,  and  expansion  of  minu  in 
his  plans,  than  in  niggardliness  ia  his  contracts.  La}  - 


12  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

ing  out  well,  brings  in,  and  mproves  his  plantation. 
Tne  federal  government,  in  the  opinion  of  some, 
taxed  too  much,  or  injudiciously.  We  will  not  tux 
at  all.  Rather  than  tax,  we  will  bend  our  winds,  to 
reduce  offices  and  salaries  ;  at  a  time  too  \v  lien  the 
purchase  of  commodities  proves  to  us,  that  the  value 
of  money  is  reduced,  and  the  price  of  living  advanced 
one  half.  The  Jbrisdiftion  ol  the  justices  oi  the  pt-i.ce 
proves  this  ;  for  it  must  have  been  a  good  deal,  on 
this  ground,  that  it  has  been  increased  iron  fiity,  or 
thereabouts,  to  une  himdn'd  doilars.  But  it  i&  not 
merely  the  reduction  of  offices  and  salaries,  that  is  (he 
evil,  but  the  wounding  a  principle,  of  the  constitution  ; 
or  st ruining'  a  principle,  to  get  quit  of  these  :  ftr,  it 
cannot  be  dissembled,  that  it  is  broached  in  many 
places,  to  overthrow  the  whole  judiciary  establish 
ment,  ami  put  men  upon  thebiiuh  that  will  tuke 
the  honor  of  it,  lor  the  compensation.  Tl  is  might 
look  wvll  at  the  first  glance  ;  but  it  \\oulcl  ultimately 
destroy  the  democracy  by  which  11  vvas  at  TOD. pushed. 

But  suppose  nothing  of  this,  in  contemplation,  or 
attempted  ;  who  are  they  that  oppose  an  an/tlioiatii  \\ 
of  the  judicial  system,  competent  to  an  administration 
of  justice,  by  ^n  increase  of  ti.e  district*,  or  the  judges? 
The  oeconomif>fs.  Though,  it  can  be  demonstrated, 
that  a  pound  is  lost  to  the  community,  \\here  a  penny 
is  saved.  But  it  does  not  come  by  the  way  of  direct 
tax ;  but  insensible  niching,  in  the  way  of  the  tx- 
pcnccs  of  attending  courts. 

But  the  juaticc  of  the  thing  is  more  ;  the  dispatch 
of  trial,  and  decision.  The  delay  of  justice,  is  the 
denial  of  justice.  It  would  be  lor  the  credit  of  the 
democratic  administration,  to  have  just  ideas  on  this 
head-  'Hiere  are  amongst  tin m  tvlio  have  ;  but  it  i/t 
not  universal.  The  fact  is,  that  it  will  not  always  be 
borne  ;  and  their  adversaries  li'itt  triumph. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  13 

Were  it  not  for  the  name  of  the  thing,  I  do  not 
see  that  a  judge  in  this  state,  need  care  much  about 
being  broken  ;  for  it  is  but  a  pack-horse  business  at 
present.  It  requires  as  much  sitting  us  a  weaver, 
and  as  much  riding  as  a  carrier  of  dispatches.  I  of 
ten  think  of  the  language  of  Job,  in  more  senses,  than 
one,  "  my  days  are  swifter  than  a  post." 

In  riding  from  one  court  to  another,  it  is  necessary 
to  be  at  a  certain  point  by  a  certain  hour,  though 
rain  falls,  lloocl  swells,  and  roads  are  bad — Even  in 
good  weather  there  are  bad  roads  Why  not  make 
good  roads?  Here  again  the  oeconomists  present  them- 
selvQp.  The  roads  are  left  to  the  townshi/is  ;  even 
the  grret  fttate  roads  ;  and  no  improvements  of  a  pub 
lic  natm—  .«'*e  attempted,  or  thought  of:  occonomy  is 
the  order  ^f  the  day.  It  woulrl  seem  that  democracy- 
had  no  soul  ;  that  it  views  things  on  a  narrow  scale. 
That  it  has  not  the  knowledge,  or  the  ambition  "  to 
make  a  threat  state  out  of  a  small."  I  would  wish  it 
to  stretch  a  little  in  its  views,  as  to  the  amendment 
of  the  roads,  and  the  improvement  of  the  judicial  sys 
tem.  But  this  is  not  a  building  up,  but  a  jndling 
down  time. 

I  know  what  it  will  pull  down  eventually  ;  the  de 
mocracy.  People  will  be  as  much  dissatisfied,  by  and 
by,  with  occonomy  resisting  all  improvements,  as  they 
were  of  late  with  firovisiotial  armies,  and  a  house  tax. 
A  false  oeconomii,  not  resisting  merely  the  accom 
plishment  of  public  objects,  but  sacrificing  to  itself 
the  eitab&thmenta  that  do  exi*t.  It  is  the  Moloch 
that  is  calling  for  the  constitution  that  it  may  devour 
it.  It  is  to  this  idol  that  the  third  branch  of  the  go 
vernment  must  be  offered  up  in  one  shape  or  another. 
For  what  is  it,  whether  a  judge  is  broke  upon  the 
bench  ;  or  has  his  neck  broke  it/ion  the  roadv  ? 

TAUT  II.  VOL.  II.  B 


l->  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

C, ;  v  T;;VC  the  representatives  for  the  time 

I,cin;j;  .  -,\  the  j>e';;>'.e  comr*  to  Hive  a  sense 

t  f  the  ]..; 'i-.y       Ijir,  u  \v'.:l  .  T  ot  the  credit,  of  the  de- 

rmcru-./  :  %  iic!o>vn.     It  is  a  puvi- 

iy-.ic-.  t.  :.L  will  tor  :  iaate     .  a  convulsion  of  the  public 

Tunul  uu  1  .ii'.t'.on.     It  is  in  thena- 

.:i.it  tl.is  ,  >  case  ;  for  gnat  is 

'./T,'  'jffrut'h,  ani  it.  wi.'l  fin  vail. 

In  \viuit  1  have  sjid  on  t;;is  ht:ad  ;   I  will  ackncnv- 

•  that   I    Iv.vj   i.i   \ie-.',    c' i^fly   that   oeconomy 

h  resists  an  improvevuent  oft  be  judicial  system. 

I'lis  is  read,  ii  will  not  he  of 

•  i  me  but  ui  u  citiz.-n,  and  perhaps  not 

in  that  capacity,  wheliici1  it  is  improved  or  not. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY, 


CHAPTER  II. 


I  FEEL  a  disposition  in  v/riting  this  b:.p;;.teili'. 
to  introduce  something  solid,  and  therefore  have  con 
trived  to  bring  about  a  conversation  on  the  part  of  the 
Captain,  with  the  principal  of  the  college.  It  was 
on  the  subject  of  education  :  not  education  generally, 
but  particular  points  of  academic  institution. 

I  do  not  like,  said  the  Captain,  the  enjoining,  or 
imposing,  to  use  a  stronger  term,  tasks  oi  original 
composition.  It  h  well  to  instruct  in  grammar,  and 
the  elements  of  writing  so  far  as  respects  arrange 
ment,  perspicuity,  and  the  choice  of  proper  word!  : 
and  in  this  I  have  but  one  rule,  which  is  to  think  first, 
and  endeavour  to  have  a  clear  idea,  and  then  to  put 
it  down  in  such  expression  as  to  be  best  understood. 
The  definition  of  stile  given  by  Swift,  rc.tling-  ct-n 
surpass  ;  "  proper  words  in  proper  places."  And  for 
this  purpose  translation  is  the  best  exercise.  It  h 
absurd  to  require  of  youth  thoughts  before  they  have 
any  ;  or  at  least,  correct  thoughts.  Help  n-e  cut  Milh 
my  description  ;  assist  me  with  my  theme,  says  one. 
What  shall  I  do  for  an  oration,  says  another  ?  Is  h 
ever  a  complaint  in  common  life,  that  men  want 
tongues  ?  Are  you  obliged  to  urge  them  to  vmie  in 
newspapers  ?  The  difficulty  is  to  keep  them  from  it. 


16  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

They  will  be  talking  and  scribbling  before  they  know 
what  to  esy,  cr  to  write.  The  seven  years  silence  of 
Pythagoras  was  a  noble  institution.  What  an  excel 
lent  improvement  ir  w<.ulcl  be  in  our  public  bodies, 
that  a  mr.n  should  serve,  say  two  years,  l.efoie  he 
should  have  leave  to  open  his  mouth,  save  just  to  say 
aye  or  no. 

But  we  begin  our  system  of  errors  at  the  very 
schools.  The  student  must  compose.  It  is  true  we 
have  improved  upon  the  system  of  the  last  century  in 
this  particular  ;  and  do  not  now  insist  upon  it  that  it 
shall  be  in  verse.  It  is  sufficient  that  it  be  in  piose. 
I  mean  that  making  latin  hexameters,  or  engiisli  hen- 
decasyllables,  are  not  now  a  task.  But  it  still  remains 
that  the  boys  must  write.  And  yet  the  poet  which 
you  put  into  their  hands  says, 

Kecte  scribendi,  tupere  principium  est,  et  fons. 

Good  sense  is  the  foundation  of  good  writing. 

I  do  not  like  much,  your  declaiming  in  colleges  ; 
though  doubtless  the  ancients  had  this  practice  ; 

. Ut  inter  discipulos  plores,  et  declamatio  lias. 

But  is  this  arbitrary  speaking  calculated  for  any  othev 
purpose,  but  to  make  a  pedant  ?  You  must  stretch 
out  your  hand  at  tins  ;  you  must  draw  up  your  leg 
ut  thut.  Here  you  must  say  All  1  There,  Oh  !  It  is 
the  feeling  of  the  heart  only  that  gives  attitudes  ;  it 
is  pasiion  only  that  can  swell  out  the  breast,  or  agi 
tate  the  members.  I  have  seen  an  old  woman  angry, 
or  moved  with  grief,  play  the  orator  very  naturally. 
The  emotions  of  her  spirit,  distends  the  arm  and 
stretches  out  the  muscles.  She  clenches  her  fist  at 
the  propel1  period,  and  lays  her  emphasis  upon  the 
proper  words.  She  says  Oh  I  or  Ah  !  in  its  proper 
place,  without  being  taught  it  by  rule,  or  pedagogue. 

Passion  blows  a  man  xip  like  a  bladder.  He  grows 
as  bis  as  himself.  His  hair  rises  on  his  head,  and  his 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  17 

breast  heaves.  Will  rules  give  a  man  passion?  Will 
a  man  that  feels,  stand  in  need  of  rules  ? 

I  perceive,  Captain,  said  the  Principal,  that  you  arc 
no  slouch  at  supporting  a  paradox.  Polybius  tells  us, 
that  the  Romans  exercised  themselves  on  shore,  learn 
ing  to  keep  stroke,  and  to  i'eaiher  their  oars,  while 
their  gullies  were  building,  to  encounter  the  Cartha- 
genians,  in  the  first  Punic  war.  Can  it  he  of  no  use 
to  stretch  the  joints  a  little  even  without  passion  ?  Or 
cannot  passion  be  called  up  by  the  exertion  of  the 
speaker,  even  in  a  feigned  case  ?  It  is  something  to 
accustom  youth  to  stand  up,  and  face  an  audience. 
At  all  events,  it  is  an  amusement,  and  it  can  do  no 
harm  to  the  boys  to  spout  a  little.  At  the  same  time 
it  is  no  proof  of  eminence  in  real  speaking  that  the 
youth  spouts  well.  For  that  as  you  say,  must  coinc 
from  sentiment  and  feeling.  But  there  is  something 
in  a  habit  of  declaiming,  at  least  to  assist  the  voice  and 
gesture.  But  I  have  always  thought  it  preposterous 
in  our  Young  Ladies  Academies,  to  put  little  -misses  for 
ward  to  sj>eak.  1  have  thought  it  an  indelicacy  to  suf 
fer  them  to  declaim.  It  is  unnatural ;  for  what  occa 
sion  can  they  have  to  harangue  ? 

I  am  of  the  same  opinion,  said  the  Captain.  I  could 
never  approve  in  a  family  to  see  a  little  miss  called 
up  by  a  silly  mother,  or  weak  father,  to  hold  out  hep 
hand,  and  speak  a  passage  which  the  blockhead  of  a 
teacher  had  instructed  her  to  commit  to  memory.  It 
is  indelicate,  and  out  of  nature. 

To  what  assists  the  memory,  I  have  no  objection. 
But  for  this  purpose,  there  are  sentences  in  Scrip 
tures,  in  the  Proverbs  of  Solomon,  especially;  ihe 
Gospels,  and  the  writings  of  St.  Paul.  In  Shakespeare, 
are  fine  thoughts  drawn  from  human  nature  ;  moral 
observations  consolotary,  or  instructive.  Let  them  be 
got  by  memory,  because  recollected,  they  will  gu ice, 
E  2 


I*  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

;ct,  or  embellish  conversation.  These  would  be  a 
good  subv/uute  lor  catechisms,  containing  points  of 
-I' tit "i,  which  fie  young  mind  cannot  comprehend;  and 
Y, Meh  the  (Urines  dispute  about  themselves.  Cate 
chisms  might  b  >  hid  up  for  grown  persons.  The  fact 
•  early  catechumeni,  were  all  grown  persons.  It 
was  not  until  the  time  of  John  Knox  that  they  began 
to  teach  children  the  dogmata  of  the  scholastic  theolo 
gy.  The  Jews  had  it  in  command  from  Moses,  to 
teach  their  children  sentences  ;  or  precepts  of  the  law. 
They  we'  e  tuugl.t  to  bind  them  on  their  arms,  or  about 
their  necks  in  slips  of  writing  which  they  called ////:/- 
lactc-rics.  Hut  do  we  hear  of  U aching  them  the  Tal 
mud  of  Jonathan,  or  the  Targum  of  Ben  Onkelos  ? 
The  commentaries  of  Rabbi  David  ;  or  Eh<  n  Ezra 
'!.;.•  Jj\v,  i, ever  superseded,  amongst  them,  the  pre 
cepts  of  the  decalogue. 

I  h.ul  no  i;l:a.  C'pMun,  said  the  principal,  that  you 
:.  y'i  v)  much  knowledge  of  the  Pentateuch. 

A  little  only,  said  the  Captain.  But  I  go  on  to  ob 
serve  that  in  Turkey,  they  commit  to  memory  on!y 
the  moral  lessens  of  the  Alkoran  ;  or  of  the  Misnud 
in  Persia,  The  Ved.un  of  India  is  a  book  chiefly  fov 
the  Priests  ;  and  so  with  us  ought  to  be  the  greater 
p:ut  of  the  co'ife.  &L;is.  At  least  mature  years,  only 
>L;e3t  them 

But  these  dogmata  planted  in  the  memory,  grow 
n,)  to  fruit  in  t,,e  under:>tanuing  aftei  wards,  said  the 
Principal. 

Ti»at  is.  s;  id  th,e  Captain,  ronimit  to  memory  now, 
v/hat  y(;ii  v'.ii  understand  afterwards  I  would  have 
memory  uul  understjnding  go  together.  But  this 
leads  me  to  say  a  word,  <:n  memory,  r.s  you  divines 
say  when  you  preach.  1'or  you  talk  of  saying  but  n 
word,  when  be-fore  yrn  are  done,  yr.u  ir.e.ke  a  sermon 
out  of  it.  Memory  is  a  Mb:*  improvable,  and  ougf  " 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  19 

to  be  improved,  I  do  not  therefore  approve  of  this 
thing  of  taking  notes.  You  read  your  lectures,  and 
the  student  must  take  notes.  It  spoils  !'is  rmnd  ;  for 
trying  to  keep  upwirii  yon  he  writes  fast,  and  runs 
into  scratches  like  short  hand,  or  the  Coptic  alpha 
bet. 

Sometimes  the  student  copies  the  lectures,  to  a 
great  waste  of  time,  and  unnecessarily  ;  lor  learned 
professors  thought  they  had  done  a  great  deal  in  get 
ting  them  out  of  manuscript  info  firint  ;  and  now  the 
labour  is  to  get  them  out  of  print  info  manuscript 
again.  liut  the  principal  disadvantage,  is  the  neglect 
of  the  memory.  An.:  when  a  man  gets  a  thing  in  his 
book,  he- neglects  to  put  it  in  his  head,  Let  the  thing 
rest  in  'the  brain  if  possible. 

Pedagogues  that  teach  the  first  elements  of  arith 
metic  will  instruct  the  youth  to  work  ti;cir  sums,  as 
they  call  it,  on  the  slates;  and  afterwards  put  down 
the  figures  in  then-  books,  Tl  is  is  to  take  home  to 
shew  to  their  parents,  that  they  may  stem  to  be  do 
ing  something,  and  the  master  get  a  good  name. 
But  it  is  a  loss  of  time  and  of  paper. 

The  same  pedantry  is  carried  up  into  higher  insti 
tutions;  and  the  classes  copy  lectures,  to  make  them 
selves,  or  others,  believe  that  they  have  been  doing 
something. 

Just  at  this  instant  a  gun  went  off,  and  thinking 
somebody  might  have  been  shot,  they  broke  off'  the 
conversation. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY 


OBSERVATIONS. 

IT  may  be  asked,  of  what  use,  a  great  part  of 
the  preceding  book  ?  Some  things  may  have  a  mo 
ral  and  carry  instruction  tp  the  mind.  But  a  great 
part  can  have  no  meaning  or  effect ;  farther  than  to 
raise  a  laugh,  or  to  make  a  person  smile  for  a  mo 
ment.  That  itself  is  something  ;  and  may  conciliate 
the  reader  to  what  is  more  solid.  An  ingredient,  not 
in  itself  savouty,  may  give  a  relish  to  substantial 
good.  Asafoetida  gives  a  flavour  to  a  beef-steak. 

Let  me  get  a  man  to  laugh,  and  I  put  him  in  good 
humour.  The  whole  book  from  beginning  to  end, 
has  a  moral,  which,  if  any  one  has  not  found  out,  let 
him  read  again. 

It  may  argue  a  light  airy  mind  in  the  writer  ;  and 
yet,  these  things  are  sometimes  the  offspring,  as  in 
the  present  case,  of  a  mind,  far  from  being  at  ease  ; 
on  the  contrary,  it  is  to  get  ease,  and  allay  pain,  that 
it  is  written.  Pain  of  mind  is  relieved  by  an  abstrac 
tion  of  solid  thought.  The  early  puroxism  of  deep 
grief,  may  be  incompatible  with  a  playful  fancy  ;  but 
gradually  and  insensibly,  the  heart-ache  may  be 
cheated  of  its  sensations.  What  else  effect  has  con 
versation  or  music  ?  Neither  of  these  can  assuage 
grear.  pain  ;  or  torture  ;  but  will  be  felt  to  alleviate, 
in  a  lesser  degree  of  pain,  of  body  or  mind.  The 
mind  is  drawn  off,  and  kept  from  reflecting.  We 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  21 

use  laudanum  to  allay  acute  bodily  pains  ;  and  it 
gives  a  pleasing  delirium,  and  insensibility  for  a  time. 
But  in  the  case  of  mental  suffering,  it  is  much  safer 
to  attack  the  imagination  by  an  intellectual  parego 
ric.  There  is  less  danger  that  the  use  will  grow  to 
excess,  and  induce  habit. 

Scarron  wrote  his  comical  Romance  under  great 
bodily  pain,  But  ease  to  the  mind  has  been  more 
frequently  sought  by  the  amusement  of  writing.  It 
is  a  fortunate  thing  for  the  writers,  that  it  keeps  off 
hunger ;  for  many  of  them  in  the  garrets  of  cities, 
if  we  may  believe  themselves,  while  they  lived,  ov 
their  friends  after  they  are  dead,  are  reduced  to  short 
commons.  Certain  it  is,  that  the  occupation  of  the 
mind  saves  food.  Literary  men,  are  in  general  but 
small  eaters.  The  spirits  are  exhausted  in  the 
thought  of  the  brain,  and  are  less  active,  in  the  juices 
of  the  stomach.  So  that  from  a  man's  eating,  I  can 
give  a  pretty  good  guess,  whether  he  thinks,  or  speaks 
most. 

But  it  may  be  said,  this  book  might  have  been 
•written,  from  the  motive  suggested ;  but  why  let  it  go' 
to  the  press  ?  Because  there  is  a  pleasure  in  seeing 
what  you  have  written  appear  in  a  book ;  and  the  cor 
recting  the  proof  sheets  as  you  go  along,  pleases. 
It  is  on  the  same  principle  that  the  child  is  delighted 
with  its  baby  house  ;  the  grown  person  with  the  gra 
tification  of  his  fancy  in  architecture  or  gardening. 
All  the  objects  of  men,  are  in  great  part  to  please  the 
imagination.  Utility  is  but  one  half.  I  admit  at  the 
same  time,  that  he  who  comprises  both,  hits  the  nail 
on  the  head,  and  carries  all  votes.  But  it  is  even 
something  to  attain  one  of  these.  This  much  it  may 
suffice  to  say,  as  an  apology  for  the  publication. 


»2  MODERN  CIIIV  \LttY. 

BUT  it  may  be  said,  why  not  cast  the  salt  of 
your  pleasantry  upon  some  substantial  food  to  the 
mind  of  a  voting  person,  and  not  upon  vapour,  which 
constitutes  little  nourishment.  You  would  seem  to 
be  a  moralist  ;  and  to  have  some  knowledge  of 
practical  p'-.ilosop'ty.  IK- nee  we  should  expect  in. 
your  pfige.  observations  conducive  to  regulate  life, 
and  to  form  manners.  If"  for  instance  you  had  taken 
a  youth  from  his  e  irly  age,  and  conducted  him  to 
yu..n;,ood.  insinuating  by  example,  or  p.'ecept,  the  best 
lessons  i-,  might  have  been  a  school  hook.  I  answer; 
there  has  been  a  great  dual  in  this  way  already  ;  and 
rny  mind  led  me  more  to  irive  lesions  to  grown 
people.  \Vas  I  to  set  myself  about  such  a  work  as  is 
su-r..r'.-<ed  ;  I  do  not  know  thut  I  could  mend  the 
mailer  I  believe,  I  would  change  a  little  the  system 
of  education  ;  in  on?  particular  ;  but  it  might  not  be 
for  the  belter  As  already  hinted  by  some  things  put 
into  the  mouth  of  the  Captain,  I  could  make  it  a 
principal  mutter  to  form  the  heart  to  a  rrfmblican 
g(ii>:'rnm''nt,  And  in  order  to  this  ;  keep  out  of  view 
all  that  nourishes  ambition,  the  poison  of  public  vir 
tue.  a  In  honour  preferring  one  another,"  is  an 
apostolic,  and  Christian  injunction.  But  it  is  as  wise 
in  philosophy,  as  it  is  true  in  religion.  Honour  is  the 
principle  of  monarchy,  distinction  of  rank,  titles, 
dignities.  In  the  American  republics,  we  retain  yet 
a  great  deal  of  the  spirit  of  monarchy.  The  people  are 
not  aware  of  the  fihrascolo-^y  itself,  in  some  instances. 
When  an  individual  solicits  a  vote,  his  language  is 
that  he  will  .?fn<e  the  people.  They  take  him  at  his 
word,  and  when  he  is  sent  to  a  public  body,  he  is 
called,  their  servant  He  goes  farther  himself,  and 
•will  talk  of  the  majfuty  of  the  people. 

No  disgrace  is  supposed  to  attach  itself  to  the  soli 
citing  votes,  any  more  than  petitioning  the  monarch 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  55 

for  a  place.  This  is  not  in  the  spii  it  of  a  rep.blic.  It 
is  contrury  to  the  nature  of  ii  ;  it  is  subversive  of  it. 
But  I  would  bt  irin  at  the  foundation  by  inculcating, 
the  ibliy  of  coveting  a  public  appointment.  The  pii- 
vate  interest  of  a  nu.n  is  better  cuUivutec'  by  staying  at 
home.  Ti  e  first  lesson  I  would  i;i\c  to  a  son  of  mine, 
would  be  to  have  nothing  to  do  with  public  biisiiv  <-.?, 
but  as  a  duly  lie  owes  to  his  country.  To  coi>sv'er 
service  in  civil  life,  no  more  to  be  desired  than  s<  i  vice 
in  -.'hi-  milvarit.  In  this  last,  there  is  danger  of  rheu 
matism,  und  ague  ;  or  of  a  wound,  or  of  death  in 
bailie  ;  but  in  civil  trusts,  there  is  danger  of  obloquy 
and  disrespect. 

But  an  individual  that  accepts  a  trust,  is  no  iervant. 
He  is  an  agent  ;  a  delegate,  a  commissioner.  Nor 
are  a  house  of  representatives  the  fieople.  Nor  can 
ir.ajcsty  be  predicated  of  them.  It  is  a  monurchial 
phrase,  and  I  would  not  apply  it,  even  to  the  people 
themselves. 

But  take  away  the  spring  of  ambition  ;  that  is 
distinction,  and  preference  ;  and  you  relax  industry  ; 
you  increase  indolence.  1  grant  it.  But  it  saves  the 
heart.  There  may  be  less  eminence  ;  but  there  will 
be  more  goodness.  It  is  on  this  piinciple  that  I  con 
demn  the  distribution  ol  honours  in  academies  It  is 
beginning  by  corrupting  the  affections  It  is  planting 
the  poison  weed  ofotniiitten;  the  upas  tree  that  Uiii-ts 
the  breeze,  and  kills  the  vibitsnt.  I  shall  have  accom 
plished  something  by  this  book,  if  it  shall  keep  some 
st  man  from  lessening  his  respectability  by  push 
ing  himself  into  public  trusts  for  which  he  is  not  qua- 
iiried;  or  when  pushed  forward  into  a  public  .station, 
if  it  shall  contribute  to  keep  him  honest  by  teaching 
him  the  fully  of  ambition,  and  farther  advancement ; 
v,  -_n  in  fact,  the  shade  is  more  to  be  covcttd,  and 
the  mind,  on  reflection,  will  be  better  satisfied  with 


2*  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

itself  for  having  chosen  it.  This  is  in  great  part,  the 
moral  of  this  book  ;  if  it  should  be  at  all  necessary  to 
give  a  hint  of  it.  Will  not  an  honest  man  feel  com 
punction,  when,  after  some  experience,  he  comes  to 
look  back,  and  see  the  mischief  he  has  (tone  in  a  pub 
lic  station  ;  sapped,  perhaps  the  foundations  of  the 
constitution  ;  misled  by  the  ambitious  ;  when  at  the 
same  time,  he  thought  he  was  establishing  the  repub 
lic.  Understanding  is  therefore  requisite  ;  not  com- 
mon  sense  merely  ;  but  knowledge  of  the  subject.  But 
what  is  knowledge  without  integrity  ?  And  how  can 
there  be  integrity,  where  there  is  ambition  ?  Is  there 
not  the  ambition  of  doing  good  ?  I  do  not  call  that 
ambition.  The  praise  of  doing  good  ?  I  do  not  even 
like  the  word,  praise.  I  would  say  the  jdeasure  of 
doing  good.  For  it  is  the  greatest  possible  pleasure 
to  a  mind  rightly  informed  ;  properly  cultivated,  to 
have  done  good.  A  consciousness  of  this,  consoles 
under  public  obloquy,  and  ingratitude. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


CHAPTER  III. 


A  FHACAS,  in  the  mean  time  had  taken  place, 
c,t  the  sign  of  the  New  Almanac.  The  cause  of  this 
tumult  at  the  public  house,  was  the  circumstance  of 
a  disagreement  which  had  taken  place  between  the 
apothecary  and  his  tumbler,  the  bog-trotter  The 
latter  having  got  upon  the  stage  first,  insisted  that  he 
himself  was  the  doctor,  and  the  apothecary  the  tumb 
ler  ;  and,  indeed  it  seemed  to  be  the  most  consistent; 
for  the  apothecary  had  the  appearance  ot  being,  by 
far,  the  most  alert  man.  Aclhe  and  nimble  tye  coukl 
leap  like  a  monkey.  It  was  for  this  reason,  the  public 
took  the  part  of  Teague,  end  insisted  that  he  should 
retain  his  station  of  doctor,  and  the  apothecary  should 
play  the  part  of  the  tumbler.  Accordingly,  I  e  v/as 
under  the  necessity,  however  reluctant,  to  take  his 
place  upon  the  platform,  and  begin  his  pranks  pit  ii- 
ously  to  the  opening  of  tbe  sale  of  d rusts 

The  bog-tiotttr  in  the  mean  time,  at1  ing  in  the  ca 
p-icily  of  doctor  Mountebank,  had  displayed  his  boxes, 
papers  and  p  ,ials  But  saying  nothing  of  these,  he 
made  it  known  to  the  multitude,  that  he  had  a  good 
will  for  the  pjople  of  that  village  ;  that  having  been 
long  absent,  he  had  at  length  returned-  v.ith  the 
knowledge  which  he  had  acquired  by  his  travels,  and 

PART  II.  >OL.  II.  C 


26  MODERN  CHIVALRY. ' 

with  sonic  •wealth  which  he  had  encompassed  by 
means  of  tlutt  knowledge  ;  that  in  consideration  of 
natural  love  and  sfflction  he  was  about  to  bestow  a 
dollar  upon  every  man  present. 

At  the  sound  of  the  word  dollar  every  ear  was  erect 
ed.  No  conventicle  ever  had  hearers  more  attentive. 

God  love  you,  said  he,  my  dear  country  paple  and 
namesakes,  hold  oirt  your  hands,  and  \onr  purses  at 
de  same  time,  and  take  dis  dollar,  dat  I  hold  in  my 
hand  before  every  one  o'd  you.  For  here  is  dat  fa 
mous  powder  tyed  up  so  nately  here  every  paper  by 
itself,  which  I  sell  to  all  de  world  for  two  dollars; 
you  shall  have,  dear  honies.  and  much  good  may  it 
do  you  ;  for  nothing  at  all,  but  de  half  o'  dat,  one  dol 
lar  a  pace,  and  de  devil  a  worm  will  ever  trouble  you 
afterwards.  Here  is  two  dollars  going  for  one  dollar  ; 
just  out  of  love  and  kindness  to  de  paple  of  de  place. 

The  multitude,  wl.o  had  expected  the  bounty  in 
hard  cash,  were  somewhat  disappointed  ;  but  never 
theless  considering  the  bargain,  the  greater  part  that 
would  muster  a  dollar,  took  the  t^iti,  and  gave  it  in 
exchange. 

The  apothecary  was  so  much  pleased  with  the  suc 
cess  of  the  new  partner,  that  though  on  his  part  de 
graded  to  the  inferior  station,  he  counted  it  no  mis 
fortune;  but  began  to  tumble  with  more  good  will,  if 
not  with  a  better  grace  than  before  ;  submitting  to 
the  doctor  Mountebank,  who  affected  now  t-nd  then 
to  chastise  him  with  a  cowskin,  to  teach  him  man 
ners,  and  alacrity  in  liis  profession. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


CHAPTER  IV. 


THIS  being  the  day  of  lue  annual  election,  the 
Captain  apprehensive  that  Teague  might  he  taken  up 
in  the  borough,  as  the  people  are  ever  fond  of  new 
things,  and  the  late  gift  of  a  dollar  in  the  sale  of  the 
drugs,  had  made  him  popular;  though  what  he  sold 
fora  dollar  was  not  more  in  the  apothecaries  shops, 
than  a  few  cents  ;  apprehensive  of  trouble,  I  say,  -as 
on  former  occasions,  when  he  had  seen  less  of  the 
world,  and  was  not  so  well  qualified  for  a  representa 
tive,  the  Cpptain  thought  proper  to  withdraw  the 
trotter  for  a  day  or  two  from  the -ullage,  and  take  a 
iourney  in  the  country,  where  his  meiils  were  less 
known,  and  there  was  Jess  danger  of  his  being  kid 
napped  for  such  a  purpose. 

But  whether  owing  to  themselves,  or  to  the  times, 
the  office  of  a  judge,  happc.iang  to  '>-,;•  peculiarly  ob 
noxious  there  was  danger  of  being  taken  for  one  of 
them  in  their  rambles  ;  MH!  there-fore  it  became  ne 
cessary  to  be  on  thtir  guard,  more  especially,  on  ac 
count  of  the  bog-trolter  ;  so  as  not  to  go  nt-.rr  ; 
sembling  of  people  ;  whether  for  the  sake  of  an  eke- 
lion,  or  for  other  purposes. 

With  all  his  caution,  and  circuinspecuon,  keeping 
the  bog-trotter  in  the  middle  of  the  icad  ;  wid  wuvn* 


£3  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

ing  him  against  wh-t  might  happin  ;  n?vcrt!ieless, 
going  too  t;ear  a  place  where  a  poil  was  holden,  the 
unfortunate  scavenger,  as  I  mrty  rail  him,  was  recog 
nized  by  some  present,  as  having  been  upon  the  bench. 
The  rumour  soon  went  out,  that  one  of  the  ci-devant 
judges,  was  making  his  escape,  and  the  populace  were 
called  to  apprehend  the  fuiuiive.  Teague,  denial  be 
ing,  in  his  way  of  thinking,  a  rm-.i:i  point  in  the  law, 
even  had  it  been  the  case,  was  ready  to  swear  by  the 
holy  poker,  and  the-  fathers,  and  every  oath  that  could 
l>e  put  to  him,  ami  with  great  truth,  that  he  had  never 
been  upon  a  bench  in  l.is  liie  ;  or  had  be;  n  in  the  ca 
pacity  of  judge,  or  justice,  since  the  day  that  he  came 
into  the  country. 

"  Thy  speech  bewrayeth  th.ee,"  said  one  of  the  peo 
ple  called  Quakers  ;  "  I  saw  thee  on  the  bench  ;  anil 
heard  thee  give  thy  charge  to  the  grand  juty.  ' 

By  the  bye,  he  T&S  mistaken  ;  for  it  was  a  Scotch 
judge  that  had  given  the  charge  ;  but  he  mistook  one 
brogue  for  the  9thtr. 

But  the  Quaker  was  believed,  and  the  bog-trotter 
stood  convicted. 

Yes,  said  the  multitude  ;  he  has  the  very  physiog 
nomy  of  a  judge  ;  you  may  see  it  in  his  face.  Hang 
him  at  once,  and  be  done  with  his  judge-ship. 

A  rope-maker  brought  anew  cord,  with  which  ne 
ver  man  had  been  hung,  and  throwing  it  over  the  limb 
of  a  tree,  was  about  to  attach  the  other  end  to  the  neck, 
when  the  sudden  squall  of  a  pig,  ll;c;t  some  one  had 
hit  with  a  stick,  drew  off  the  eyes  of  the  multitude,  and 
the  attention  of  the  man  that  held  the  halter  ;  i.wl  the 
bog-trotter  seeing  an  opening,  made  a  sudden  spring, 
and  escaped  from  the  crowd.  He  was  pursued  but 
a  little  way  ;  no  one  chusing  to  tire  himself,  not  un 
derstanding  thr.t  any  reward  had  been  proffered  by  the 

vernrr.ciit  !"•>:•  t!.e  tuning  up  a  judge. 


MODERN  CIIIVAL-UY.  29 

iMie  Captain  seeing  Teague  clear,  and  running  new 
almost  out  of  sight,  began  to  expostulate  with  the 
multitude,  and  upbraid  them  for  this  violence. 

Uo  you  call  in  question  the  right  of  the  people, 
said  one  of  them,  to  hang  their  officers  ? 

But  are  you  the  people  ?  said  the  Captain.  A  few 
mad  caps  get  together,  ttnd  call  themselves  the  peo 
ple  ;  and  talk  of  the  majesty  of  the  people.  You  do 
.not  appear  to  me  to  be  a  very  discerning  people  ;  to 
take  my  bog-trotter  for  a  judge  ;  nor  can  your  maje 
sty  be  deemed  very  gracious,  and  merciful,  that  would 
hang  him  up,  not  giving  time  to  say  his  pra>ers,  or 
to  have  ths  conversation  of  a  clergyman.  Had  he 
been  a  spy  come  into  your  camp,  in  the  war,  on  the 
eve  of  an  engagement,  you  could  not  have  shewed 
signs  of  greater  dispatch  in  taking  away  life,  than  in 
this  instance. 

Captain,  said  a  man  who  knew  him  ;  do  not  think 
so  hard  of  these  young  men;  they  had  no  intention 
of  hanging  him  outright. 

But  even  half-hanging,  said  the  Captain,  is  no  plea1- 
sant  sport  to  him  that  is  the  subject  of  it. 

With  that  turning  round  his  horse,  he  left  the 
ground,  and  returned  to  the  village  ;  reflecting  with 
himself  on  the  danger  of  wandering  far  from  the  place 
of  his  abode  ;  or  at  least  venturing  where  he  was  not 
known  j  least  he  might  be  mistaken  for  a  judge  also, 
and  brought  to  a  hasty  end,  by  the  limb  ot  a  tree,  as 
was  near  being  the  case,  with  his  unfortunate  bog- 
trotter,  a  short  time  ago,  in  the  place  which  he  had 
jmt  quitted  ;  and  which  he  never  wished  to  see  again' 


MODERN"  CHIVALRY, 


CHAPTER  V. 


HAVING  composed  himself  at  home  some, 
time  the  Captain  took  an  opportunity,  at  a  leisure  hour 
to  pay  a  visit  to  the  blind  lawyer,  and  entering  into 
conversation,  ventured  to  put  the  question,  whence 
the  rage  against  the  judges  ?  Had  it  always  been  the 
case,  or  was  it  a  late  matter  that  had  broken  out  : 
Did  it  depend  upon  moral  causes  ;  or  was  it  a  matter 
ol'.iccident,  unacountable  by  man  ? 

There  is  in  the  human  mind,  at  all  times,  said  the 
blind  lawyer,  a  disposition  to  throw  oft'  shackles  and 
revert  to  the  natural  simplicity  of  early  ages  ;  not 
that  we  relish  even  in  imagination,  the  oak,  and  the 
acorn  ;  but  we  pass  over  these  which  were  the  food, 
aud  the  covering  of  the  primitive  inhabitants  ;  and 
we  think  only  of  their  liberty.  How  delightful  it  is  to 
lie  on  one's  back,  and  whistle  ;  having  no  care,  and 
no  laws  to  trouble  us.  Down  with  the  lawyers,  has 
been  the  language  of  the  human  heart  ever  since  the 
first  institution  of  society.  It  breaks  out  into  action, 
some  times,  as  the  history  of  Jack  Cade  informs  us, 

A  s/iirif  of  reform,  is,  unquestionably,  a  salutary 
temper  of  the  times  ;  because  there  is  at  all  times, 
need  of  reformation.  This  is  the  angel  lliat  descends* 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  3i 

into  the  pool,  and  troubles  the  waters  ;  so  that  he 
who  steppe th  in  afterwards,  is  made  whole.  But 
troubling  does  not  mean  muddying  the  waters  ;  but 
giving  them  motion,  and  exciting  a  current.  It  is 
by  the  spirit  of  the  atmosphere,  the  wind,  that  the 
waters  of  the  ocean  are  preserved  salutary.  But  from 
the  same  cause  springs  the  tempest,  and  hurricane. 
The  spirit  of  reform  is  terrible  in  its  excess  It  is  a 
matter  of  great  judgment  to  stuy  it  at  a  proper  point, 

Is  not  the  right  of  universal  suffrage,  said  the  Cap 
tain,  a  great  cause  of  this  excess  in  our  councils  : 
persons  young  in  the  world  ;  young  in  the  country  ; 
or  such  as  have  but  little  property  put  upon  the  same 
footing  with  those  that  have  a  greater  stake  in  the 
preservation  of  the  laws,  and  in  the  stability  of  the 
government. 

It  is  extremely  difficult  if  not  altogether  impossible ; 
said  the  blind  lawyer,  to  adjust  this  matter  to  general 
satisfaction,  and  at  the  same  time,  general  safety. 
With  regard  to  age,  it  cannot  well  be  carried,  1  iter 
than  the  age  which  gives  the  ownership,  and  disposi 
tion  of  real  estate  ;  and  as  to  qualification  of  property,- 
it  has  been  found  impracticable  to  carry  it  into  effect. 
For  how  can  the  value  of  estate  clear  of  all  drawbacks; 
which  any  man  possesses,  be  ascertained  ? 

It  seems  inhospitable  to  hold  the  emigrant  to  a  qua 
rantine  ;  and  postpone  the  exercise  of  suffrage,  to  a 
distant  day,  and  yet  it  is  natural  for  an  individual 
whom  we  admit  to  become  a  co-tenant  of  our  habita 
tion,  to  think  that  he  can  serve  us,  and  himself  als-o, 
by  some  alterations  in  the  structure,  or  compartments 
of  the  cabin.  The  German  inhabiting  a  cold  country, 
naturally  thinks  of  accommodation  to  the  winter  ;  the 
Briton  also,  anticipates  the  heat  very  little.  Neither 
of  these  are  aware  of  the  particular  winds  that  blow, 
or  of  the  rains,  at  certain  periods,  that  usually  de* 


n  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

scencl ;  or  of  the  diseases  of  the  climate.  The  oldc;' 
resident  ought  to  be  consulted,  and  his  notion  of  things 
not  too  lightly  undervalued. 

The  idea  of  reform  delights  the  imagination.  Hence 
reformers  are  prone  to  reform  too  much.  There  is 
a  blue  and  a  better  blue  ;  but  in  making  the  better 
blue,  a  small  error  in  the  proportion  of  the  drug,  or 
alkali,  vail  turn  black.  A  great  enemy  to  a  judicious 
reform  is  a  distrust  of  those  skilled  in  the  subject  of 
the  reform;  and  yet  there  is  ground  of  distrust  where 
those  skilled  in  the  subject,  have  any  possible  interest 
in  the  reform  itself.  One  would  suppose  that  an  old 
lawyer  out  of  practice  ;  one  who  had  been  a  judge* 
and  no  longer  on  the  bench,  might  be  trusted  in  all 
questions  of  amendment  of  the  judicial  system.  But 
"  the  legislative  body  is  the  organ  of  amendments  ;  and 
it  is  natural  for  one  branch  to  endeavour  to  absorb  the 
independence  of  another  ;  or  to  be  suspected  of  it. 
Hence  jealousy,  and  distrust,  which  an  enlightened 
policy  can  alone  dissipate. 

But  the  present  idea  of  reform  seems  to  he  to  pull 
down  altogether,  said  the  Captain.  I  do  not  know 
that  you  will  sec  "  down  with  the  judges"  just  written 
upon  fence  rails  ;  or  scored  on  tavern  windows  ;  but 
it  is  a  very  common  language,  among  the  more  un- 
inforr.ied  of  the  community.  The  danger  is  that  it 
may  be  misiaken/or  the  voice  qfthe/ieo/,lc,  and  undc* 
that  idea,  influence  the  constituted  authorities. 

That  would  be  an  error,  said  the  blind  lawyer. 
for  it  does  nut  follow,  that,  because  a  thing  seems  fo  have 
advocates,  that  it  is  the  voice  ofthejieofile.  The  noisy  are 
heard;  but  the  dissentients  are  titent.  Hen-  e  ii  is  that 
t-hose  who  hold  the  administration  for  the  time  being, 
are  not  ahvnys  aware  of  the  real  inclination  of  the  pub1- 
lie  mind.  It  is  at  the  moment  they  seem  to  have  the? 
greatest  way,  that  an  under  current  begins  to  sot< 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  3-3 

The  truth  and  justice  of  the  case,  therefore  is  the 
great  guide  ;  not  what  may  appear  to  be  the  popular 
opinion. 

There  would  seem  to  be  good  sense  in  what  you 
say,  said  the  Captain  ;  and  fora  blind  men,  yen  ap- 
peai  to  have  a  tolerable  insight  into  things.  But  how 
shall  the  truth  c.nd  justice  of  the  case  be  known  in  a 
government  ? 

It  is  rot  an  easy  matter,  said  the  blind  Lawyer  ; 
or,  as  in  Use  present  conversation,  I  ought  rather  to 
call  him,  the  blind  Jiditlcian.  P\>r  there  are  fanatics, 
and  there  are  designing  men.  '1  he  fanatic  is  rn  honest 
creatuie,  that  thinks  he  is  doing  God's  service  ;  when 
at  the  same  time  he  ii  undei  mining  the  pillars  cf  the 
cwi:!i;utifm.  The  designing  man,  sails  with  whatever 
he  finds  to  be  the  current  :  or,  rather  than  let  the 
pool  stagnate,  he  will  excite  a  current.  In  ordt  r  to 
be  scmahingin  a  government,  a  man  must  do  some 
thing.  There  is  little  (c  be  got  by  doirg  gr.(d  ;  J'or  all 
feel  the  benefit  ;  but  -no  one  enquires  into  the  cause.  It 
is  Ly  disorganization,  that  reputation  is  rrnsi  easily 
acquired.  The  introducing  a  new  law,  or  the  pulling 
down  an  old  magistrate,  says  jMachiavd.  are  thu 
means  by  which  a  young  person  may  distinguish  him 
self  in  a  commonwealth.  Indeed  even  an  old  person 
will  find  his  account  in  shewing  game.  If  he  cannot 
shew  a  panther,  he  must  shew  a  hind,  and  raise  the 
talliho. 

I  do  not  know,  whether  you  call  a  judge,  a  hind, 
or  a  panther,  said  the  Captain  ;  but  that  seems  to  be 
the  game  at  present.  Every  one  must  have  a  whit 
at  a  judge.  No  festival  can  be  celebrated  with  suita 
ble  patriotism,  without  a  dash  at  the  judiciary. 

There  is  danger,  said  the  politician,  of  running 
down  a  branch  of  the  government.  It  is  a  delicate 


Si  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

point  to   restrain   and  not  to  overthrow.     Wrong  or 
excess  terminates  in  the  loss  ofliberty. 

Individual  injury  may  be  done,  said  the  Captain  ; 
but  the  constitution  is  a  barrier  to  usurpation. 

Our  constitutions  are  yet  green,  said  the  politician. 
Inflexions  are  easy.  It  is  construction  makes  the 
constitution  ;  and  these  vary  with  the  men  in  power. 
A  witch  at  a  mast  head  is  not  more  dangerous,  than 
the  spirit  of  ambition.  A  branch  of  the  government, 
is  no  more  than  a  bramble  bush  before  it-  A  philoso 
pher  is  at  a  loss  to  know  whether  to  laugh  or  shed 
tears,  when  he  hears  invectives  against  the  immediate 
usurpers  of  a  government,  when  the  thing  had  its 
foundation  in  the  errors  of  the  people  a  long  lime 
before.  It  is  like  laying  the  death  of  a  man  upon 
death  itself,  instead  of  the  primary  causes  which  had 
sown  the  seeds  of  his  disease.  The  ambition  of  in 
dividuals  out  of  doors,  and  afterwards  within  doors,  to 
carry  particulai  points,  without  looking  to  the  conse 
quences,  or  overlooking  them  for  the  sake  of  the  im- 
medutte  object,  is  the  invisible  gas,  or  poison,  that 
with  a  slow,  or  rapid  process,  ultimately  produces 
fever,  and  brings  on  dissolution.  Stlf-denial  is  the 
great  virtue  of  a  republic.  It  is  the  opposite  of  am 
bition.  Self-denial  looks  only  at  justice.  It  looks  at 
the  public  good.  Self-olenr.il  may  not  be  accompanied 
with  iiiiormirion  ;  b.ii  it  is  ivady  to  receive  informa 
tion.  It  is  not  always  an  apt  ;  but  is  at  lenst  a  wil 
ling  scholar.  But  inordinate  -self-love,  begets  obsti 
nacy  in  the  weak  mind  ;  ;iiid  ..-.nhition  in  the  strong  ; 
both  destructive  of  happiness,  political,  or  personal. 
.  I  hear  a  sound,  said  the  Captain,  like  that  of  many 
tongues  ;  and  1  sse  u  man  running,  whose  strides  arc 
like  those  of  my  bog-tn, 

It  was  a  tu.nult   ia  the  village  occasioned   by   the 
bog-trctter;    though  he  could  not  be  the  cause  of  it. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  3* 

Talk  much  about  a  thing,  and  you  \\ill  put  it  into  the 
people's  heads.  The  fact  was,  that  in  a  meeting  of 
the  ci'izens,  it  had  been  proposed  a  second  time,  to 
make  Teague  a  judge. 

Make  him  a  devil,  said  a  rash  man,  getting  angry. 

A  devil,  let  it  be  then,  said  the  populace ;  and 
while  one  went  to  get  horns,  and  another  hair,  to 
make  a  tail,  the  bog-trotter  was  left  standing  in  the 
midst.  But  he  did  not  stand  long  ;  for  understanding 
what  was  about  to  be  done  with  him,  he  slipped  cable, 
and  shot  a-head  half  a  square,  before  the  people  were 
under  way  to  retake  him. 

His  object  was,  to  reach  the  Captain,  and  the  blind 
lawyer,  whom  he  saw  conversing  at  a  distance.  But 
was  under  the  necessity  of  making  some  doubles,  to 
elude  his  pursuers.  At  length,  however,  reaching 
the  scean  gate,  more  fortunate  than  Hector,  he  threw 
himself  under  the  protection  of  the  Captain  ;  who  be 
ing  made  acquainted  with  the  cause  of  this  uproar, 
was  beginning  to  expostulate  with  the  rioters. 

Captain,  said  they,  is  11. reasonable  that  the  people 
should  be  checked  in  every  tiling  they  do?  Was  it  not 
enough  for  you,  to  throw  cold  water  upon  making 
him  a  judge,  or  the  editor  of  a  telegraphe  ;  but  you 
must  also  obstruct  his  advancement  to  the  office  of  a 
devil. 

Finding  the  people  warm,  the  Captain  thought  it, 
prudent  to  lay  the  blame  a  little  on  the  bog-trotter  in 
the  first  instance. 

Teague,  said  he,  this  is  the  first  promo'ion  to 
which  I  have  ever  known  you  to  have  the  least  ob 
jection.  Is  it  afulbe  pride,  or  a  false  Oelicary,  that  in 
duces  you  to  decline  the  appointment  I  Were  it  not 
more  advisable  for  \ou  to  accept  your  credentials  ; 
the  tail  and  horns,  than,  through  an  affected  modesty, 


•35  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

to  decline  the  commission  ?  or  at  least  carry  the  mat 
ter  so  far,  as  to  be  a  fugitive  from  honour. 

In  a  free  government,  said  the  blind  lawyer,  a  man 
cannot  be  said  to  have  dominium  directum,  or  an  ab 
solute  property  in  his  own  faculties.  You  owe  yourself 
to  the  commonwealth.  If  the  people  have  discovered 
in  what  capacity,  you  can  best  serve  them,  it  behooves 
you  to  submit,  and  accept  the  trust. 

The  bog-trotter,  on  the  other  hand,  though  he 
could  not  yet  speak  from  the  fast  running,  was  averse 
from  the  proposition  ;  not  only  on  account  of  the  un 
becoming  appearance  of  the  badge  of  the  office,  but 
least  if  nude  a  devil,  in  appearance,  he  should  be 
taken  for  one  in  reality.  He  might  be  claimed  by 
Lucifer,  perhaps,  and  ordered  upon  duty,  not  having 
a  liking  to  the  service  ;  whether  it  might  be  to  tempt 
good  people,  or  afllict  the  bad. 

The  fact  is,  he  was  taken  by  surprise  ;  and  even 
when  he  got  his  breath,  he  stood  gaping  and  at  a  loss 
what  to  say.  It  appeared  to  him  an  unintelligible 
matter,  how  he  could  be  of  any  use  to  the  communi 
ty,  in  the  capacity  of  a  devil  ;  or  how  tails  and  horns, 
should  change  the  endowments  of  Ins  mind,  though 
it  did  the  appearance  of  his  body.  Hinting  this,  as 
well  as  he  could  in  broken  sentences,  he  was  answer 
ed  by  the  populace  ;  "  that  he  hud  made  no  objection 
of  that  kind  when  he  had  been  made  a  judge  ;  or  act 
ed  in  that  capacity  ;  or  when  it  was  proposed  to  put 
him  at  the  head  of  a  paper  ;  that  in  fact  it  was  a  new 
thing  from  any  candidate,  unless,  indeed,  under  an  af 
fectation,  and  semblance  of  modesty,  to  allege  want  of 
parts,  or  inadaptution  to  a  place  of  profit  or  of  power" 

But  perhaps  it  is  the  first  time,  said  the  lawyer, 
that  it  has  been  proposed  to  d'uibolize  a  man.  Even 
of  offices  that  are  known  to  the  constitution,  there  are 
some,  which  men  of  a  liberal  education;  >vould  wish 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  37 

to  decline  ;  though,  by  the  bye,  it  is  not  good  policy 
to  decline  an  office  because  of  the  subordinate  nature 
of  it  ;  for  submission  to  the  will  of  the  people,  in  this 
respect,  it  means  of  obtaining  their  suffrages  at  ano 
ther  time,  to  a  more  important  station  j  wherefore  I 
would  recommend  it  to  the  young  man  to  turn  devil, 
since  it  is  the  public  voice. 

It  will  require  no  great  change  of  mind,  said  the 
Captain,  to  qualify  him.  The  metamorphose  need 
only  be  of  his  body.  His  pans  otherwise  may  stand 
as  they  are.  But  I  would  ask,  is  it  not  a  superfluous 
alteration  in  the  oeconotny  of  the  world  ?  Is  not  the 
devil  that  is  already  made  competent  to  all  necessary 
purposes.  Why  apply  steam  to  propel  a  boat,  unless 
against  the  current  ? 

It  is  true,  sud  the  Lawyer,  we  have  it  in  all  indict 
ments  "  moved  by  the  instigation  of  the  devil."  And 
there  is  no  complaint  of  the  want  of  a  devil,  to  insti 
gate  indictments. 

Were  that  the  case,  said  the  Captain,  I  should  be 
unwilling  to  withhold  assistance  even  to  do  mischief 
when  the  community  required  it.  But  all  matters 
appear  to  me  to  be  going  on  pretty  well  towards  con 
fusion  in  this  village.  And  wny  increase  the  number 
of  devils,  I  do  not  weil  comprehend. 

Cui  bono,  said  the  Lawyer,  of  what  use  ?  Why 
carry  coals  to  New-(J.istie,  or  timber  to  the  wcod  ? 

It  appeared  to  the  more  reasonable  that  there  "was 
good  reason  in  this  ;  and  ii  was  agreed  to  postpone 
the  making  a  devil  at  that  time. 

But  it  will  not  be  understood  that  even  the  bulk  of 
the  people  really  conceived  that  it  was  in  their  power 
to  constitute  a  devil  with  the  qualities  of  one.  1  hey 
had  no  idea  of  turning  dtvil  makers,  to  that  extent  of 
the  composition.  They  had  sense  enough  to  know, 
that  all  they  could  do  svus  to  give  the  form,  and  ap- 

PAHT  II.  VOL.  II.  > 


33  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

pearance  of  one.  For  however  men  of  superior  stand- 
Li..^  in  society,  may  be  disposed  to  undervalue  the 
common  people,  and  to  reckon  them  fools,  there  are 
as  many  knaves  amongst  them  as  fools,  and  perhaps 
more,  upon  a  nice  scrutiny.  These  rogues  who  were 
at  the  bottom  of  the  business,  meant  no  more  than 
their  amusement  with  the  public,  and  a  liule  mirth  at 
the  expence  of  the  Captain.  Nevertheless,  the  mat 
ter  had  been  carried  so  far,  that  had  not  the  Captain 
and  the  blind  lawyer,  assisted  with  their  address,  and 
parried  the  proposition  of  devil-making-  by  an  indirect 
argument,  the  inutility  of  it,  the  matter  must  have 
gone  on,  and  a  devil,  in  some  sense  of  the  word,  must 
have  been  made.  For  it  may  easily  be  conceived| 
what  a  flame  it  would  have  raised  to  have  stood  for 
ward  boldly,  and  alleged  that  the  idea  of  making  a 
devil  was  a  wicked  conception,  and  had  its  origin,  in 
a  design  to  overthrow  the  government ;  that  it  was  a 
diabolical  attempt,,  and  they  must  be  worse  than  de 
vils,  into  whose  heads  it  had  come.  Nor  would  it 
have  mended  the  matter  much,  to  have  told  them  that 
they  were  themselves  devils,  or  at  least,  do  the  work 
of  devils  in  hostility  to  churches,  and  schools  ot  learn 
ing.  For  as  by  the  application  of  mechanical  powers 
we  gain  a  force  above  the  direct  strength  of  a  man,  so 
by  that  mode  of  speech  and  reasoning,  which  flatters 
seli-love,  and  hides,  the  application  that  is  intended, 
Men  deserve  great  credit,  who,  by  skill  in  science, 
have  lessened  labour  ;  who  by  the  invention  of  useful 
tools  have  rendered  the  life  of  man  more  comfortable 
upon  this  glubc.-  But  they  deserve  not  less  praise, 
wiio  by  study  and  reflection  have  rendered  themselves 
capable  of  managing  the  minds  of  men.  This  is  the 
ait  of  oiuf.ory,  \viiich  consists  not  in  length  of  speech, 
or  melody  oi'  voice,  or  beauty  of  diction  ;  but  in  wise 
thoughts  :  and  here  our  orators  from  the  schools  fail, 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  3fJ 

Men  of  business  learn  to  take  things  by  the  right 
handle,  and  to  speak  with  a  single  view  to  persuade. 
You  might  as  well  expect  good  liquors  without  fer 
mentation,  as  a  man  of  real  sense  without  experience 
in  life.  Doubtless  all  experience  will  not  of  itself 
suffice.  There  must  be  a  substratum,  or  layer  of 
judgment  to  begin  with,  in  order  to  make  a  man  of 
sense.  Some  may  ask  me  of  what  use  it  is  to  have 
recorded  these  freaks  of  th-e  town's  people  ?  It  is  not 
pretended  that  it  is  of  any  use,  farther  than  to  keep 
my  fingers  going.  But  is  not  that  something  to  a 
man's  self  ?  There  is  a  jileasure  in  writing^  ivhich  only 
the  man  TJ/IO  writes  knows.  Yet  I  believe  no  man 
would  write,  unless  he  expected  somebody  to  read. 
His  own  reading  would  be  small  if  he  did  not  expect 
to  have  it  found  out  that  he  had  read.  Thus  self-love 
is,  in  a  great  degree,  the  spring  of  all  things.  Is  it 
nothing  to  be  able  to  shew  how  easily  I  can  elevate 
small  matters?  That  is  the  very  reason  why  I  assume 
this  biography.  Any  one  can  write  the  campaign  of 
a  great  prince,  because  the  subject  sustains  the  nar 
rative.  But  it  is  a  greater  praise  to  give  a  value  to 
the  rambles  of  private  persons,  or  the  dissensions  of 
a  borough  town.  One  advantage  is,  that  these  trans 
actions  being  in  a  narrow  compass,  the  truth  can  be 
reached  with  more  certainly,  the  want  of  which  is  a 
drawback  upon  histories  of  a  greater  compass,  most 
of  them  being  little  better  than  the  romance  of  the 
middle  ages,  or  the  modern  novel. 

Having   premised  thus  much,  we  go  on  to  a  fact 
that  took  place  the  following  Sunday, 


MODERN  CHIVALRY, 


CHAPTER  VI. 


THERE  had  been  so  inuch  said  of  devil-ma 
king,  in  the  village,  for  the  last  two  or  three  days,  that 
it  had  come  to  the  ears  of  the  clergyman,  who  Ltcc.me 
alarmed  ;  and  thought  he  had  as  many  devils  on  his 
hun  h  already  as  he  well  knew  what  to  do  with  ;  not 
ulluding  to  the  devil  in  the  scripture  ;  but  to  the  dia- 
bolicism  of  v, icked  men.  He  chose  a  text  therefore, 
from  which  he  could  draw  inferences  on  this  subject ; 
a  passage  of  the  scripture  which  might  Lctm  to  have 
an  allusion  to  the  dexii  they  had  been  i(bout  to  make 
the  preceding  week,  and  at  the  same  time,  furnish  a 
clue  to  seme  illustrations  of  the  text.  The  vsords  fix 
ed  upon,  were  those  in  the  book  of  Job. 

"  And  Satan  came  also  among  ihem." 
It  so  happened,  that  just  at  the  giving  out  the  text, 
the  bog-trotter  with  his  walking  pole,  made  his  ap 
pearance  at  the  west  end  of  the  church,  which  the 
people  seeing,  <r.d  mistaking  him  for  that  devil  cf 
which  the  parson  spoke,  rose  as  one  man,  and  called 
cut  "  the  devil.'"'  For  it  was  seldom  that  Teague  had 
come  to  church  ;  hr.t  the  Captain  had  enjoined  it  up 
on  him  that  day,  to  see  what  reformation  it  might  pro 
duce  in  1  is  life,  and  conversation.  It  was  unfortunate 
that  the  clergyman,  in  pronouncing  the  word,  had 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  41 

happened  to  direct  his  eye  toward  that  end  of  the 
church  at  which  Teague  was  ;  which  drew  the  atten 
tion  of  the  people  to  the  same  quarter  ;  and  hence  the 
impression,  as  sudden  as  it  was  universal. 

As  from  a  theatre,  where  the  scenery  lias  taken 
fire,  there  is  an  effort  to  escape,  and  the  spectators 
rush  in  every  direction  ;  so  on  the  present  occasion. 
The  greater  part  had  got  out,  and  were  at  some  dis 
tance  from  the  church,  in  disorder,  the  deacons  en 
deavouring  to  rally  them  like  officers,  the  flying 
squadrons  of  a  routed  army  ;  hut  in  vain  ;  the  panic 
had  been  so  great,  that  every  one  was  willing  to  make 
the  best  of  his  way,  from  the  scene  of  action. 

The  Clergyman  himself,  was  not  a  little  terrified, 
thinking  that,  contrary  to  expectation,  the  devil  had 
come  among  them  ;  and  though  he  himself  had  seen 
nothing  of  him  with  the  naked  eye,  yet  that  he  had 
been  visible  to  the  congregation.  Accordingly  he 
had  made  his  .escape  at  an  early  period  of  the  flight, 
and  was  on  a  hill,  apart  in  the  rear  of  the  church,  at 
prayers  ;  with  his  eyes  open  ;  not  shut,  as  was  his 
custom,  for  en  this  occasion,  he  had  thought  it  advi 
sable  to  have  a  look  out,  not  knowing  what  might 
heave  in  sight  before  he  had  concluded. 

The  clerk  being  a  lame  man,  had  sat  still  in  the 
desk,  and  giv^n  out  a  Psalm,  so  that  of  the  whole,  he 
was  the  only  one  who  could  be  said  to  remain  at  his 
post. 

The  bog-trotter,  was  under  a  more  Unfortunate 
mistake  ;  for  he  took  it  for  granted,  from  the  words 
of  the  'clergyman  which  he  had  heard,  and  from  the 
alarm  of  the  people,  that  he  had  in  reality  undergone 
a  change,  and  had  become  a  devil.  His  endeavour, 
therefore,  wa-i  to  fly  from  himself ;  like  one  whose 
clothes  are  on  fire.  His  howling  and  ^homing,  like 
that  of  a  beaten  dog,  increased  the  disturbance,  an- 

T)  2 


42  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

his  ovm  perturbation.  He  was  a  mile  from  the  village 
before  lie  ventured  to  look,  back  ;  and  even  then,  he 
did  not  stop,  but  continued  his  route  to  a  greater  dis 
tance  in  the  country  ;  at  the  same  time  not  convinced 
fully  of  his  metamorphose  ;  lor  putting  his  hand  to 
his  head,  he  could  feel  no  horn,  nor  a  tail  behind  his 
hack,  though  lie  endeavoured  to  catch  at  this  also. 
Hence  it  was,  that  he  thought  it  proper  to  extricate 
himself,  and  ascertain  at  his  leisure,  the  real  state  of 
the  case,  as  to  his  being  what  he  was,  and  the  icliosin- 
cracy  of  his  existence. 

Certain  it  is  the  bog-trotter  had  no  great  intrinsic 
value  in  the  qualities  of  his  head,  or  heart  ;  neverthe 
less,  from  habit  or  some  other  principle,  the  Captain 
had  conceived  some  attachment  to  him  ;  and  was 
uneasy  at  his  disappearing,  especially  under  the  late 
circumstances  ;  not  knowing  what  might  befal  him 
from  a  mistake  of  characters.  In  the  present  state  of 
the  public  mind,  with  regard  to  the  judiciary,  it  might 
happen  10  him  to  be  viewed  again  under  that  aspect, 
and  be  laid  hold  upon  as  before,  and  put  in  fear  of  his 
I:/,-.  Nor  was  it  a  thing  morally  certain  that  he 
might  not  became  a  trespasser  himself,  if  not  upon 
the  persons,  at  least  upon  the  property  of  men.  The 
want  of  food  might  tempt  him  to  rob  hen-roosts,  or 
break  spring-houses,  which  are  used  as  dairies,  or  to 
keep  meats  fresh,  in  the  summer  season.  On  these 
grounds,  he  thought  it  both  for  the  public  good,  and 
that  of  the  individual,  to  endeavour  to  reclaim,  and 
bring  him  back.  As  to  the  idea  of  his  turning  her 
mit,  which  some  thought  probable,  it  never  came  in 
to  the  head  of  the  Captain.  For  though  he  knew  that 
disappointments  in  love  or  in  ambition,  have  often 
times  made  hermits,  yet  this  must  have  taken  place 
in  the  case  of  persons  of  greater  sensibility  than  had 
ever  been  discovered  in  the  bog-U'Otter,  Misanthropy 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  43 

is  sometimes  the  natural  characteristic  of  the  mind  ; 
but  more  generally  the  offspring'  of  extreme  benevo 
lence,  hurt  by  ingratitude.  Hence  it  ought  to  be  in 
culcated  to  indulge  even  benevolence,  with  modera 
tion  ;  and  to  be  careful  against  sanguine  expectations 
of  gratitude,  from  those  served.  "  Be  not  weary  in 
well  doing"  to  others,  even  though  a  correspondent 
mind  in  those  served,  does  not  always  shew  itself. 
But  for  the  sake  of  self-preservation,  it  is  unsafe  to 
count  too  much  upon  the  fruit  which  good  acts  may 
produce.  The  seed  does  not  always  fall  upon  good 
soil,  and  the  seasons  may  blight  the  crop.  But  the 
anchorite  is  not  usually  made  out  of  such  as  Teague 
O'Regan,  who  had  rather  be  among  men  getting  flesh 
and  fowl  to  eat,  than  living  on  vegetables  in  the  woods, 
and  drinking  the  element  of  water  from  the  pure 
rock  ;  or  to  trace  the  matter  somewhat  farther  back, 
as  we  have  already  hinted,  where  the  natural  mind 
does  not  find  its  enjoyments,  in  the  association  of  the 
happiness  of  others  with  its  own. 

The  whole  village  appeared  to  take  an  interest  in 
the  uneasiness  of  the  Captain,  from  the  loss  of  his  ser 
vant.  The  young  man  who  had  set  up  the  polecat 
to  counteract  the  paper  of  Porcupine,  had  gone  out  in: 
quest  of  him,  and  from  his  knowledge  of  the  woods, 
looking  for  cats,  could  more  readily  than  others,  goto 
such  recesses,  or  point  out  such  caverns,  as  might  be 
expected  to  receive  him. 

The  blind  Lawyer  and  Fidler  had  paid  the  Cap 
tain  a  visit,  jto  console  him,  the  one  with  his  violin  ; 
the  other  with  his  conversation.  The  blind  Lawyer 
made  light  of  the  matter,  and  thought  that  taking'  to 
his  trotters,  was  the  best  thing  that  Teague  O'Regan 
could  have  done  ;  and  that  the  leaving  the  village, 
for  a  time,  though  operating  in  the  nature  of  exile,  yet 
carried  nothing  more  with  k,  than  had  happened  ia 


44  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

the  case  of  Aristitles  among  the  Greeks,  orMarcellus 
among  the  Romans  ;  ami  illustrious  characters  of  all 
countries,  who  avoiding  envy  or  yielding  to  unjust 
prosecution,  had  been  under  the  necessity  of  aban 
doning  their  country  fora  period.  Some  indeed  had 
spent  the  remainder  of  their  lives  in  foreign  coun 
tries  ;  and  were  buried  by  people,  who  formed  a 
juster  estimate  of  their  merits,  than  their  ungrateful 
countrymen,  whose  happiness  had  been  advanced  by 
their  wise  counsels,  or  heroic  actions.  But  that  in 
the  case  of  the  bog-trotter,  there  was  great  reason  to 
believe,  not  only  that  he  would  He  well  received  by  the 
neighbouring  states  ;  but  that  in  due  time  he  would 
be  recalled  to  the  bosom  of  his  country,  with  feelings 
of  a  contrary  nature  ;  but  in  proportion  to  the  igno 
miny  of  his  exit. 

The  Captain  felt  a  degree  of  consolation  from  the 
observations  ;  but  at  the  sams  time,  could  not  avoid 
expressing  his  regret  that  he  had  not  favoured  the  ra 
gamuffin,  throughout,  in  his  pretensions  to  become  an 
editor  of  a  gaz.-tte  ;  and  the  proposition  of  the  citi- 
Z'.ns,  to  put  him  at  the  head  of  a  paper  ;  for  though 
it  might  have  subjected  him  to  a  kick,  or  a  curF,  now, 
and  then,  for  a  blackguard  paragraph,  yet  he  would 
have  avoided  the  danger  of  being  taken,  as  had  been 
the  case,  for  a  judge,  or  a  devil. 

But,  said  the  blind  Lawyer,  as  you  intended  it,  for 
the  iKst,  though  it  has  turned  out  otherwise  ;  yet 
there  is  no  reason,  why  you  should  blarne  yourself; 
or  that  others  should  find  fault.  Time  and  chance 
happeneth  to  all  men.  In  the  capacity  of  editor,  he 
!  have  been  subject  to  indictments  for  libels,  to 
which  a  want  of  an  accurate  knowledge  of  Kw  in  mat 
ters  of  written  slander,  might  have  rendered  him  li 
able.  He  had  some  legal  knowledge,  I  presume  ; 
having  studied,  not  at  the  temple,  but  in  this  country, 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  45 

perhaps  with  more  advantage  ;  for  I  believe  it  is 
pretty  well  understood,  that  temple  study  is  not  of 
much  account. 

He  understands  about  as  much  law,  as  my  horse, 
said  the  Captain;  for  which  reason  it  was  the  greater 
burlesque  to  talk  of  making  him  a  judge.  Unless  in 
deed  all  legal  knowledge,  should  be  put  down,  and 
men  should  determine  by  their  own  arbitrary  notions 
of  right  and  wrong,  independent  of  rules,  and  princi 
ples. 

As  to  the  making  him  a  judge,  said  the  Lawyer,  I 
do  not  take  it  there  ever  was  any  thing  serious  in  it ; 
and  even  as  to  the  present  obloquy  against  the  law,  I 
am  disposed  to  think,  the  current  has  in  a  great  de 
gree  spent  itself  Accusation  and  condemnation  are 
not  the  s.ime  thing.  It  is  no  new  thing  to  sec  accu 
sation  and  condemnation  mean  the  same,  under  an 
arbitrary  government.  Indeed  in  a  government  of 
laws,  we  have  seen  the  power  of  aristocracy,  the  in 
fluence  of  \vealth  and  office,  exerting  itself,  and  some 
times  succeeding  in  running  down  the  accused  ;  so 
that  while  they  enjoyed  the  name,  they  were  deprived 
of  the  substance  of  trial.  Even  in  a  democracy,  not 
in  name  only,  but  in  fact,  ambitious  men  have  misled, 
and  pretending  the  public  good,  have  had  in  view, 
their  own  purposes.  But  in  the  free  and  equal  re 
presentation  of  a  larger  borough,  and  before  a  delibe 
rate  tribunal,  it  is  contrary  to  moral  probability  that 
accusation  and  condemnation,  will  come  to  be  consi 
dered  as  the  same  thing.  Adversaries  may  pretend 
this  ;  and  in  order  to  bring  a  slur  upon  a  republican 
administration,  may  even  tvi&h  it.  But  it  is  not  in  the 
common  course  of  things  that  it  should  be  the  case. 

I  do  not  know,  said  the  Captain  ;  I  have  not  read 
a  great  deal  of  history,  ancient  or  modern,  to  be  able 
to  take  a  view  of  the  judicial  proceedings  in  the  case 


46  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

of  public  t^en  in  republican  governments;  but  thefe 
is  a  difference  in  this  borough,  from  the  ancient  re 
publics,  in  the  matter  of  rcjircxentation.  In  the  forum 
of  Rome,  the  people  themselves  assembled  ;  and 
heard  the  cause.  They  had  not  to  look  over  the  shoul 
der  to  see  bow  the  constituent,  who  was  not  within 
hearing,  stood  affected  ;  or  to  reflect  in  their  own 
minds,  how  an  acquittal  would  be  taken  by  the  voters, 
who  had  prejudged  the  case,  and  had  said,  that  the 
officer  must  be  brought  down.  Do  you  think  Sylla,  on 
his  abdication,  would  have  offered  to  submit  the  ne 
cessity  of  his  proscriptions,  to  the  people  in  a  rejire~ 
tentative  capacity  ? 

And  yet,  said  the  lawyer,  the  chances  for  justice, 
would  seem  to  be  in  favor  of  a  body  removed  from  the 
multitude,  and  approaching  more  to  a  select  tribunal. 
But  the  fact  is,  there  is  no  perfection  in  any  human 
institution.  It  is  "the  Judge  only  of  all  the  earth," 
that  can  at  all  limes  do  right. 

It  is  a  great  thing  to  have  no  private  views,  and  to 
have  conscience  ;  so  that  no  enmity  can  warp,  or  dis 
like  mislead.  Und»rstanding  also,  is  requisite  to  con 
fine  the  consideration  to  the  charge,  laying  out  of  the 
view  collateral  suggestions.  For  if  Cinna  has  not  con 
spired,  he  ought  not  to  be  "  torn  for  his  bad  -verses" 

But  if  justice  cannot  find  a  certain  residence  in  a  de- 
mocra'ic  government;  she  must  leave  the  earth.  I 
despair  of  finding  it  any  where  else.  But  I  have  felt 
tyranny,  or  have  thought  that  I  have  felt  it,  even  in 
the  courts  of  justice.  I  had  thought  that  I  had  felt 
it,  and  left  a  certain  bar  prematurely  on  that  account: 
so  that  I  am  not  one  of  those  who  lean  against  the  in 
vestigation  of  judicial  conduct.  It  is  my  object  only 
to  assist  the  democracy,  with  general  observations  ; 
and  by  the  democracy,  I  mean  not  so  much  the  tri- 


MODER-N  CHIVALRY.  47 

bunals  that  are  to  judge,  as  the  people  that  delegate 
the  judgment. 

It  will  be  a  great  matter,  that  the  judgment  given, 
be  able  to  stand  the  examination  of  law  and  reason, 
abroad  and  at  home.  High  cases  will  come  down  to 
posterity,  and  fix  the  character  of  the  administration. 
Liberty  will  be  affected  as  posterity  will  approve  or 
reverse  the  judgment.  That  is  a  high  and  traitscend- 
ant  court,  with  whom  it  lies  W judge  judges;  and  les 
sons  of  high  honour  and  discernment  from  that  court, 
will  have  an  effect  upon  the  streams  of  justice  to  the 
remotest  fountains.  If  the  understanding  of  such  pa 
ramount  tribunals,  appear  not  beyond  suspicion,  from 
the  decision  given,  it  will  be  a  great  hurt.  The  really 
guilty  may  afterwards  escape  from  an  odium  brought 
upon  the  prosecution. 

An  accusation  will  be  less  readily  sustained,  when 
accusation,  and  condemnation,  should  ever  that  hap 
pen,  comes  to  be  considered  as  the  same  thing. 


41  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


CHAPTER  VII. 


NOTHING  had  been  yet  heard  from  the 
polecat  man,  who  had  gone  in  quest  of  the  bog-trot 
ter  ;  nor  from  any  other  quarter,  could  the  Ct.puJu 
learn  the  place  of  his  banishment.  Had  he  known 
where  to  hnd  him,  he  could  have  sent  him  some  books 
to  read,  suited  to  his  present  situation,  and  his  state 
of  mind.  Bolingbroke  on  exile  ;  Boethius,  his  con 
solation  of  philosophy  ;  these,  though  he  could  not 
read  himself,  he  could  get  others  to  read  to  him  ; 
unit  ss  indeed,  lie  should  have  happened  to  have  fallen 
into  a  veiy  illiterate  part  of  the  country  ;  or  where 
the  1  iei  man  only  was  spoken  ;  and  so  these  books 
wlich  arc  \\iittcn  in  english,  could  not  be  read  ;  the 
last  was  written  in  latin  ;  but  translated  into  english. 
Not  having  books  to  read,  he  Mould  have  to  amuse 
hims.  !f  \\itn  nine-mens-morrice,  or  cross- ihe-crown, 
in  iiit-  b.^nd,  or  upon  chalked  boards.  Perhaps  this 
mighi  answer  the  purpose  as  well  to  an  uncultivated 
mind,  as  dissertations  of  wisdom  in  manuscript,  or 
print  Business  i^  perhaps  the  best  assuager  of  me 
lancholy  ;  but  the  indolence  of  the  Ourang-Outang, 
as  lie  may  he  called,  speaking  characteristically, 
would  hinder  him  from  usim*  this  means  of  cheating 
bi»  imagination.  Laziness  M  us  his  lort;  and  there 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  49 

•was  reason  to  believe,  that  he  knew  it,  tir.d  would 
stick  to  it. 

The  Captain,  however,  was  not  unaUcntive  in  Ms 
enquiries  in  the  mean  time,  and  hearing  of  a  conjurer 
that  had  come  to  town  ;  not  having  much  faith  in  his 
art,  hut  in  compliance  with  the  wishes  of  some  who 
suggested  it,  he  thought  proper  to  consult  this  wise 
man,  and  gain  from  him  such  discoveries  as  he  might 
think  proper  to  communicate.  Not  that  he  imagined 
Teague  hud  got  among  the  stars,  and  taken  his  sta 
tion  with  the  crab,  or  the  lyon.  But  this  conjurer, 
having'  more  to  do  with  bringing  back  stolen  horses, 
or  lost  goods,  than  casting  nativities,  it  might  fall  in 
his  way,  to  ascertain  the  track  ot  the  bog-trotter. 

The  fact  was,  that  O'Regan  had  been  met  with  by 
the  conjurer,  on  his  way  to  the  village,  and  had  been 
taken  into  his  service  as  one  that  seemed  to  answer  his 
purpose  for  an  understrapper,  having  some  know 
ledge  of  the  town,  and  capable  of  acting  the  part  of 
an  under  devil,  whom  he  might  occasionally  raise, 
and  interrogate  upon  the  state  of  affdirs  at  home,  or 
abroad.  The  hair  that  had  been  intended  for  the  de 
vil's  tail,  sufficed  now ;  for  Teague  pointed  it  out  the 
evening  they  came  into  the  village  ;  and  the  horns 
were  at  hand,  which  had  been  provided  for  a  former 
service. 

In  the  capacity  of  assistant  conjurer,  O'Regan 
played  his  part  in  the  commencement,  well;  and  the 
ladit-s  coming  xo  consult,  had  some  things  told  them 
that  had  happened  ;  a  circumstance  that  gave  thtin. 
fuii  confidence  in  tiie  information  given  with  regard 
to  things  to  come.  It  was  this  that  had  raised  the 
credit  of  the  conjurer,  and  made  his  art  the  subject  of 
general  conversation  For  the  tongue  of -a  woman  is 
an  excellent  promulgator  in  all  that  relates  to  secrets, 

Tiii're  \v\;s  a  widow  lady  of  great  fortune,  that  wisb.- 

FAKT  U.  VOL.  lit  Z 


5.0  MODERX  CHIVALRY. 

cd  lo  see  her  second  husband.  The  visage  of  the 
Captain,  just  coming  in,  was  reflected  from  the  mir 
ror,  and  she  saw  him. 

My  dear  husband,  said  she,  it  nuist,  it  -will  be  so. 
If  the  stars  have  ordained  it,  there  is  no  getting  over 
it.  I  shall  be  happy  how  soon  it  can  be  brought 
about  Can  you  u  11  conjurer,  liow  long  it  will  be  be 
fore  the  knot  is  tycd.  liow  valuable  an  art  it  is  that 
can  so  easily  relieve  doubts.  By  this  lime  she  had 
the  Captain  round  the  neck,  and  was  kissing  him, 
without  regard  to  the  company. 

The  Captain,  from  natural  delicacy,  or  a  good 
education,  was  unwilling  10  repel  the  caresses  of  a  la 
dy  ;  at  the  same  time,  thought  he  could  not  in  honour 
take  advantage  of  the  mistake,  under  which  she  ap 
peared  to  labour  ;  but  on  the  central  y,  explained  to 
].c;  ui  principles  of  optics,  the  manner  in  which  his 
l/.iy  VHJL  nomy  had  been  reflected  from  the  lense,  and 
that  it  woukl  require  another  experiment  to  ascertain 
the  real  husband,  which  the  stars  intended. 

The  conjurer  admitted,  that  his  glass  had  not  yet 
been  applied  to  discover  invisibles  ,  that  in  fact,  he 
had  been  only  bringing  it  to  bear,  when  the  face  of 
the  Captain  inteict  piing  the  vision. 

The  lady  was  sali->tkd,  and  disposed  to  reconcile 
herself  to  the  real  designation  ol  celestial  powers, 
conccivlivr  it  in  u-in  to  struggle  with  destiny;  and 
therefore  desired  the  r.onjuitr  to  lose  no  time  ;  but  to 
manifest  to  her  the  real  object  of  her  hopes. 

Applying  her  eye  to  the  glass,  she  saw  a  face  that 
she  did  not  gieatly  dii-like  ;  for  it  had  the  appearance 
of  freshness,  and  contentment ;  but  she  suw  horns. 
Horns  !  said  she.  What  can  this  mean  ? 

Mean,  said  the  Captain  ;  every  one  'knows  the 
meaning  of  the  emblem.  Antlers  is  a  common  place 
figure  for  cuckoldom  ;  and  that  would  sutm  to  have 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  51 

been  the  case  with  the  poor  man  in  his  former  wife's 
time. 

The  lady  was  glad  to  find  the  allusion  had  passed 
ascant  from  herself;  as  indeed  it  could  not  well  be 
made  to  her  ;  not  being  yet  married  to  the  gentle 
man. 

In  fact  it  was  the  bog-trotter,  who  instead  of  rais 
ing  a  picture  in  the  camera  obseura,  had-  thiust  his 
own  head  into  the  box  ;  and  having  just  before  UiTiX- 
ed  his  tail,  and  put  on  his  horns,  the  last  were  visible. 
in  that  quarter,  when  he  presented  his  physiognomy 
through  the  magic  lantern,  of  the  conjurer.  J!is  cu 
riosity  to  see  the  lady,  had  led  him  to  do  this  ;  and 
expecting  that  the  conversation,  before  the  scenes, 
would  have  lasted  longer,  before  she  began  to  look, 
he  was  surprised,  and  had  not  xvithdrawn  his  head. 

The  lady  requested  the  conjurer  to  inform  her, 
what  length  of  time  her  future  fnousc,  v,  c-uKl  be  in 
coming  down  from  the  constellations. 

It  is  not  in  our  power  to  determine  the  ovbits  of 
fortune,  sud  the  conjurer  ;  but  simply  the  phases  of 
the  planetary  changis. 

I  should  like  your  faces  better,  said  the  lady,  if 
you  v/ould  bring  them  down  without  horns. 

This  face  that  the  stars  have  shewn,  s:.id  the  conjur 
er,  is  in  the  crescent  ;  but  if  you  come  a  day  or  two 
hence,  he  may  be  at  the  full,  anil  without  horns. 

In  the  crescent,  oral  the  full,  said  the  lady,  let 
us  have  him  soon,  since  it  is  what  I  am  to  have.  So 
saying,  she  withdrew. 

The  Captain  stepped  up  to  put  his  questions  rela 
tive  to  the  bog-trotter  ;  and  explaining  at  full  length, 
the  eircUjpistance  of  his  absconding,  wished  to  know 
the  place  of  his  seclusion,  and  the  means  of  his  re 
ception. 

He  is  in  my  service,  said  the  conjurer,  acting  the 


&  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

part  of  the  devil,  and  is  the  very  figure  with  the  horn*, 
which  the  lady  that  just  now  left  us,  has  mistaken 
for  her  future  husband  ;  at  the  same  time  explained 
to  the  Captain,  the  circumstances  under  which  he 
found  the  vagrant,  and  the  manner  in  which  he  had 
accoutred  him  for  the  part  he  had  to  act ;  and  also 
how  it  came  to  pass  that  he  had  got  his  head  into  the 
box,  and  .-shewn  his  horns,  which  had  given  umbrage 
to  the  lady.  He  gave  him  also  to  understand,  that 
he  had  found  him  a  tolerably  expert  devil  ;  that 
fie  carried  his  horns,  and  his  tail  well  ;  that  he  had 
raised  him  frequently,  in  the  capacity  of  devil,  since 
he  came  to  town,  and  was  to  raise  him  that  evening 
to  some  young  men  who  had  appointed  to  consult 
him  en  love  matters  ;  that  if  the  Captain  would  wait, 
he  might  see  him  play  his  part,  and  judge  of  Ids  dex 
terity  in  his  new  office. 

As  when  in  an  epilepsy,  the  eye  is  fixed  in  the 
head,  and  presents  a  motionless  stare,  so  look'd  the 
Captains'  at  this  crisis.  lie  was  astonished  at  the 
deception  of  the  fortune  teller,  and  the  vagaries  of 
his  waiter  ;  this  last  adventure  had  exceeded  all  the 
rest.  He  could  not  avoid  expressing  his  disapproba 
tion  of  the  foul  play  which  had  been  shewn  the  lady  ; 
fin-1  the  fraud  which  had  been  put  upon  her,  shewing 
his  bog-trotter  for  a  person  designated  by  the  heaven 
ly  bodies,  to  be  her  partner  in  matrimony;  and  stiil 
more,  the  iniquity  of  inveigling  an  ignorant  creature, 
to  take  upon  him  the  character  of  devil  ;  a  masque 
which  lie  had  been  endeavouring  to  avoid,  even  at  the 
risk  of  leaving  the  -village  ;  but  what  especially  gave 
him  pain,  was  the  in) morality  of  the  occupation  into 
wl'ich  he  had  been  led,  picking  peoples  pockets  un 
der  a  pretext  of  discovering  tilings  unknown,  while 
in  u-c-Hiy,  the  whole  was  an  imposition.  It  was  of 
. .  .T  consideration  that  he  had  degraded  himself, 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  53 

and  stooped  beneath  his  former  designation,  and  ob 
jects  of  ambition. 

However,  as  the  conjurer  had  him  in  his  service, 
and  some  claim  upon  him,  probably  to  fulfil  his  en 
gagement,  for  the  season,  what  could  he  say,  or  do  ? 
Contracts  must  be  complied  with ;  unless,  indeed,  the 
unlawfulness  of  the  service,  might  relieve,  from  the 
condition.  For  this,  it  would  be  necessary  to  consult 
the  blind  lawyer  ;  and  for  which  purpose,  he  took  his 
leave,  and  withdrew . 

The  blind  lawyer,  was  of  opinion,  no  prior  contract 
with  the  subordinate,  existing,  having  been  but  a  ser 
vant  at  will,  no  habeas  corpus,  or  other  legal  process 
could  lie  on  the  part  of  the  Captain,  to  take  him  out 
of  the  hands  of  the  conjurer  ;  and  as  to  the  unlawful 
ness  of  the  service,  that  must  be  a  plea  in  the  bog- 
trotter's  own  mouth,  and  not  in  that  of  another  for 
him.  Doubtless  it  was  a  fraud  upon  the  public  ;  but 
the  people  themselves  became  a  party,  by  consulting 
the  wizard,  and  no  action  would  lie  to  recover  money 
back  so  thrown  away.  For  potior  est  couditio  possi- 
dentis.  But  in  foro  conscientis,  it  might  be  a  ques 
tion  whether  it  was  a  wrong  to  trick  people  that  were 
willing  to  be  tricked.  Si  populu*  vult  decipi,  decipi- 
atur. 

The  Captain  thought  it  an  immorality,  to  take  sxich 
advantage  of  the  credulity  of  the  young,  find  the  ig 
norant  ;  or  even  of  old  fools  ;  for  truth,  sincerity,  and 
plain  dealing,  was  the  basis  of  morality. 

A  quid  pro  quo,  in  all  contracts,  said  the  Lav/yer, 
is  doubtless,  necessary.  There  must  be  a  considera 
tion.  But  it  is  not  necessary  that  this  be  a  substantial 
equivalent.  One  promise  may  be  the  consideration 
of  another.  Amusement  is  a  consideration  of  a  great 
part  of  our  stipulations.  Can  any  thing  amuse  more 
than  fair  hopes  ? 


54  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

The  pleasure  is  as  great, 

Of  being  cheated,  as  to  cheat. 

I  am  not  able  to  argue  with  a  Lawyer,  stud  the 
Captain,  especially  on  principles  of  luw  ;  but  this 
much  I  know,  that  the  conjurer  engages  to  pet  form 
what  he  cannot  do,  that  is,  to  tell  fortunes,  and  there 
fore  deceives.  Hence  he  is  what  I  call  a  rogue.  Now 
that  my  bog-trotter,  low  as  he  is,  should  be  an  ap 
prentice  to  a  rogue,  or  worse,  an  assistant  and  partner 
in  iniquity  is  a  reflection  upon  me,  who  have  brought 
him  here  ;  and  independent  of  this,  there  is  the  de 
gradation  of  turning  devil.  A  printer's  devil,  we  all 
know,  means,  the  lad  that  cleans  the  types,  or  puts 
on  the  black-ball  ;  but  this  is  a  different  sort  of  per 
sonage  ;  and  actually  wears  horns,  and  is  in  the  semb 
lance  of  Belzebub  ;  or  at  least- in  that  representation 
of  him,  which  the  painters  give. 

As  to  degradation,  said  the  blind  Lawyer,  that  is 
matter  of  opinion.  If  we  recur  to  popular  language, 
and  take  our  ideas  of  a:i  honourable  calling  from  com 
mon  parlance,  we  shall  find  nothing  of  higher  estima 
tion  in  grade  of  profession,  than  that  of  the  conjurer  ; 
we  say  of  a  physician,  he  is  no  conjurer  ;  of  a  lawyer, 
lie  is  no  conjurer ;  and  so  en  of  other  occupations, 
meaning  that  however  eminent,  any  one  may  be-,  still 
he  falls  behind  the  conjurer.  But  in  a  republican 
government,  the  trade  or  employment  of  a  man,  is 
butliulc  considered.  The  great  matter  is  the  profits 
of  it.  Does  it  make  the  pot  boil?  If  the  bog-trotter 
f.nds  his  account  in  the  service,  and  makes  money, 
the  world  will  wink  at  the  means. 

To  act  the  part  of  a  devil  may  b?  sinful  ;  as  a  di 
vine  would  say  ;  but  as  to  honour,  I  do  net  know  it 
to  be  any  impeachment  to  be  a  devil.  The  greater 
the  devil,  the  better  the  fellow.  It  is  a  cause  of  chal 
lenge  to  call  a  niaji  a  knave  j  but  cot  to  say  he  is  a 
UevU. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  55 

The  Captain  discovered  that  the  lawyer  was  dis 
posed  to  be  playful,  and  not  serious ;  and  dropped  the 
conversation;  still  hurt  in  his  mind  at  the  catastrophe 
his  subordinate  itinerant,  Avho  had  been  on  the  pinna 
cle  of  fortune,  in  point  of  expectation,  having  fallen 
so  low  ;  and  gone  so  far  astray,  in  his  pursuits.  But 
a  change  was  given  to  his  meditations,  when,  in  the 
mean  time,  the  bog-trotter  appeared,  without  tail  or 
horns  ;  or  a  whole  shirt  upon  his  back.  He  had  lost 
*11  these  in  a  scuffle  with  the  conjurer,  about  the  di 
vision  of  the  profits.  A  misunderstanding  had  also 
taken  plage  on  the  subject  of  alternating  offices,  the 
deputy  insisting  that  he  should  change  places  occa 
sionally  with  the  master,  who  should  act  the  devil  in 
his  turn.  This  the  principal  refused  to  do,  and  hence 
the  disagreement,  which  had  come  to  blows,  was  the 
cause  of  a  separation, 


5C  MODERN  CHIVALRY, 


CHAPTER  VIII. 


POPULAR  obloquy  and  reproach,*had  fallen 
upon  the  Captain,  in  consequence  of  his  waiter  having 
been  with  the  conjurer,  and  acting  in  the  capacity  of 
devil.  Though,  by  the  bye,  it  was  the  people  them 
selves  that  had  brought  the  thing  about  by  the  mask 
ing  him  with  tail  and  horns.  So  inconsistent  is  the 
multitude,  that  they  blame  to-day  what  they  them 
selves  have  caused  yesterday.  The  Captain  being 
hurt  at  this,  and  willing  to  clear  off  reflections,  for 
the  future,  determined  to  deliver  up  the  bog-trotter 
to  themselves,  to  make  of  him  what  they  thought 
proper.  Accordingly  having  called  a  town  meeting, 
and  bidding  Teague  follow  him,  and  addressing,  more 
particularly,  the  officers  of  the  incorporation,  he 
spoke  as  follows  : 

Fellow-citizens,  said  he,  here  is  that  young  man, 
•whom  you  have  made  a  devil  of  in  this  town  ;  for  it 
was  you  that  made  him  a  devil,  and  yet  you  blame 
me,  as  accessary  to  the  wickedness  ;  or  rather,  the 
principal  in  the  act.  Now  here  he  is,  stripp'd  of  his 
tail  and  horns  ;  and,  I  will  not  say,  like  the  sun, 
"  shorn  of  his  beams,"  for  that  would  be  too  elevated 
a  simile  ;  nor  like  Sampson,  "  shorn  of  his  hair  ;" 
for  that  would  be  also  pompous.  But  I  will  say,  lik-s 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  57 

yourselves,  without  superfluous  incumbrance.  Take 
him  therefore  into  your  custody,  and  under  your  pro 
tection  ;  and  hew  him  into  whatever  shape  you  may 
chuse  ;  fashion  him  as  you  please.  Make  him  the 
editor  of  a  newspaper  ;  or  transform  him  even  to  a 
judge  of  your  courts.  I  shall  not  stand  in  the  way  of 
his  promotion,  or  of  your  will  any  longer. 

It  was  evident  that  the  first  impressions  of  the  peo 
ple,  were  favourable  to  the  proposition;  and  that  they 
took  in  good  part,  the  condescension  of  the  Captain 
to  the  public  voice.  But  a  factious  man,  in  a  leathern 
pair  of  breeches,  who  had  never  had  an  opportunity 
before  of  making  himself  heard,  rose  to  speak.  Cap 
tain,  said  he,  is  it  fair  to  attempt  a  burlesque  on  the 
democracy,  by  intruding  your  servant  on  the  public 
mind,  for  a  post  of  profit,  or  of  honour.  It  is  true, 
the  greater  part  of  us,  are  but  plain  men,  and  illite 
rate,  if  you  chuse  to  have  it  so  ;  but  yet,  it  is  to  be 
hoped,  we  are  not  just  so  hard  run  for  persons  capa 
ble  of  civil  employments  among  ourselves,  as  to  be 
under  the  necessity  of  recurring  to  your  bog-trotter. 

Heavens  !  said  the  Captain,  roused  a  little  in  his 
mind  ;  for  he  was  not  apt  to  swear  ;  has  it  not  been 
yourselves,  that  have  proposed  the  matter, and  brought 
all  the  trouble  on  my  head  respecting  it  ?  I  did,  it  is 
true,  in  the  first  instance,  suggest  the  idea  of  putting 
him  at  the  head  of  a  paper  ;  but  it  was  without  con 
sideration  ;  and  I  retracted  it,  both  in  my  own  judg 
ment,  and  in  my  woids,  to  you,  immediately  after. 
For  though  the  press  has  been  degraded,  by  auch  as 
he  is,  in  that  capacity,  yet  I  was  not  willing  to  contri 
bute  to  the  like  evil.  The  making  him  a  judge  came 
from  yourselves  ;  it  was  an  idea  that  never  started  in 
my  brains.  It  was  your  own  burlesque,  not  mine. 

Why    should   I   undervalue    democracy  ;    or   be 
thought  to  cast  a  slur  upon  it  j  I  that  am  a  democrat 


.',8  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

myself.  What  proof  have  I  given  you  cf  this ;  m\j 
works  sheiv  my  faith.  It  is  true,  I  have  not  underva 
lued  learning,  or  exclaimed  against  lawyers;  or  join 
ed  in  the  cry  of  down  with  the  judges  ;  but,  take  the 
tenor  of  my  life  and  conversation,  since  the  founda 
tion  of  the  village.  I  was  at  the  first  settlement  of  it. 
Did  I  engross  lots  of  ground  '.  Has  there  been  a  ne 
cessity  for  an  agrarian  lav.'  in  my  case  ?  Have  I  spe 
culated  on  the  wants  of  men,  by  forestalling,  or  re- 
grnting?  Have  I  made  has' e  to  be  rich?  That  is,  have 
I  overstepped  the  common  means  of  industry  ?  Do  I 
Value  myself  on  my  fine  clothing  ?  Do  I  indulge  in 
luxurious  living  ?  Is  my  hat  off  to  a  rich  man,  sooner 
than  to  the  poor  ?  Do  I  oppress  the  stranger  ;  or  ra 
ther  do  I  not  assist  him,  and  invite  him  to  o::r  habi 
tations  ?  Who  has  heard  me  call  out  against  foreign 
ers  ;  or  filing  a  prejudice  against  emigrants  ? 

C  iptuin,  said  an  Irish  gentleman  coming  fonvanl, 
and  beckoning  with  his  hand ;  all  dis,  dat  you  tell  115, 
is  very  well  But  is  it  a  genteel  ting,  to  trow  a  jidi- 
cule  upon  dr  whole  Irish  na'ion,  by  carrying  about 
vicl  you,  a  bog-trotter,  just  as  you  would  an  allegator; 
or  some  wild  cratnr  dat  you  had  catched  upon  de 
mountains,  to  make  your  game  of  p-sple  dat  have  de 
same  brogue  upon  del:.-  speech  ;  and  de  same  dialect 
upon  deir  to:r>;ues.  as  he  has  ?  tty  de  holy  fatlers,  it 
is  too  much  in  a  free  country,  not  to  be  suffered 

Pheiiin.  s.ticl  another  of  the  same  nation,  interrupt 
ing  birM,  but  a  man  of  more  sense,  and  liberality  ; 
yon  me  a  fool,  said  V;,  Pheiim  ;  if  you  were  my  own 
born  brother,  I  wou'd  say  so.  You  are  a  fool  ;  de 
C  ipt  in  meanS  to  trow  no  ridicule  upon  de  mil  inn. 
G.mlemen  of  all  counlries  laugh  at  deir  own  fools, 
and  make  jokes  upon  clem  ;  not  to  show  de  follies  of 
donation  ;  but  of  human  n-iture  In  Dublin,  we  have 
our  jokes  upon  our  Dermots,  and  cur  Thadys,  and 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  59 

de  devil  a  duel  about  it  ;  nor  in  dis  country  neider  ; 
wid  men  dat  have  travelled  and  can  give  a  joke,  and 
take  one,  just  for  de  sake  of  peace  and  quietness,  and 
good  fellowship,  and  eating  and  drinking,  which  is 
much  better  dan  breaking  heads,  wid  sticks,  or  shi 
vering  one  another  wid  bits  of  iron,  de  call  cutlashes  ; 
or  snapping  pistols,  for  nothing  at  all,  but  de  humour 
of  de  thing  ;  when  I  can  see  no  humour  in  it  but  fol 
ly,  and  nonsense  :  so  hold  your  tongue,  Pl.elim,  and 
let  de  Captain  spake  ;  I  like  to  hear  him,  very  well. 
You  might  as  well  take  exceptions  to  Don  Quixolte, 
because  he  had  his  Sancho,  and  would  make  him  a 
governor  ;  if  dtre  was  any  ridicule  in  it.  it  is  upon 
dese  paple  demselves.  dat  are  so  imposed  upon,  to 
make  a  bog-trotter  a  justice  of  de  peace,  or  a  judge  ; 
and  not  upon  de  nation  of  Ireland,  dat  have  men  of 
sense,  and  fools  like  other  nations.  Commend  me 
to  de  fun  of  de  thing.  I  like  de  joke  very  ^ell  De 
burlesque  consists  in  comparing  de  high  wicl  de  low, 
and  de  low  wid  de  high  :  and  de  dialogues,  and 
spaches  mark  de  characters.  It  is  de  high  dat  is  ri 
diculed,  and  not  de  low  ;  when  you  compare  de  low 
wicl  it.  De  books  and  travels  will  tache  you  dat, 
Phelim.  Let  de  Captain  spake  wkiout  interruptions; 
and  tell  his  story.  I  like  to  hear  de  Captain  spake 
very  well. 

Far  be  it  from  me,  continued  the  Captain,  to  un 
dervalue  Ireland,  or  to  mean  disrespect  to  the  nation. 
On  the  contrary,  it  was  from  good  will  to  the  people, 
that  I  have  taken  the  notice  of  this  young  man,  that 
I  have.  Much  less  have  I  intended  a  reflection  upon 
a  democratic  government,  in  the  countenance  I  have 
given  to  the  proposition  of  advancing  him  in  grades, 
and  occupations.  A'or  is  it  democracy,  that  I  have 
meant  to  expose  ;  or  re/ire/iend,  in  any  thing  that  I 
ha~ue  said  ;  but  the  errors  of  it :  those  excesses  which 


60  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

lead  to  its  overthrow.  These  excesses  have  shewn 
themselves  in  all  democratic  governments  ;  whence 
it  is  that  a  ximjile  democracy  has  never  been  able  to 
exist  long  An  experiment  is  now  made  in  a  new 
world,  and  upon  better  principles  ;  that  of  represen 
tation  and  a  more  perfect  separation,  and  near  equipoise 
of  th?  legislative,  judicial,  and  <  jcecu/ive  fiowtrs.  But 
the  balance  of  the  powers,  is  not  easily  preserved. 
The  natural  tendency  is  to  one  scale.  The  demagogue 
is  the  first  great  destroyer  of  the  constitution  by  de 
ceiving  the  people.  He  is  no  democrat  that  deceives 
the  people.  He  is  an  aristocrat ;  and  seeks  after 
more  power  than  is  just.  He  will  never  rest  short  of 
despotic  rule.  Have  I  deceived  the  people  ?  Why 
then  am  I  suspected  of  a  want  of  patriotism,  and 
good  will  to  the  people.  \Vhy  am  I  charged  with 
ridicule  at  their  expenr.e,  who  wish  nothing  more 
than  to  inform  their  understanding,  and  regulate  their 
conduct. 

But  is  it  not  presumption  in  you,  Captain,  to  under 
take  this,  in  any  shape  ?  said  a  man,  with  a  sin  ill 
voice.  Is  it  not  an  insult  upon  the  people,  to  suppose 
that  they  can  err :  or  supposing  it,  that  you  can  set 
them  right  ? 

It  is  too  much  to  bear,  said  a  third  person,  with  a 
grey  coat.  I  am  for  repres.ing  all  such  presumption. 
It  leads  to  aristocracy. 

The  blind  ln\wer  got  up  to  speak. 

We  will  hear  no  lawyer,  said  a  man  with  a  long 
cliin,  and  a  p:de  yr.^p. 

It  is  the  blind  K:wvrr.  s.iid  a  friend  to  the  Captain. 

Blind,  or  purbliiul,  s^id  the  man  \\]\.\\  tiie  p..le  vis 
age,  we  shall  :.ear  no  lawyer  here.  The  Captidn  has 
bivcl  a  great  deal  of  disturb-.incc.  since  he  relumed  to 
the  village.  He  has  opposed  u.s  in  f-vtry  thing  tlr^t 
we  proposed  to  do.  No  reform  can  be  curried  on,  but 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  G.I 

he  must  br.ve  his  objections,  and  exceptions  from  the 
nature  of  government  Just  as,  if  the  making,  or 
keeping  up  a  government,  was  a  thing  of  mixture,  and 
composition  like  a  doctor's  drug.  As  if  a  man  must 
learn  it,  as  he  would  to  make  a  watch  ;  or  to  keep  it 
in  repair  like  a  clock.  Can  there  be  any  thing  more 
simple  than  Jor  the  fieo/ile  just  to  gyvcm  themnetvea  ? 
What  needs  all  this  talk  of  checks  and  balances  ? 
Why  keep  up  laws,  and  judges,  at  an  cxpence,  as  if  the 
people  were  not  competent  to  give  laws,  and  to  judge 
for  themselves  ? 

Ye  need  na'  mind  the  Captain,  said  Duncan,  com 
ing  forward,  having  a  regard  for  him,  and  seeing  him 
in  a  delicate  predicament,  the  anger  of  the  people 
kindling  ;  ye  need  na'  mind  the  Captain,  said  he,/:.r 
fir's  n?  right  in  his  head.  He  has  got  some  kink  in  his 
intellect,  that  gars  him  conceit  strange  things.  I  was 
his  waiter  twa'ree  months  ;  and  I  found  him  a  v.  ee 
thing  cracked  ;  and  ye  canna  weel  but  find  it  sae, 
when  ye  tak  a  look  at  his  vagaries,  and  imaginations. 
Just  let  him  go  about  his  business,  and  mind  you  rain 
affairs.  It  \vad  be  a  shame  to  fa'  out  wi*  a  man, 
that's  na  right  in  his  head. 

If  that  be  the  case,  said  a  man  with  a  brown  wig, 
great  allowance  ought  to  be  made.  None  of  ourselves 
can  tell  how  long,  our  natural  reason  may  be -continued 
to  us.  To  be  sure,  he  talks  like  a  man  that  is  not 
just  himself  But  we  did  not  .know  but  that  it  might 
be  a  disguise  to  conceal  his  views  ;  a  masque  of  sim 
plicity  the  better  to  introduce  monarchy. 

Gentle  men,  said  the  Captain,  there  is  now  nothing 
more  difficult  for  a  man,  than  to  prove  that  he  is  not 
mad  For  the  very  attempt  to  prove  it,  admits  that 
it  m.iy  b-  doubled  ;  or  at  least  that  it  is  doubted.  Be 
sides  I  shall  not  contradict  Duncan,  who,  I  am  per 
suaded,  believes  what  Le  says.  But  since  my  services 

PART  II.  VOL.  II.  E 


G2  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

amongst  you,  at  present,  do  not  seem  to  have  been 
well  received,  though  from  my  heart,  well  intended,  I 
will  leave  you  lor  a  while,  and  call  off  the  bog-trotter 
to  another  ramble.  Considering  it  as  a  banishment 
in  fact,  though  not  in  name  ;  and  adopting  the  lan 
guage  of  some  under  like  circumstances,  I  will  wish, 
that  the  -village  may  never  have  Oceanian  to  remember 
me  or  my  observations. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY,       «3 


CHAPTER  IX. 


THE  Captain  being  obliged  to  leave  the  vil 
lage,  was  now  about  to  renew  his  travels  ;  not,  as 
heretofore,  on  a  voluntary  excursion,  but  in  the  capa 
city  of  an  exile.  He  was  accompanied  as  usual,  with 
the  bog-trotter  ;  and  with  several  others  of  the  vil 
lage  ;  who  were  willing  to  share  his  fortunes  in  some 
new  establishment.  4rnon£3t  these  were  the  blind 
lawyer  t.nd  fidler  ;  Cldnmel  the  ballad  singer  ;  the 
latin  schoolmaster;  CRFin  an  Irishman  i  Tom  the 
Tinker,  and  others  :  the  Captain  mounted;  the  rest 
on  foot.  A  blind  mare,  with  a  pack-saddle,  served  to 
carry  their  provisions.  TH^s  was  the  whole  caravan 
which  was  about  to  stt  out-£or  the  new  settlement. 

After  two  days  travejBig,  they  came  to  a  town, 
where  judges  and  lawyeS  continued  yet  to  be  tole 
rated.  Nevertheless  a  judjre,  just  before,  had  been 
driven  from  the  bench,  ovingto  a  fracas  that  had 
happened  on  t  he-bench  hstlf,  with  a  brother  judge, 
and  which  took  its  rise  from  a  difference  relative  to 
idiom,  and  dialect  of  language.  The  one  was  a  Scotch 
gentleman,  and  spoke  with  the  Saxon  pronunciation; 
which  is  still  that  of  the  north  of  England,  and  the 
south  of  Scotland.  The  other  was  a  native  of  France, 
and  had  acquired  the  English  language  after  his  arri- 


04  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

val  in  this  country,  scrne  years  before.  The  Scotch 
judge  (bund  fault  with  the  guliicisnis  of  his  French 
associate,  and  saui  he  ciidnu'  iike  the  accent,  and  that 
it  was  an  curor  to  bring  it  on  the  bench.  That  it  did 
rm'  behoove  (the  French  judge)  to  open  his  mouth  to 
give  a  chV.rge,  especially  to  a  grand  jury,  v  i'  sic'  a  clia- 
)ec'  rpon  his  gab.  The  French  judge  scimed  to 
think  tiiat  his  gallicisms  were  as  gccd  as  the  ether's 
patois,  or  scoticisms  ;  and  observed  that  the  French 
language  had  a  fooling-  in  the  courts,  and  was  evtn  the 
language  of  the  law  itself,  at  a  very  early  period.  A 
great  part  of  the  law  of  the  tenure  of  real  property, 
came  from  the  Normans,  who  were  French  ;  that 
England  became  almost  a  French  country  under  \\  il- 
liani  the  conqueror  ;  that  the  terms  de  la  loi,  or  law 
phrases,  rj-e  vestiges  of  French  to  this  day.  Cestui 
qi:e  use  :  in  pleadings,  ne  unque  accouple  en  loyal 
inatremonie  ;  antre  fouis  acquit,  tout  terns  piit,  tr.(\ 
many  others.  Are  there  any  vestiges  of  broad  Scotch 
ill  the  lavfr  books  ? 

Aye,  quo'  the  Scotch  judge,  the  law  was  Saxon  be 
fore  it  was  French  ;  and  it  is  time  that  it  should  come 
back  to  the  Saxon  again.  Ye  sha'  mi'  deliver  a  charge 
on  this  bench,  unless  ye  achip'  your  language  to  the 
state  of  society  and  speak' plain  English,  or  Saxon  ; 
:';r  they  are  a'  the  same  thing- ;  and  ha'  the  same  pri 
vilege  in  a'  court*  of  justice. 

The  French  judge  began  to  address  the  jury  ;  when 
the  Scotch  judge  interrupted,  ana  called  a  constable 
to  U.ke  him  down  frae  the  bmch. 

The  French  judge  being  a  choleric  man,  laid  hold 
of  him  by  the  waistband  of  the  breeches,  and  the 
i!",pe  of  the  neck,  and  whirled  him  with  a  contortion 
of  the  body  from  the  seat  of  justice,  amongst  the  law 
yers  of  the  bar.  His  body  ha\ing  a  rotatory  motion, 
;tncl  his  legs  diverging  like  the  spokes  of  a  wheel,  his 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  e$ 

heels  flew  round,  and  one/>f  them  hit  the  clerk  on  the 
nose,  and  a  barrister  above  the  brow  ;  and  caused 
great  disturbance,  to  the  ftai  and  terror  of  the  suitors, 
and  other  good  citizens  of  the  commonwealth.  The 
result  was,  that  the  Scotch  judge  had  io  leave  the 
bench  altogether,  and  go  to  the  bar.  The  French 
judge  in  the  mean  time  had  been  stnt  to  Congress. 
Hence  it  was,  that  a  vacancy  existed  in  the  place  of 
judge  ;  or  rather  two  vacancies  ;  but  the  main  ciiffi* 
culty  was  to  get  a  chirf  justice  ;  or  president.  The 
Captuimuade  mention  of  the  blind  lawyer,  whom  he 
had  in  company  ;  but  they  were  unwilling  to  have  a 
blind  man.  They  wished  to  have  a  perfect  judge  ;  or 
one  at  least  in  possession  of  all  his  outward  senses. 
He  then  proposed  the  bog-trotter  ;  stating  that  he" 
had  been  in  request  for  that  promotion,  before  the/ 
had  set  out  from  the  midland  country. 

The  offer  was  accepted,   and  Teague  was  made  a 
.judge,  and  took  his  seat  upon  the  bench. 

The  Captain  had  determined  with  himself,  that  he 
would  oppose  the  advancement  of  this  Teague  O'Re- 
gan  no  more,  having  got  so  nu:d!»  ill-will  by  ii.  Never 
theless,  he  thought  it  not  amiss  to  put  him  under  the 
care  of  the  blind  lawyer,  or  for  some  time  to  ;. ive 
him  instructions  for  the  oflice,  "which  at  least  ccuki 
do  him  no  harm,  if  it  did  no  pood.  Accordingly  the 
lawyer  took  him  in  tow,  and  bvgan  a?  follows. 

Teague,  said  he.  you  ar~  anived  to  hcncur  and  e- 
molument,  which  some  of  your  butlers  ha\e  deserved, 
and  could  not  obtain  However,  '•  time  and  chance 
happeneth  to  all  men."  You  are  row  on  the  seat  of 
jusi ice  ;  and  it  remains  for  VL-U,  i;  possible,  to  quali 
fy  yourself  for  it.  i-'or  I  take  it,  you  are  yet  to  begin  - 
to  obtain  the  requires  for  th,  dischArgejofthat  trust. 
Now  I  have  no  idea  that  you  can  ac^v.ire  kgul  know 
ledge.  That  is  out  of  the  question.  Nor  etc  1  ;Link 


u<i  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

it  possible  that  you  can  ever  attain  the  first  element-* 
of  jurisprudence.  But  this  is  not  absolutely  necessa 
ry  upon  the  bend),  more  than  at  the  bar.  I  have 
known  a  judge  upon  a  bench,  whom  I  would  not  trust 
•with  the  value  oi'  a  hob"  nail,  in  a  cause  of  mine.  It 
would  be  a  substitute  for  sense  if  yon  could  cite  cases. 
But  you  have  not  even  cases  to  cite,  and  call  autho 
rities.  You  must  therefore  begin  a  peg  lower,  and 
content  yourself  with  the  saving  afijiearences^  merely 
personal.  Your  gait  must  be  steady  ;  your  demean 
our  slow  ;  gravity  is  a  great  cover  for  stupidity  ;  stu 
pidity,  indeed  supplies  the  place,  and  in  most  cases, 
gives  gravity.  But  still  it  is  to  be  cultivated.  You 
must  wear  spectacles,  to  make  people  think  you  can 
read.  If  you  do  not  take  notes  ;  yet  seem  to  take 
them  ;  for  it  is  the  fashion  of  the  time,  to  be  a  great 
note  taker.  At  least  talk  of  your  notes  ;  that  will 
pass  for  taking  them.  The  Areopagi  took  no  notes  ; 
for  they  sat  in  the  night,  and  had  no  candle  light. 
And  justice  herself  is  naid  to  be  blind)  and  can  take 
jvo  notes-.  13 at  note  taking  is  now  the  main  part  of 
the  qualification  of  a  judge  ;  so  that  if  you  do  not 
take  notes,  you  must  stem  to  take  them.  I  myself, 
had  I  been  appointed  a  judge,  would  have  had  to 
scratch  a  little.  My  fuller  might  have  been  a  good 
assistant  to  ine  in  note  taking,  had  he  not  been  blind 
tco  ;  for  having  the  use  of  his  elbow  on  the  fiddle, 
h/i  could  scratch  notes  with  great  fhpidity,  could  he 
write  ;  but  that  he  could  not  do,  nor  read  either.  So 
tiuit  I  should  have  been  as  much  at  a  loss  as  you  in 
this  particular.  But  it  would  not  be  impossible  for 
you,  as  you  have  your  eyesight,  to  learn  to  write 
Abracadabra,  Tantarara,  and  pass  them  for  notes. 
However,  if  you  cannot  acquire  all  excellencies,  you 
can  avoid  some  defects.  You  can  give  attention,  and 
ac em,  to  understuud  what  id  said  in  c.r^umem,  though- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  67 

it  be  impossible  that  you  should  understand  a  syllable. 
It  is  a  great  indelicacy  in  a  gentleman  to  refuse  his 
ear,  or  to  shew  himself  inattentive  in  private  conver 
sation.  But  in  a  judge  it  is  intolerable,  when  you 
are  to  decide  upon  a  point  which  is  argued  with  much 
earnestness  at  the  bar,  and  where  the  counsel  expect 
at  least  that  you  will  hear  them,  even  it  you  should 
not  decide  in  their  favour.  For  when  they  are  heard, 
and  are  satisfied  that  they  are  understood,  they  are 
disposed  to  be  content.  But  it  is  an  error  of  which 
I  hope  you  will  not  be  capable,  to  interrupt  the  argu 
ment  by  matters  of  your  own  concern.  As  for  in 
stance,  when  an  advocate  is  at  the  pinching  point  of 
his  reasoning,  to  call  out  for  the  crier,  to  bring  you 
something.  You  will  see  the  advocate  in  such  a  case, 
turn  and  writhe  himself,  and  shew,  in  his  counte 
nance,  the  irritation  that  he  feels.  But  he  is  obliged 
to  resume  his  oratory,  and  go  on,  saying  your  hon 
our,  and  he  would  rather  say,  "  cannot  you  take 
advantage  of  a  pause  to  call  for  what  you  want."  It 
is  mentioned  of  Lord  Camden,  that  he  was  in  all  re 
spects,  the  most  correct  of  men  in  his  treatment  of 
the  bar,  save  that  he  would  sometimes,  in  the  middle 
cf  an  argument^  stoofi  down  to  garter  up  his  stockings, 

It  is  dangerous  in  a  judge  to  attempt  wit,  especially 
if  he  has  none.  There  are  few  that  have  the  talent  ; 
and  it  is  not  every  one  that  knows  that  he  has  it  rot. 
It  will  be  your  'best  way  to  attempt  nothing  of  the 
kind  ;  but  preserve  gravity,  and  an  imposing  air  of 
austerity.  For  as  far  as  I  can  learn  from  the  Captain, 
you  are  not  happy  at  a  bon  mot. 

But  you  must  be  careful  of  your  mind  itself,  that  it 
be  not  rendered  vain  by  being  called  your  honour.  If 
the  bar  discover  that  you  are  weak  on  this  head,  they 
will  plais.ter  you  with  "  your  honour  ;  your,  honour^ 
and  your  honour."  They  will  be  cartful  ulso  te  say, 


68  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

the  "  learned  judge ,"  and  this  the'more  unlearnc-1 
they  think  you  are.  Aud  especially  when  they  mean 
to  impose  upon  you  sophism  for  argument,  and  false 
construction  for  solid  deduction,  and  conclusion.  The 
"  learned  judge  upon  the  bench  ;"  when  at  the  same 
time  they  will  be  at  a  loss  to  say,  whether  they 
think  you  or  the  bench  you  sit  upon,  the  most:  desti 
tute  of  sense  and  understanding. 

A  man  that  has  been  behind  the  scene  knows  the 
vanity  of  all  this,  and  how  much  must  pass  for  nc- 
thing  of  all  that  apparent  deference  which  is  paid  to 
the  understanding  of  a  judge.  For  the  counsel  of 
delicacy,  and  refined  manners,  will  pay  this  respect 
to  the  office,  on  a  principle  of  good  breeding,  and 
what  becomes  the  profession  ;  others  will  do  the 
same  thing,  and  perhaps  overdo  it,  from  motives  of 
prudence,  and  to  gain  a  point  with  the  court.  There 
is  trick  in  all  trades,  and  there  is  craft,  in  the  craft,  if 
I  m  iy  use  a  pun  on  this  occasion. 

But  you  have  never  been  behind  the  scene  ;  and 
have  no  experience  of  this  play  upon  travellers  ;  and 
managing  the  weaknesses  of  men.  You  are  but  a 
young  judge,  anil  iik.'ly  to  be  lifted  up  with  vanity, 
from  your  sudden  elevation.  Because  you  sit  a  little 
higher  than  the  four,  and  the  suitors  ;  for  the  bench 
is  usually  raised  a  little,  you  associate  your  situation 
with  yourself ;  thence  conies  arrogance,  and  insult. 
"  Man  vain  man,  drest  in  a  little  brief  authority/' 

But  it  will  be  necessary  that  you  maintain  order, 
and  support  authority  ;  because  otherwise,  the  bar 
will  b>  come  a  bare  garden,  and  intolerable  to  the 
practitioner.  Rudeness  must  be  repressed,  and  petu 
lance  overawed.  Interruption  and  bluster  cannot  be 
endured.  Rules  of  priority  as  to  the  liglu  of  motion, 
and  order  of  speaking,  must  be  enforced.  In  questi 
oning,  or  cross  questioning  a  witness,  the  modest  aut) 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  69 

observant  advocate  must  be  permitted  to  proceed 
•without  disturbance.  All  these  things,  your  own  good 
sense,  if  you  have  any  sense,  good,  or  bad,  must  teach 
you  to  consider,  and  apply. 

By  my  showl,  said  the  bog-trotter,  but  I  will  take 
de  poker  to  clem,  and  give  dem  over  de  nose  \vid  a 
shiielah,  if  de  make  any  spaches  out  of  deir  turn,  in 
my  hearing.  It  were  better  for  dem  dey  were  dig- 
ing  turf  in  Laugh-S willy.  Dey  shall  interrupt  no 
good  paple  in  my  presence. 

That  will  not  do,  said  the  blind  Lawyer  ;  you 
must  call  a  constable  ;  and  commit  for  misbehaviour. 
It  will  be  descending  from  your  dignity  to  take  a 
cow-skin,  or  cudgel  in  your  hand  ;  nor  does  the  law 
warrant  it.  "  All  things  must  be  done  decently,  and 
in  order  "  You  can  lay  your  hands  upon  no  man  your 
self.  It  must  be  by  your  officers,  that  you  execute 
the  laws.  The  sheriff  is  at  hand  ;  the  coroner  with 
his  rod  ;  or  the  constable  with  his  staff.  These  are 
the  ministers  of  the  law  in  your  hands  to  keep  the 
peace.  You  can  act  only  by  warrant  of  authority,  or 
What  is  called  a  precept. 

The  bog-trotter  thought  it  hard,  that  he  could  not 
take  a  staff  from  the  constable,  and  preserve  the 
peace  himself.  But  he  was  disposed  to  submit  to  the 
restriction  since  it  seemed  to  be  the  practice  of  the 
court.  He  enquired,  however,  whether  it  might 
not  be  allowable  to  take  a  batubuoy  to  de  officer,  or 
sharvuiit  of  de  court,  if  he  did  his  duty  slowly,  so  as 
to  break  de  patience  of  de  lawyers,  and,  and  be  waiting 
i'or  hi  MI. 

Ai  to  this,  the  Lawyer  gave  him  the  proper  i 
ination,  and  here  "-'endes/i  thcjirst  lesson." 


re  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


OBSERVATIOX9. 

IT  may  seem  to  shock  all  credibility,   that 
Teague  should  have  a  seat  upon  the  bench. 

"  Ficta,  voluptatis  causa,   sint  proxima  veris." 

This  is  a  maxim  of  the  critic,  and  founded  in  the 
principles  of  human  nature.  For  a  just  taste  does  not 
relish  what  is  incredible.  But  why  should  it  be 
thought  incredible,  that  Teague  should  be  a  judge  ? 
Or  why  distinct  his  capacity  since  he  had  a  commis 
sion  ?  On  the  death  of  attorney  Noy,  the  author  of 
the  maxims,  we  have  the  following  anecdote.  Di 
ning  vviih  the  Chancellor,  it  was  lamented  by  some, 
that  such  a.  loss  had  happened:  what  will  the  king  do 
for  an  Attorney  General  ? 

When  the  company  were  gone,  saidthe  valet  to  the 
Chancellor  ;  why  need  you  be  at  a  loss  for  an  Attor 
ney  General  ?  I  will  be  Attorney  General. 

You  Attorney  General  !  Are  you  fit  for  an  Attor 
ney  General  ?  • 

Let  the  king  give  me  a  commission,  said  the  valcf, 
and  I  will  see  "who  will  dare  to  say ^  that  lam  not  Jit 
firil. 

There  is  certainly  a  great  deal  in  a  commission, 
and  the  possession  of  power.  I  was  early  struck  with 
this,  in  seeing  the  respect  paid  to  the  opinion  of  a 
nun  made  a  justice  of  the  peace,  when  none  had  been 
paid  before  :  and  yet  the  commission  hud  but  very 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  f  1 

little  increased  his  law  knowledge  ;  or,  in  fact,  had 
left  it  just  where  it  was  ;  some  degress  below  zero. 

It  may  be  thought,  that  I  mean  to  undervalue  in  a 
judge,  the  faculty  of  taking  notes.  On  this  head  I 
.•will  explain  myself.  Certain  it  is,  tl>at  the  taking 
notes,  detracts  from  the  exercise  oimemory;  but  niuch 
more  from  the  exercise  otundtrstanding.  The  mind 
is  divided,  and  the  act  of  putting  upon  paper,  detracts 
something  from  the  operation  of  putting  in  the  head. 
The  mechanical,  and  intellectual  are  at  variance,  and 
in  some  degree,  howeyer  imperceptible,  destroy  each 
other.  The  revolution,  and  composition-  of  foices, 
produce  a  line  in  a  diagonal  direction.  It  is  impos 
sible  that  the  man  who  writes,  can  more  than  half 
think.  All  those  relations  and  combinations  of  ideas 
that  present  themselves,  and  are  managed  by  him  at 
his  ease  when  he  gives  his  whole  mind,  are  lost  in 
part,  or  have  not  justice  done  them,  when  they  are 
to  be  recovered,  and  adjusted  from  the  partial  hints 
that  can,  in  the  mean  time,  be  thrown  upon  paper. 
A  note  taker,  and  a  thinker,  on  the  bench  might  be 
of  use.  The  thinker  to  look  over  the  notes,  and  as 
sist  himself  afterwards.  The  note  taker  not  to  think 
at  all ;  but  to  mind  his  pen.  At  the  bar,  it  was  my 
•way,  to  take  in  a  writer  where  I  had  the  command  of 
the  cause  ;  but  it  was  understood  between  us,  that  he 
was  to  confine  himself  to  his  province  for  the  time 
being,  and  neither  speak,  nor  think. 

In  the  history  of  ancient  oratory,  tribunitial,  or  ju 
dicial,  do  we  meet  with  any  thing  on  note  taking?  In 
Cicero  de  Oratore,  have  we  any  thing  ?  Has  Quintili- 
an  a  chapter  on  the  subject  ?  No  man  can  be  an  ora 
tor,  that  dissipates  his  mind  with  taking  notes.  It  is 
a  qualification  at  the  bar,  or  on  the  bench,  extremely 
subordinate. 


V2  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

Nevertheless,  I  do  not  mean  to  exclude  it  altoge 
ther.  A  skeleton  of  the  cause  must  be  preserved,  tor 
the  sake  of  a  reserved  point,  a  motion  for  a  new  trial ; 
01  in  arrest  of  judgment.  -  It  is  that  full  body  of  the 
evidence,  to  which  I  object.  If  it  is  in  paper,  it 
•wastes  the  time  of  the  country  to  copy,  and  if  oral,  it 
turns  the  judge  into  a  mechanic  lo  take  do\vn.  It  is 
not  necessary  for  the  pill •poso.s  of  justice,  lo  have  all 
that  comus  out  in  a  cause  put  upon  paper.  There  is 
seldom  more  than  a  single  particular  in  the  testimony 
of  a  witness  that  affects  the  cause.  It  is  the  height 
qf  abiiit)  to  select  and  take  thisfdown.  The  lute  ci.ief 
ju-tice,  the  goven.or,  had  this  talent.  1  have  heard 
the  present  chief  justice  speak  of  it  with  adn.iration. 
The  present  chief  justice  (Shippen)  himself  possesses 
it  in  a  high  degree.  Perhaps  hits  the  medium  per 
fectly. 

It  is  in  the  case  of  jury  trial,  that  my  exception 
chiefly  lies  to  length  oi  note  taking,  when  the  exami 
nation  of  a  witness  is  delayed  until  the  judge,  or  the 
counsel  takes  down  ;  and  the  mind  of  the  judge  car 
ried  oft'  from  the  hearing  of  the  evidence,  is  not  so 
•well  prepared  to  gi\e  his  charge,  which  ought  to  con 
sist  of  Jie  resulting  /.(.ints  of  the  conti-ovcr&y,  and  not  a 
sumii'ing  up  of  the  exideiice,  for  that  is  supposed  to 
have  been  di.ne  by  the  counsel,  or  by  the  jury  in  their 
own  minds.  But  a  man  that  is  writing  all  the  time 
the  counsel  are  speaking,  can  but  half  think  But 
these  strictures  must  be  taken  "  with  a  grain  ol  salt ;" 
and  it  is  not  to  be  supposed  that  I  would  dispense 
with  note  taking  altogether  in  the  case,  especially  of 
the  presiding  judge.  Un  a  motion  for  new  trial,  some 
detail  of  the  case,  is  necessary  for  those  w  ho  have 
not  tiied  the  cause. 

On  an  argument  upon  a  law  point,  where  the  de 
cision  is  not  immediately  to  be  made,  and  the  notes 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  7-3 

are  taken  for  the  purpose  of  examination  of  the  books, 
it  is  immaterial  of  what  length,  because  the  counsel 
are  not  stopped  by  the  impediment  of  clerk-ship. 

After  all,  as  I  am  not  in  the  habit  of  taking  notes 
much  myself,  and  do  not  like  it,  and  resting  a  great 
deal  Upon  felicity  of  memory,  the  result  of  trusting  to 
it,  I  thought  it  well  enough  to  argue  my  own  cause, 
and  to  see  what  could  be  said  on  behalf  of  my  own 
way,  in  this  particular,  whether  it  be  a  defect,  or  an 
excellence. 

I  had  forgot  to  mention,  in  its  proper  place,  that 
though  the  people  objected  to  the  taking  the  blind 
Lawyer  for  a  judge,  yet  they  agreed  that  he  might  be 
a  clerk,  and  associate  the  blind  P  idler  for  his  deputy. 
This  arrangement  being  made,  the  Captain  was  dis 
embarrassed  of  this  part  oi  t4»e  trumpery  he  had  with 
him,  and  which  encumbered  the  caravan. 


THE  settlement  in  which  they  now  were,  was 
Called  the  back  settlement;  not  because  it  was  farthest 
back  ;  but  because  it  had  been  once  the  frontier.  The 
name  back,  still  continued  to  be  tacked  to  it  ;  now 
when  it  hud  become  the  midland  country. 

The  inhabitant*  of  this  country  had  become  wits, 
and  improved  in  manners,  fiom  society  and  inter 
com  se.  The  females  dressed  better  because  they 
could  afford  it,  than  they  had  done  years  before. 
Their  buildings  were  of  stone,  or  brick,  or  of  sawed 
limber,  framed,  instead  of  round,  or  squared  logs  luid 
upon  each  other,  as  was  the  mode  at  an  early  period. 
Nevertheless  there  was  still  a  defect  of  judgment  in 
the  construction  of  their  houses,  for  the  summer,  as 

PART  II.  VOL.  II,  G 


74  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

well  as  the  winter  seasons.  They  were  placed,  in 
most  cases,  as  they  ought  to  be,  fronting  the  south  ; 
but  without  perforations,  or  a  passage  for  the  air,  by 
means  of  windows  from  the  west  to  the  east.  On  the 
contrary,  many  of  them  had  what  they  culled  wings  ; 
and  these  placed  at  the  east  and  west  end.  The  en 
tries  were  small,  and  the  kitchen  placed  in  a  wing,  or 
at  the  east  or  west  end  of  the  house.  Yet,  a  little 
thinking  on  original  principle,  would  say,  that  it 
ought  to  be  at  the  north  east  of  the  building,  to  op 
pose  the  storm  which  comes  from  that  quarter,  in  the 
winter  ;  and  because  in  the  summer,  it  obstructs  no 
breeze  in  that  direction.  But  i:  is  not  lawyers  or  judg 
es  only,  that  are  enslaved  by  precedent. 

They  take  care  also,  to  build  in  a  valley,  because 
it  is  near  a  spring  head^  But  in  the  winter  the  court 
yard  is  muddy  ;  and  in  the  summer  they  want  air. 

As  they  proceeded,  the  quo'  he  settlement  lay  upon 
the  left.  This  settlement  U-.kcs  its  mime  fium  the 
Quo'  hces,  a 'nation  of  Indians  that  inhabited  the  coun 
try  at  the  first  discovery  of  this  part  of  America. 
The  Munsees,  and  Shanees,  have  a  like  termination 
in  the  sound  of  their  names,  and  these  are  now  the 
remui:v-j  of  nations  that  inhabit  the  countries  on  Lake 
Erie,  and  the  Ohio  river. 

Some  fan ci fut  writers,  nevertheless,  attempt  to 
give  a  derivation  from  another  source;  and  think,  that 
as  this  settlement  is  peopled,  chiefly  with  what  is 
called  the  Scotch-Irish,  to  the  name  is  derived  from 
a  phrase  amongst  them  ver)  common  in  their  famili 
ar  discourse  ;  quo'  he,  quo'  she,  and  quo'  they,  &c. 
Quo',  they  suppose  to  be  an  abreviution  of  quoth  ; 
that  is,  said  he,  suid  she,  &.c. 

Butler,  in  his  Hudibras,  uses  the  word  quoth,  in 
thi-> 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  rs 

Quoth  he,  there  is  one  Sydrophel, 
Whom  I  have  cudgeli'c! 

Of  this  they  boasc  as  a  classical  authority  in  their 
favour.  And,  doubtless  this  etymology  is  strengthen 
ed  by  the  names  of  the  rivers  in  this  country,  such 
as  the  Susquehannah,  which  is  a  compound  of  saute 
quo'  Hannah  ;  the  name  of  a  girl  calling  out  for 
sauce  to  her  meat ;  and  also  from  the  Schuylkfll, 
from  scull  and  kill.  For  what  kills  a  man  sooner 
than  knocking  on  the  head  ?  But  there  is  great  un 
certainty  in  etymology,  in  deducing  the  origin  of  na 
tions.  Abarbanel,  in  his  Jewish  antiquities,  fully 
evinces  this.  Also  Spinazoli,  in  his  Asiatic  research 
es  ;  and  others.  But  this  is  just  as  plausible",  and 
nothing  more,  with  the  hypothesis  of  some  who  con 
jecture  that  the  Alleghany  mountains  took  their  name 
from  an  English  woman,  of  the  name  of  Alley  ;  as 
we  say  Alley  Croker,  in  the  ballad.  That  the  Che 
sapeake  was  so  called  from  a  Welshman,  who  made 
use  of  cheese  instead  of  an  anchor  ;  so  that  instead 
ot  saying  the  anchor  is  a-peake,  said  the  cheese  is  a- 
peake  ;  and  so  fixed  a  nick  name  on  the  bay.  There 
are  some  local  names  of  subordinate  rivers  and  small 
er  streams  in  this  particular  part  of  the  country  that 
strengthens  these  conjectures.  Aughwic,  is  allied  to 
Aughrim,  which  is  a  place  in  Ireland.  We  have 
heard  of  the  break  f.f  Aughrim  ;  a  place  where  t'r.e 
protestants  were  defeated.  MacinUmga  ;  Macanoy, 
is  evidently  Scotch,  from  the  initial  Mac,  which  sig 
nifies  son,  in  the  Erse.  Juniala  is  a  corr pound  of 
English  and  Irish.  Johnny  is  English  ;  but  ata,  or 
atoy  is  Hibernian.  I  knew  one  Dennis  A'Toy,  that 
used  to  mow  for  my  father,  when  I  was  a  lad. 

Nevertheless,  I  incline  to  their  reasonings,  Avho 
think  that  quo'  he  is  an  Indian  word,  and  of  aborigin 
al  derivation. 


76  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

Ox  the  right  hand  of  the  route  of  the  carava», 
moving  b.ick,  lay  the  Fooley  settlement.  Etymolo 
gists  and  antiquarians  are  here  at  war  also. 

African  travellers  tdl  us  of  the  Foola  country  in 
the  neighbourhood  of  the  Mitomha,  or  Sierra  Leone 
river.  Winterbottom,  and  Walls,  late  travellers, 
give  a  particular  description  of  it.  The  natives  dis 
tinguish  the  year  by  moons.  There  is  the  siveefi-brush 
moon  ;  from  the  wind  that  blows  ;  shun-palh  moon, 
from  the  heat ;  the  shakoo,  or  harvest  moon.  The 
time  of  day  is  distinguished  by  the  "  sun  going  down 
into  the  water,"  that  is  evening  ;  "  the  sun  in  the 
bush,"  that  is  night,  Sec.  Their  epochas  are  a  town 
burnt,  or  settlement  destroyed. 

•  The  burree,  or  palaver  house,  is  the  seat  of  justice, 
where  all  causes,  civil  or  criminal,  are  decided.  The 
test  of  innocence  is  the  drinking  red  water  without 
occasioning  a  qualm  to  the  stomach.  A  hot  iron  ap 
plied  to  the  posteriors,  is  also  a  test.  If  the  culprit 
does  not  grunt,  he  is  safe. 

The  Mandingo  country  lies  north  of  this,  and  sig 
nifies  book-man,  because  here  they  read  the  alcoran, 
and  have  schools.  In  the  Foola  country,  they  have 
no  schools,  and  cannot  read. 

Now  there  are  authors,  who  derive  Fooley  from 
Foola  ;  and  think  that  this  settlement  must  have  been 
people  by  a  colony  of  Africans,  and  hence  derive  the 
name.  It  is  true  they  have  seats  of  justice,  and  pala 
ver  houses,  where  the  lawyers  plead.  Jury  trials  are 
in  use;  and  in  this  mode  of  administering  justice  it  is 
not  the  accused  that  is  tortured,  but  the  judges  ;  that 
is  \.\\vjurij.  This  is  not  by  drinking  red  water,  which 
is  a  composition  of  the  bark  of  trees  of  an  emetic  qua 
lity  ;  but  by  drinking  nothing  at  all,  or  eating  either, 
until  twelve  of  them  are  all  of  one  opinion  ;  which,  to 
render  rr.onj  difficult,  the  palaverers,  the  lawyers,  are 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  77 

allowed  to  address  them  a  whole  day,  or  longer,  pre 
viously  on  different  sides  of  the  question  or  fact,  so  as 
to  "  perplex  and  dash  their  councils."  There  are 
what  are  called  judges  also,  who  preside,  and  these 
are  allowed  also  to  give  different  opinions  on  the  case. 
The  jurors  being  puzzled  are  ordered  off  under  the 
care  of  a  constable,  with  a  staff"  like  a  weaver's  beam, 
and  he  is  to  keep  them  together  without  meat  or 
d^ink,  unless  with  leave  of  the  court,  and  without 
speaking1  to  any  one  until  they  are  agreed. 

Notwithstanding  this  consimilarity  in  the  manners, 
and  the  resemblance  in  the  sound,  or  speaking  of  the 
word  Footey,  with  that  of  Foola,  I  cannot  immediate 
ly  accede  to  the  idea  that  the  inhabitants  came  from 
Africa.  Because  there  is  no  tincture  of  the  African 
complexion.  There  are  negroes  and  mulattoes  a- 
mongst  them,  it  is  true;  but  the  bulk  of  the  inhabi 
tants  are  of  a  clear  red  and  white.  I  take  it  that  the 
word  Fooley,  is  derived  from  the  word  fool,  which 
signifies  devoid  of  sense,  and  was  applied  to  them, 
being  originally  a  weak  people  ;  and  still  continuing 
to"  exhibit  marks  of  simplicity  bordering  upon  folly. 
Their  credulity  is  amazing,  and  they  are  the  constant 
bubble  of  candidates  for  office.  They  do  not  sell 
themselves  as  the  Foolas  ;  but  they'  sell  their  votes  : 
or  rather  give  them  away  at  elections,  for  whiskey, 
or  deceiving  speeches,  replete  with  the  words  Liberty 
and  the  rights  of  man. 

In  the  course  of  this  day's  journey,  at  the  crossing 
of  the  roads,  the  caravan  fell  in  with  a  company  of 
electioneerers,  who  were  coming  from  the  Fooley  set 
tlement,  and  had  a  number  along,  taking  them  to  the 
election  ground,  not  far  distant.  They  were  slapping 
them  upon  the  shoulder ;  clapping  them  upon  the 
back  ;  and  saying  come  along  my  brave  fellow;  give 
us  your  vote.  How  are  the  old  people  at  ho::,1; :  How 
a  2 


;s  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

came  you  to  get  that  handsome  girl  for  a  wife  ?  Is 
your  crop  good  this  year  ?  Come  take  a  dram  of  this 
•vi  iAey.  How  is  it  that  you  do  not  set  up  for  an  of- 
jicj,  r.nc!  not  be  lying  at  home  in  the  ashes,  supping 
cider,  while  we  are  obliged  to  go  to  the  legislature, 
and  to  fill  offices  ;  and  keep  you  at  your  ease  doing 
nothing.  Yovi  must  take  your  turn  next  year.  This 
•will  never  do.  Fair  play  is  bonny  play.  It  is  too 
much  to  be  always  on  duty.  But  somebody  must 
stand  forward,  or  the  people  will  be  run  down  by  the 
Ir.vyers,  and  the  courts  of  justice.  Come  give  us  a 
vote. 

The  Fooleys  were  all  smiling,  and  in  good  humour. 
Not  so  in  the  Foola  country  on  the  Sierra  Leone  ri 
ver,  where  the  inhabitants  are  sold  or  bought.  It  is 
with  great  reluctance  that  they  go  into  service  ;  and 
some  tender  scenes  take  place  at  the  parting  of  pa 
rents  and  children.  It  is  there  called  slavery.  Here 
it  is  called  supporting  liberty,  though  it  is  sometimes 
sapping  it,  by  putting  folly  into  public  trust.  - 

The  Foolas  on  the  Sierra  Leone,  are  spoken  of  by 
some  travellers,  as  cannibals  ;  but  I  do  not  find  an 
agreeme'nt  upon  this  head;  and  the  supposition  arises, 
I  would  piesume,  from  the  purra,  or  slate  incjuisition 
which  is  amongst  them,  when  the  bancloo  woman  de 
nounces  a  culprit.  The  purra  then,  who  are  state 
officers,  take  off  the  culprit,  and  he  must  drink  red 
water,  or  be  subject  to  hot  irons.  If  he  shrinks  in  the 
experiment,  he  is  carried  away,  and  never  more  heard 
of.  But  this  affords  no  conclusive  evidence  that  they 
eat  him  ;  any  more  than  amongst  the  Foolas  in  this 
settlement,  who  have  been  represented  by  some  as 
cannibals,  and  devouring  one  another,  because  in 
their  kuriouks,  or  churches,  they  are  frequently  de 
nounced  by  their  priests  as  back  biters.  This  mean? 
slanderers,  and  not  that  they  feed  upon  the  haunch*."- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  7S 

afmen  like  venison.  Such  are  the  mistakes  of  sur 
perficial  observers,  and  credulous  travellers  ;  whose 
accounts  writers  copy,  and  publish  as  iacts,  frequent 
ly  without  due  examination . 


IT  is  an  epocha  in  the  life  of  a  man  when  he 
its  on  breeches.  The  heart  of  the  mother  is  glad 
when  she  sees  her  son  run  about  in  pantaloons.  A 
second  era  is  the  going  to  schoool.  She  bids  him  be 
a  good  boy,  and  learn  his  book.  It  is  the  father's 
business  more  especially,  or  at  least  the  father  has 
then  more  to  do  with  him,  when  he  puts  him  to  the 
plough,  or  to  a  trade,  or  a  profession.  He  gives  him 
lessons  and  instructions  of  industry,  and  morals. 

But  when  he  comes  to  be  his  own  man,  at  the  age 
of  twenty-one  ;  and  has  a  right  to  vote  at  an  election, 
•what  a  change  does  his  situation  undergo  !  What  a 
right  devolves  upon  him  I  I  may  say  a  trust  for  the 
under  a?e,  and  for  posterity.  What  honour  attaches 
to  his  right  !  What  delicacy  ought  to  be  used  in  the 
exercise  of  it. 

In  the  age  of  ancient  chivalry,  when  the  youth  had 
come  to  manhood,  and  was  made  a  knight,  it  was 
with  matter  of  ceremony,  and  his  equipment  was  by 
the  hand  of  a  fair  lady  buckling  on  his  armour  ;  and 
inspiring  him  by  her  charms  and  her  sentiments, 
with  heroic  sense  of  honour,  and  the  scorn  of  all  that 
is  false  or  mean.  The  chevalier  of  that  day  was  a 
conservator  of  the  peace.  His  prowess  was  instead 
of  laws.  Now  the  vote  of  the  citizen  takes  place  of 
the  sword  of  the  adventurer.  This  is  at  the  bottom 
of  all  order  and  subordination.  Shall  the  knight  of 


80  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

the  golden  cross  be  free  from  stain  in  his  atchieve- 
ments  ;  and  shall  a  republican  prostitute  his  vote,  or 
dishonour  his  standing  in  society,  by  bestowing  it  on 
the  unworthy  ?  Shall  he  give  away  his  suffrage  for  a 
fair  word,  for  a  dram  of  liquor,  "  for  a  mess  of  pot 
tage  ?"  It  is  his  birthright.  Shall  he  give  his  vote 
but  on  the  principle  of  conscience  and  of  honour  ? 
Shall  he  decline  his  duty  to  present  himself  at  the 
election  ?  How  does  he  know  but  that  upon  his  vote 
may  depend  the  duration  of  the  republic  ?  Who  can, 
tell  with  what  particle  of  air  a  pestilence  begins  ? 
And  whether  it  is  from  a  quiescence  of  that  particle 
that  a  stagnation  of  the  atmosphere  ensues,  or  from 
its  activity,  by  gas  from  the  earth,  that  a  hurricane  is 
produced.  A  vote  given  wrong,  or  withheld,  may  oc 
casion  ultimately  a  convulsion  in  the  commonwealth. 
But  truth,  artifice,  fraud,  meditated  fraud  in  this 
noblest  of  functions,  the  all  of  sovereignty,  in  a  vote, 
how  disgraceful,  how  criminal !  And  yet  it  is  not  al 
ways,  or  every  where  that  disgrace  begins  to  be  at 
tached  to  this  the  most  flagitious  of  all  knavery.  If 
these  strictures,  shall  have  the  effect  to  cultivate  a 
sense  of  honour  in  our  candidates  and  in  our  voters, 
it  will  be  worth  while  to  have  written  the  book. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY,       «* 


CHAPTER  X, 


THEY  were  now  entering  the  Lack-learning 
settlement,  where  a  great  uproar  had  been  made  on 
account  of  their  coming.  It  had  been  given  out  that 
the  company  consisted  of  scholars  and  lawyers.  This, 
either  from  mistake,  or  the  design  of  wags,  who  liked 
to  see  misconception,  even  though  it  occasioned  mis 
chief.  A  multitude  had  got  together,  with  sticks  and 
stones,  to  obstruct  the  march  into  their  country. 

It  was  at  the  opening  of  a  defile  they  were  met,  and 
could  proceed  no  farther.  The  Captain  himself,  ad 
vanced  with  a  flag,  and  with  great  difficulty  obtained 
a  parley,  and  a  conference.  Friends,  and  country 
men,  said  he,  what  do  you  mean  ?  There  are  no 
scholars  amongst  us,  save  a  latin  schoolmaster,  who 
has  left  off  the  business,  and  is  going  to  become  an 
honest  man,  in  a  new  country.  We  have  no  lawyers: 
not  a  soul  that  has  ever  been  in  a  court,  unless  indeed 
as  culprits,  and  to  be  tried  for  misdemeanors  ;  and 
that,  1  take  it,  is  not  likely  to  give  them  a  strong  pre 
judice  in  favour  of  the  administration  of  justice.  Here 
is  Tom  the  Tinker;  Will  Watlin;  Harum  Scarum, 
the  duelist ;  O'Fin,  the  Irishman,  and  several  others, 
that  have  no  predilection  for  scholarship.  It  will  be 
but  little  learning  they  will  introduce  among  you. 


at  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

There  is  Clonmel,  the  ballad  singer;  he  can  sing-, 
and  make  a  ballad,  that  is,  a  song  for  a  ballad  ;  but 
that  is  but  a  small  matter. 

After  all,  what  harm  could  learning  do  you,  pro 
vided  that  you  did  not  learn  yourselves  ?  The  bears 
and  the  foxes  of  these  woods  do  not  learn  ;  but  they 
do  not  hinder  men  to  read  books  They  have  no  ob 
jection  to  schools,  or  colleges,  or  courts  of  justice  ; 
because  it  does  not  prevent  them  running  into  holes, 
or  climbing  upon  trees.  The  racoons,  and  the  squir 
rels  can  crack  nuts,  maugre  all  our  education,  and  re 
finement.  "  Every  man  in  his  humour,"  is  the  title 
of  one  of  Ben  Johnston's  comedies.  If  you  do  not 
find  your  account,  or  your  amusement  in  literary 
studies,  what  matters  it,  if  others  do  ?  Learning,  is 
not  a  thing  that  will  grow  upon  you,  all  at  once.  It 
is  a  generous  enemy,  like  a  rattle-snake,  it  gives 
warning.  The  boy  feels  the  birch  on  his  backside,  to 
make  him  learned.  The  man  gets  a  headach,  por 
ing  over  books.  In  fact,  it  requires  some  resolution, 
and  much  perseverance,  to  become  learned.  I  ac 
knowledge  that  men  were  at  first,  like  the  beasts  of 
the  wood,  and  the  fowls  of  the  air,  without  grammars 
or  dictionaries;  and  it  took  a  great  deal  to  bring  them 
out  of  that  state,  and  give  them  what  is  called  educa 
tion.  At  the  revival  of  letters  in  Europe,  after  the 
dark  ages,  it  was  thought  a  great  matter  to  get  to  be 
a  scholar.  Peculiar  privileges  were  attached.  Hence 
what  is  called  "  the  benefit  of  clergy." 

The  clergy,  said  an  honest  German.  The  clergy 
are  the  biggest  rogues  of  the  two.  An  honest  Sher 
man  minister  widout  laming,  ish  better.  But  the 
lawyers  are  the  tyvil ;  with  deir  pooks,  and  deir  talks 
in  the  courts ;  and  sheats  people  for  the  money.  I 
sticks  to  the  blantashun,  and  makes  my  fence.  Lam 
ing  ish  goot  for  noting  ;  but  to  make  men  rogues. 
It  ish  all  a  contrivance  to  shcut  people. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  83 - 

The  demagogue  amongst  the  multitude,  who  had 
excited  this  opposition,  'to  learning  and  the  learned, 
was  a  shrewd  fellow,  and  it  was  not  that  he  was  not 
sensible  of  the  advantages  of  learning  ;  hut  because 
he  was  a  sciolist  himself,  and  did  not  wish  to  lose  his 
influence  by  the  competition  of  a  lawyer,  or  a  scholar, 
that  he  had  excited  this  prejudice.  But  discovering1, 
that  amongst  this  company,  as  the  Captain  said,  and 
which  he  could  guess  from  the  manners,  and  the 
countenance,  there  were  really  no  literati ;  or  what 
the  French  call  Savans,  coming  forward,  to  take  a 
degree  of  the  meridian,  or  explore  antiquities  ;  much 
less  a  corps  of  lawyers  to  establish  codes  of  jurispru 
dence,  or  introduce  litigation,  he  explained  the  mat 
ter  to  those  around  him,  and  reconciled  them  to  the 
proposition  of  suffering  them  to  pass  through  the 
country. 

The  Captain  expressed  his  sense  of  his  courtesy, 
and  opportune  assistance,  towards  the  object  of  their 
progression  ;  and  making  him  a  present  of  a  box  of 
jews-harps  for  the  young  people,  proceeded  without 
farther  molestation. 


84  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


OBSERVATIONS. 

THE  demagogue  of  all  times,  and  countries, 
uses  the  same  arts.  The  laws  are  a  standing  butt-of 
his  invective.  He  cannot  be  a  sage,  or  a  legislator  ; 
and  therefore  must  find  fault  with  those  that  are.  The 
Athenian  Cleon,  in  his  harangues,  as  given  by  Thucy- 
dides,  is  a  perfect  model  of  a  demagogue.  I  have  not 
the  book  by  me,  or  I  would  copy  one  to  give  a  speci 
men  of  his  art.  The  oppression  of  the  laws,  and  the 
inequali'y  of  justice  to  the  poor,  are  the  usual  themes 
of  his  declamation.  But  where  there  are  laws,  there 
will  be  science  ;  and  science  is  the  support  of  laws. 
Hence  the  hostility  against  these,  at  the  same  time. 

But  the  passion  of  the  time  changes,  like  the  fa 
shions  of  dress.  It  is  just  the  same  principle  that  in 
troduces  the  square  toe  in  the  place  of  the  sharp,_  that 
also,  makes  it  the  rage. to  be  a  scholar;  or  to  be  illite 
rate.  But  the  change  in  the  one  case  is  not  so  much 
felt,  .as  in  the  other.  It  is  not  attended  with  such  ex 
tensive  consequences.  "  Of  making  many  books, 
there  is  no  end,  an  1  much  study  is  a  weariness  of  the 
flesh."  This  is  the  language  of  a  man  that  had  been 
a  great  scholar,  and  writer;  because  in  his  experience 
it  had  not  given  perfect  happiness,  as  nothing  will, 
he  speaks  in  these  terms.  It  is  not  meant  to  be  taken 
precisely  as  spoken  ;  and  is  no 'more  than  an  expres 
sion  of  the  inanity  of  the  noblest  of  all  enjoyments  ; 
the  mental  gratification,  of  making  or  readhrg  a  deok. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  85 

I  therefore  think  the  Lack-learning  people  had 
been  misled  in  their  prejudice  against  a  literary  edu 
cation.  At  least,  it  is  my  simple  -way  of  thinking, 
and  I  may  be  wrong.  Admitting  this,  I  shall  go  on 
with  my  story. 


PROVISIONS  had  begun  to  fail ;  and  though  they 
had  a  fire-arm,  or  two  in  company,  with  a  little  am 
munition,  yet  they  were  not  the  best  marksmen,  and 
nothing  had  presented  itself,  in  these  woods,  to  take 
down  and  barbacue.  Harum  Seanim,  was  the  com 
missary  ;  but  he  could  devise  no  ways  and  means  of 
supplying  food,  unless  by  seeding  a  challenge  to  the 
game,  and  calling  them  out  to  a  dud,  where  they 
might  be  shot  at  pleasure. 

It  was  thought  absurd  to  suppose  that  deer  or  buf- 
faloe,  or  even  wild  cat,  or  opposum,  would  stand  up 
on  a  point  of  honour,  and  come  out  of  the  woods,  at  a 
cardj  in  the  manner  of  men,  piqued  upon  their  cou 
rage. 

Why  not  ?  said  Harum  Scarum,  do  not  men  come 
und  stand  up  to  be  shot  at,  like  a  post  without  stir 
ring  ?  Have  not  men  more  stnse  than  beasts  ?  At 
least  they  have  more  learning,  and  boust  of  their  edu 
cation.  I  can  bring  a  fellow  out  to  me,  almost  at  a 
Vrink  ;  and  shall  i  be  at  loss  with  a  brute  beast,  who 
has  not  half  the  prudence,  though  it  may  have  the 
same  self-love,  and  principle  of  preservation. 

You  may  try  it  said  the  Captain.  I  shall  wonder 
a  little  if  the  event  •'  corresponds  with  the  intention." 

Huruni  Scarum,  having  made  out;  his  challenge, 
made  choice  of  Will  Waiiin,  for  his  second,  to  bear 
the  cards,  and  disperse  them  in  the  forest. 

FART  II.  VOL.  II.  H 


8-3  MODZIIX  CHIVALRY. 

IT  :>  ans'.V'j"  G.UIVJ,  and  no  b^cxr,  oi1  panther  appsarcd 
or  can;  iipo.1  the  ground. 

[\;e  next   thiii;-  waj  to  post  (hem  ;  which  he  did 
>  ;;  u . )  'j',;L;i  i;py;i  trc_-j.     They  were  lo  this  ci- 
fe*. 

•;  Take  notice,  that  I  Ilaruni  Scnrum,  gentleman, 
c!  >  he.'eby  post  and  publish  the  blasts  of  thes^  woods, 
to  b,j  scoundi'vih,  liars,  and  cowards,  of  which  let  all 
iTit:i  t.ikj  notice  ;  tliat  no  man  of  honour  may  keep 
compuny  \vitii  l!i.-:u  j  but  consider  them  as  poltroons 


TII;:J  v/a;  wiii.l  ij  callcil  tl.e  mad-cap  settlement  ; 
ths  ui:.u'.-U;iMt:i  bwiir;  i;i\>u  irritable  clLpcLiiicn,  and 
apt  to  tuk','  o'fjiJC'j.  Accordia .;!/  scdn.;  lliosc  upon 
tree*j  !is  t'  .y  u:rj  lool.iu.j  for  tlscii'  cattle  in  the 
\V3)U,  t!ii-y  vvcr^  lii:_;iil/  v.;.-:::!,  in  .1  put  into  great 
pisoi'hi.  ',')  indr/  of  th-^'.n  had  fallen  in  \vitii  strag^l-;rs 
of  lii-2  comp.vny,  rjut;-.::'';:;;;  roots  and  berries  ;  or  look- 
IDg <fcr  a  &Uot  j  an, I  hud  comj  to  hi;jh  words,  under 
a  iir.;-.  .  .  li-Tsiuiiciii:;^  of  the  ciicumjtunce  wliich 

guvo  ptTeactjr.  C'jileciin.j  A  Ijir^e  party  ;-.t  a  pass,  the 
inad-c^p.  ii-.cl  cjine  fji-.va;\l,  und  tistei  mined  to  give 
battle.  i'^J  Captain  -.•:,.'  the  necessity  ot'soin^  ac- 
irts  on  ..i .  part,  un,l  c-jlle-tin.;  l.io  men,  be- 
(;.;n  to  i'.i  va.  Ho  h^d  v.uii  l;iin,  the  player  on  l':e 
bagkpipe3,  ;;nd  =  i'Lilief,  \v!u  turned  a  piece 

of  tia  tiu^i  he  ii.iJ,  into  a  kj'.U^  druni,.  und  beat   on  it 
t'vj  ro'-'.i^-,  nurch  ;    .vl.i.-.!i  w.is  the  only  point  of  w. 
tluit  be  coukl  beut.     Vv'i.l  \Vutiin  iu.d  u  iapiin  ofhic- 

;   ,:n  1  O.'l'i  •  •'  iil,  \vhic!i  he  brought  alonj; 

\v'n'i  .  i.ij  bat  he  mi_jht  get  a  job  of 

;hi-.i,.lu-  !.  y  tb'a  '.vny. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  cr 

He  had  now  got  a  job,  it  is  true  :  but  not  of  the 
same  kind  that  lie  meant,  wheat  at  six-pence  a  bushel  ; 
but  people's  brains  to  beat  out,  or  tlu-ir  bores  to 
break  ;  a  thing  as  unprofitable  as  it  is  unlawful.  The 
Captain  being  a  military  man,  was  thinking  cf  the 
science,  and  manoeuvres  put  in  pn-ctice  by  the  anci 
ents,  by  which  they  had  gained  battles.  lie  was  nt  a 
loss  whether  to  i,d\ancc  in  tingle  column,  until  with 
in  a  certain  distance  ;  and  then  halt  with  lie  1  c;.d, 
while  the  rear  wheeled  round,  und  sirur.k  lihi-  ;  ser 
pent  with  its  tj.il,  in  the  manner  F.p-i  n  .h.r.i  <"!;  K.  r  :.5ntd 
the  batlle  of  Lcuctra.  Or  \vl,etlier  he  :,!,f-i,l-J  itr,il£.te 
Plunnilxil  a! — I  lorget  at  vv]>al  b:,tuc.  \;ilh  the  ]"c- 
mans;  rind  oppose  a  semic  ircle,  with  the  a  r.vcx  to  the 
enemy  ;  and  which  yielding  in  the  centre  rkf.]-p;<.'d  to 
a  crescent,  and  received  the  adversary  in  i;s  horns, 
•which  rnconipaES'inp:  the  flcnks,  cut  tbem  t(,  ]  i-jces. 
lie  was  debating  v.-rh  I, imseli' whether  he  shcu'.c!  Ad 
vance  1o  a  certain  height  :  ov  rely  npo:i  rnjmlrtcc.de 
anionr^  the  bushes,  i-n  the  plain,  when,  in  the  rican 
time  pJpf\mcJ,i  the  ballad  f,inc;er..  vtrvicl;  up  a  tcnr:  in 
the  centre,  rr.d  ih.e  mad-caps  ber>;ar.  to  listen  ;  ar,d 
though  they  hac]  :;s  mnny  arms  rs  a  learntd  ];iv.  \  cr 
]nUs  5?i  his  declaration  :  "  sv/ord';.  rtaver;,  and  knives  '*' 
they  dropped  them  all,  and  secn:td  to  return  to  £,ccd 
humour. 

Ti;c  sor.jj;  cfClor.rncl  was  r.s  foIIcv/E  : 

What  use  is  in  fighting,  j,nd  gouging,  hnd  biur.rr, 

Far  better  to  let  it  alone  ;     . 
For  kick:ng  and  cuff.n,;;,  ;JH;  boxinsr,  r.r.u  lv.fT.ng-, 

It  makes  the  flesh  ache,  r.nd  the  hi>nc. 

But  g'vo  me  the  whiskey,  it  makes  one  ro  fiitkcv, 
Hut  betting,  and  bruising  mc.kes  sere  ; 


88  MODERN  CHIVALRY, 

Come   shake   handi   my  cronies,  come  near,   my 
dear  honies, 

And  think  of  your  grudges  no  more. 

We  are  a  set  of  poor  fellows  just  escap'd  from  the 
gallon's, 

And  hunting  a  wolf  or  a  bear. 
And  what  with  a  tail  on,  except  the  camelion, 
Can  live  upon  fog,  or  the  air  ? 

Some  venison  haunches,  to  fill  up  our  paunche«, 

Come  see  if  you  cannot  produce, 
A  barbecued  pig  ;  a  nice  mutton  leg, 

Or  turkey,  or  bit  of  a  goose. 

We  have  store  of  good  liquor  ;  so  bring  something 
quicker  ; 

And  club  your  potatoes  and  yams. 
We'll  make  a  great  feast,  and  turn  all  to  jest  ; 
So  away  \vith  your  frowns  and  your  damns. 

There  is  nothing  like  love,  which  comes  from  above, 

And  tickles  the  youngsters  below. 
It  is  vain  man's  own  fault,  that  he  so  brews  his  malt, 

As  ever  to  cry  out  heigh-ho  ! 

Alexander  and  Caesar,  and  Nebuchadnezzar, 
Found  out  to  their  cost  this  was  true  ; 

Now  who  will  be  fools,  to  diink  at  the  pool*, 
Of  ambition;  and  war,  we  or  you  ? 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  S3 

The  mad-caps  were  settled  like  a  hive  of  bees,  and 
coming  forward,  began  to  gather  in  a  cluster  round 
the  ballad  singer.  Some  took  him  by  the  hand,  others 
asked  for  the  keg  of  whiskey,  and  in  a  short  time  ami 
ty  was  established,  and  they  were  as  well  acquainted, 
as  if  they  had  been  together  seven  years.  Several  of 
them  knew  Tom  the  Tinker,  having  served  under 
him,  in  the  western  insurrection,  in  the  year  1794. 
Store  of  provisions  were  in  a  short  time  brought  in, 
and  forage  for  the  Captain's  horse  and  the  blind  mare. 
Having  refreshed  themselves  with  rest,  a  day  or  two 
maintaining  still  a  good  Bfulcrstanding  with  the 
mad-caps,  and  mixing  occasionally  with  hunting'  par 
ties  that  shot  squirrels,  and  racoons,  who  declined  to 
accept  challenges,  and  fight  upon  equal  terms,  they 
began  to  think  of  the  object  of  their  eniitrration.  Or 
ders  were  given  to  put  the  troops  in  motion  ;  and  tak 
ing  up  the  line  of  march,  the  cavalry  in  front,  they  set 
out  and  passing  through  the  mad-rap  country,  no  in 
terruption  happened,  until  thty  began  to  tnttr  that  of 
the  democrats. 

This  is  a  settlement  contiguous  to  the  mad-caps. 
The  inhabitants  are  a  very  happy  people  no  dema 
gogues  having  yet  arisen  among  thtm,  to  propel  to 
licentiousness,  as  for  instance,  to  propose  agrarian  laws 
or  an  equality  of  goods  and  chatties  ;  or  to  excite  them 
to  contention  amongst  themselves,  or  to  war  with  fo 
reign  powers,  in  order  that  they  may  shew  their  ora 
tory,  attain  power,  and  become  something  in  the  state. 
Such  had  not  yet  begun  to  call  out  against  laws,  and 
the  administration  of  justice  :  sc.iolists  and  young  per 
sons,  too  indolent  to  acquire  solid  knowledge,  declaim 
ing  against  rules,  the  policy  of  which  they  do  not 
comprehend  ;  affecting  to  discuss  points  in  their  lucu 
brations,  of  elementary  jurisprudence,  as  to  form  or 
substance  of  which,  they  are  as  incapable  us  half » 
H  2 


99  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

tradesman  at  any  other  profession,  could  be  of  point 
ing  out  the  excellencies  or  defects  of  an  improvement 
on  the  tools,  or  machines  in  use.  It  takes  a  great 
general  to  improve  t:\ctics  ;  not  a  halt"  year  soldier 
just  taken  from  a  drill-serjeant.  Vet  such  are  the  most 
presumptuous,  and  never  are  convinced  of  their  inca 
pacity,  until  the  experiment  forms  the  rejection. 
But  in  t'ie  mean  time,  the  democratic  character  is 
levelled,  r.nd  incurs  the  imputation  cf  being  unfit  for 
government. 

The  state  of  this  democracy  much  resembled  that 
of  the  Achaean  commonwealth  ;  not  so  much  in  the 
form  of  the  constitution,  as  the  principles  of"  the  go 
vernment,  and  the  virtues  of  the  people.  I  shall  take 
the  description  of  it  from  Polybius.  It  is  contained 
in  the  eu Ionium  which  he  makes,  in  the  course  of  his 
l.isto.y  upon  this  people. 

l-  From  whence  then,  has  it  happened,"  says  lie, 
"  that,  not  the  people  of  those  countries  only,  but  all 
the  rest  of  the  inhabitants  of  Peloponesus,  are  so  well 
pleased  to  receive,  not  only  their  laws,  and  form  of  go 
vernment,  bjt  iht-ir  very  names  also,  from  the  Ach- 
aeans.  ID  my  ju  lament,  the  cause  is,  nothing  else, 
than  rritili.'i',  c.::d  liberty,  i;i  a  word,  that  democralical 
tficciea  of  government,  which,  is  found  more  just  and 
}ie:l\-ct  in  Us  kind,  among- the  Acluieans,  than,  in  any 
other  state.  This  republic,  was  at  first  composed  of 
;•  small  part  only,  of  ihc  inhabitants  of  Peloponesus  ; 
voluntarily  associated  themselves  into  one  body  ; 
l,ut,  a  greater  number  soon  joined  themselves  to  them, 
;  jvl  to  ii  by  persuasion, and  the  manifest  advantage 
of  such  a  union.  And,  some,  as  opportunities  arose, 
•were  ioroeu  into  the  confederacy.  IJut  they  were  sa- 
tl-.fied  with  the  violence,  by  which  they  had  been  com 
pelled  to  embrace  so  excellent  a  form  of  govern 
ment.  lf(ir  (he  nc*&  citizens  wfre  tujfrrcd  to  cr.joy  all 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  51 

the  rights  and  privileges  that  were  permitted  to  the 
old.  Every  thing  was  equal  among  them  all.  Thus, 
employing  the  means  that  were  of  all  things,  the 
most  effectual  for  their  purpose,  equity  and  gentleness, 
they  soon  arrived  at  the  point  which  they  had  in 
view." 

When  the  Thebans,  after  the  great  and  unexam 
pled  victory,  which  they  obtained,  against  the  Lacede 
monians,  in  the  battle  of  Leuctra,  began,  with  the  sur 
prize  of  all,  to  lay  claim  to  the  sovereignty  of  Greece, 
various  troubles,  and  contentions  arose  among  the 
people  of  the  country,  and  especially  between  the  two 
contending  parties  ;  for  the  one  refused  to  submit 
as  conquered  ;  while  the  other  persisted  to  claim  the 
victory.  In  these  circumstances,  they  at  last  agreed 
to  yield  all  the  points  that  were  in  dispute  between 
them  to  the  sole  judgment  and  decision  of  the  Achae- 
ans.  Nor,  was  this  preference  obtained  by  any  supe 
riority  of  thought,  or  power  ;  for,  they  were  at  that 
time,  the  last  of  all  the  states  of  Greece  ;  but  was 
confessedly  bestowed  upon  that  integrity  and  love  of 
virtue)  by  which  they  became  distinguished  above  all 
oilier  people. 

This  is  the  real  character  of  democracy  ;  and  who, 
in  this  view  of  the  character,  would  be  unwilling  to  be 
called  a  democrat.  Yet  there  have  been  revolutions  in 
the  public  mind,  Avith  respect  to  the  honorary,  or  dis 
reputable  nature  of  this  application.  It  will  be  recol 
lected,  that  after  the  adoption  of  what  is  called  the 
funding  system,  by  the  administration  of  the  federal 
government,  societies  were  instituted  about  the  years, 
1791 — 2 — 3,  under  the  denomination  ofde7>iccrati'c 
societies.  It  was  the  intemperance  of  some  of  these 
bodies,  and  the  insurrection  of  IT 94,  which  brought 
a  cloud  upon  these  societies,  and  caused  them  to  be 
discontinued.  Prudent  men,  and  patriots,  were  wil- 


£2  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


to  avoid  a  name  which  had  incurred  disreputation 
from  the  excesses  of  those  attached  to  it. 

But  the  errors  of  the  federal  administration,  or  at 
least  measures  thought  to  be  errors,  having  over 
thrown  that  administration,  the  name,  before  buried, 
began  to  obtain  resuscitation,  and  to  be  able  to  shew 
its  head  in  a  new  existence,  and  with  fresh  honours, 
instead  of  insult  and  degradation.  The  term  democrat^ 
has  ceased  to  be  a  stigma  ;  and  begins  to  be  assumed 
by  our  public  writers,  and  claimed  by  our  patriots,  as 
characteristic  of  a  good  citizen.  That  of  re/iublican, 
which  alone  had  been  ventured  on  for  :iome  time,  is 
now  considered  cold,  and  equivocal,  and  has  given 
way,  pretty  generally,  to  that  of  democratic  republi 
can.  In  a  short  time,  it  will  be  simply,  the  democracy 
and  a  democrat. 

But  how  long  will  this  be  so,  in  the  United  States, 
or,  in  these  states  ?  Its  duration  will  be  in  proportion 
to  the  wisdom  of  those  who  occasionally  obtain  the 
ascendancy  in  the  government.  It  is  him  alone,  "who 
gathereth  the  winds  in  his  fists,"  that  ctm  calculate 
the  revolutions  that  depend  upon  the  temper,  and  tht 
passions  of  men. 


I  call  myself  a  democrat.  I  will  be  asked,  what 
is  a  democracy  ?  I  take  my  definition  from  a  speech 
put  into  the  mouth  of  Pericles,  by  Thucydides.  It  is 
to  the  Athenian  people.  "  This  our  government  is 
called  a  democracy,  because,  in  the  administration,  it 
hath  respect,  not  to  a  few,  but  to  the  multitude  :  a 
democracy  ;  wherein,  though  there  be  an  equality  a- 
mongst  all  men,  in  point  of  law,  for  their  private  con- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  93 

troversies  ;  yet  in  conferring  of  dignities  one  man  is 
preferred  before  another  to  a  public  charge;  and  that, 
according  to  the  reputation,  not  of  his  power,  but  of 
his  virtue  ;  and  is  not  put  back  through  the  poverty, 
or  the  obscurity  of  his  person,  as  long  as  he  can  do 
service  to  the  commonwealth.  And  we  live  not  only 
free  in  the  administration  of  the  state  ;  but  also,  one? 
with  another,  void  of  jealousy  towards  each  other  in  our 
daily  course  of  life  ;  not  offended  at  any  man  for  fol 
lowing  his  own  humour,  nor  casting  on  any  man  cen 
sure  or  sour  looks,  which  though  they  be  no  punish 
ment,  yet  they  grirue  :  so  that  conversing  one  with 
another,  for  the  private,  without  offence,  we  stand 
chiefly  in  fear  to  transgress  against  the  public  ;  and 
are  able  always  to  be  obedient  to  those  that  govern, 
and  to  the  laws  ;  and  principally  to  such  laws,  as  are 
written  for  punishment  against  injury  ;  and  such 
unwritten  as  bring  undeniable  shame  to  the  transgres 
sor."  Hob's  translation  of  Thucydides. 

This  definition  or  description,  of  a  practical  demo 
cracy,  is  drawn  from  real  life.  It  is  in  the  mouth  of 
Pericles,  a  man  of  business  ;  a  sapient  statesman  ; 
who  had  been  bred  and  born  in  a  democracy  ;  versed 
in  its  affairs,  and  knew  its  errors,  and  its  excellen 
cies.  One  thing  is  remarkable,  that  a  particular  ex 
cellence  which  he  notices,  is  the  freedom  of  opinion. 
Where  a  government  is  founded  on  opinion,  it  is  of 
the  essence  of  its  preservation,  that  opinion  be  free. 
It  is  not  enough  that  no  inquisition  exists  ;  that  no 
lettre  de  cachet  can  issue  ;  but  that  no  man  shall  at 
tempt  to  frown  another  out  of  his  exercise  of  private 
judgment.  Is  it  democracv  to  denounce  a  man  in  a 
paper,  because  he  thinks  differently  on  a  measure  of 
government  with  the  editor  ?  It  H  tyranny  ;  and  the 
man  who  cun  do  this  without  reason,  or  moderation, 
is  a  tyrant,  and  would  suppress  the  right  of  private 


94  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

judgment)  if  he  had  the  power.  I  distinguish  bc- 
uveen  stricture,  and  abuse.  All  depends  upon  the 
manner,  rnd  the  toleration.  A  man  is  not  always  a 
deserter  from  just  politics,  because  he  cannot  agree 
with  me  in  opinion,  on  a  particular  subject.  Mutual 
toleration  and  forbearance,  in  our  sentiment?,  with 
regard  to  the  legality,  or  expedience  of  measures,  is 
the  soul  of  democracy.  It  is  that  which  distinguishes 
it  fro  ri  despotism,  as  polite  manners  the  fine  gentle 
man  in  polished  life  ;  in  civilizedsociety.  In  a  c'.eupo'.i : 
country,  it  is  the  boot,  or  the  thumb  screw,  or  the  re:  d, 
that  brings  a  man  ic  reason  ;  ft  least  the  wheel  avi.l 
the  pulley,  arc  used  for  this  purpose.  What  better  i:i 
a  republic  where  a  man  is  this  cljv  a  patriot,  t.nc!  f:~ 
juxt  day  a  traitor,  at  the  whim  of  him  who  beslo-.vs 
the  appellation  ?  In  the  Ihi.J  dens  of  despotism,  state 
prisons  are  the  seminaries  of  submissive  citizens.  In 
a  clt-mocracy.  shall  terror  issue  from  lamp-black,  ar.cl 
patriotism  be  put  down,  under  the  name  of  opposition, 
V/hen  a  man  frowns  upon  me  because  I  have  dissent 
ed  from  in  opinion,  on  a  political  matter,  I  discover 
clearly  the  grade  of  his  political  standing,  and  demo 
cratic  improvement-  He  is  no  democrat,  say  I.  as  a- 
iiothtr  would  say,  he  is  no  gentleman. 

But  it  \vi!l  be  said,  are  not  your  democrats,  a;i  nor- 
sy,  vociferous,  intolerant  and  of  a  persecuting  spirit  ? 
J  say  such  are  not  democrats  ;  they  are  spurious,  and 
usurp  t.ie  name.  In  a  government  founded  on  opi 
nion,  nothing  ought  to  he  a  reproach,  that  is  the  c::- 
ercise  of  private  judgment.  It  is  subversive  of  the 
essence  of  liberty.  A  frrj-vn  is  the  t-Ladu-y  tf  f';rcc, 
and  he  that  lists  t.'i?  cnc,  would  hare  recourse  to  the 
c'.her. 

Tht-se  observations  rllucle  to  what  is  practical  in  de 
mocracy,  and  cannot  be  established  or  prohibited  by 
the  laws  ;  but  constitute  the  manners  which  a  demo- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  §5 

cratic  government  inculcates,  and  is  calculated  to  pro 
duce  ;  lifid  it  will  be  observable,  that  there  is  a  great 
deal  of  this  among  the  body  of  the  people,  who  have 
beta  accustomed  to  liberty.  It  is  chiefly  amongst  the 
ycr.ng  in  t!n'  r.-orld,  cr  young  in  the  country,  thiit  the 
ccntrary  spirit  shews  itself  i  am  amongst  ('hose 
who  carry  my  ideas  in  favour  of  the  naturalization  of 
foreigners,  perhaps  too  far.  I  am  for  exercising  the 
rights  of  hospitality  to  them,  to  all  extent  at  once; 
making  them  ci'.izens,  end  gi\ing  them  the  right  of 
sufTri.ge,  and  even  office,  the  moment  they  set  a  foot 
upon  the  shore.  For  I  cannot  see  on  what  ground, 
we  C::D  justify  a  refusal.  But  I  do  not  mean  to  dis 
cuss  this  point  at  present  I  introduce  it  to  shew 
that  I  am  liberal  in  my  notions,  with  regard  to  the 
privileges  of  foreigners.  But  1  admit,  that  it  takes 
seme  time  to  give  them  correct  ideas  of  the  limits 
cf  liberty.  It  is,  I  believe,  a  saying  of  the  Grand 
Pensionary,  De  Wit  of  Holland,  that  "  it  takes  a 
man  half  an  age  to  enjoy  liberty,  before  he  can  know 
how  to  use  it."  Nevertheless,  I  cannot  see  the  inexpe 
diency  of  admitting  to  a  vote,  the  emigrant  thut  comes 
amongst  u?,  the  first  day  he  presents  himself.  He 
v\i!l  bt;  instructed  by  those  that  have  been  here  before 
l.ini.  He  must  take  his  ticket  from  some  one — Is 
the  ocean  afraid  of  the  rivers  ?  Even  when  they  come 
turbid  with  the  swell  of  the  mountains  ?  The  seucla- 
its,  or  they  are  lost  in  it.  Who  complains,  out  at 
sea,  of  ix  spring  flood  muddying  the  waters  ?  Tins 
ought  to  be  a  lessen,  at  the  same  time,  to  emigrants, 
that  they  "use  their  liberty,  so  as  not  abusing  it."  It 
is  a  strange  thing  to  see  a  man  come  in  the  other  day 
undertake  to  set  all  right  ;  and  to  denounce  men  of 
age  and  high  standing,  as  guilty  of  defection.  But 
\\  hat  good  is  there  in  the  world  without  an  ullay  of  evil  ? 


96  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

Wlia':  exercise  of  right  without  abuse?  If  I  am  wrong 
it  is  the  excess  of  liberality. 

But  I  find  another  principle  in  the  oration  of  Peri 
cles,  in  the  justness  of  which,  I  am  more  confident. 
That  is,  the  equal  right  of  office  to  all  the  citizens.  As 
the  greater  contains  the  less,  this  involves  the  right 
of  vote.  The  only  qualification  of  which  I  can  have 
any  idea,  as  justifiable,  is  that  of  age  ;  and  I  should 
have  no  objection  to  see  this  restricted  to  a  greater 
age  than  that  of  21, — say  45  years.  At  this  tin.e 
men  cease  to  be  fit  for  the  militia,  or  other  ministerial 
services.  Let  them  then  become  legislators,  and 
have  the  right  of  vote  in  making  laws^  or  chiming  those 
that  represtnt  in  making  them.  This  would  take  off  a 
great  deal  of  wild-fire  in  our  elections,  and  it  would 
keep  auay  vain  young  men  from  our  public  councils. 

What  absurdity  does  the  idea  of  a  qualification  of 
property  involve  I  It  unhinges  the  ideas  of  the  an 
cient  republicans  ;  that  it  was  honourable  to  have  en* 
riched  the  republic,  and  to  remain  poor  themselves. 
To  be  wise  a  man  must  be  rich.  No  but  to  be  hon 
est,  he  imibt  have  an  estate.  But  in  getting  this  es 
tate,  he  may  have  been  a  rogue.  In  general,  he 
rnubt,  in  some  measure,  have  neglected  tht  improve 
ment  of  his  mind.  At  least,  it  does  not  follow,  that 
in  proportion  as  a  man  is  poor,  he  is  not  to  be  trusted. 
They  are  frequently  the  most  generous  souls  who 
have  amassed  little  wealth  ;  on  the  contrary,  the 
most  ignoble,  who  have  acquired  great  property1. 
The  man  that  has  set  l.-is  heart  on  riches,  is  lost  to  be 
nevolence,  and  public  spirit.  In  the  possession  of 
office,  he  is  thinking  of  what  can  be  made  by  it. 
«'  Nothing  can  bt  great,"  says  the  ciilic  Longinus,  or 
the  stoic  philosopher  Epictetes,  I  forget  which,  "  the 
conttmjit  of  which  is  great.  It  is  great  to  despise  ric/i- 
fs.  These  cannot  therefore  be  great" 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  C'7 

But  how  can  we  measure  the  value  of  property, 
and  fix  the  criterion  ?  Shall  it  be  real  property,  a 
freehold  ?  Is  my  acre  worth  more  than  yours  ? 
Shall  I  have  but  an  equal  right  ?  What  are  the  draw 
backs  upon  my  estate  ?  My  debts  and  credits  ?  It  is 
the  surplus  that  makes  my  property,  even  in  the  case 
of  the  substantial  fund  of  freehold.  But  property  is 
not  the  only  stake.  Person  and  character,  are  stakes. 
Every  man  that  has  a  head  has  a  stake.  There  is  no 
proportioning  it.  In  what  is  impracticable  we  can 
have  no  election.  It  is  therefore  an  excellent  princi 
ple  of  our  excellent  constitution,  that  all  men  have  an 
equal  right  vf' suffrage  ^  ct:d  an  equal  right  of  office. 

I  should  not  like  to  live  in  a  republic  where  a  man 
must  be  worth  so  much,  to  have  equal  rights  ;  even 
could  it  be  ascertained  what  I  am  worth  ;  which,  as 
I  have  said,  is  impracticable.  How  many  men  have 
I  passed  in  life,  less  industrious  than  myself,  ami  yet 
richer.  They  have  had  better  luck,  as  we  express  it; 
or  they  have  been  more  selfish,  and  kept  what  they 
got.  Can  a  man  that  is  looking  at  the  stars,  mind 
what  is  under  his  feet  ?  We  read  of  most  of  the  grec«t 
statesmen  of  antiquity,  and  virtuous  heroes,  that  they 
were  poor.  It  is  no  uncommon  thing;  to  find  it  added, 
that  they  themselves  were  buried,  or  their  children 
educated  at  the  public  expence.  The  love  of  science; 
and  the  love  of  the  public,  is  at  variance  with  atten 
tion  to  private  emolument.  Shall  it  then  be  disrepu 
table  in  a  republic  to  be  poor  ?  Shall  it  operate  as  a 
crime  and  disqualify  from  the  noblest  function  in  so 
ciety,  the  en&cting  laws  ?  But  I  enlarge  upon  this 
only  to  shew  that  1  am,  in  my  way  of  thinking,  u  de 
mocrat. 

liut  it  is  not  so  much,  in  the  extension  of  the  right 
of  suffrage,  as  in  a  delicate  and  just  use  of  it,  that  the 
democratic  character  consists.  Will  you  see  a  denio- 

PAKT  II.  VOL.  II.  I 


S3  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

crat  practice  unfairness  in  an  election  ?  Go  upon  the 
ground  to  canvass  fur  himself,  unless  in  the  case  oi  a 
ministerial  office;  and  even  in  this,  with  great  cau 
tion,  and  forbearance.  Will  you  see  a  democrat, 
substitute,  or  change  a  ticket ;  much  less  introduce 
and  obtain  a  vote  for  an  unqualified  individual ;  no 
real  democrat  was  ever  capable  of  this.  It  is  with  the 
aristocracy  that  these  arts  arc  practised.  They  count  it 
robbery  to  be  stinted  at  an  equal  vote  ;  and  think  it  no 
injustice  to  make  themselves  whole  by  taking  a  plu 
rality  by  whatever  means  in  their  power.  This  is  all 
a  Usurpation  of  the  sovereign  authority  ;  and  in  some 
republics  has  been  punished  with  death.  I  own  it  is  a 
gojademcanour  ;  at  least  a  disgrace  ;  ;,nd  no  real  de 
mocrat  will  be  guilty  of  it. 

In  countries  where  the  government  in  a  fraud  up.cn 
the  fteofile,  and  the  right  ol' suffrage  where  it  even  par 
tially  exists,  is  but  a  name  ;  it  may  be  thought  inno 
cent  to-  deceive,  ;md  to  slur  our  votes.  For  it  is 
u  buying  and  selling  throughout.  The  candidate 
Li'.yi  the  vote,  ai:,l  has  i;i  the  meun  time  sold  himself. 
He  is  oftentimes  purchased,  and  paid  in  advance,  and 
bribes  v,  kh  r.  purl  of  the  money  that  he  gets.  Not  so 
in  this  heaven  of  liberty,  where  other  stars  glitter, 
where  other  suns  ;.i:d  moons  arise  ;  this  beautiful 
\vo!  1J.  ol "liberty,  in  these  states.  Perdition  on  the  man 
that  saps  its  foundation  wkh  intuition  ;  forgiveness, 
but  rjforrru-.iiun  of  errcr,  to  him  who  destroys  it  by 
mist  i';e.  And  yet  these  l.sl  are  more  to  be  dreaded 
llian  the  former.  At  least  as  much  ;  because  the  er 
ror  of  (-pinio.;  is  equally  i'au.l,  though  originating  from 
a  'iirjl-i'e!  t  p'inci;)!e  of  the  mind,  and  oftentimes 
founded  iii  virtue. 

Who  ever  suw  a  democrat  keep  an  open  house  at 
an  eit  iuun  for  a  place  in  the  legislative  body  ?  They 
are  too  .poor,  fe:.ys  un  u:ib'.ocrut.  They  are  poor  be- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  99 

cause  they  are  honest,  says  a  democrat.  At  least, 
being  poor,  they  are  honest.  I  have  seen  open  houses 
kept  in  a  republic  ;  and  private  friendship,  or  per 
sonal  safety  has  sometimes  stood  in  the  wr.y  of  my 
endeavors  to  bring;  the  persons  to  account.  But  dis 
approbation,  and  a  portion  of  contempt  has  i:\vavhbly 
attached  itself  to  the  transaction.  What  man  can  set 
the  world  right  ?  The  greatest  self-denial  is  obliged 
to  yield  sometimes  to  personal  considerations. 
Hence  it  is,  that  I  have  often  been  silent  when  I  saw 
fraud,  and  unfairness  before  my  eyes.  Fraud  in  elec 
tions,  is  at  the  root  of  all  wickedness  in  thegcvein- 
ment  of  a  republic.  A  man  of  just  pride,  would  scorn 
the  meanness  of  succeeding  by  a  trick  ;  a  man  of  pro 
per  sense  would  know,  that  in  the  nature  of  things, 
no  good  can  come  of  elevation  obtained  by  such 
me  a -is.  Success  by  fraud,  will  never  prosper.  All 
men  despise  cheating  at  cards,  or  other  jgames.  lie 
is  turned  out  of  company  that  is  found  guilty  of  it. 
And  shall  we  restrain  our  indignation  ;  or  can  we 
withhold  our  contempt  when  an  individual  is  found 
cheating,  not  at  a  game  of  chance  or  skill  amongst 
idle  men  ;  but  in  the  serious  business  of  real  life,  tu.d 
the  disposition  of  our  lives,  characters  and  foi  tunes  I 
I  pledge  my  self  no  democrat  is  guilty  of  this  ;  at  least 
those  guilty  of  it  are  not  democrat*.  They  are  not 
true  brothers  ;  real  masons.  They  have  been  jiu.de 
at  a  false  lodge  ;  and  will  not  be  acknowledged. 
Thus  it  must  be  seen,  I  found  democracy  in  virtue  ; 
that  is  in  truth,  honour,  justice,  integrity,  reason, 
moderation  ;  civility,  but  firmness  anil  fortitude  ia 
the  support  of  right :  quarter  to  error  of  opinion  ; 
and  the  aberrations  of  the  heart  ;  but  death  to  aiv.bi- 
tion,  and  the  vain  desire  of  honour,  without  just  pre 
tension  ;  and  death  to  all  knavery,  and  meditated  hos 
tility  to  the  ?  ?£•/*/«  of  men. 


100  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

Digressing  a  little,  or  rather  returning  to  what  I 
have  said  on  the  first  point,  the  riijht  of  naturaliza 
tion,  I  admit  that  emigrants,  come  when  they  will, 
are  likely  to  be  in  oppou,iun  to  the  existing  govern 
ment,  or  rather,  administration.  This  depends  upon 
natural  principles.  The  governments  of  Europe,  are 
most  of  them  oppressive,  and  it  is  oppression  that 
drives,  in  most  instances,  the  inhabitant  from  amongst 
them.  The  poor,  or  the  most  enterprising,  are  those 
that  emigrate.  They  have  been  in  the  habit  of  think 
ing  of  a  reform,  in  the  state  of  tilings  in  that  country 
from  which  they  come ;  it  is  natural  for  them  to  think 
that  a  little  touch  of  their  hand  may  he  still  necessary 
here.  Did  you  ever  know  a  new  physician  called  in 
that  would  not  be  disposed  to  alter  the  prescription, 
or  to  add  to  it  ?  What  occasion  for  him,  if  there  was 
not  something  to  be  added,  or  retrenchment  made  ? 
Or  how  can  lie  shew  himself,  but  in  changing  the 
medicintn,  ov  the  regimen.  Extremes  beget  ex 
tremes  in  opinions,  as  well  as  in  conduct.  The  ex- 
ircme  of  government,  where  he  has  been,  leads  to 
licentiousness  in  his  ideas  of  liberty,  now  where  he  is. 

Besides  it  is  in  this  revolution  of  administration,  if 
he  is  an  ambitious  man,  that  he  finds  his  best  chance 
of  ascending.  He  is  therefore  a  demagogue  before 
he  becomes  a  patriot.  I  acquiesce,  therefore)  in  the 
policy  of  our  constitution,  and  our  laws,  who  prescribe 
;i  kind  of  mental  quarantine  to  the  foreigner  ;  though 
I  incline  to  the  generosity  of  those  who  think  it  unne 
cessary,  and  that  such  a  great  body  of  people  have  no 
thing  to  fear  from  the  annual  influx  of  a  few  charac 
ters,  that  may  for  some  time,  carry  with  them  more 
Sail  than  ballast.  We  had  half  Europe  with  us,  in  our 
revolution.  We  had  all  Ireland,  the  officers  of  govern 
ment  excepted,  and  even  some  of  these.  I  therefore, 
do  not  like  to  see  an  Irishman  obliged  to  perform  a 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  10! 

quarantine  of  the  intellect.  I  think  it  contributes  to 
sour  his  temper  and  to  fix  a  prejudice  against  the 
administration,  tinder  which  the  limitation  has  be:,  n 
introduced.  However,  this  maybe  more  splendid  in 
theory  than  sate  in  experience,  and  I  submit  to  the 
policy  that  has  been  adopted  'intil  the  constituted  au 
thorities,  shall  think  proper  u>  rt-.-Vulatc:  it  ctherv.  ise. 
In  the  mean  time,  if  this  book  should  be  read  by  any 
foreigner  of  high  parts,  and  spirit,  I  would  recom 
mend  it  to  him  to  suspend  his  judg\.c  i  upon  men 
and  things,  until  he  has  examined  well,  the  ground 
upon  which  he  stands  :  to  repress  ambition  and  the 
desire  of  office,  until  unsought,  it  comes  to  him,  du 
ring  which  time  he  may  have  become  qualified  to  dis 
charge  it  ;  and  will  have  had  an  opportunity  of  find 
ing  out  what  he  will  finally  discover,  that  the  best  men 
are  the  most  moderate. 

Intemperance  of  mind,  or  manner  in  a  foreigner, 
gives  colour  to  the  imputation,  that  allare  incendiaries. 
It  becomes,  therefore,  a  matter  of  discretion,  and  just 
prudence,  on  his  part,  to  be  cautious  in  coming  for 
ward  to  take  a  lead  in  politics,  until  he  has 
well  examined  the  field  of  controversy.  But  because 
foreigners  may  abuse  the  privilege,  I  would  not  ex 
clude  them  by  a  law,  did  the  matter  rest  on  first  prin 
ciples.  I  should  think  myself  justifiable  in  excluding 
from  my  society,  and  the  government  I  had  formed, 
the  inhabitants  of  another  planet,  could  they  come 
from  thence  ;  because  I  do  not  know  the  kind  of  na 
ture  they  are  of ;  but  men  of  this  earth,  of  similar 
forms,  and  of  like  passions  with  ourselves,  what  have 
I  to  fear  from  them  ?  What  right  have  we  to  exclude 
them?  We  are  not  born  for  ourselves;  nor  did  we  at- 
chieve  the  revolution  for  ourselves  only.  We  fought 
the  cause  of  all  mankind  and  the  good  and  great  of 
all  mankind  wished  well  to  us  in  the  co.KeU.  \Yiih 
I  12 


1012  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

what  anxiety  did  we  look  to  Europe,  for  assistance. 
"\Vc  derived  assistance  even  from  the  good  will  of  na 
tions.  It  is  an  advantage  to  have  a  popular  cause  in 
a  war.  Have  we  a  light  to  shut  ourselves  up  in  our 
shell,  and  call  the  society  we  have  formed,  our  own 
exclusively  ?  Suppose  we  had  a  right  to  the  govern 
ment  exclusively,  ',ntve  we  a  light  to  the  soil  ?  That 
is  ours,  subject  to  tf-.e  right  of  all  mankind.  Pre-occu- 
pancy  can  give  aright,  but  to  a  small  portion  of  the 
.soil  to  any  i;  /'';..  .klual.  To  as  much  only  as  is  reason 
ably  necessary  for  his  subsistence.  All  the  remain 
der  is  a  surplus,  and  liable  to  be  claimed  by  the  emi 
grant.  If  he  cannot  gtt  his  light  under  the  great 
charter  of  nature,  v;ithcut  coming  within  the  sphere 
of  our  government,  and  we  hinder  him  to  establish  a 
society  for  himself  v.'ilhin  ours,  why  abridge  him  even 
for  a  moment,  of  the  rights,  immunities,  and  privi 
leges  of  that  which  we  have  instituted  ?  Hut  I  had 
not  meant  to  take  i;p  this  subject,  though  I  have  in 
advertently  fallen  into  it.  I  shall  drop  it  here,  and 
£o  into  the  sequel  of  this  important  history. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  108 


CHAPTER  XI. 


THEY  now*  be?""  to  approach  the  new  set 
tlement.  This  bordering  on  the  Indian  country,  the 
inhabitants  were  presumed  to  be  half  savages.  It 
was  thought  proper  therefore,  to  approach  them  with 
a  talk*  Accordingly  Haruni  Scarum,  was  appointed 
for  that  purpose  ;  and  taking  a  saddle  girth  for  a  belt 
of  wampum  he  set  out  tor  the  frontier. 

Passing  tl.  rough  a  wood,  he  heard  the  scream  of  a 
panther,  and  advancing,  saw  it  on  a  tree.  Taking 
this  for  a  back-woods  man,  or  half  Indian,  he  accost* 
ed  him  in  the  vernacular  idiom  ot  a  savage,  which  he 
had  learned,  from  the  Indian  treaties  published  in  the 
newspapers.  "  Brother,"  said  he,  "  do  you  want 
whiskey  ?  We  have  a  little  in  our  keg  at  the  cump. 
We  have  come  here  to  bury  me  hatchet.  It  is  two 
moons  since  we  have  been  travelling.  Our  squaws 
are  all  at  home,  or  we  have  none.  Have  you  got  a 
little  killicuneeque,  that  ve  may  smoke  the  calumet 
of  peace  ;  brighten  up  the  chain  of  friendship,  and 
sit  round  cur  council  fires  ?  Our  youug  men  are  be 
hind  with  their  tomhacks.  But  the  great  spii it  has 
taken  off  the  cocks  ot*  their  guns,  ami  they  --me  to 
shake  hands,  and  set  tlitir  traps  oil  the^e  v/aitrs." 


104  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

At  that  instant  a  settler,  on  the  other  side  the  wood 
shot  the  panther,  which  Harum  Scarum  observing, 
ran  in  to  help  off  with  the  hide,  and  became  acquaint 
ed  with  the  marksman.  This  was  an  introduction, 
and  no  fartheV  was  necessary.  He  took  the  skinning 
to  be  scalping  ;  and  that  it  was  one  savage  that  hrJ 
shot  another,  and,  as  is  the  way  of  the  world,  1.,  ';•  - 
termined  to  take  part  with  the  conqueror.  Assisu&g 
to  flay  the  panther,  that  was  lately  his  brother,  he 
learned  the  news  of  the  county  town,  of  the  new  set 
tlement,  and  gave  account  o€.,Lo.  ^Qptain,  anc 
new-comers,  and  bro-^^  the  ^hfcyrfttan  along,  to 
taste  their  whkkey,  and  coquet  them  to  the  village. 
It  may  seem  strange  that  we  hear  nothing  of  the 
Latin  schoolmaster  all  this  time  ;  but  the  fact  is,  that 
coming  through  the  lack-learning  settlement,  they  had 
gagged  him,  to  keep  him  from  speaking-  Greek ;  and 
his  mouth  was  sore  for  a  long  time  after,  so  that  he 
could  not  even  speak  Latin  ;  but  as  soon  as  he  got  in 
to  the  village,  he  began  to  ejaculate. 

In  nova  fert  animus,  mutatasdicere  formas— 
Italiam,  fato  profugus,    Lavinaque  venit— 
Nos  palriam  fugimus :  Tu  Thy  re  »  'ntus  in  umbra — 
There  were  several  Indian  traders  in  the  town,  who 
understood  Delaware,   Shanee,    Munsy,   and  Mingo, 
but  they  took  this  for  Chippcwaw,   or  as  they   pro 
nounce  it,  Jibway,  and  did  not  understand  it.     They 
gave  him,  however,  some  boiled  corn  with  bears  oil 
in  it,  and  threw  him  a  skin  to  lie  down  upon..    Clo 
sing  his  mouth,  with 

"  Odi  profanum  vulgus,  et  arceo," 
he  fell  asleep. 

The  first  thing  a  settler  does,  when  he  goes  to  the 
new  country,  is  to  look  out  for  a  spiing.  Hard  by 
he  builds  a  cabin,  of  Ihe  stocks  of  trees,  laid  at  right 
angles,  und  forming  a  square,  or  parallelogram.  A 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  105 

stone  serves  for  a  back-wall,  and  an  aperture  ovefc 
it  to  give  vent  to  the  smoke. 

The  settler  brings  with  him  few  implements  of 
husbandry,  because  he  is  poor,  and  has  them  not  to 
bring  ;  or  the  carriage  is  not  in  his  power,  from  the 
want  of  draught  cattle.  An  axe,  a  mattock,  a  corn- 
hoe  without  a  handle,  perhaps  ploughirons,  an  augre, 
and  a  saw. 

His  household  furniture  is  a  pot,  a  frying-pan  a 
kettle,  and  sometimes  a  gridiron.  A  few  blankets, 
and  abed-tick  to  fill  with  oak  leaves,  is  a  luxury. 

A  cow  to  give  milk,  is  almost  indispensable  ;  and 
the  rifle,  with  a  little  ammunition  sparingly  used,  sup 
plies  flesh  for  the  family.  He  must  occasionally  take 
a  turn  to  the  settlement  to  get  a  bag  of  flour,  and  a 
quart  or  two  of  salt. 

His  horses,  if  he  has  any,  range  in  the  woods  ;  and 
a  good  deal  of  time  is  spent  in  looking  them  up,  when 
wanted  for  service. 

A  breeding  sow  is  an  admirable  acquisition,  big 
with  pigs.  If  he  can  bring  one  with  him,  which  is 
most  generally  accomplished,  he  has  soon  a  herd  of 
them,  living  on  the  pea  vine,  that  supersedes  the  ca 
sual  supply  of  hunting,  and  covers  the  sides  of  the 
chimney  with  hams,  just  at  hand  to  cut  off  and  broil. 

It  is  of  great  advantage  to  the  settler  to  be  able  to 
handle  a  tool,  and  to  lay  a  stone-  It  would  be  advis 
able,  therefore  in  a  father  who  means  to  send  out  his 
son,  when  grown  up,  to  the  new  country,  to  put  him 
some  time  to  a  carpenter,  and  to  a  stone  mason. 
His  own  smithery  he  cannot  well  do,  as  an  anvil,  a 
pair  of  bellows,  &c.  are  heavy  to  be  carried  ;  but 
the  greatest  drawback  is,  that  he  cannot  resist  the  so 
licitations  of  his  neighbours,  to  assist  them  occasion 
ally,  and  this  takes  him  from  the  main  brunch  of  his 
improvement  and  cultivation. 


106  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

The  settlement  is  usually  begun  in  this  manner, 
and  carried  on  by  poor,  honest,  and  industrious  peo 
ple.  The  to\vn  on  the  other  hand,  at  the  commence 
ment,  is  usually  a  nest  of  adventurers,  that  have  more 
>vit  than  money,  and  more  experience  than  industry. 

A  tavern-keeper,  or  pubiican,  thai-passes  for  a  re 
publican,  to  get  custom  ;  a  horse  jockey,  a  store 
keeper,  and  a  young  la \vyer.  are  the  firsl  that  you  find 
domiciliated  in  this  metropolis. 

The  young  lawyer,  that  had  got  to  this  place,  vas 
half  starved,  either  because  there  was  no  other  to  help, 
him  to  breed  wits  ;  or  rather,  which  is  most  probable, 
because  the  state  of  society  had  not  yet  so  improved, 
as  to  draw  with  it  the  inevitable  consequent  of  valua 
ble,  and  individual  property,  litigation,  and  law  suits. 
The  small  controversies  that  had  yet  arisen,  were  de 
termined  by  arbitration.  These-jjelated  chiefly  to  oc 
cupancy,  and  the  limits  of  settlement  ;  or  contracts, 
as  simple  as  the  subjects  of  them,  and  involving  nv  in 
tricacy.  Rut  the  inhabitants,  cither  from  the  love  of 
novelty,  or  finding  the  system  of  arbitration  inadequate 
to  tl'.e  administration  of  justice,  began  to  wish  to  have 
fixed  principles  and  permanent  tribunals,  to  govtin 
and  guard  life,  reputation,  and  property. 

Not  many  months  after  the  Captain  had  fixed  him 
self  in  this  place,  and  began  to  have  weight  among 
the  people,  there  was  a  town-meeting  on  this  subject, 
and  it  was  proposed  to  have  a  code  of  laws,  a  court, 
and  advocates,  as  in  other  settlements. 

Is  it  possible  ?  said  the  Captain,  being  in  the  hr.bit 
of  speaking  his  mind  freely.  In  the  mid-land  settle 
ments,  they  are  gcing  to  burn  Die  lawyers,  as  they  did 
the  v  itches  in  New-England;  and  as  to  judges,  it  is 
as  much  as  a  man's  liie  is  worth  to  resemble  one  ;  ei 
ther  in  the  brogue  of  his  tongue,  or  the  cut  of  his  jib, 
I  mean  his  hat  :  or  coat  that  he  wears  ;  such  is  the  o- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  107 

dium,  under  which  that  profession,  or  corps  of  men 
labour.  Arbitration  is  in  every  bodies  mouth,  and 
down  with  the  courts.  A  lawyer  indeed  !  Raising  the 
devil  was  in  vogue  in  the  middle  ages  of  the  church  ; 
but  has  been  laid  aside  in  Christendom,  since  black  cats 
became  scarce,  as  without  them  there  is  a  ciiffk  uity 
in  laying  him  ;  but  what  can  lay  a  lawyer,  when  lie  is 
once  up  r  The  hurricane  which  carries  away  the  hay 
stack,  is  nothing  to  the  breath  of  his  mouth,  that  bears 
away  people's  property,  by  the  fees  which  he  exacts. 

It  was  thus  the  Captain  laboured  to  dissuade  them 
from  the  proposition,  with  as  much  earnestness,  ai;d 
similar  success,  as  Samuel  dissuading  the  people  of 
Jewry,  not  from  a  jury  trial,  but  from  monarchy,  in 
the  days  when  they  wished  t.h<-  kings  to  succeed  judges, 
And  the  fact  is,  that  tv  ranny  gets  her  best  foothold  on 
the  backs  of  courts  of  law.  and  judges.  But  those  judg 
es  had  ceased  to  iet  the  people  "  every  man  do  what 
was  right  in  his  own  eyes,"  and  therefore  they  wish 
ed  for  monarchs  and  despots.  For  if  they  were  not 
to  have  perfect  liberty,  il  was  as  Well  to  he  iiangcd  for 
an  old  shct.p  as  a  lamb,  and  were  unwilling  "  to  hull 
between  two  opinions." 

But  the  people  of  the  settlement  before  us,  had  an 
idea  that  courts  of  justu<-  were  the  best  preservatives 
of  a  republic  ;  and  barri.  rs  aghast  monarchy,  and 
despotism  They  hud  got  a  maxim  in  their  heads, 
pronounced  by  the  Latin  schoolmaster  when  he  rose 
out  of  Lis  fcleep. 

Misera  cst  nerinfus^  ubi  Jus  Vaginn^  et  incognituxi. 
It  is  the  worot  ski  very  where  tt.c  K.w  is  unknown,  or 
uncertain..      And  they  hud  found  ;>rbuiadop  to  decide 
like  the  oscillation  of  a  perduium,  and  &11  bt^an  to  call 
out  lor  something  more  stable. 


108  MODERN    CHIVALRY. 


OBSERVATIONS. 

WHENCE  does  the  uncertainty  of  law  arise  ? 
Let  us  trace  it.  There  is  the  letter  of  the  law.  Lit- 
era  scriota  manet.  "  What  is  -written  lasts"  But 
there  is  the  spirit,  that  is  the  construction  of  laws. 
This  depends  upon  the  mind  of  the  construer  ;  and 
two  men  may  not  in  some  cases,  construe  alike. 

There  is  again  the  abdication  of  the  rule  to  the 
case  ;  And  it  is  the  mind  that  must  apply.  The  his 
tory  of  these  constructions,  and  applications,  are 
found  in  what  are  called  refiorts.  But  this  history, 
like  other  histories,  is  not  always  the  truth.  No  two 
judges,  or  two  lawyers,  will  agree  precisely  in  their 
statements  of  the  same  decision.  Some  particulars, 
omitted,  or  added,  makes  the  variance.  Yet  these 
are  helps  to  establish  the  decision. 

Wnat  is  it  that  can  correct  the  construction,  or  the 
application  as  it  was  originally  made,  or  as  it  appears 
in  the  report  ?  Reason.  It  was  this  at  first  mude  the 
construction,  or  the  application.  Hence  the  maxim, 
"  that  nothing  which  is  against  reason,  can  be  law." 

When  the  u--age  and  custom  which  makes  unwrit 
ten  law,  like  the  Liws  of  a  game  at  school,  are  in  the 
memory  of  men,  and  the  application  of  them  to  the 
case,  depends  upon  two  minds,  it  is  morally,  but  not 
physically  certain, but  the  application  will  be  the  same. 
Bui  in  all  these  cases,  botii  of  usage  and  custom,  or 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  -1»<J 

of  written  law,  there  is  a  higher  degree  of  certainty 
than  where  there  are  no  positive  institutions,  or  rules 
at  all.  Which  is  most  likely  to  establish  certainty  in 
the  transmission  of  usage  and  custom,  or  construction 
of  statutes,  the  occasional  application  of  the  law,  by 
arbitrators,  who  have  little  knowledge  of  positive  in 
stitutions,  or  tribunals  in  which  records  of  legal  pro 
ceedings  are  preserved,  and  men  are  employed,  who 
have  devoted  their  lives  to  the  study,  and  to  the  per 
fect  knowledge  of  which,  they  do  not  find  a  life  suffi 
cient  ? 

Visionary  men,  like  Rousseau,  and  Godwin,  have 
seldom  more  in  view  than  to  support  paradoxes.  The 
ability  is  shewn  by  the  novelty  or  extravagance  of  the 
proposition.  Godwin,  in  his  Political  Justice,  with 
great  brilliancy,  supports  the  idea  of  deciding  every 
case  on  its  oivn  peculiar  circumstances,  according  to 
the  notions  of  equity,  which  lie  in  the  breast  of  the 
judge.  This  is  what  is  done  in  Constantinople.  But 
it  is  to  avoid  this  that  laws  are  enacted,  and  means 
vised  to  procnre  uniformity  of  construction,  and  appli 
cation  in  a  free  country.  The  object  is  to  produce 
certainty. 

The  imperfection  of  hum  ah  judgment  produces 
uncertainty.  This  must  be  greater  in  proportion  as 
there  is  no  buoy  to  steer  by  ;  but  a  great  difficulty  aris 
es,  in  the  administration  of  the  laws,  to  guard  the  con 
sciences  of  men.  Which  is  most  likely  to  secure  this  ? 
Tribunals  open  ;  and  it  is  a  principle  of  our  kw,  that 
the  courts  shall  be  often  ;  and  &/iall  be  hi  Id  at  knoivn 
times  and  filuccs.  Can  arbitrations  have  this  requisite? 
It  is  a  principle  of  jury  trial,  that  the  jurors  who  are 
to  try  a  particular  cause,  cannot  be  knoun  until  they 
go  upon  it  ;  and  after  hearing,  they  are  to  be  kept 
together  without  speaking  to  any  one,  until  they  arc 

PART  II.  VOL.  II.  K 


110  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

•1.  There  is  noi  that  opportunity  for  labouring 
a  jury,  that  arbitration  presents. 

At  the  same  time.  I  *;m  not  one  of  those  who  frown 
upon  arbitrations  ;  or  think  those  unworthy  citizens 
•who  meditate,  or,  inculcate  the  idea  of  what  lias  been 
.:i:-nt  bill.  I  profess  myself  a  reformist i 
a:i:l  \\\'  ,\  regard  to  others  who  attempt  reforms,  1  am 
not  re..'.(3y  to  cry  cut,  "they  that  have  turned  the  world 

:  down,  have  come  lather  also."  I  have  Lten 
fbr  luting  the  experiment  be  made.  I  know  the  con- 

.!•  e  that  5;  v.  ill  soon  belaid  aside.  Perhaps 
{ioinuihini;  might  Ix  retained  of  it  that  may  be  found 
\vi*e.  Hut  the  difficulty  of  get'.ing  men  together,  that 

t  i.nuieJ:i.»U;!y  under  a  compulsory  process,  and 
thus  keeping  them  from  bi-in^  tampered  with  ;  inde- 

!it  of   arbitrary  notions  of  ri^ht  or  \\iong,  and 

I  ;ted  reasonings,  will  be  found  10  be  such,  that 
men,  wiio  in  tl:c  sincerity,  and  benevolence  of  patri 
otism,  have  called  for  the  system  in  the  extent  con 
templated,  \\ill  b-j  the  first  to  ivcede,  and  acknow 
ledge  that  there  is  a  difference  between  what  is  ra- 

:  in  thzijry,  add  practical  amongst  mm. 
Mo  one  ran  have  a  greater   contempt  of  pedantry, 
and  opposition  to  reform  in/iriari/i.'c,  or  practice,  than 
1  have.     A   picfcssic.nal  n.an  t!  inks  himself  learned, 
use  he  isr  technical,   LIU!  knows  tl:e   terms  of  his 
art.   usuv.  .   r.i.i  tools  ;  but  lias  become  shack 

led  ia  forms,   and  a  slave  to  precedents,  and   has  no 
Loii^c'i  o,'  c.  i   i:.;.I  !i. <.;:!. 'it  an. 1   comprehension.  He 

>t  ;  j  -ur  to  t'.ie  correctress  reason,  or  to  experi- 
jneiit,  the  icurce  of  improvement  amongst  men. 

At  t!;i;>  puiticular  time,   there  is  a  fermentation  of 

the  public  mind  with  regard   to  the  administration  of 

justice.     I  have  no  fear  for  liberty,   provided  the  form 

/.   Itf;.  untouched  ;  for    a  generous 

coiisii.i.tuL:i  will  '-'jon  give  warning  of  the  malady,  f-:.d 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  ill- 

on  an  error  in  reform,  a  fever  vjlll  ensue,  and  demand 
to  be  exfulkd.  The  wounding,  or  destroying  aprin- 
cifils  of  the  constitution,  affects  liberty,  as  taking  awa:/ 
the  trial  by  jury  in  the  courts  of  larj  ;  or  placing-  the; 
tenure  of  a  judicial  commission  on  other  grounds  than 
on  what  the  eanstifUfion  has  placed  it  ;  and  ii.e  like  \i- 
tal  parts  of  the  system. 

To  reform  with  safety  requires  a  perfect  knov/u  dr;e 
of  the  subject  of  the  reform.  To  reform  the  ia\v, 
either  in  its  principles,  or  administration,  recurs s  ;t 
lawyer  ;  a  scientific,  and  philosophic  lawyer,  not  a 
pedant,  even  though  on  the  bench  of  jut-tice.  Natu 
ral  narrowness  of  mind,  or  technical  cop.tv;'.rA!"n,  ur- 
fits  for  this.  But  an  unreasonable  jealousy  of  profes 
sional  men  i*  to  be  a  voided  i  There  is  &uch  a  tiling 
as  patriotism  even  on  the  bench,  and  en  the  bench, 
what  interest  can  there  be  but  fj  lesson  service  ?  Inte 
rest  therefore  here,  is  not  in  the  way  of  e::tc: 
settlement  by  arbitration,  so  far  as  it  imvy  be  practi 
cable,  and  consistent  with  the  preservation  of  the  c't.- 
mocracy.  For  be  assured,  l/ir.t  t/ie  recoil  if  > 
hurts  the  authors  more  than  those  ac. 
ordnance  may  ha~ve  been  directed* 

But  difference  of  opinion  produces  ill  \viil.  A  rn^n 
and  wife  will  separate  on  a  (, is .^rc^n^nt  wi  irh  has 
taken  place  about  the  iixiiu;-  a  '.-en-coop,  or  k.\  ing  out 
a  bed  of  parsley.  Christian-,  have  burnt  ei>ch  cii.c:* 
because  the  one  won'dsry  oj",  and  ihe  olher//-.;;;?,  end 
whatman  of  sense  doubt r.,  but  the  burner,  and  the 
burn'd  were  equally  good  mtn,  The  creeds,  con 
fessions  and  commentaries  of  the  one  were  jir-t  -';:> 
orthodox  as  the  other,  but  not  prteisely  tie  same  ; 
and  the  nearer  they  come  trtg"thi  r  !/i?  mvrr  iw '/.'.  TI.'H 
ought  to  teach  in  politics,  C:l  ioi.iit,  cone 
bcarance. 


112  MODERN  CHIVALRY, 

If  objects  of  sense,  mock  the  senses,  and  deceive 
vision,  how  much  more,  things  in  the  political  or 
moral  world,  which  we  cannot  comprehend  but  by 
reasoning.  What  a  farce  it  was  in  the  year  1779,  in 
America,  to  see  committees  formed  from  the  one 
end  of  the  continent  to  the  other,  instituting  regula 
tions  of  the  prices  of  commodities,  at  a  standing  va 
lue  when  the  medium  of  circulation  continued  to  de 
preciate.  The  thing  was  absurd  ;  yet,  I  recollect 
Thomas  Paine,  an  uncommon,  but  uninformed  man, 
was  a  secretary  to  a  committee,  and  an  enthusiast  in 
the  project  Thj  committee  regulated  "  that  a  mea 
sure  of  fine  flour  should  be  sold  for  a  shekel,  and  two 
measures  of  hurley  for  a  shekel,  in  the  gate  of  Sama 
ria  ;"  but  neither  barley  nor  flour  were  brought  to 
market,  and  as  there  was  "no  reasoning  with  the  bel 
ly,"  the  space  of  ten  days,  undeceived  the  projectors. 

The  chyvnist  tells  us  of  substances  that  decompose, 
which  is  a  process  in  order  to  the  composition  of  other 
bodies  ;  bri  that  it  depends  upon  a  knowledge  of  the 
properties  and  quantity,  whether  the  ingredients  con 
stitute  a  ftoison,  or  a  medicine.  So  may  it  be  said  of 
the  sfiirit  tf  reform. 

The  practice  of  the  courts  in  Pennsylvania,  is  ren 
dered  simple  to  what  it  is  in  England  ;  and  could  be 
K'.iil  improved,  as  it  would  seem  to  me  ;  either  by  the 
law  ol  practice,  which  the  courts  themselves  have  the 
power  of  making  ;  or  with  the  aid  of  the  legislature. 
But  it  is  only  a  scientific  man  that  understands  the 
svs'cm,  as  a  farmer  knows  his  grounds,  who  can  ea- 
s:ly  and  with  safety  complete  the  reformation.  The 
l;v.</  itself,  is  much  improved  in  Pennsylvania,  both 
criminal  and  civil,  and  I  am  not  sensible  of  much 
Wanting,  but  in  the  organization  of the  tribunals  for 
i'3  c('.-;;;::-.;ir.i::on.  Now  it  will  not  do,  to  make  a  law 
t::..t  '.iK'iv  ::hal!  be  no  litigation;  or,  that  CT cry  man, 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  n-s 

ihall  know  the  law  ;  for  such  a  law  cannot  be  carried 
into  eil'ect.  I  doubt  then,  whether  it  will  be  1'oimd 
satisfactory  to  provide  "  that  every  man  shall  be  his 
own  lawyer,"  and  his  neigbbou-rs  judge  in  the  capa 
city  of  arbitrator. 

The  excellence  of  jury  trial  is  sanctioned  by  imme 
morial  usage  ;  and  is  secured  to  a  certain  extent  by 
the  constitution.  What  is  that  extent  ?  "  Trial  by 
jury  shall  be  as  heretofore."  This  mode  of  trial  has 
its  laws.  Does  the  constitution  mean  that  the  laws 
of  this  trial  shall  be  as  heretofore  ?  or,  docs  it  mean 
any  thing  more  ?  It  may  mean  that  it  shall  be  the 
mode  ofirialln  the  same  tribunals  as  heretofore  ;  that 
is  the  courts  of  justice.  Does  it  mean  to  bar  extend 
ing  the  jurisdiction  of  the  justice  of  the  peace,  in  point 
of  action  ?  This  is  a  great  question. 

I  admit  the  screwing  up  the  construction  of  the 
constitution  too  tight,  the  public  mind  will  revolt  a- 
gainst  it.  Driven  to  a  contention,  much  that  is  va 
luable  in  the  constitution  might  be  lost  in  that  torrent 
which  an  overstrained  construction  had  produced, 
like  waters  in  a  dam  without  a  flood-gate.  The  dis 
cretion  of  the  legislative  body  must  rot  be  too  much 
disputed,  It  produces  the  very  effect  in  some  way 
or  other,  which  the  over  cautious  apprehend.  While 
the  great  boundaries  of  the  constitution  are  unbroken, 
I  do  not  fear  much  from  those  laws,  which  regulate 
the  police  of  justice,  and  may  be  enacted,  and  conti-< 
nued  as  the  experiment  may  seem  to  justify.  But 
I  wish- to  see  the  democracy  move  in  the  groove  of 
our  noble  constitution  ;  like  one  of  the  heavenly  bo 
dies  preserving  its  orbit,  and  bidding  fair  for  perpetui 
ty.  For  this  reason,  I-  am  afraid  of  even  experiment, 
in  a  case  where  there  is  doubt,  and  which  is  of  great 
saoment  and  delicacy. 


K  2 


U?U  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

BOOK  IV. 


CHAPTER  I. 


IT  is  full  time  we  return  a  little,  and  see  what 
became  of  the  bog-trotter,  whom  we  left  in  the  capa 
city  of  judge.  This  will  best  appear  from  a  report  of 
a  case  tried  before  him,  and  which  has  been  kindly 
furnished  us  by  lawyer  Tarapin  who  was  counsel  in 
the  cause. 

REPOHT.     Slouch,  vs.  Croueh. 

This  was  an  action  of  assault  nnd  battery,  with  two 
counts  ;  the  first  for  assault  and  battery  ;  the  second 
for  an  assault.  The  case  as  it  came  out  upon  the  evi 
dence,  was  as  follows. 

Upon  &ome  ill  words  given  by  Crouch,  as  villain. 
Grouch,  made  a  biow  at  him  with  a  cudgel.  Crouch 
ero'jching,  as  the  name  imports,  let  the  blow  slip 
ov.i'  him,  which  lighting  upon  Slouch,  broke  his 
he-;.cl.  Upon  this  Slouch  had  brought  his  suit  against 
Crouch. 

Lawyer  Tarapin  moved  for  a  nonsuit, on  the  ground 
that  the  action  out-lit  to  have  been  against  Grouch, 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  Nfi 

whose  stick,  though  intended  against  Crouch,  yet 
trespassed,  and  hit  upon  Slouch. 

Lawyer  Heberden  for  the  plaintiff,  thought  the  ac 
tion  was  properly  brought,  and  that  Crouch,  who 
gave  the  ill  words  that  occasioned  the  outrage,  was 
responsible  for  all  the  consequences  ;  that  he  had  no 
right  to  take  his  head  out  of  the  way  ;  but  thut  it 
ought  to  have  remained  at  its  post,  which  had  it  been 
the  case  no  blow  could  have  fallen  upon  Slouch. 

What  with  the  names  with  terminations,  of  a  like 
•sound,  and  the  intricacy  of  the  case,  the  judge  was 
puzzled,  and  getting  in  a  passion,  snatched  a  staff 
from  a  constable,  and  fell  upon  the  suitors.  ';  By 
my  showl,  said  he,  I  will  be  after  bating  de  whole 
o'd  you  togeder.  A  parcel  of  spalpeens  and  bog-lrot- 
t'ers,  to  be  coming  here  and  bodering  me  wid  your 
quarrels,  and  your  explanations  :  better  fight  it  out 
like  men  of  honour  wid  a  shelelah,  and  not  come 
here  to  trouble  de  court  about  it." 

He  had  broke  the  heads  of  several,  and  was  laying 
about  him  with  the  constables  staff,  the  clerks  not  be* 
ing  able  to  interfere  because  they  were  blind,  and  the 
citizens  not  being  willing  because  they  were  afraid  ; 
saying  the  culprits  were  in  the  hands  of  the  judge, 
and  it  did 'not  behoove  them  to  take  the  law  into  then' 
hands,  and  resist  the  execution. 

Ho\>ever,  the  result  was  that  the  proceeding  broke 
up  the  court,  and  the  blind  lawyer,  fidler  and  bog- 
trotter  had  to  leave  the  country. 

The  bog-trotter  followed  the  Captain,  and  the  blind 
lawyer  and  fuller  followed  him,  to  the  new  settlement. 

It  was  just  at  this  time  they  came  in,  when  the  peo 
ple  were  in  commotion  about  the  conns  of  justice.  It 
was  opportune,  and  occasioned  them  all  to  be  provi 
ded  for  by  the  influence  of  the  Captain.  Things  were 
seversfcd.  in  some  measure,  from  what  they  hud  been- 


115  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

in  the  country  below  ;  for  the  blind  lawyer,  was  mad? 
the  judge  ;  the  fidler  the  crier  of  the  court,  and  the 
bog-trotter  a  constable.  The  piper  of  whom  we  have 
spoken,  and  who  was  an  emigrant  with  the  Captain, 
there  being  no  bell,  or  drum  in  the  town,  opened  the 
first  court  at  this  place,  with  his  bagpipes. 

There  was  nothing  now  wanting  but  a  lawyer,  and 
that  was  not  a  want  long  ;  for  as  one  rat  brings  ano 
ther,  so  lawyer  brings  lawyer.  The  one  here  already 
was  soon  paired,  and  these  two  like  stool  pigtons,  at 
tracted  others  ;  so  that,  in  a  short  time  the  whole  st<> 
tlement  was  full  of  them. 


THERE  was  now  a  talk  of  encouraging  a  printer. 
Some  thought  there  were  typographical  errors  enough 
in  the  world.  However,  the  people  were  disposed  to 
multiply  them,  and  accordingly  a  printer  was  encour 
aged.  He  set  up  a  paper  which  he  called  the  u  Twi 
light."  For,  as  there  was  a  "  dawn"  in  the  east,  it 
seemed  reasonable  there  should  be  a  "  twilight"  ia 
the  west.  The  Evening  Star,  and  the  Western  Star 
have  been  names  of  gazettes  ;  but  Twilight,  for  any 
thing  we  have  heard,  would  seem  to  be  original. 
The  dawn, 

u  That  sweet  hour  of  prime," 

In  the  language  of  Milton.  One  of  his  most  beauti 
ful  paintings  is  that  in  which  he  speaks  of  it  as  intro 
ducing  the  sun, 

Jocund  to  run 

His  longitude  through  heav'n's  high  road ;  the  gray 
Dawn,  and  the  pleiades  before  him.  danc'd 
Shedding  sweet  influence 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  H7 

The  "  Dawn"  is  a  modest  appellation  for  a  paper, 
bespeaking  the  beginning  oi  light.  The  "Twilight" 
not  less  so,  meaning  that  small  degree  of  it  which  re 
mains  after  the  sun  is  set.  The  device  was  an  owl,  a 
cat,  and  a  bat ;  the  owl  an  emblem  of  wisdom,  the 
cat  of  vigilance ;  the  bat  of  impai  tiality  being  of  equi 
vocal  formation,  and  doubtful  whether  bird  or  beast. 
At  the  same  time  these  animals  are  all  of  the  "  Twi 
light,"  and  therefore  appropriate. 

The  motto  by  the  Latin  schoolmaster, 
Si  quid  superesset  agendum. 

Clonmel  the  ballad  singer  furnished  a  few  vcrs&s 
to  introduce  the  publication.  The  composition  was 
not  the  best ;  but,  it  was  suited  to  the  occasion. 

The  dawn  and  the  twilight,  have  both  but  small  sky 
light, 

Yet  pleasant  are  both  in  their  prime, 
For  think  of  the  noon,  and  the  hot  burning  sun, 
O,  this  is  a  far  better  time. 

Hence  name  we  the  paper,  and  light  up  a  tapev- 

To  lighten  the  clouds  of  the  west. 
If  not  the  best  skill,  yet  have  the  best  will, 

To  make  this  our  paper  the  best. 

We  want  a  little  money  to  begin  with,  dear  honey, 

So  bring  it  and  take  you  the  news. 
Have  a  little  heart,  nor  be  sorry  to  part, 

With  a  trifle  like  misers  and  jews. 

We  shall  tell  how  the  Spaniards,  dress  hides  in  their 
tanyards, 

Or  curry  their  leather  in  France. 


118  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

And  when  that  we  come  to  things  nearer  home, 
You  shall  hear  of  these  just  at  once. 

Who's  married  ;  who's  broken  ;  vrho  is  shot,  or 
choken, 

By  himself,  or  the  hand  of  the  la\v. 
What  dress  is  on  foot,  who  has  got  a  new  clout, 
To  tickle  the  fancy  and  draw. 

The  Lids  that  can  write,  now  let  them  indite, 
And  here  come  speak  their  own  praise  ; 

On  politics.or  pride,  or  threshing  the  hide, 
Of  judges  and  lawyers  now  a  days. 

'Tis  all  one  to  us,  what  the  blunderbuss, 

So  that  it  but  makes  a  noise, 
So  down  with  your  ink-pots;  thinkers  or  think  nots, 

And  help  out  our  journal,  brave  boys. 

Harum  Scarnm  was  a  contributor  to  the  p?.pcr,  and 
dealt  in  fabrications  and  intelligence.  Will  Wailin 
gave  dissertations  on  oeconomies,  taming  wild  geese, 
and  brewing  beer  out  of  wasps  nests.  Tom  the  Tinker 
hankering  after  insurrections  struck  his  hammer  on 
the  government.  The  Latin  schoolmaster  was  now 
employed  as  an  Indian  interpreter,  passing  his  Greek 
for  the  Chickas,;v,  ;  nevertheless  found  time  to  fur 
nish  a  distic  or  hemistic,  or  Latin  epigram  occasion 
ally.  "OTinwasa  politician,  and  brought  down  his 
f!  a!  upon  Bonap.rie,  and  said,  had  it  not  been  .for 
his  usurpation,  there  would  have  been  a  republic  in 
Ireland.  The  bag-piper  was  a  merry  fellow,  and 
brought  his  tuients  into  hotch-pot  in  the  way  of  es- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  119 

says  upon  drones  ;  shewing  their  use  in  a  common 
wealth.  Thus  few  papers  were  better  suppoitcd  than 
the  Twilight,  and  it  had  subscribers.  The  great  va 
riety  of  talents, 

Quoniam  sic  positx,  suaves  misscetis  odores, 
Said  the  Latinist— the  great  variety  of  talents  could 
not  fail  to  furnish  something  to  hil  the  taste  of  every 
individual  ;  and  it  is  not  so  much  excellency  as  varie 
ty  that  p!eases.  The  most  odoriferous  shrub,  or  rose, 
ceases  to  delight,  and  we  turn  to  another  bush,  or 
take  up  even  a  less  fragrant  flower. 

The  passions  having  their  vent  in  a  gazette,  saves 
battery  and  bloodshed.  In  this  view  of  the  subject  it 
is  an  aid-du-carnp  to  the  laws  ;  and  if  it  should  be 
thought  eligible  to  extend  the  province  of  the  press, 
and  to  canvass  all  matters  depending  in  a  court  of  jus 
tice  it  will  be  an  accessary  to  the  practice,  and  a  great 
acquisition  in  a  free  government.  But  this  I  leave  to 
the  discretion  of  the  legislature. 

The  bog-trotter  .wrote  little  ;  in  fact  nothing.  He 
was  busy  serving  process  in  the  capacity  of  constable; 
and  in  one  of  his  excursions  met  with  an  accident. 
He  set  his  foot  on  the  spur  of  a  horse-jockey ;  which, 
in  this  new  country,  from  the  prkk  ot  the  rowler,  he 
took  for  a  rattle  snake.  Not  waiting  to  look  behind 
him,  after  it  made  the  impression,  and  left  a  puncture 
like  the  tooth  of  a  serpent,  he  made  his  tour  to  ihe 
town  with  great  howling  and  lamentation.  A  ligament 
was  drawn  tight  about  his  ancle  ;  and  the  leg  stroked 
down  and  the  flesh  pressed  towards  the  orifice.  Cold 
\vuter  from  the  mouth  of  a  tea  kettle,  was  poured  up 
on  the  wound,  with  a  steady  current  from  a  conside 
rable  height.  Finally,  certuin  roots,  pointed  out  by 
the  Indian  traders,  in  a  cataplasm  was  applied  to  the 
foot,  bandaged  up  for  a  fortnight,  until  ail  appearance, 
I  need  not  say  of  poison,  for  there  was  none,  but  all 


120  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

apprehension  of  poison,  and  mortification  was  remo 
ved. 

It  will  not  be  understood  that  I  record  this  inci 
dent  as  an  evidence  of  pusillanimity  in  the  bog-trotter. 
Fora  rnun  of  the  firmest  mind,  might  reasonably  con 
ceive  an  alarm  at  the  idea  of  being  bitten  by  a  snake. 
Such  is  the  horror  in  the  human  mind  at  even  the 
touch,  much  more  the  bite  of  such  a  reptile. 

Milton  represents  the  tempter  as  seducing  Eve 
under  the  form  of  a  serpent,  and  endeavours  to  ren 
der  that  form  amiable,  by  the  art  of  description. 


-Inclos'd 


In  serpent,  inmate  bad,   and  towards  Eve 
Address'd  his  way,  not  with  indented  wave 
Prone  on  the  ground,  as  since,  but  on  his  rear, 
Circular  base  of  rising  folds,  that  tower'd 
Fold  above  fold,  a  surging  maze  ;   his  head 
Crested  aloft,  and  carbuncle  his  eyes  ; 
With  burnish'd  neck  of  verdant  gold,  erect 
Amidst  his  circling  spirt- s,  that  on  the  grass 
Floated  redundant  :  pleasing  was  his  shape, 
And  lovely  :  never  since  of  serpent  kind, 
Lovelier. 

It  would  seem  to  me  to  have  been  an  oversight  in 
Milton  to  make  the  tempter  assume  the  snake.  For 
he  is  not  supported  by  the  Scripture.  The  idea  in 
Genesis  is  not  that  the  tempter  was  in  the  guise  of  a 
serpent  ;  but  of  some  creature  which  was,  for  that 
very  act  condemned  to  be  a  serpent.  "Upon  thy  belly 
shalt  thou  go,  and  dust  shah  tliou  eat  all  the  days  of 
thy  life."  It  is  a  metanomasia,  or  post-nomination, 
"  The  serpent  was  more  subtil  ;"  that  is  the  beast 
which  now  we  call  a  serpent,  was  then  the  wisest  of 
the  field.  It  is  impossible  to  imagine  that  creature, 
\Yiiich  would  seem  to  have  been  changed  j  for  we 


MODERN7  CHIVALRY.  1:1 

can  no  more  imagine  a  new  creature,  than  create  one. 
When  the  poets  feign  a  griffin,  it  is  but  a  winged 
beast.  Thp  ore'  of  Aristo  is  made  up  of  parts  that 
are  taken  from  animals  in  nature. 

But,  it  is  to  be  presumed  that  the  animal  assumed 
by  the  tempter,  must  have  been  next  to  the  human, 
the  form  the  most  beautiful  in  nature.  The  poet  re 
presents  the  transformation  as  denounced  in  the  gar 
den. 

"\Vithout  delay 

To  judgment  he  proceeded  on  th'  accus'd 
Serpent,  tho'  brute,  unable  to  transfer 
The  guilt  on  him  who  made  him  instrument 
Of  mischief,  and  polluted  from  the  end 
Of  his  creation  ;  justly    then  accurs'd. 
As  vitiated  in  nature— 
Because  thou  hast  first  done  this,  thou  art  accurs'd 
Above  all  cattle,  each  beast  of  the  field  ; 
Upon  thy  belly  grovelling  thou  shalt  go. 
And  dust  shall  eat  all  the  days  of  thy  life. 

I  \vould  have  expected  the  metamorphose  at  this 
time  and  place. 

His  visage  drawn  ha  felt  so  sharp  and  spare, 
His  arms  clung  to  his  ribs,  his  legs  intwining 
Each  other,  till  supplanted  down  he  fell 
A  monstrous  serpent  on  his  belly  prone, 
Reluctant  ;  but  in  vain,  a  greater  pow'r, 
Now  rul'd  him,  punish'd  in  the  shape  he  sinn'cl, 
According  to  his  doom.— 

Since  my  first  reading  of  the  Poem,  I  have  been 
struck  with  the  incongruity  of  representing  the  animal 
which  the  tempter  assumed,  as  being  a  serpent  in  the 
first  instance  Yet  there  is  classical  authority  for 
supposing  it  possible,  that  a  serpentine  form  could  be 
the  subject,  even  of  affection. 

PAUT  II.  VOL.  II.  ft 


1.22  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

Lovelier  ;  not  those  that  in  Illyria  chang'd 
Hermione  and  Cadmus,  or  the  god 
la  Epidarus,  nor  to  which  transfer  m'd 
Amnionian  Jove,  or  Capitoline  was  seen, 
He  with  Olympias,  this  with  her  who  bore, 
Scipio  the  height  of  Rome. — . 

And  Dryden  in  his  Ode  on  St.  Cecilia's  day  ; 

When  he  to  fair  Olympia  prest, 
Awhile  he  sought  her  snowy  breast, 
And  then  around  her  slender  waist  he   curl'd 
A:id  stampt  an  image  of  himself,  a  sovereign 
of  the  M  orld. 

Yet  strange  as  it  seems  to  me,  the  ancients  in  some 
countries,  appear  not  to  have  had  this  horror  of  ser 
pents.  In  ihc  temple  of  Esculapius,  the  god  him 
self  was  said  to  visit  his  patients  disguised  under  the 
for m  of  a  great  serpent,  the  caresses  of  which  re-ani- 
niat-jd  thtra  with  new  hope.  Serpents  in  general 
v/cre  consecrated  to  this  god.  "  He  appears  to  have 
had  a  particular  predilection  for  those  found  in  the 
i..i0M;ouiT.oaJ  of  Kpi'larus,  which  are  of  a  colour  ap 
proaching  to  a  yellow,  have  no  poison,  are  tame  and 
penile,  and  love  to  live  in  familiarity  with  man.  That 
which  tiie  priests  ke?p  in  the  temple,  will  sometimes 
win;!  round  their  bodies,  or  raise  himself  on  his  tail 
to  take  the  food  which  they  present  him  on  a  plate. 
He  i:;  rarely  suffered  to  go  out,  but,  when  this  liberty 
ispeiMu.lecl  him,  he  walks  majestically  through  the 
streets,  and  as  his  appearance  is  deemed  a  happy 
omen,  it  excites  universal  joy. 

Tlrjse  familiar  serpents  are  found  in  t!ie  other  tem 
ples  of  Esculapius.  They  are  \cry  common  at  Pclia, 
tli-j  cvoka'  of  Macedonia.  The  women  there  keep 
,  for  their  amusement.  In  ihe  great  heats  of 
summer,  they  v/incl  them  round  their  necks,  like 


1IODERN  CHIVALRY.  l^ 

uecklaccs.  During  my  stay  in  Greece,  it  was  said 
"  that  Olympia,  queen  of  Philip  king  of  Macedon, 
had  one  of  them,  which  she  frequently  took  to  bed  to 
her,  and  it  was  even  added,  that  Jupiter  had  taken 
the  form  of  that  animal,  and  that  Alexander  was  his 
son."— - 

Translation  ofAnachar&is. 

Nevertheless,  I  still  think  that  the  more  natural 
allegory  in  Milton,  and  better  supported  by  the  Scrip 
ture,  would  have  been  the  idea  of  some  creature  the 
most  beautiful,  as  well  as  the  wisest,  tempting  Eve, 
and  thence  as  a  punishment,  undergoing  tranfbrma- 
tion.  So  much  for  criticism. 


124  MODERN    CHIVALRY. 


CHAPTER  II. 


IXACUS  founded  Argog  ;  Cecrops  Athens  ; 
Cacimus  Ti.cbes  in  Boctia  ;  Romulus  Rome  ;  and 
Penn,  Philadelphia.  Now  who  formed  the  town  of 
\vhich  we  are  speaking,  cannot  be  suid  ;  for  it  was 
founded  by  a  congluvks  of  mortals  like  the  company 
of  David,  in  the  cave  of  Aclullam.  "  Every  one  that 
was  in  distress  ;  and  every  one  that  was  discontented, 
rjathered  themselves  unto  him."  Amongst  these  a 
broken  judge  came  in,  \vho  complained  that  he  wa* 
unjustly  broken. 

A  word  with  you  friend,  said  the  Captain.  Were 
you  not  tried  by  a  competent  tribunal  ? 

Yes,  said  the.judge;  but  the  judgment  was  unjust. 
Why  not  appeal  r  It  \vas  the  tribunal  in  the  last  resort. 

What,  sai.l  the  Captain  ;  can  there  be  an  error  in 
a  dernier  d'jcihion  ?  What  is  it,  according  to  your 
selves  that  nuikts  the  law,  but  decision  ?  Precedent 
r>  uuthoiiLy.  What  has  rtason  to  do  in  the  case? 
Once  it  get;  into  the  books,  and  becomes  a  case,  let 
me  see  what  judge  can  undo  it ;  or  question  the  rea 
son  of  it.  It  has  become  law.  We  mu^t  take  the  law 
ao-  «.:'f  find  it.  If  Holt  has  once  said  it,  the  game  is 
up  ;  or  Bii'Ier  ;  or  Kenyon.  It  is  a  knock  'im  down 
ar  ruinent,  that  Patterson  has  ruled  it  so  ;  or  Wash- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  125 

ins  ton,  or  Marshal.  It  is  the  construction  of  the  judge 
makes  the  law.  It  is  the  application  to  facts  proved, 
or  admitted,  that  makes  the  case  ;  and  the  applica 
tion  being  by  the  constitutional  tribunals,  there  is  no 
more  to  be  said  about  it.  Positive  institutions  are  ar-< 
bilrary  things,  and  there  is  no  reason  necessary  that 
they  are  as  they  are.  You  a  judge,  and  talk  of  an 
unjust  judgment,  where  it  has  been  given  by  those 
•who  alone  have  had  a  right  to  judge.  This  shews 
that  you  Were  not  fit  for  your  office;  so  turn  in  there, 
we  shall  do  the  best  we  can  for  you  ;  but  no  more  ca 
terwauling  about  the  injustice  of  your  sentence  ;  you 
sent  many  a  man  from  you''  decisions,  I  will  under 
take  to  say,  dissatisfied  :  but  the  law  had  determined 
it ;  it  had  become  a  case  ;  and  there  was  an  tnd  of 
the  disquisition. 

The  judge  hung  his  lip,  and  turned  into  a  cabin. 

A  young  doctor  had  come  here.  What  learning  he 
had  before  he  came,  is  not  of  so  much  consequence,- 
as  what  practice  he  had  afterwards.  One  thing  he 
had  acquired,  the  cant  of  a  physician,  that  had  he 
been  called  sooner,  before  the  constitution  had  lost  its 
tone  ;  or  nature  her  diathesis  to  co-operate  with  the 
medicine;  a  cure  might  have  been  effected;  and  even 
as  it  was,  by  preserving  regimen,  something  might 
be  done.  The  quack  taking  care  first  to  find  out  what 
the  patient  liked  best ;  and  especially  prohibiting 
that,  because,  as  he  knew  the  indulgence  could  not 
all  o.t  once  be  restrained  absolutely,  it  was  morally 
certain,  the  patient  would  transgress  a  little,  and  fir.1-- 
nish  the  compliant  with  a  pretence  to  slick  by  him  in 
spite  of  the  faculty. 

A  young  woman   had  been  found  in  the  woods, 

naked,  gagged,  and  had  been,  as  she  said,   tied  to  a 

tree.     The  account  she  gave,  was  that  she  had  been 

taken  cut  of  a  nunnery  in  Canada,  where  she  had  been 

I.  2 


126  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

educated  :  was  on  her  way  to  her  father  in  Kentucky, 
a  rich  man ;  had  been  robbed  of  a  thousand  doubloons 
by  her  conductor,  stripped  of  her  silks  and  muslins, 
and  left  to  perish  in  the  wilderness.  Imagination,  or 
philanthropy,  saw  truth  in  her  history  ;  and  she  was 
fed  and  clothed,  not  as  the  law  directed,  but  as  hu 
manity  dictated,  an<l  brought  into  gooxl  company. 

At  the  first  discovery  of  her,  she  was  thought  to  be 
a  mortal  ;  but  in  a  short  time  she  was  conceived  to 
be  an  aivg-el.  There  were  an  hundred  that  would 
have  married  her,  had  it  not  l>een  for  this  distrust  of 
being  real  flesh  and  blood.  But  by  this  time  it  began 
t  >  be  found  out,  or  at  least  suspected,  that  the  nun 
nery  had  been  no  farther  off  than  a  city  of  these  states, 
and.  under  the  carv  of  brothers,  rather  than  sisters  ; 
and  wiiere  the  employment  was  something  else  than 
needlework.  In  the  opinion  of  most  persons  she  be 
came-  A  mortal,  th;;t  had  put  oft'  her  duds  ;  and  ex 
cept  in  o;les  or  dithyrambics,  we  hear  little  farther  of 
her  a.-,  a  clhir.iiy. 

The  p-reiicluu1  of  the  town  was  a  methodist  that  had 
been  a  horse  thief;  and  when  he  had  taken  his  text 
and  was  warning1  from  the  like  olience,  and  telling 
the  danger  of  it,  he  would  put  back  his  wig,  and  say 
you  see,  I  have  lost  my  ears  by  it. 

E"/-e  signum,  si.id  the  Latin  schoolmaster; 

S'jgnius  irritant  animos  dcrnissa  per  aurem, 

Quum  qua:  sunt  ocuiis  subjecUi  fidelibus. 

At  an  early  period,  the  ceremony  of  marriage  had 
bern  dispensed  with,  in  this  town,  as  is  the  case 
•where  i!;c-re  are  not  magistrates  or  priests  at  hand  to 
officiate,  and  make  the  legal  copula,  or  knot  of  mar 
riage.  Diana,  and  her  nymphs  ;  the  three  graces, 
and  the  nine  muses,  are  represented  as  not  marrying; 
at  all.  It  is  to  be  presumed,  that  it  is  owing  to  the 
surnc  cause,  the  absence  of  the  justice  of  the  peace, 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  127 

or  the  parson.     But  it  is  always  spoken  of  as  the  first 
step  towards  civilization,  the  coupling  in  marriage. 

i         Sancire  leges. 

Concubitu  prohibere  vago. 

The  Captain  being  elected  governor  of  the  new 
state,  paid  af.en.tion  in  the  first  instance,  to  this  mat 
ter  of  police,  and  directed  the  girdle  of  hymen,  to  be 
added  to  the  zone  of  Venus,  in  all  cases  where  it  had 
been  ytt  wanting.  The  settlement  in  a  new  country, 
is  in  some  respects  delightful  ;  the  country  in  its  vir 
gin  state  ;  before  the  underwood  is  browzed  upon, 
and  the  luxury  of  flowers,  and  shrubs  is  repressed  by 
the  beasts  of  burden,  or  the  labours  of  the  husband 
man.  It  has  seemed  to  me  that  the  streams  run 
clearer  in  a  new  country  than  the  old  ;  they  arc  cer 
tainly  more  abundant.  The  cultivation  of  the  soil 
uncovering;  the  vallies,  lets  in  the  rays  of  the  sun, 
which  d'ink  up  the  moisture,  and  open  fissures  in  the 
earth,  where  the  streamlets  sink  and  disappear.  Hence 
it  is  that  we  read  of  brooks,  ami  rivulets  in  the  classic 
and  long  cultivated  countries,  which  bubble  now,  only 
in  the  song  of  the  muses. 

"  Sunk  are  their  fountains,  and  their  channels  dry." 
The  natural  moss  on   the   margin  of  the  fountains 
arid  the  rivers  in  a  new  country,  are  greenerj  and  fur 
nish  a  more  romantic  seat, 

Saxo  sedilia  vivo, 

shadedljy  the  umbrage  of  the  forest  than  the  clover 
of  the  meadow  ;  or  the  artificial  bank  and  bowers  of 
the  garden  itself.  How  delightful  the  sma!l  parties 
that  are  made  upon  the  water  cf  the  livers  in  skiffs, 
or  canoes,  or  in  the  shades  of  the  forest,  and  near  a 
spring  head,  at  a  fete  champetre  or  barbecue,  where 
the  company  assemble,  nor  yet  divided  by  the  classi 
fications  of  wealth  or  pride.  I  do  not  wonder  that  the 
young  people  of  the  Isrutlitts  were  apt  to  be  seduced 


T28  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

to  sacrifice  "in  high  places,  on  hills,  and  under  every 
green  tree,"  even  though  prohibited,  inasmuch  as 
these  situations  were  so  delightful,  at  leai,t  in  the  sum 
mer  seasons. 

"  The  flowers  of  the  forest  are  a'  wed  away," 
in  the  old  school  ballad,  is  a  fine  expression  ;  for  the 
flowers  of  the  "  forest"  are  unquestionably  of  a  more 
lively  bloom,  and  finer  odour  than  those  of  a  garden  ; 
and  that  atmosphere  of  fragrance,  which  from  a  wil 
derness  of  verdure,  pours  upon  the  senses, overwhelms 
with  delight.  There  is  no  ague,  or  fever  here,  for 
the  exhalation  from  the  foliage,  is  aromatic  to  the 
smell.  The  gale  is  not  tainted  with  miasmata.  The 
air  is  abed  of  perfume  and  the  vapour  tastes  of  nectar 
and  ambrosia. 

Such  scenes,  and  such  air  must  be  salutary.  What 
ever  the  component  parts  or  qualities,  hydrogen-,  or 
oxygen  of  which  the  chynmts  speak,  certain  it  is  that 
the  air  breathed  from  plants  and  flowers  is  favourable 
to  health  and  longevity.  Inhaled  by  the  lungs  it  is 
restorative  to  the  tabesscent,  and  as  a  vapour  bath  to 
the  whole  body  is  salubrious.  A  ride  from  the  sea 
coast  to  an  ultramontane  settlement  in  the  spring  of 
the  year  is  resuscitation  to  an  almost  dead  constitu 
tion. 

Uut  it  would  seem  to  be  owing  to  other  causes 
than  mere  bodily  vigour  and  health,  that  the  inhabi 
tants  of  a  new  country,  appear  to  have  more  intellec' 
tual  vigour,  and  in  fact  more  understanding  in  the 
&ame  grade  of  education,  than  the  inhabitants  of  an 
old  settlement,  and  especially  of  towns  and  cities. 
The  mind  enlarges  with  the  horizon.  Place  a  man 
on  the  top  of  a  mountain,  or,  on  a  large  plain,  his  ideas 
partake  of  the  situation,  and  he  thinks  more  nobly 
u>.an  he  would  under  the  ceiling  of  a  room,  or  at  a 
sin c-.ll  country  seat. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  U§ 

It  may  be  that  the  change  of  situation  gives  * 
spring  to  the  mind,  and  that  the  intercourse  with  that 
variety  of  characters  which  emigrate,  increases  the 
stock  of  knowledge.  Whether  owing  to  these,  or  o- 
ther  causes,  it  unquestionably  appears  to  me,  that  the 
ultramontaneer,  is  in  general  the  superior  man,  in 
the  same  occupation,  and  pursuit  in  life.  This  would 
seem  to  hold  good  out  of  the  learned  professions 
•which  require  a  propinquity  to  the  libraries  of  Appol- 
lo,  as  well  as  the  seats  of  \he  muses  ;  but  we  have  in 
view  chiefly  that  natural  sagacity,  and  discernment 
of  spirit,  and  strength  of  mind  which  constitutes  men 
tal  superiority.  Perhaps  it  may  be  that  the  most  ac 
tive  spirits  are  those  that  emigrate  ;  or  that  people 
put  to  their  shifts  which  is  the  case  in  a  new  country, 
acquire  a  vigour  of  mind,  proportioned  to  the  exer 
cise. 

There  is  one  thing  observable  that  in  a  new  settle 
ment,  society  is  coveted,  because  it  is  scarce  ;  and 
mutual  wants  produce  reciprocal  accommodation. 
The  emigrants  coming  also,  from  different  quartets, 
and  hitherto  unknown  to  each  other,  do  not  bring 
with  them  latent,  or  professed  enmities ;  and  the 
mind,  ira,  amicitia,  vacuus,  is  open  wholly  for  new 
impressions.  Family  feuds,  of  an  old  standing,  or  of 
recent  inception,  do  not  exist.  The  absence  of  all 
chagrin  is  a  state  of  mind  more  easily  coveted  than 
explained,  either  as  to  its  sensations,  or  as  to  its  con 
sequences.  But  it  is  a  main  spring  of  happiness  in  a 
settlement,  that  the  improver  begins  upon  a  ntw  plan, 
and  upon  his  own  scale  ;  and  he  has  his  shades,  and 
his  avenues  at  once,  without  waiting  for  the  trees  to 
grow.  There  are  neither  ruins,  nor  vestiges  of  decay 
before  his  eyes,  but  a  young  country  receiving  young 
cultivation  ;  just  at  the  will  of  the  possessor,  without 
the  necessity  of  sacrificing  taste  to  what  had  been 


130 

begun,  and  half  finished.  Suffice  it  to  have  said  these 
things  to  the  encouragement  of  young  people  who 
may  not  be  well  provided  for  by  those  before  them, 
and  are  disposed  to  seek  their  fortunes  dependent  only 
on  themselves. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  131 


CHAPTER  lit 


THE  Captain  in  the  capacity  of  governor, 
began  to  turn  bis  thoughts  towards  government;  and 
considered  with  himself  what  had  been  the  means  of 
governing  men,  from  time  immemorial.  This  he 
found  might  be  comprehended  under  two  general 
heads,  fear  and  affection.  The  jiriest  is  an  adjunct  of 
fear,  because  he  holds  out  the  horror  of  what  is  to 
come,  or  is  invisible. 

What  the  origin  of  sacrifices  ?  The  true  religion 
ordained  them  being  of  mystical  type  and  ngnifica- 
tion  ;  the  false,  in  order  to  be  like  the  true,  and  also, 
because  not  having  tithes,  these  became  doubly  ne 
cessary  for  subsistence.  For  when  a  bullock  was  of- 
ftred  up  to  the  gods,  the  smell  went  to  them,  but  the 
taste  to  mortals.  It  was  not  that  any  thing  could  be 
got  out  of  viscera,  that  tripes  were  inspected  ;  but 
because  this  could  not  be  done  until  the  cow  was  kill 
ed;  and  in  that  case,  the  jiriest  got  a  bcij'-fiteak.  What 
contempt  would  one  entertain  of  the  Haniopiccs,  por 
ing  over  the  entrails  of  cattle,  in  order  to  ascertain 
the  events  of  futurity,  if  he  had  no  idea,  all  this  time 
that  it  led  to  a  barbecue. 

Having  discovered  this,  he  would  do  the  past  ages 
more  justice,  and  would  be  disposed  to  acknowledge, 


f32  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

that  men  were  not  just  such  fools,  heretofore,  as  he 
had  thought  them  to  be. 

But  what  the  origin  of  human  sacrifices?  That  has 
a  deeper  foundation.  It  was  not  that  the  Gentiles  de 
voured  them  ;  or  were  cannibals.  But,  it  was  a  state 
engine,  and  under  pretence  tnat  a  human  victim  was 
desired  by  the  gods,  some  individual  obnoxious  to  the 
government,  was  pointed  out  by  the  priest,  in  collu 
sion  with  the  officer,  and  made  the  holocaust.  We 
have  a  proof  of  this  from  the  poet  Virgil,  who  puts  a 
tale  into  the  mouth  of  Sinon,  viz  that  a  victim  being 
necessary  to  procure  a  favourable  wind  to  the  Greeks 
to  return  home,  Ulysses  having  a  grudge  on  an  old 
account,  gotCalchas  to  denounce  Pil  Garlick,  as  the 
one  the  gods  had  pitched  upon  ;  and  accordingly  be 
ing  marked  out  for  the  altar,  he  had  run  off.  In  the 
Foola  country,  according  to  Winterbottorn,  whom  we 
have  already  quoted,  the  bandoo  woman  is  made  use 
of  by  the  Purra,  to  single  out  the  culprit  that  is  to  go 
to  pot',  and  be  knocked  on  the  head.  In  the  South 
sea  islands,  it  is  the  usual  policy.  A  letter  from  a 
missionary  at  Otaheit,  tells  us  that  the  emperor  of 
that  island,  lately  dead,  had  offered  up  in  his  time, 
at  least,  two  thousand  human  persons.  These  were, 
doubtless,  such  as  had  been  in  opposition  to  the  ad 
ministration. 

Lettres  cle  catchet,  had  answered  this  end  in  France; 
the  inquisition  in  catholic  countries,  which  \vas  an  ec 
clesiastical  tribunal,  served  the  same  purpose. 

The  clergy  in  free  states,  are  useful  to  govern 
ment  ;  but  not  in  the  same  way.  It  is  by  inculcating 
obedience  as  a  divine  precept,  and  a  moral  duty.  This 
is  the  only  "  alliance  of  church  and  state,"  that  exists 
in  this  country.  Or  if  the  clergy  here  do  not  touch 
upon  politics  at  all,  yet  by  teaching  such  doctrines  as 
lead  men  to  virtue,  they  make  them  good  citizens. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  133 

Even  the  Oalvinist,  though  he  talks  of  nothing  but 
faith,  and  xfiiriti'.al  affections*  yet  produces  the  effect 
of  good  works.  So  that  in  fact  he  comes  to  the  same 
point  uith  the  Arniinian  v/ho  talks  chiefly  of  goc^i 
works. 

In  the  ancient  republics,  fouiKied  like  ours,  on  rca- 
ssn,  and  the  laws,  the  power  of  speech  was  the  great 
means  of  keeping  men  together.  Hence  the  orators 
of  the  popular  assemblies.  With  us  the  press  is  the 
great  pulley,  by  which  the  public  mind  is  hcisted  up, 
or  let  down  to  any  sentiment.  It  is  a  wonderful  block 
and  tackle,  so  to  speak,  on  board  the  state  ship.  It 
can  overthrow  a  good  administration,  and  for  a  while 
support  the  bad.  But  the  press  cannot  c::ist  but  by 
liberty.  Nevertheless  the  freedom  of  it  may  be  lost 
by  its  own  exertions.  The  intemperance,  and  indis 
cretion  of  the  journalist,  propels  to  popular  excesses, 
which  subdue  the  laws;  and  biing  despotism.  Sec 
the  French  revolution. 

These  were  the  reflection",  of  the  governor,  who 
thought  it  fortunate  that  a  press  hud  been  established 
in  his  government  as  a  vehicle  of  information,  but  was 
a  little  afraid  of  some  of  the  correspondents}  Harum 
Scarum  ;  Tom  the  Tinker  ;  Ckmncl  the  ballad  -linger  ; 
Will  Hallin,  and  others.  G*  Fin  th;  Irishman,  was  ;-n 
excellent  flail  man  ;  but  threshing-  grain,  antl  thresh 
ing  in  a  newspaper,  require,  if  noi  different  powers  of 
mind,  yet  at  least  different  cultivation.  He  wr.s  an 
honest  good  hearted  fellow  ;  but  as  on  a  barn  floor, 
an  unskilful,  or  cureless  person  will  bring  the  voluble 
end  of  the  jack-staff  about  his  own  head  ;  and  hurt ; 
so  it  is  with  a  politician  who  enters  the  list  with  a  view 
to  do  good  ;  but,  from  mistake  of  the  true  interest  of 
the  body  politic,  does  harm. 

Under  this  idea  of  the  effect  of  a  journal  to  guide, 
or  mislead  the  public  mind',  the  Governor  solicited  an 

PART  II.  VOL.  II.         •  M 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

\u'h  the  editor  of  the  "Twilight."     After 
such   iaucdiictory  compliments   and  observations  as 
may  be  presumed  on  the   occasion,  the  governor  in- 
teiuib'.y  drev/  him  (the  editor)  into  a  conversation  on 
the  subjer.i  of  the  press,  and  his  gazette  in  particular. 
Editor,  s.U'l   he,  you"   £ood   sense  I  know,  and  your 
patrioli'im  ;  but  I  am  afivtid  Oi"  your  beini;  a  little  too 
much    carried   away  \\iih  the  spirit,  of  the  limes,  oe- 
conoinius  ;  dissolution  of  courts,  disuse  of  codes  of 
Lt'.v,  and  invectives  a^ainbt  lawyers.   There  isavretli- 
uai  in  all  tilings    Tiiis  may  be  carried  too  far    Would 
you    not   think,   it  prudent  to    restrain  this  downhill 
speed  a  liitle.     As  to  attacks  upcn  the  administration, 
or  the  policy  of  measures  merely  executive,  or  even 
the  ronsiuu'.ioii-dity,  or  expediency  of  a  law,  I  should 
;  the  greatest  freedom  may  be  used  ;  or  the  pub 
lic   con-not    of  men   in   office    may   be    canvassed  ; 
h,  by  the  bye,  I  should  not  think  the  public  had 
any  interest  in  tluir  amours,  their  costume,  as  for  in 
stance   the  cut  of  their  pantalpolis,  or  the  colour  cf 
t:;eir  hrtechts  ;  or  peccadilloes,  even  in  the  breaches 
cu'.econnn.     Such  restriction  may  perhaps  be  laying 
tin  ur.chor  to  windward  in  my  o\vn  behalf,  i.-s  I  am  not 
the  m<    t  rxjot  cf  all  men  in  these  particulars.     Hut  I 
h  for  no  indulgence,  on  the  score  of  official 
,   let  them  be  the   bubj-.-ct  of  your   exaiv.inution, 
.icUux-s.      At  the  same  time,  tahiru;-  the  rule  of 
humanity  for  your  Riiicle,  rts  expressed  by  the  Poet. 
•  •  .  .    (.'.  s,'.  down  aught  in  malice." 

Hut  I  :u\u:it  e;:i'  ily  to  tuih   sentiments,  as  poison 
•;;jct  of  the  eiemcnury  principles  aiid  constitu- 
:         .    :.:!  i'.:K  prostration  of  tliose 
:nts  (  n  \,i  ;.-!i  the  security  ofjtroflfrty^  re- 
ahd  t.;7f  '/_/  iltj.cnjs. 

You   wi.'i   Ls:-ii;»n  us   typographi^ts  a  very  narrow 
.  i/.ad  t!:y  ctiitor  ;  and  you  will  strike 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  135 

away  from  \\si\\£  footstool  of  all  our  /io/in'ari'i>.  What 
is  t  to  the  macaronic,  whether  you  inquire  territory 
to  the  republic,  or  lose  it  ;  but  what  is  the  fashion  of 
your  boot,  or  the  cope  of  your  coat  ?  What  i->  it  to  a 
female,  whether  you  -wisely  sanction  a  remedial  act  by 
your  approbation,  or  negative  it  ?  I5ul  whether  you 
keep  a  mistress,  or  ever  had  one.  The  taste  of  cur 
subscribers  is  as  vai'ious,  as  their  faces,  and  \ve  must 
please  our  subscribers  Every  b-jdy  can  underbU;nd 
scurrility,  but  it  requires  one  to  hr.it  the  brow  to  lake 
up  a  report  on  the  finances.  Ai>  to  the  t:;ste  of  the  time, 
Y/e  must  fall  in  with  it,  if  we  mean  to  keep  on  the  po 
pular  side  of  the  quest  ion.  The  rage  is  now  oc'cor.o- 
raies,  and  down  with  the  lawyers.  Y.'e  cannot  avoid 
balking  in  a  little.  You  arc:  not  to  tyke  it  for  granted 
that  we  speak  cur  own  minds  in  <,  ;  you  ;:ee 

in  our  papc-rs  ;  no  more  tlu'.n  r.n  rdvn'ja'.-j  who  ir>  em 
ployed  on  the  wrojv*  tide  to  plead  :  it  1:;  v'/xU.i  to  fVdl 
to  liis  lot,  and  IT:  fiiids  l:!s  account  in  it. 

Cannot  you  fill  up  your  journal,  said  the  Governor, 
or  at  har.t  a  great  part  of  it,  with  es;s:iys  en  a^-.  iciii- 
ture  ;  experiiiqbitsin  chyrnistry,  matiiemaiicai  prob 
lems,  or  iovo  adventures,  years  c^o,  cr  r.t  a  rvc:;t 
distance  ?  Let  the  governors,  and  the  laws  alone, 
since  you  cannot  f-pcak  cf  them  just  according  to 
your  own  judgment. 

That  would  never  do,  said  the  editor.  Th<?  pub 
lic  would  not  take  half  the  interest  in  it.  Fii 
fault  is  a  secret  satisfaction,  and  the  source  of  great 
delight  to  the  human  mind.  Hence  slanders  in  soci 
ety.  Why  not  much  more  in  public  life  ?  When 
a  man  builds  a  cabin,  it  pleas?s  us  to  object  to  the 
plan,  or  something  done  about  it ;  much  more  when 
the  subject  of  our  remaik  is  of  a  l.igh  and  noble  na 
ture,  such  as  a  measure  of  the  ex 


136  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

The  fact  is,  a  newspaper  is  a  buttery,  r.r.cl  it  mist 
have  something  to  batter  ;,t.  Where  the  editor  is  a 
friend  to  the  executive,  or  the  legislative  part  of  the 
administration,  he  must  make  a  butt  ofihejutticiery. 
It  is  against  this  he  must  bring;  his  catapult,  or  bat 
tering  ram,  to  bear.  Fortunate  the  man  who  is  un- 
entrammelled  with  any  attachments,  or  restraints,  of 
aff'jction,  gratitude,  or  obligation  :  lie  has  the  whole 
before  him,  and  he  is  not  under  the  necessity  of  slack 
ening  his  efforts,  at  one  angle,  Jest  he  should  aft'ect 
another.  A  clear  field,  and  no  favour.  That  is  the 
province  of  the  printer.  An  advocate  seldom  finds  it 
bis  interest  to  be  retained  by  a  suitor  altogether.  And 
;\s  to  building  up  systems,  that  is  what  we  do  not  so 
v.'ell  understand.  We  leave  that  to  the  sages,  ami 
philosophers,  with  whom  we  are  naturally  at  war.  It 
is  not  our  fort  ;  every  man  has  his  faculty.  One  to 
Spin  a  rope  ;  another  to  pick  oakum. 

Yv'ell;  said  the  Governor,  you  must  take  your  owxi 
Vay.  I  had  no  idea  of  shackling  the  press,  but  only 
of  suggesting  such  hints,  as  might  conduce  to  its  crc- 
ciit,  and  the  good  of  the  commiar';  . 

I  do  not  know,  said  the  Governor  to  the  Cl.icf  Jus 
tice  ;  the  blind  lawyer  who  was  present  ;  the  editor 
now  withdrawn  ;  1  do  not  know,  said  he,  whether, 
notwithstanding  my  observations  to  the  printer,  some 
thing  might  not  be  done  in  settling  suns,  and  com 
posing  difiVrences  Li  matters  of  properly  without 
such  extensive  codes  of  jurisprudence  and  court  t  !•:;•!;, 
with  advocates,  and  endless  speech.es.  I  should  like 
to  hear  your  idea  on  this  subject,  Chief  Justice. 

•;ht  we  not  do  without  such  struggling  to  exist 
in  ether  respects,  said  the  Chief  Justice  ?  The  acre 
must  be  grubbed  ;  the  maize  planted  ;  the  sickle  is 
necessary..  Why  clothing  ?  at  least  why  tayiors. 
.Skins,  ov  a  pliacl  might  answer.  Why  houses  ?"  It 


MODERN  CHIVALUt.  13?' 

is  probable  that  mankind  had  tried  the  acorn  ;  the 
bear  skin  ;  the  cave,  or  the  hul  before  thess.  I'.Iust 
they  return  to  this  slate,  to  see  whether  they  CM  mot 
now  do  without  them  ? 

The  presumption  is,  that  before  laws,  men  had 
tried  what  it  was  to  dipanse  with  .hem.  Jury  triut 
would  not  seem  to  have  been  an  invention,  uli  at  once 
like  the  cotton  loom  by  Arkwright.  It  is  probable 
that  it  was  considered  an  improvement  upon  arbitra 
tions,  when  it  first  came  into  use.  But  it  would  not 
seem  to  have  been  adopted  all  at  once,  but  to  be  the 
result  of  successive  amendments.  In  fact,  it  is  no 
thing  bit'  a  mode  of  arbitration  by  the  -v/dnage,  uniting 
with  it  the  advantage  of  a  court  to  inform  as  to  r.;/u:C 
the  law  z's,  and  furnishing  an  executive  authority  to  car* 
ry  awards  into  effect,  and  execution. 

This  trial  is  of  immemorial  usage,  and  hid  in  deep 
antiquity.  If  we  had  its  history,  it  would  be  seen  that 
its  laws,  are  the  result  of  gradual  accession  ;  and 
these  added  from  an  experience  of  defect.  Just  as  in 
our  own  time,  and  in  these  states,  we  find  amend 
ments,  or  at  least,  changes  in  the  summoning,  return, 
itnpaimelingi  or  serving  of  juries, 

The  privilege  of  counsel  in  capital  cases;  as  to 
matters  of  fuel,  or  witnesses  on  oath,  is  but  a  Kite  ac 
quisition  in  England.  And  the  presumption  is,  that 
at  least,  as  to  the  privilege  of  counsel,  it  did  not  origi-*' 
nally  obtain  in  civil  cases.  Uut  that  the  prerogative 
of  the  crown  had  impeded  this  improvement  in  the 
criminal  laws,  so  that  it  did  not  keep  equal  pace  with 
that  in  the  civil.  Yet  with  us  it  begins  now  to  be 
thought  a  grievance  to  have  counsel  in  any  case.  It 
seems  to  be  a  wish  of  many  to  uy  a  system  of  judicial 
determination  without  it. 

What  would  b^  the  effect  of  the  experiment  of 
le  arbitration  ?  S;i:;l  the  Gc'-cn'nor. 


138  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

An  injury  to  credit,  said  the  Chief  Justice  ;  meii 
would  not  so  readily  give  trust,  knowing  that  the 
screw  of  the  law  was  relaxed,  and  they  could  not  so 
readily  recover  what  was  due  to  them  ;  of  course,  it 
would  reduce  contiacts  ;  and  bring  matters  to  the 
i  nr.uoiate  exchange  of  money,  and  commodities.—- 
In  the  third  place,  it  would  shake  the  security  of  pro 
perty,  real  ai'icl  personal  ;  ou  account  of  the  uncer 
tainly  of  holding-  it,  the  rules  of  evidence  being  render 
ed  uncertain  before  a  tribunal  having  no  rules  ;  and 
also  on  account  of  having  no  principles  of  contract 
f>r  use,  but  the  notions  of  right  and  wrong,  in  the 
breasts  of  the  auditors;  and  these  as  ch;  liveable  as 
the  di  fie  rent  sets  that  sit  upon  a  controversy. 

In  the  last  place,  it  would  check,  if  not  put  a  stop 
to  all  improvement.  A  great  object  of  the  social  com 
pact,  is  the  security  of  private  property  ;  the  ascer 
taining  and  protecting  the  men  in  and  tuum  ;  the 
mine,  and  thine  of  possession?.  With  sovereigns  the 
xv!  inia  ratio  return,  is  the  means  of  redress  in  case  of 
an  invasion.  Of  tfeSpasfc  with  individuals  in  a  slate  of 
society,  what  else  but  the  laws  ?  and  what  arc  laws 
without  tribunals  to- lay  down  and  enforce  them  r  tri 
bunals,  not  casual  and  temporary,  but  fi^e-d,.  and  mo 
ving  with  set  times,  and  the  regularity  of^fbck  work  ; 
tribunals  \vlio  have  rules  of  property  as  well  under- 
s'ood.  and  as  certain  in  their  applications,  as  the  laws 
of  gravitation)  or  magnetism.  W!  tn  the  Barons 
met  ut  Ihiuningmede,  did  they  complain  of  any  thing 
inoie  ih.ai  the  delay  of  justice.  Nulii  negabimus, 
iKiili  defere;nus  juaiiam,  is  a  provision  of  Magnci 
Chart '.u  Could  there  b'^  steady  justice,  otherwise 
than  by  a  proper  organization  ofccuvts  and  juries  ; 
1C.-.L  unlcbs  we  take  the  short  way  of  despotism,  and 
appoint  subordinates  with  a  prompt  power,  and  arbi 
trary  discretion.  Trial  by  jury  and  the  constituted. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  13<> 

courts,  had  been  in  use,  time  out  of  mind,  before  Mag- 
na  Charta,  and  more  than  eight  hundred  years  since, 
it  has  been  tolerated  ;  nay  prized,  and  the  constant 
subject  of  eulogy  ;  notwithstanding  what  I  consider 
as  that  which  might  be  the  subject  of  amendment,  the 
princi/ile  of  unanimity.  It  ought  not  rashly  to  be 
changed,  in  the  essential  law  of  its  nature,  that  it  shall 
be  annexed  to  a  court  where  men  sit,  who  are  learned 
in  the  usages,  and  customs,  or  written  lawa  of  the  socie* 
tii.  Human  wisdom  never  has  devised  an  equal  mode 
of  uniting  the  means  of  ascertaining  fact,  and  applying 
law.  It  is  the  life-giving  principle  in  this  regulation, 
that  the  jury  and  the  court  are  associated  in  the  trial, 
and  that  one  cannot  move  without  the  other.  As  to 
the  mode  of  bringing  forward  juries,  by  return  of  the 
sheriff;  by  a  special  jury,  selected  in  the  manner 
known,  or  by  election  of  the  country,  these  are  par 
ticulars  of  a  lesser  nature,  and  may  be  the  subject  of 
modification  from  time  to  time,  and  yet  the  vital  prin 
ciple  preserved.  But  the  moment,  the  tribunals  of 
fact  and  lav/  are  separated,  the  talismanic  charm  is 
gone  ;  that  which  was  never  understood  before,  v  ill 
then  be  felt. 

But,  said  the  Governor,  did  they  not  lay  aside  law 
judges,  and  attempt  the  system  of  mere  arbitrament 
in  France,  during  the  revolution  ? 

It  would  have  been  matter  of  wonder  if  they  had  not 
said  the  Chief  Justice.  When  the  cord  from  its  ex 
treme  tension  is  let  go,  it  vibrates  nearly  as  far  on  the 
other  side  of  the  circle  to  that  from  winch  it  had  been 
drawn.  What  could  you  expect  in  return  from  des 
potism  but  the  opposite  extreme  ?  In  the  state  of  the 
public  mind,  in  France,  what  was  there  to  arrest  at  a 
medium  ?  Was  it  natural  for  the  precipitancy  of  the 
national  will,  to  stop  short  of  the  utmost  latitude  ? 


i4-o  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

You  might  as  well  expect  the  btone  of  Sysiphus  down 
'hill,  of  itself,  to  stop  short,  at  a  proper  point. 

Of  what  account  was  it,  what  the  mode  of  settling 
disputes,  relative  to  property  in  France,  at  some  pe 
riods  of  the  f  evolution  ?  Proscriptions  brought  own 
ers,  and  possessors,  so  quickly  to  the  guillotine  ;  and 
conscriptions  took  them  so  hastily  to  the  cannons' 
mouth,  or  the  bayonet  point,  that  it  was  of  little  con 
sequence  what  the  tribunals  of  justice,  or  ol  litigation. 
But  had  they  the  trial  by  the  vicinage  there  to  lose  ? 
Or,  have  they  continued  to  do  even  without  judges  ? 
Bonaparte,  you  may  say,  has  given  them  courts.  If  ho 
had  let  them  alone,  thty  would  have  had  them  of  them 
selves,  unless  anarchy  had  continued,  or  some  other 
sovereignty  of  a  like  nature  had  taken  place. 

What  was  the  law  in  France  before  the  revolution  ? 
From  what  sources  drawn  ?  The  Roman  civil  laiv, 
Not  this  only,  but  usages,  customs,  and  written  laws 
of  a  general  or  local  nature,  deiived  from  their  Gallic 
ancestors;  or  from  the  Goths  of  Franconia  ;  from  the 
law  of  nature  ;  from  the  law  of  nations  ;  from  muni 
cipal  institutions,  and  a  thousand  sources  as  nume-- 
rous  as  the  springs  that  make  the  rivers  of  their 
country. 

Could  not  property  be  held  and  adjudged  without  a 
knowledge  of  all  these?  Said  the  Governor.  No  more 
than  you  cou'd  breathe  without  the  atmosphere,  unless 
another  atmosphere  be  given  you.  For  what  is  pro 
perly,  but  that  which  is  peculiarly  my  right  ?  And 
what  constitutes  it  rny  right,  but  the  laws  under  which 
it  was  acquired,  and  to  which  it  is  subject  ? 

Is  this  Roman  civil  law,  that  you  speak  of,  a  thing, 
of  much  extent  ?  Said  the  Governor. 

it  is  as  extensive,  said  the  Chief  Justice,  as  the 
common  law  with  us,  or  as  any  law  must  be,  that 
arises  out  of  the  concerns  of  a  great  community,  or  is 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  14! 

provided  for  it.  Romulus  made  regulations  ;  Numa 
institutions  ;  the  plebiscita,  or  resolutions  of  the  tri 
bunes,  and  the  commons  ;  Stratus  ccnsultn  ;  judicia 
pretoiis  ;  responsa  prudenium  ;  these  coniinued  in 
the  twelve  tables,  institutes,  pandects,  and  commen 
taries,  are  grounds" of  that  law,  which  on  the  decline 
and  fall  of  the  empire,  was  incorporated  by  the  bar 
barous  nations  on  their  codes,  as  they  became  civili 
zed,  and  ?n  agricultural,  and  commercial  ptople.  It 
is  the  experience  and  wisdom  of  ages  which  can  alcne 
provide  for  the  cases  of  difference  in  matters  of  claim 
or  right  amongst  a  people.  It  •will  require  the  appli 
cation  of  years  in  those  who  administer  these  laws,  to 
acquire  a  knowledge  of  the  rules  established  relative  to 
them,  and  which  rules,  by  the  change  of  property 
under  them,  have  become  as  much  the  right  of  the 
citizens  as  the  property  itself.  For  the  laws  of  pro- 
1-eity  go  with  it  ;  and  is  the  right  of  the  purchaser  ; 
and  as  much  a  part  of  his  estate,  as  the  charters  and 
documents  that  constitute  the  evidence  of  the  acqui 
sition.  A  bit  of  a  manual  or  collect  of  the  rules  of  a 
legislative  body,  will  fill  a  duodecimo  volume  ;  ar.rl 
yet  how  small  a  part  is  this  of  the  "law  of  parliament," 
which  embraces  privileges,  immunities,  lawsofelec- 
licn,  and  expulsion,  &c.  &.c.  &c.  And  in  the  code  of 
the  community,  there  are  a  thousand  chapters  of  law 
n ;ore  extensive  than  this,  and  equally  important  to 
be  known,  and  every  day  in  use  by  the  whole  of  the 
people.  So  that  the  disuse  of  lawyers,  judges,  and 
courts,  or  superseding  the  necessity  of  them  by  novel 
institutions,  is  what  will  be  found  impracticable  con 
sistent  with  government. 

Nevertheless,  said  Harum  Scarum,  who  had  just 
come  in,  and  heard  the  concluding  part  ol  what  the 
chief  justice  had  said,  Harum  Scarum,  whom  the  go 
vernor  had  just  appointed  secretary  :  Nevertheless, 


142  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

said  he,  so  it  is,  that  nolens  volens,  the  people  v>-i!i 
have  the  lawyers  anrl  the  judges  down.  They  inay 
let  the  chief  justice  alone  a  whih,  became  he  is  blind. 
There  is  a  generosity  in  men  that  leads  them  to  spare 
the  miserable.  Cut  as  to  lawyers  that  have  their  hands 
and  judges  that  cr.n  see,  down  they  ro  :  every  cVy 
lias  its  rtge  ;  ca  ir<i,  it  will  go  on.  The  Marseilles 
hymn  need -not  be  sung  to  this.  Marchez,  Marche?  ; 
Marchon,  Marchcn.  It  v/iil  march  of  itself,  quick 
step.  There  nesdsno  drum  beat,  or- fife  to  pl.'y.  So 
much  for  the  lawyers  ;  they  are  under  way,  and  down 
they  go. 

Every  day  has  its  trumpery  of  opinions,  and  pur- 
su'u-j  ;  (.bsti:i;>.c.k-:s,  and  predilections.  We  had  t!:-: 
age  of  swindlers  some  ti:ne  ago.  Every  man  t!.at  had 
a  mountain,  or  no  mutt'.-r  whether  he  had  one  or  nor, 
he  sold  the  top  first,  and  then  the  bottom.  For  though 
you  lawyers  say,  chief  justice,  that  CUJIH  estsoluvn, 
cjus  est  usqut  ?d  Coelum  ;  yet  we  have  no  such  max 
im  as  usque  ad  Tartarum,  and  so  Le  mij;ht  stll  the 
bottom,  and  by  the  bye,  represent  it  as  level,  ;,nd  weil 
watered,  which  he  could  not  always  say,  with  a  good 
conscience,  as  to  the  frustrum  of  the  cone,  whether 
the  paraboh,  or  the  hyperbola.  It  was  not  enougii 
for  the  swindler,  to  purchase  or  sell  land:;  that  were 
neither  in  the  moon,  or  ';  on  the  earth,  nor  in  the  wa 
ters  under  the  earth  ;"  IvU  he. must  fro  to  the  ring  of 
Jv.i'inn,  and  the  planet  Herschtl.  There  was  no  end 
to  deception  on  the  one  hand,  or  credulity  on  the 
oth;r. 

But  we  have  seen  this  age  pass  ov-r,  and  now  is 
the  age  of  occononics.  A  man  wears  spectacles,  or  a 
clout  on  hi 5  eye,  to  save  daylight  ;  his  shirt  above 
l.h  co  it  in  the  day  time,  and  sle<  ps  in  his  coat  at 
t,  to  save  his  shirt.  It  has  got  among  the  very 
Indians.  A  saclicra  i'tinu  with  his  back-side  bare,  to 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  H3 

save  his  breeches,  but  wastes  as  much  oil  on  his  pos 
teriors  lo  keep  them  from  muskitoes,  as  would  buy 
overalls,  cr  pantaloons,  to  hide  his  nakedness. 

Hariun  Scarum,  said  the  governor  you  are  an  ex 
travagant  fellow  in  your  painting;  you  exaggerate.  I 
expect  better  things  from  the  people,  than  s-.uch  de 
rangement  in  their  iotas  of  policy.  But,  in  the  mean 
time,  let  us  take  dinner. 


NOTE.  There  are  two  problems  in  politics, 
which  have  some  difficulty  in  the  solution.  The  one 
is  the  power  of  the  judiciary,  to  adjudge  a  law  void  on 
the  ground  ottmconetifutievatiig.  The  other  is  ihat 
\vl.ich  we  have  just  touched  upon  a  little,  in  the  pre 
ceding  chapters  ;  viz.  the  practicability  of  adjusting 
civil  controversies  by  arbitration. 

On  the  first  point,  we  find  a  precedent  in  the  go 
vernment  of  the  Athenian  people.  I  shall  quote  from  a 
translation  of  the  "travels  of  Anacharsisthe  younger." 

"  Amidst  that  multitude  of  decrees,  we  see  from 
time  to  time  enacted  with  the  sanction  of  the  Senate, 
and  the  people,  some  there  are  in  manifest  contr,.  dic 
tion  to  the  welfare  of  the  state,  and  which  it  is  impor 
tant  not  to  suffer  to  subsist.  But,  as  they  were  the 
acts  of  the  legislative  power,  it  should  seem  that  no 
authority,  no  tribunal  is  competent  to  annul  them. 
The  people  themselves  should  not  attempt  it,  lest  the 
.orators  who  have  already  taken  them  by  fin-prise, 
should  again  mislead  them.  What  resource  then 
shall  there  be  for  the  republic  ?  A  law  singular  indeed 
at  first  sight,  but  admirable  in  its  nature,  and  so  essen 
tial  as  to  reduce  it  impossible  either  to  suppress  or 


U4  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

neglect  it,  without  destroying  the  democracy  ;  I  mean 
the  law  that  authorizes  the  very  lowest  citizen  to  a/i- 
peal  from  a  judgment  of  the  whole  fico/tlc,  whenever  he 
is  able  to  demonstrate,  that  the  new  decree  is  contra 
ry  to  the  laws  already  established. 

In  these  circumstances,  it  is  the  invisible  sovereign, 
it  is  the  laws  which  loudly  protest  against  the  nation 
al  judgment  that  has  violated  them  ;  it  is  in  the  name 
of  the  laws  that  the  accusation  is  brought  forward  ;  it 
is  before  the  tribunal,  which  is  the  chief  depositary 
and  avenger  of  the  laws,  that  it  is  prosecuted  ;  and 
the  judges  by  setting  aside  the  decree,  only  pronounce 
that  the  authority  of  the  ficofilr  has  hafific n,°d  to  clash 
unintentionally  wic/i  that  of  the  laws  ;  or  rather  they 
maintain  the  ancient  and  permanent  decisions  of  the 
peofile  against  thdr  present  and  transient  inclinations. 

On  the  second  point,  I  meet  with  a  precedent,  in 
the  same  state,  the  Athenian,  and  I  quote  from  the 
same  book.  "  I  cannot  overlook  an  institution  which 
appears  to  me  highly  favourable  to  those,  who,  though 
they  ajifieal  to  the  laws,  wish  not  to  be  litigious.  Eve 
ry  year  forty  inferior  judges  go : the  circuit  through 
the  different  towns  of  Attica  hold  their  assizes  there, 
decide  on  certain  acts  of  violence,  and  terminate  all 
processes  for  smull  sums,  referring  more  contiderable 
causes  to  arbitration. 

These  arbitrators  are  all  persons  of  good  reputa 
tion,  and  about  60  years  of  age.  At  the  end  of  every 
year,  they  are  drawn  by  lot,  out  of  each  tribe,  to  the 
number  of  44. 

Persons  who  do  not  choose  to  expose  themselves 
to  the  delays  of  ordinary  justice,  to  deposit  a  sum  of 
money  previous  to  the  judgment,  or  to  pay  the  fine 
(damages)  decreed  against  the  plaintiff,  failing  in  his 
proofs,  may  confide  their  interest  to  one  or  more  arbi 
trators  nominated  by  themselves^  or  whom  the  Archon 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  its 

draws  by  lot  in  their  presence.  When  the  arbitra 
tors  are  of  their  own  choice,  they  take  an  oath  to  r,- 
bide  by  their  decision,  from  which  they  cannot,  ufifieal ; 
but  if  they  are  chosen  by  lot,  they  are  not  deprived  of 
th.it  resource  ;  and  the  arbitrators,  inclose  the  depo 
sitions  of  the  witnesses,  and  all  the  documents  of  the 
process,  into  a  box,  which  they  carefully  seal  up,  and 
transmit  them  to  the  Archon,  whose  duty  it  is  to  lay 
the  cause  bejure  one  of  the  higher  tribunals. 

If  the  Archon  has  referred  the  mutter  in  dispute  (o- 
arbitratorsdruv/n  by  lot,  at  the  request  only  of  one  par 
ty,  the  ailverse  party  has  the  right,  either  to  denAir 
against  the  competency  of  the  tribunals,  or  to  allege 
other  exceptions . 

Arbitrators  called  upon  to  decide  in  afil'.irs  where 
one  of  the  p-trues  are  their  friends  or  relations  might 
be  temp'.td  to  pronounce  a:i  iniquitous  judgment  :  in 
such  cases,  it  is  provided,  that  the  cause  may  be  remo 
ved  in/.ft  one  oj  th".  sujterior  cowls.  They  might  also 
permit  themselves  to  be  corrupted  by  presents,  or  be 
influenced  by  private  prejudices  :  in  v.  Lien  rase  the 
injured  party  has  a  right  ut  the  expiration  of  the  year 
to  prosecute  them  in  a  court  of  justice,  and  compel 
them  to  defend,  and  shew  the  reasons  of  their  award. 
The  fear  of  such  a  scrutiny  rm,--!it  likewise  induce 
them  to  elude  the  exercise  of  these  functions.  But  the 
law  has  provided  against  that  \w  Jixing  a  Htigma  an  c- 
•very  arbitrator  who  whai  drawn  by  let,  refuses  to  per 
form  hi  a  dull!. 

The  idea  of  an  action  against  an  arbitrator  for  a 
wrong  judgment,  involves  this,  that  the  court  above 
must  judge  of  his  judgment.  The  jury  trial  had  rot 
got  quit  of  this  under  the  shape  of  an  attaint  umii  the 
granting  new  trials  took  place.  It  proves  lhat  arbitra 
tion  has  been  brought  to  perfection  in  the  present 
state  of  trial  by  jury,  in  the  fir  came  e,  and  under  the  di- 
rection  of  the  court, 

PAKT   ii.  VOL.  II.  If 


US      MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


CHAPTER  IV. 


A  XOISE  was  heard  coming  down  the  town, 
and  a  cavalcade  accompanying.  It  was  Clonmel  the 
ballad  singer  followed  by  the  piper,  and  the  blind 
fidlc-r  ;  the  one  with  his  bag-pipes  ;  the  other  with 
his  violin.  Will  Uratlin  was  along  and  had  a  bottle 
in  his  hand  ;  Tom  the  Tinker,  O'Fin  the  Irishman, 
the  Lutin  school  master,  and  a  number  others.  The 
song  sung  was  as  follows  : 

COME  gather  away  to  the  new  town, 
There's  nothing  but  lilting  here, 

And  piping  and  singing  antl  dancing, 
Throughout  every  day  of  the  year. 

No  maid  that  conies  here  but  gets  married, 
Before  she  is  here  half  an  hour  ; 

The  brown,  the  black,  or  the  hair  red, 
To  live  single  is  not  in  her  power. 

ather  away,  ifc 


We  get  OXH"  provisions  for  nothing  ; 
Just  knock  down  a  wolf  or  a  bear, 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  14.; 

The  wear  and  the  tear  of  our  clothing, 
A  dressv'd  s!Hn,  or  just  in  the  hair. 

No  trouble,  no  bubble,  no  sweating, 
Like  people  that  live  in  the  smoke, 

We  catch  the  fresh  fish  with  a  netting, 
And  roast  them  just  under  the  oak. 

Come  gat hcr^  &c. 

Our  governor  is  a  fine  fellow, 
Chief  justice  as  blind  as  a  bat ; 

The  governor  sometimes  gels  mellow, 
And  blinks  himself  like  a  cat. 

No  lawyers  are  here  but  a  couple, 
Just  enough  to  keep  up  the  breed, 

The  word  of  their  mouth  is  a  bubble. 
And  not  worth  a  copper  indeed. 

Come  gather,  &c. 

We  have  a  fine  printer  a  de  ii, 
To  whack  at  their  fees  and  the  court, 

Becuuse  that  the  rascals  can  give  ill 
Opinions  that  do  us  much  hurt. 

Good  fortune,  we  have  little  money, 
To  quarrel,  and  law  suit  about ; 

So  turn  up  the  bottle,  dear  honey, 
But  see  that  you  dont  drink  it  cut. 

Cone  gat  her  i  &c. 


148  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

The  ah*  of  this  country  is  clearer, 
The  water  i.-»  clearer  by  fur, 

The  words  of  our  wooing  are  dearer, 
Such  words  as  a  body  Can  spare  ; 

When  we  smother  tl:e  muicls  with  our  kisses, 
And  they  smctiier  us  hi  ihurturn  ;  *. 

I  swear  by  St.  Patrick  ih.it  this  is, 
The  best  country  that  ever  was  horn. 

gather,  &c. 


The  lads  they  go  out  a  racoonh/g, 
Or  take  at  a  squirrel,  a  shot, 

If  they  knock  down  a  fowl,  they  arc  scon  in, 
To  shew  what  a  fowl  they  have  got. 

Great  shame  to  the  Paddks  below  tUura, 
That  live  i:»  the  country  belo\r, 

Lie  snoring,  and  sleeping  on  bolsters  ; 
And  lounging  one  cannot  tell  how. 

C'jinc  gather,  &c. 

Up  to  the  mountains  bog-trotters  ; 
Our  shamrocks  are  fresh,  and  are  greeir. 

Set  traps  for  your  beavers  and  otters, 
And  musk-rats  the  best  ever  seen. 

Though  I  am  too  lazy  to  rough  it, 
And  go  to  the  waters  with  you, 

Because  I  have  had  just  enough  'fit  j 
Don't  like  to  be  rich  as  a  Jew. 

(  'ome  gather,  \?c. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY,  149 

O,  what  is  life  but  a  blister, 
Put  on  we  cannot  tell  where  ; 

And  sorrow  herself  is  a  sister, 
To  thinking,  and  much  taking  care. 

So  let  us  be  jovial,  and  jolly, 
And  make  out  as  well  as  we  can  ; 

Who  knows  whether  wisdom  or  fully, 
"Makes  the  better  or  the  happier  man. 

Come  gather,  &c. 

The  drone  of  the  piper  ;  the  screeching  of  the  vicH 
lin,  and  the  voices  of  the  multitude,  made  such  a  noise 
that  one  would  have  thought  they  were  in  Dublin  ; 
and  had  it  not  been  that  Harum  Scarum  looking  out 
saw  what  it  was,  the  Governor  would  have  thought 
of  issuing  his  proclamation  to  keep  the  peace  ;  but 
the  cause  being  understood  there  was  found  to  be  r.o 
necessity,  and  the  secretary  with  the  leave  of  the  Go 
vernor  took  a  turn  with  them.  The  editor  of  the 
journal  seeing  this  came  out.  The  two  lawyers  filed 
in,  a  pedlar,  and  the  bog-trotter.  Bting'all  together, 
a  new  song  was  struck  up,  and  the  whole  joined  ia 
the  chorus. 

WHO  says  we're  not  of  all  trades, 
And  some  they  call  professions  ; 

Who  wear  their  wigs  or  bald  heads. 
Scotch,  English,  Irish,  Hessians  ? 

The  lawyer  and  the  journal, 
Though  of  a  different  callir,;;, 

And  long,  so  like  to  turn  iJ!j 
To  tails  with  caterwaulin. 


1.50  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

Yet  here  they  join  in  melody, 
Walk  hand  in  hand  before  us. 

And  they  may  go  to  hell  the  day, 
They  spoil  the  general  chorus. 

The  bat  has  but  its  living, 
No  more  than  has  the  cat. 

The  carter  with  his  driving, 
'Tis  all  he  can  get  at. 

The  Tinker  lives  by  blowing, 
His  bellows  in  the  fire  ; 

The  Lawyer  lives-  by  throwing, 
His  snout  a  little  hightr. 

The  Pedlar  goes  the  circuit, 
And  carries  his  small  pack, 

The  judge  has  harder  work  o't, 
Impeachments  on  his  back. 

So  let  us  all  be  liberal, 
Let  one  another  live 

Dick,  Harry,  Tom,  and  Gabriel, 
Which  ever  way  they  drive. 

The  Fidler  and  the  Piper, 
The  flute  and  fife  agree. 

The  boatman  or  the  skippeiv 
'Tis  all  the  same  to  me. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  hsi 

O'Fin  come  taste  the  jorum. 
And  Harum  Scarum  pledge, 

And  Horum  Harum  Horum, 
Will  take  it  next  I  'ngage. 

Here's  to  the  world  of  worthiesy 
That  love  a  merry  song  ; 

Let  all  your  topsy  turvies, 
Now  drink  and  hold  your  tongue. 


152  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


OBSERVATIONS. 

I  HAVE  spoken  of  Thomas  Paine  as  an  un 
common,  but  uninformed  man.  The  felicity  of  his 
stile,  and  the  magic  of  his  wit,  is  irresistible.  But 
thinking  all  and  reading  little,  at  least,  before  the  wri* 
tings  he  has  published,  his  ideas  are  unborrowed  ;  but 
he  thinks  them  sole,  whereas  the  human  mind  had  pro 
duced  them  all  before.  The  same  thoughts  on  reli 
gion  or  government  have  never  been  expressed  with 
the  like  illusion  ;  but  they  have  existed  in  the  doubts 
of  the  unbeliever  ;  and  the  theories  of  political  re 
formers,  before  his  time.  This  philanthropist ;  for 
his  vote  on  the  sentence  of  Louis  XVI.  proves  him 
to  be  such,  had  not  sufficiently  considered  man's  na 
ture,  and  the  consequence  of  a  deracination  of  estab 
lishments,  before  he  began  to  write  his  books.  It  is 
easier  to  desu-oy  than  to  substitute.  The  French  re- 
voliuion,  I  presume,  may  have  shewn  him  the  diffi 
culty  of  arresting  the  hit-man  mind  at  a  firojier  jioint. 
A  book  of  anecdotes,  and  remarks  illustrative  of  this, 
with  the  opportunities  he  has  hud,  the  discernment  he 
possesses,  with  the  originality  of  his  expression,  would 
have  been  a  valuable  work.  I  could  wish  him  to  have 
done  this,  and  left  the  priests  to  themselves,  who 
have  trouble  enough  on  their  heads  with  the  devil  un 
assisted  by  Thomas  Paine.  He  had  no  occasion  to- 
teil  philosophersj  that  the  discoveries  in  astronomy 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  153 

V3;re  not  favourable  to  some  of  the  dogmata  of  our  the* 
ology  ;  for  it  was  the  source  of  melancholy  reflection 
with  themselves  ;  and  as  to  the  bulk  of  believers,  that 
have  got  over  it,  or  never  got  into  it,  it  is  of  no  use  ; 
on  the  contrary,  a  greut injury.  For  even  supposing 
the  rep.'es'jntations  of  our  theologists  to  be  an  illusion, 
•why  dissipate  the  vision  ?  Does  it  not  constitute  a 
great  portion  ot'our  happiness  ?  Are  those  men  suppo 
se- 1  to  have  done  nothing  for  the  world  who  have  raised 
fJmeksof  this  kind  to  the  imagination  even  uf ion  false 
g:-j:n.i-i  ?  Has  it  not  contributed  at  least  to  amuse  in 
this  lift;  ?  It  is  an  opiate,  under  pain,  and  eases  the 
mind  without  affecting  the  n-Tves.  But  I  know  what 
occurs  upon  this.  It  is,  that  it  is  not  taking  away 
the  opiate,  but  changing  it.  But  is  there  no  difficul 
ty  in  believing  any  thing,  after  you  have  begun  to 
doubt  at  all.  It  is  as  easy  to  believe  that  all  things  ai- 
I'j.t  :'.v  wt'jY,  a?  that  they  began  to  be.  So  that  if  you 
lay  aside  revelation,  there  is  an  end  ot  the  chapter.— 
When  Plato  read  his  dialogue  on  the  immortality  of 
the  soul,  all  his  school  rose  up,  save  Aristotle.  I  pre 
sume  the  logical  mind  of  the  youth  thought  the  rea* 
sonitig  unsatisfactory. 

On  the  subject  of  occonomies,  I  have  touched  on 
the  administration  of  the  general  government,  with 
what  might  seem  a  fling  at  the  executive  in  the  case 
of  the  reduction  of  the  navy,  &.c.  It  was  currente  ca- 
lamo,  and  more  in  a  vein  of  pleasantry  than  certain, 
and  correct  stricture.  For  I  am  aware  of  the  incapa 
city  and  consequent  presumption,  of  an  individual  not 
master  of  reasons  and  circumstances,  to  undertake  to 
judge  of  public  measures,  on  a  great  scale.  It  is  not 
from  between  decks  in  a  vessel,  that  we  expect  to 
hear  directions  to  take  in  sail,  to  give  more  sail,  or  to 
steer  upon  a  wind  ;  but  from  an  officer  on  deck  who 
has  an  opportunity  of  judging  of  the  way  which  the 


154  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

vessel  has,  and  what  sail  she  carries.  Carping  at 
public  measures  which  we  do  not  understand  is  not 
the  part  of  a  good  citizen  ;  at  the  same  time,  unless 
there  is  a  perfect  freedom  of  thought  in  a  government 
founded  on  opinion,  those  that  cliiect  the  helm,  will 
be  at  a  loss  to  know  the  impressions  which  public 
measures  give,  and  mistake  silence  for  approbation  — 
Hence  oftentimes,  a  deceitful  calm,  which  is  suc 
ceed  d  by  a  squall,  as  sudden  as  it  is  destructive.  I 
confess  I  was  one  of  those  who  instead  of  diminishing 
our  navy,  was  for  augmenting  it.  But  this  was  but 
the  idea  of  an  individual,  far  from  the  seat  of  govern 
ment,  and  still  farther  from  an  opportunity  of  forming' 
a  just  estimate  of  the  policy  of  public  measures. 


IT  may  be  discovered  from  some  things  thrown 
out  in  the  course  of  this  work,  that  I  am  apprehensive 
of  giving  offence,  and  the  reader  may  wonder  why  I 
should  have  such  apprehensions.  It  is  because  I  have 
offended  oftentimes,  when  I  had  no  intention  of  offend 
ing;  and  when  I  could  not,  even  afterwards,  conceive 
how  the  offence  could  be  taken.  In  early  life,  admir 
ing  the  beauty  and  manners  of  a  young  girl,  I 
made  a  few  verses,  and  presented  to  her.  After  hav 
ing  read  them,  she  returned  them  to  me,  with  visible 
anger  and  emotion  ;  and  said  she  did  not  know  what 
she  could  have  done  to  have  deserved  such  treatment 
at  my  hands. 

Being  unfortunate  in  poetry*  my  next  billetdoux, 
some  years  after,  to  a  young  lady  was  in  prose.  But 
the  consequence  was  the  same.  It  produced  resent 
ment.  I  could  no  more  divine  at  the  time,  what  ir. 
was  that  displeased,  than  I  could  conjure  xip  a  sphit 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  155 

from  "  the  deep."  I  disdained  to  enquire  into  the 
cause  ;  for  In  turn  I  was  offended.  But  reflecting 
since,  on  the  nature  of  the  human  mind,  I  resolve  it 
into  this,  that  I  hid  attempted  tvit  luiih  my  compliments, 
'which  was  mistaken  for  ridicule. 

There  have  been  occasions  when  I  had  in  view  to 
try  whether  I  had  wit.  but  meant  nothing  more  than  a 
little  pleasantry,  and  to  tickle  with  a  feather,  and  yet 
have  hurt  the  feelings  of  the  mind  much.  When  at 
the  academy,  I  wrote  an  epigram  upon  a  classmate 
whom  I  much  respected,  and  had  no  conception  that 
it  would  have  been  more  than  the  subject  of  a  laugh  to 
himself  as  well  as  others,  but  he  ran  almost  mad,  and 
I  ran  off.  It  was  a  fortnight,  before  the  matter  could 
be  set  right,  and  I  could  return  again.  A  like  case 
happened  to  me  some  years  since.  The  publisher  of 
a  gazette,  applied  to  me  relative  to  the  publication  of 
certain  strictures  on  a  public  character,  to  have  my 
opinion  as  to  their  being  libellous.  I  told  him  they 
might  not  amount,  in  strictness  to  a  libel  ;  but  came 
rather  under  the  idea  of  scurrility.  B&t,  to  satisfy  his 
correspondents,  who  might  think  themselves  neglect 
ed,  if  no  notice  was  taken  of  what  they  had  sent  for 
ward,  I  would  throw  the  substance  of  them  into  a 
light  airy  dress  of  playfulness,  and  fancy,  so  as  not  to 
wound  the  man,  who  was  my  friend,  but  make  it  dif 
ficult  to  say  whether  the  laugh  was  most  at  his  ex- 
pence,  or  that  of  others.  But  contrary  to  my  expec 
tation,  it  hurt  much,  and  occasioned  an  assault  and 
battery  on  a  journalist  who  had  copied  it  into  his  pa 
per. 

It  cannot  be  the  poignancy  of  any  share  of  what 
may  be  called  wit  that  I  possess,  if  any  faculty  that  I 
have  may  be  so  called  ;  but  it  must  be  some  peculia 
rity  in  the  expression,  of  the  effect  of  which,  1  am  not 
myself  sensible.  I  have  not  felt  that  I  am  apt  to  hurt 


.56  MODERN    CHIVALRY. 

in  conversation,  or  that  my  words  are  liable  to  be  mis 
construed,  and  a  meaning  drawn  from  them,  which 
was  not  intended.  Yet  certainly  the  same  shape  of 
thought,  and  turn  of  expression,  must  shew  itself  in 
common  parlance.  1  can  account  for  the  difference  on 
no  other  principle  but  this,  that  an  appearance  of  good 
humour  may  rebut  the  suspicion  of  malevolence, 
which  might  otherwise  attach  itself  to  the  allusion, 

When  I  had  written,  and  even  printtd  oil  the  first 
volume  of  this  second  part,  which  was  in  the  course  of 
last  summer,  looking  over  it,  at  some  distance  of 
time,  I  concluded  to  burn  the  impression.  But  not 
being  near  a  fire,  it  escaped  ;  and  in  the  ri.ean  time,  I 
began  to  consider,  that  it  was  payius;  but  a  bad  com 
pliment  to  the  understanding  of  a  democratic  pccple, 
who  are  in  the  habit  of  freedom  of  speech,  among 
themselves,  and  allow  great  liberties,  not  to  say  li 
centiousness  to  the  press,  to  suspect  them  of  being  ±o 
intolerant,  and  so  ready  to  lake  ofi'encc,  when  it 
jv.iu  not  meant.  Hence  it  was  that  I  have  taken  cou 
rage  to  write 'fc^  and  thought  that  if  it  did  give  of 
fence,  I  might  as  well  be  hanged  for  an  old  sheep  as  a 
lamb.  The  truth  is,  I  had  not  written  myself  cut; 
but,  many  more  ideas  springing  up  in  my  bruin,  #i:d 
crowding  together  in  a  narrow  crmpcs.;,  Milled 
egress,  and  demanded  to  see  the  light.  But  some  of 
the  more  forward  of  them  I  have  actually  knocked  en 
the  head,  having  reason  to  believe  that  tj;ty  might  do 
more  harm  than  good  at  U,e  present  time.  1  thought 
a  pity  of  several  of  them,  ior  they  struggled  hard  to 
Inc.  But,  dearies,  said  I,  you  must  go.  It  is  bitter 
you  should  die  than  your  father.  So  they  went,  pcor 
things,  to  house  themselves  v/ith  the  ihitintile  images 
that  i-.re  i  card  only  by  their  plaints  in  the  entrance  of 
the  house  of  night. 

Vagitus  et  ingens, 

Infantumque  animae  fientes  in  limine  prime- 


MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


CHAPTER  V. 


THE  Lay  Preacher  having  been  pronounced 
by  the  faculty,  sui  compos,  and  come  to  his  reason, 
hid  been  dismissed  from  the  hospital,  and  had  come 
to  the  new  settlement.  This  was  now  a  kind  of  Botany 
Bay,  to  the  old  country,  with  this  difference,  that  here 
the  outcasts  came  voluntarily,  but  there  offeree.  The 
Governor  received  the  Lay  Preacher  with  courtesy, 
and  made  him  his  chaplain.  The  Sunday  following 
he  preached  to  a  numerous  congregation,  in  a  chapel 
in  the  woods.  His  discourse  was  taken  down  in  short 
hand,  by  the  editor  of  the  "  Twilight,"  and  has  sp- 
peared  in  his  paper.  As  it  would  seem  worth  pre 
serving,  we  have  copied  it  from  them,  and  given  it  m 
this  work. 


THE   SERMON. 

S/tadrach,  Meshach,  and  Abed-ncgo  :  Dan.  iii.  12". 

These  are  the  Hebrew  names  for  Tom,  Dick,  and 
Harry,  and  applicable  to  this  settlement,  which  is  a 
colluvies  of  all  nations  :  Mac's,  O's,  and  Ap's  ;  Erse, 
Irish,  and  Welsh.  But,  as  in  a  garden,  a  variety  of 

PART  II.  VOL.  II.  O 


iJ3-  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 


seeds,  and  plants,  is  desirable,  so  in  a  settlement, 
•where  the  human  species  is  about  to  be  cultivated,  and 
this  not  only  for  the  sake  of  what  pleases  the  fancy, 
but  what  is  useful  for  the  kitchen,  or  for  medicine.  So 
let  no  uncharitableness  prevail  among  you,  and  one 
cast  up  to  the  other,  their  origin,  former  occupation, 
or  character.  I  presume  there  would  be  but  little  to 
gain  or  lose  on  a  fair  balance,  and  set  off,  as  the  law 
yers  say,  among  you.  But  it  is  best  to  consider  all 
accounts  squared,  ami  set  out  in  a  new  partnership. 

It  falls  to  the  lot  of  my  function  to  see  what  good 
advice  I  can  give,  for  it  is  by  admonition  only  that  I 
can  serve  the  commonwealth.  I  shall  leave  spiritual 
thirgs  to  my  brother,  the  Methodist,  who  is  as  busy- 
as- a  bee  in  a  tar  barrel  yonder,  raising  the  affections, 
and  disturbing  the  imagination.  I  shall  content  my 
self  with  some  things  merely  temporal. 

The  sin  that  most  easily  bestt.s  a  new  settler,  is 
laziness,  or  to  give  it  a  more  civil  term,  indattnce. 
He  gets  the  means  of  life  easily.  He  sets  a  trap  over 
night  ;  or,  he  goes  out  with  his  gun  in  the  morning, 
and  kills  game.  The  fits!)  staves  for  food,  and  tl.e 
skin  for  covering.  The  soil  is  fertile,  and  yields,  &omc 
thirty,  some  forty,  some  sixty,  and  some  an  hr.ndred 
ibid.  T^.is  just  by  a  little  stirring  of  the  hoe.  For 
you  must  know  that  I  myself  have  been  brought  up 
in  a  new  settlement,  and  know  the  history  of  such. 
Though  that  settlement,  In  which  I  was  brought  up 
is  now  an  hundred  miles  below  us,  not  by  the  sinking- 
cf  the  earth,  but  by  the  frontier  pushing  back,  and 
settling  beyond  it.  Indolence,  I  know,  is  a  vice  of 
that  situation.  Fornccessity  is  the  mother  of  inven 
tion,  and  impels  t$Tabour. 

"  Duiis  in  rebus,  urgens  egestas." 
Said  the  Latin  schoolmaster  ; 

"  Improbus  labor  omnia  \inciC' 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  is'J 

Drive  out  that  fellow  there,  said  the  sexton.  lie 
disturbs  the  congregation. 

The  Preacher  proceeded. 

Now  if  a  man  can  live  without  working, *he  vi  i 
work.  The  cattle  of  a  settler  browz.es  in  the  woods  : 
and  subsists  even  in  the  winter,  without  other  shelter, 
or  food,  than  the  under  wood,  and  such  shrubbery  as 
covers  the  head  of  a  valley,  where  the  soil  is  dry,  and 
the  spring  rises.  The  wilderness  obstructs  the  course 
of  the  winter  winds,  and  the  cabin  is  warm  on  the 
south  side  of  the  hill.  Hence  the  temptation  to  indo 
lence. 

But  there  is  a  worse  sin  that  easily  besets  the  set 
tler  in  a  new  country;  these  especially  that  settle 
in  a  town,  where  there  is  usually  a  tavern,  a  store  and 
a  race  ground  for  the  horse  jockies.  This  sin,  or  vice 
is,  intemperance.  Horse  jockeying,  shooting  matches, 
and  all  elections,  are  an  inlet  to  this.  Shew  me  a  man 
that  frequents  the  county  town,  much,  and  I  will  shew 
you  one  that  is  in  the  way  to  contract  a  habit  of  intox 
ication.  The  little  peltry  he  may  have  got  to  buy 
himself  a  hunting  shirt  or  a  little  tea,  and  sugar,  for 
his  family,  goes  into  the  whiskey  bottle. 

Now  to  the  application,  said  Harum  Scarr.ni,  this 
vill  do  for  the  body  of  the  sermon. 

As  to  application,  said  the  Preacher,  I  will  leave 
that  to  every  rnan  to  make  for  himself.  You  can  all 
apply  the  doctrine  as  well  as  I  can, 

"  Non  omnia  possumus  omnes." 
Said  the  Lutinist. 

Will  not  that  fellow  be  quiet  yet  ?  Said  the  Sexton., 
drive  him  out. 

By  the  bye  he  was  out  alreac^PJpfor  the  voccls  was 
all  the  chapel  that  they  had  ;  and  a  rising  Around 
for  the  pulpit ;  but  the  Sexton  meant  to  remove  him 


i60  MODERN  CHIVALRY, 

from  the  circle  ;  and  it  was  so  understood  ;  for  they 
pushed  him  back  to  some  distance. 

The  Governor  reprimanded  Harum  Scarum,  for 
his  interruption  also  ;  for  though  this  could  be  consi 
dered  but  as  a  substitute  for  preaching,  until  a  regu 
lar  clergyman  came  forward,  yet,  in  the  mean  time, 
the  rules  of  propriety  ought  to  be  obsenecl,  and  in 
terruption  or  desultory  dialogue  was  improper 

Harum  Scarum  asked  pardon,  but  wished  the 
preacher  would  stick  a  little  more  to  his  text,  and 
illustrate  the  words  "  Shadrach,  Meshach,  and  Abed- 
nego." 

The  Preacher  said  he  had  clone  that  already,  and 
would  not  return  to  it  ;  but,  as  the  usual  "lime  had 
elapsed,  he  would  now  finish  his  discourse. 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  161 


CONCLUSION. 

COMPARING  great  things  with  small  we 
iiave  written  this  book  in  the  manner  of  certain  of  the 
ancients;  that  is,  with  &  dramatic  text.  The  book  of 
Job,  is  amongst  the  earliest  of  all  compositions,  and 
after  an  introduction  containing  the  history  of  his  mis 
fortunes,  and  malady,  introduces  the  speakers  in  three 
different  characters,  and  names,  each  sustaining  his 
opinion  ;  and  giving  the  author  an  opportunity  to  can 
vass  the  subject  he  had  in  view,  the  ways  of  Provi 
dence,  and  to  give  lessons  of  humility  and  resigna 
tion  to  man. 

The  Socratic  school,  and  amongst  these,  have  dis 
tinguished  themselves  chiefly,  Plato  in  his  dialogues, 
and  Zenophon,  in  his  Symposium,  or  Banquet. 

It  has  been  followed  by  the  Romans  ;  of  whom 
Cicero  in  his  book  treating  of  the  qualifications  of  an 
orator,  or,  as  we  commonly  stile  it,  de  oratore,  is 
the  happiest  instance. 

Sir  Thomas  More  introduces  his  Utopia,  in  this 
manner,  But  the  most  complete  model  of  such  struc 
ture  of  writing,  is  a  posthumous  work  of  David  Hume, 
his  "  Religion  of  Nature." 

The  vehicle  which  I  have  clrofPh  of  supposed  tra 
vels,  and  conversations,  affords  great  scope,  and 
much  freedom,  and  furnishes  an  opportunity  to  enli 
ven  with  incident.  Doubtless  it  is  of  the  same  nature, 


'162  MODERN  CHIVALRY. 

with  many  things  in  the  novel  way,  written  by  philo 
sophic  men,  who  chose  that  form  of  writing,  for  the 
purpose  merely  of  conveying  sentiments,  which  in  a 
didactic  work,  under  the  head  of  tract  or  dissertation, 
could  not  so  easily  gain  attention,  or  procure  readers. 

But  the  characters  which  we  have  introduced,  are 
many  of  them  lo\v.  That  gives  the  greater  relief  to 
Ihe  mind. 

The  eye  withdraws  itself,  to  rest, 
Upon  the  green  of  folly's  breast. 

Shakespeare  has  his  Bardolph,  Nymn,  and  Pis 
tol,  and  the  dialogue  of  these  is  a  relief  to  the  drama 
of  the  principal  personages.  It  is  so  in  nature  ;  and 
why  should  it  not  be  so  represented  in  the  images  of 
her  works.  We  have  the  sage  and  the  fool,  inter 
spersed  in  society,  and  the  fool  gives  occasion  for  the 
wise  man  to  make  his  reflections.  So  in  our  book. 

In  the  beginning  of  the  work,  will  be  seen."  En 
tered  according  to  aft  of  Congress."  How  far  this 
might  legally  exclude  extracts  from  the  work,  it  is 
not  necessary  to  consider,  as  the  author  gives  per 
mission  to  all  Journalists  to  extract  what  they  think 
proper  ;  and  even  essayists  who  write  a  book,  are  at 
liberty,  to  copy  with  all  freedom,  if  they  should  find 
themselves  at  their  shifts,  or,  as  we  say,  a  dead  lift, 
for  something  to  diversify  their  lucubrations.  In  this 
case,  if  the  book  itself  should  leave  home  but  little, 
it  will  be  known  abroad  by  the  quotations  ;  and  the 
chances  will  be  multiplied  of  coming  down  to  poste 
rity,  at  least  as  to  the  title,  and  perhaps  something  of 
the  manner,  and  the  execution. 

Criticisms,  if  the  bagatelle  should  seem  to  deserve 
it,  favourable,  or  otherwise,  will  be  well  taken,  with 
exception  only  to  that  stile  and  manner,  which  we 
call  scurrilous,  not  so  much  for  our  own  sake,  as  for 
the  sake  of  those  who  have  a  propensity  that  way,  and 


MODERN  CHIVALRY.  163 

whom  we  would  not  wish  to  encourage,  by  an  express 
invitation.  If  they  indulge  it,  it  is  not  amiss  for  them 
to  know  that  it  is  not  to  our  taste,  or  acceptation.  Such 
as  have  no  other  taltnt,  must  be  indulged  ;  but  it  is 
as  we  indulge  the  frailties  of  mortals  in  other  cases. 
It  is  a  pleasure  to  have  it  known  that  one  lives  ;  ytt 
there  is  no  man  who  would  not  rather  be  unknown 
than  much  hurt.  But  though,  what  is  undervaluing 
must  hurt,  yet  men  of  the  quill,  as  erst  those  of  the 
sword,  would  rather  bear  a  gentle  prick  than  not 
have  the  rare  pleasure  of  playing  with  a  master  of 
the  noble  science  of  defence.  There  is  no  knowing 
how  ou^guards  may  be  beaten  down  ;  or  how  the  ad 
versary  may  prick  in  an  unguarded  part  ;  but  it  will 
be  a  hard  case  if  our  dive rsions  should  prove  a  serious 
matter,  and  through  the  imperfection  of  language,  or 
our  awkwardness,  occasion  misconception  and  ill  will. 
Deprecating  this,  we  consign  the  volume  to  the  pub 
lic.  We  do  not  say  the  world  ;  for  it  has  got  a  bad 
name.  We  have  heard  since  ever  we  recollect,  the 
terms,  an  ungenerous  world  ;  a  wicked  world  ;  a  per 
secuting  world.  But  the  \vordfiubtic  carries  with  it  a 
more  favourable  impression.  Public  spirit,  is  spoken, 
of  as  a  virtue,  and  most  men  profess  themselves  dis 
posed  to  serve  the  fiublic.  Taking  this  distinction 
therefore,  we  hope  we  are  safe  in  giving  this  thing- 
publicity,  and  under  this  impression,  to  use  a  pun,  we 
commit  the  impression  to  the  booksellers  in  the  first 
instance,  and  from  them  it  may  go  into  libraries,  or 
the  hands  of  hawkers,  as  may  happen.  "  Time  and 
chance  happentth  to  all  men,"  and  must  to  things. 


THE    END*. 


p 


'         r1JZ\  **»  & 


